john 07 Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 So i met this wonderful girl and went out on 2 dates. Thought it went well....REALLY..... Called and texted for a 3rd date but no pick up or text reply. Doesnt even reject.....just keeps me hanging.......which is why I concluded that I just got rejected. Gosh the last 4 girls i took out just ends up me walking back home. Havent met a girl I was this into in a long time. It really sux. Way too discouraged now.
cdt76 Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Dating is not fun. But the alternative is to be alone and miserable so date we must. Keep your head up. It's all you can do really. A lot of us are in the same boat.
zengirl Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 How can you be really into someone after 2 dates? Also, if you're really into someone after 2 dates, and she's not into you, that means its time to look at the way you're selecting these dates/your intuition about them, I think.
carhill Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 And why does alone and *miserable* have to be inexorably connected? OP, try looking at this differently. The ladies are giving you really good information and it's much cheaper than therapy. Process that this dating stuff, like it is to them, isn't that important at the beginning. You're not that important to them. You don't really matter to them. The health in that information is that such a dynamic, emotionally, should be equal. Lady sounds interesting or catches your eye; ask her out. Something might come from it, way down the road, or not. The more ladies you approach with this mindset, the more you'll understand how they see you. One potential, unimportant at this juncture. The good news is you seem to be dating a lot. Sounds great. Keep up the good work
TouchedByViolet Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Dating is not fun. But the alternative is to be alone and miserable so date we must. Keep your head up. It's all you can do really. A lot of us are in the same boat. This is how I feel.
counterman Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Don't hold too much attachment to the girl, especially that early on. It sucks, believe me but, in my experience, most girls are rarely upfront about not being interested. Learn to shrug it off and ask another girl out you're interested in.
Rifareal Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Well no pain no gain, you'll never know till you try..
jamesum Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 You see women? We men dont get a partner by approaching one woman only and we get her. Its a painful process of trying countless different women until we finally get someone who accepts us. That is why when I hear a woman claims that approaching men doesnt work just because she tried to make initial contacts with men twice and got shot down on both times, I feel like I wanna smack her in the mouth. I mean if all men decided to quit searching for women after getting rejected twice, then the human race would go extinct!
Cracker Jack Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Sure does. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You're not finished yet.
zengirl Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 And why does alone and *miserable* have to be inexorably connected? A good point. Actually, I think dating IS fun, contrary to what someone stated above. If you go into it with reasonable expectations, not thinking "Where is my life partner? Where is my life partner? I don't wanna be alone. I can't be alone. etc"
carhill Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Yup, if dating isn't fun, why do it? Hey, some lady just rejected me 'cause I wanted to share some fun with her! Wow! Good thing I won't have to ask her again! Next!
alphamale Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 dude, rejection is the key to success with chicks
jamesum Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 dude, rejection is the key to success with chicks Rejection is the key to success with anything. But not everyone is the same. Some people are more sensitive than others.
Author john 07 Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 Yup, if dating isn't fun, why do it? Hey, some lady just rejected me 'cause I wanted to share some fun with her! Wow! Good thing I won't have to ask her again! Next! :):p:p:laugh::D:D;););):rolleyes::p:):bunny::bunny: Gosh I wish i could be saying that for real!!!
somedude81 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 dude, rejection is the key to success with chicks If that was the case then I should be a master, since I have something like 15 rejections from girls that I was interested in. Hell I'm going to call a girl later today and there's a 95% chance she's going to reject me too. Actually, I think dating IS fun, contrary to what someone stated above. That's because you are a girl Try having fun being constantly rejected and only getting further than the first date with only one out of every ten girls. Not to mention how hard it is to actually find somebody who'd accept a date in the first place. Only one date every 3-4 months absolutely sucks.
zengirl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 That's because you are a girl Try having fun being constantly rejected and only getting further than the first date with only one out of every ten girls. Not to mention how hard it is to actually find somebody who'd accept a date in the first place. Only one date every 3-4 months absolutely sucks. Some thoughts (in no particular order): 1. I know plenty of girls who think dating is hell on Earth (because they can't stand to be single). 2. I think one date every 3-4 months would suck, but. . . the ratio of men and women going on dates has to be roughly equal somehow, doesn't it? It's not like there's a way for the average man to go on that many dates and the average woman to go on that many a week. 3. I've been on no dates for 2 months and won't for another month (but that's because I broke up with my boyfriend and am making an overseas move). That's fun, too. 4. You need to work on your people-picking skills if you're getting rejected that much. Why not get to know some girls better before asking them out? Why not look at new groups of girls you haven't considered? That said, I do understand how constant rejection sucks. I was in B2B sales for about 2 years. Must've gone through 30 or so rejections for each minor success in a good month! There is no upside to those rejections (who cares if we're right for each other? I still have to pay rent!), but there's a big upside to a rejection in Dating: "Thank you for weeding yourself out of the process and saving me the time, energy, and investment in you. I guess we aren't compatible." Really, anyone who doesn't want you around isn't going to be useful to you. That's just true. When I accepted that, dating became much more fun.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Rejection is the key to success with anything. Uh... No. This doesn't make any sense. Success is about getting up one more time then you are knocked down. Perseverance can be a key to success but rejection surely is not.
carhill Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Just in case I was ambiguous prior, I do believe dating should be fun and I won't participate in it unless it is. New experiences, new adventures, new sharing. It's all good. OP, think about all the people in the world who aren't your friend. Billions of them. Think about all the friendships which never started, perhaps with the best of intentions, but no joy. Dating, at the beginning, should be like this. These people are essentially strangers to you in that realm, even if known to you in others. As an example, there are a couple of ladies I've 'known' for many years, but don't really 'know' them in any intimate sort of way. If I were to ask them out on a date, it would be because I had this little bit of 'extra' potential in my mind ascribed to them. The key is not dwelling on that potential and letting it become an 'attachment', ascribing more personal importance to the dynamic than is healthy or deserved. If rejected, the smile says 'I understand but we could've had *fun*' OK, next. As someone who, for many years prior, followed the 'friend's first, then date' unhealthy pathway, the clear shift was how I perceive these interactions and feelings in myself. It has nothing to do with the ladies. They're doing what they do. I just *choose* to look at the dynamic differently, and in a hopefully healthier way. Good luck
somedude81 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Some thoughts (in no particular order): 1. I know plenty of girls who think dating is hell on Earth (because they can't stand to be single). 2. I think one date every 3-4 months would suck, but. . . the ratio of men and women going on dates has to be roughly equal somehow, doesn't it? It's not like there's a way for the average man to go on that many dates and the average woman to go on that many a week. No, the ratio of men and women going out on dates is not the same. Just as there are men who may have no dates in a month there are also men who date 3-4 different women in a month. It basically means that all the women go on dates but only some of the guys do. 3. I've been on no dates for 2 months and won't for another month (but that's because I broke up with my boyfriend and am making an overseas move). That's fun, too. It sounds like you haven't been on any dates recently because you haven't wanted to. That's very different from not being able to. 4. You need to work on your people-picking skills if you're getting rejected that much. Why not get to know some girls better before asking them out? Why not look at new groups of girls you haven't considered? Heh, my original problem is that I got to know the girls very well and waited far too long to ask them out. Taking 6 months to do it is a one way ticket to the friendzone. The most recent girl, whom I mention in my other thread, I knew for about a month before I asked her out, which is the shortest amount of time I've done it in. I've chased many types of girls but the result is always the same. That said, I do understand how constant rejection sucks. I was in B2B sales for about 2 years. Must've gone through 30 or so rejections for each minor success in a good month! There is no upside to those rejections (who cares if we're right for each other? I still have to pay rent!), but there's a big upside to a rejection in Dating: "Thank you for weeding yourself out of the process and saving me the time, energy, and investment in you. I guess we aren't compatible." Really, anyone who doesn't want you around isn't going to be useful to you. That's just true. When I accepted that, dating became much more fun.Oh so you have experienced the constant rejections. I've heard that having a job in sales is very similar to dating (from the man's perspective of course.) I'm not really sure if there is an upside to a rejection in dating. Well, without any minor success their isn't. If I'm rejected before I can even kiss the girl then I consider that event a failure. I'm sure you know how a long string of failures really hurts. Now take that feeling and apply it to something you really care about. That's how depression sets in.
carhill Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Try this: Cast a wider net, go out on dates and do the rejecting yourself. Fade out, 'sorry, I'm not feeling it', 'you seem like a good person', whatever. Get used to rejecting women who don't meet your standards or whom you don't find compatible or attractive. This is what they've been doing to you all along. It's not wrong or bad. It's *human*. Get some practice in. Do it in everyday life. Learn to say 'no' to women, not in a mean way, but in a way which respects *your* boundaries and desires. Try it
somedude81 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 If I had women pursuing me, I'd love to do that. Though since I am a man I need to be the pursuer and I'm not going to go out on dates with women I'm not interested in. Unless you are suggesting that I do go on a date with somebody I'm not interested in just so I can reject her. There are some women who may have been interested in me but I tried to limit the conversations and never let her think that I was interested in her. I never lead girls on but I'm at least polite to everybody.
carhill Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 You're in charge of your attraction style. You do know you can change it, right? This is called 'adjusting your people-picker'. Think about it. If your picker were spot-on, you'd be pursuing women who didn't overwhelmingly reject you because they'd find you as attractive as you find them. Regardless, I assume you interact with women nearly every day. On some level, women will always test your boundaries. Try enforcing your boundaries more proactively on a daily basis, even when not dating. You know exactly what I mean, I'm sure The goal is to get to the place where the 'negatives' (rejection sux) don't matter in any significant way. Become comfortable with acceptance of them. Minimize their influence on your choices. One day at a time
zengirl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 No, the ratio of men and women going out on dates is not the same. Just as there are men who may have no dates in a month there are also men who date 3-4 different women in a month. It basically means that all the women go on dates but only some of the guys do. That just means that the ratios between men are more uneven. (Though you give nothing to back this up.) There is still the same ratio of men and women on each date, is more what I meant. I’ve no statistics on the other things either way. All the women don't go on dates. I know single girls who haven’t been on a date in a year! What makes you think that the ratio of women going out on dates isn’t uneven, too, and you just happen to be observing the women who get asked out/go on dates more? As for your own situation, I think that the “Friend Zone” as guys view it is a myth. What happened with those girls isn’t that you got put in the “Friend Zone.” You are always there. She was never going to go out with you. You just waited 6 months to know that for sure. Or what carhill said: You're in charge of your attraction style. You do know you can change it, right? This is called 'adjusting your people-picker'. Think about it. If your picker were spot-on, you'd be pursuing women who didn't overwhelmingly reject you because they'd find you as attractive as you find them.
jamesum Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Uh... No. This doesn't make any sense. Success is about getting up one more time then you are knocked down. Perseverance can be a key to success but rejection surely is not. Thats what I meant.
stuck with eharmony Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 Hey OP, I feel your pain and I wish you better success and luck in the future. You need to not to care. Those who get dates are those who are okay with being single. Women are really good at picking up stuff. They can tell when a guy is desperate from a mile away. Work on being fine with yourself and who you are. If you can be happy with you, nobody else will. Good luck.
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