Needed

[JNO]

Hey,

 

So me and my girlfriend of 8 months are going off to college within the next couple months. We will be 6 hours drive from eachother.

 

We have a great relationship which has been strong the whole time. We both love each-other and haven't done anything wrong to hurt each-other. Not a long time ago though, probably a week ago, she told me that she is unsure if she can do a long distance relationship, but she wanted the night to really think about our situation since we both can see each-other together in the future. We then talked the next day and she expressed to me how much she loved me and she would be "an idiot" to throw away what we have. I was ecstatic because this girl is perfect. She is beautiful and has a great personality. I am really close with her parents too. Her dad loves to take me out to get food just me and him.

 

But this is what I don't understand. Today she told me that she just doesn't know if she really can do it. So we basically have broken up. On a side note, we have seen each-other a couple times in the past month because I have been traveling for baseball and she has been on vacation with her friend and doesn't get back until next week.

 

We have had the best, healthy relationship possible and nothing wrong has happened. She says she still loves me but she doesn't know if she can do it.

 

So my questions are I guess, what I should do to get her heart to want to be together? I don't want to "convince" her to stay together because that isn't fair for me or her since it wouldn't really be what she wants. Should I just leave her alone for a little to think? What kind of things should I do to re-ensure her that we are great together?

 

She also has started up a new month of birth control after messing up last month and screwing up her cycle. Could this be making her extra moody or unsure?

 

Anything else you may want to add is greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks

[elizabethjane]

The thing is - when you go to college, things change. You meet new people, and you have different experiences, and in a lot of ways, it's not great to be in a long distance relationship when you're in college. Long distance relationships are hard enough when you're not in college, and have already established yourselves in your lives. I've done the 6 hour drive for a long distance relationship - and it is draining.

 

This is not to say that what you and your girlfriend have isn't special, or that it can't overcome these obstacles, but it may not be the worst idea for you to go to college unattached.

 

Even if you do want to stay in a relationship with her, you have to give her space right now. Tell her that you understand her reservations about staying together over such a long distance, and that you understand if she needs time to think it over and come to the decision. Then walk away and wait for her to contact you. She probably doesn't want to lose you, but she's having second thoughts. Make yourself busy. The worst thing you can do is contact her all the time - this is part of the reason my last relationship ended. He was simply too needy and insecure.

 

Also, if she does decide to end things permanently, be as much of a friend to her as you can (without begging for more or seeming needy). If your relationship is as great as you say it is, she may go out with some other guys, realize that they suck, and want you back. But you have to continue to be the great guy that she knows, and not turn into a needy mess. Girls want guys to want them, but no one (guys or girls) wants a clingly, insecure significant other.

 

Also, I've been on several kinds of birth control that really messed me up emotionally - but they never made me want to break up with my boyfriend. Maybe she is reacting certain ways because she is super hormonal, but she's not making these decisions simply because of the birth control.