elizabethjane Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 I'm 25, and I've never dated before this year (was with my college bf up until about 8 months ago). This year, I've gone on some pretty awful first dates. I find it hard to meet people I genuinely like where I live (Manhattan), although I do get asked out a lot. Up until this month, I never went out on a second date - either I wasn't interested or he wasn't. At the beginning of July, I was at a bar (of all places), and I started talking to someone, and became really interested in him. I gave him my number, and I was really excited at first. It was a Friday night and he texted me on Monday afternoon. We made plans for that Friday. Our first date seemed to go really well - he kissed me goodnight (and it was a pretty intense kiss), and texted me that night to say he had a good time, asked if I got home safely, and would like to hang out "next week" if possible. I wrote back that I would like to get together, and that I would talk to him soon. Then he didn't get in touch with me until the following Wednesday. I was going away for the weekend, so we didn't hang out that week. Then he contacted me the following Wednesday (last week), and we had dinner/drinks this past Friday night. We met at 8pm, and I didn't get home until after 4am. I'm having a lot of anxiety now, because this is the first guy I've liked in a very long time, and I am worried that I'm making mistakes and blowing it. Our second date started really well (dinner was great), but as the night went on and we had more and more to drink, we got more "friendly" - maybe too friendly. We kissed a lot - even inside the bar, which I've never done. Then we made out for a while before he put me into a cab to go home. Also, he made a point of telling me he is dating other women. I'm not really sure why he had to bring this up at all on a second date - I was certainly not expecting that we were exclusive, and I said that. I also said that I was seeing other guys, even though I'm technically not. Although, a guy I used to hook up with did call me in the middle of our date (I didn't pick up, but I silenced my phone), and he said, "oh is that a bootycall" and because I was kind of tipsy at that point, I laughed and said, "kind of" - which I know makes me look slutty. I don't know if I can recover from that, because I should have just said it was a friend or something. So, now I feel incredibly insecure. I fell asleep almost immediately when I got home that night (I never stay up that late), and the next morning, I saw he had texted me when he got home saying he'd had a fun time and would want to hang out this week. I wrote back that (Saturday) morning saying I'd had a good time and would like to hang out again - and he didn't respond. I want to know a few things: have I completely screwed this up for myself? It's Monday night and he hasn't contacted me. Do you think he'll want to go for a third date, or did I blow it? Also, is it weird that he only really texts or emails? He has only ever called me once. He also only gets in touch to plan dates (not to check in or chat or whatever) - I don't know if this is normal. Most other guys that have been interested in me contact me quite a bit more often. Last, is there anything I could do better? Also, even though I didn't expect that we were exclusive, is it weird that he specifically told me he was seeing other girls? I mean - does this mean that he is trying to tell me up front that he doesn't want anything serious ever? I wasn't looking for something really serious, but now that know it can't happen, I am kind of upset. Also, he's 32 - so there's a bigger age difference than I'm used to. It doesn't bother me, but maybe that is why he is acting so aloof?
that girl Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Also, he made a point of telling me he is dating other women. I'm not really sure why he had to bring this up at all on a second date - I was certainly not expecting that we were exclusive, and I said that. I also said that I was seeing other guys, even though I'm technically not. Although, a guy I used to hook up with did call me in the middle of our date (I didn't pick up, but I silenced my phone), and he said, "oh is that a bootycall" and because I was kind of tipsy at that point, I laughed and said, "kind of" - which I know makes me look slutty. I don't know if I can recover from that, because I should have just said it was a friend or something. Something about this makes me think he is a player.
kalikula Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 I don't think you've done anything wrong! Although him bringing up the fact that he's seeing other people seems a little weird.. Just take in stride. He'll probably contact you when he wants to go out again. I've also had bad experiences with guys who only contact you when you want to get together and not any other times... In my opinion if he likes you he'll want to call you or communicate with you between dates in order to get to know you better.. I don't think that's "weird" but possibly a sign that he's not that into you IMO.
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