Weary30 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Well, like many people I have joined the good old internet dating community. I know many people love dating, love the start of a relationship...love the 'honeymoon phase', there are even people that serial date to keep these emotions going....I am not one of these people. I do not like to date. I feel like I am being interviewed...especially when I am meeting them off the internet. I feel uncomfortable, I over-think a lot of things. So I had talked with this one man for about a week. Through text, MSN, and the phone, and we decided to meet up for coffee. I didn't expect to be out long....we ended up having coffee for like 5 hours. I had fun...and we made plans to meet up again. So what's the problem, right?? I have been on many bad dates where the guy I was with...eventually it seemed that he was more interested in having a girlfriend than finding someone he actually liked or was compatible with. Meaning I felt sometimes that some guys liked me and didn't know why. For example the last guy I sort of dated never asked me a thing about myself...and would go on and on about himself....and when I finally said 'I don't think we mesh" he seemed really surprised...and talked about how much he liked me....based on what I have no idea. This guy that I went for coffee with is receptive and seems to like me...is excited hearing from me or hanging out. We are both chatterboxes with each other so conversation is non-stop. He keeps talking about the cool things we can do, and other things we can do together. My knee-jerk reaction is like he wants all this too soon....but logically my head is saying that there are no negative things going on. Truth be told I have no idea what I am doing lol. I am always reading about how this is too soon, or such and such took too long....that I don't know what is normal and what is conjecture and exaggerations. He has made it clear he is looking for a long-term GF, not dating anyone else...and doesn't feel comfortable dating more than one woman at a time, even in the 'early stages'...but I want to avoid someone being 'interested' in me because they want 'someone' and not necissarily me. Have I gone completely off my rocker??
Author Weary30 Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 Perhaps I need to add something scandelous to my post...
Enchanted Girl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Perhaps I need to add something scandelous to my post... I am SO shocked and offended. >=( Sorry, I just had to respond to that because it made me laugh. Anyway . . . . Is this really it? Do you have no more proof than this that these guys are dating you for the wrong reasons? If so, you're looking too hard into things. Trying to find a fault with them. Why you are doing that is another story entirely. I don't know you and don't know why. Why is your heart saying these things? What is it telling you? That you can't trust people you are dating? That no relationships really work out? That you're not good enough for this? What reasons are your heart giving you? That's probably where your problem lies.
Author Weary30 Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 I am SO shocked and offended. >=( Sorry, I just had to respond to that because it made me laugh. Anyway . . . . Is this really it? Do you have no more proof than this that these guys are dating you for the wrong reasons? If so, you're looking too hard into things. Trying to find a fault with them. Why you are doing that is another story entirely. I don't know you and don't know why. Why is your heart saying these things? What is it telling you? That you can't trust people you are dating? That no relationships really work out? That you're not good enough for this? What reasons are your heart giving you? That's probably where your problem lies. Perhaps I can clarify better. There has been some guys in past that profess to like me. These guys in the past knew nothing of me...never asked my anything, never expressed an interest in me as a person. I could have put a blow up doll in place of me and it wouldn't have mattered. They wanted a girlfriend, and it didn't matter who it was. In the past, I have found the ones that just didn't want to be lonely were the ones that tended to rush dating and a relationship. I am wondering what is even considered normal anymore. I read about people that date for like 6 months before they become 'exclusive' and I think its weird....but is that a normal occurance? Everyone wants to appear 'cool' and 'non-clingy' or desperate....that when they don't overcompensate ...I don't know if they are just excited or clingy. I need a spectrum of normal lol.
robdrm32 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 there is no "normal" it's whatever works best for you. I don't think I could get to 6 months of dating someone w/o being exclusive, unless it was mutually casual. In that 6 months is it, seeing once a week? once every 2 weeks, twice a week? Its not so cut and dry as "dating for 6 months" If i was seeing someone say twice a week i'd say after about 3-4 weeks i'd want to be exclusive, otherwise i'm just wasting my time. It depends on location too, i'm sure urban area dating is totally different that rural area dating, just because of the amount of people around you at all times, and the different lifestyles.
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