TheWatcher Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 True. If someone hasn't had a serious relationship by the time they are 30, it's a red flag. Well,unlike you women guys just don't step outside their doors and have romantic possibilities falling from the sky !! *joking* I wouldn't say that its a red-flag for a man because it is very difficult for men to meet women.It would be more of a red flag for a woman because they're able to meet people much easier and are afforded more opportunities than men. (generally speaking) Seriously,I can tell you about someone who is late 30's (38) never dated,never had a girlfriend & still awaiting his first kiss.Why ? He has serious self-esteem/confidences issues that are so intense that he has never approached a woman.He can't imagine maintaining a woman's interest & views his deficiencies as so overwhelming that no one would ever overlook them. You could suggest online dating but he still doesn't have the self-cofidence/esteem to even try that.
sweetjasmine Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Seriously,I can tell you about someone who is late 30's (38) never dated,never had a girlfriend & still awaiting his first kiss.Why ? He has serious self-esteem/confidences issues that are so intense that he has never approached a woman.He can't imagine maintaining a woman's interest & views his deficiencies as so overwhelming that no one would ever overlook them. You could suggest online dating but he still doesn't have the self-cofidence/esteem to even try that. If he's too scared to even try online dating and has such low self-esteem that he thinks no one would ever, ever accept him, then, yes, there's something wrong with him, IMO.
Confused100 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 If he's too scared to even try online dating and has such low self-esteem that he thinks no one would ever, ever accept him, then, yes, there's something wrong with him, IMO. Well, I think that's pretty clear. Quite unfortunate. I have very limited knowledge in psychology, but I think it's quite apparent that he has some sort of disorder. Perhaps it's time to get some professional help if his self esteem is that low. And returning to the topic... false. It does not necessarily follow from the fact that a male is 30+ that there is some problem with him. If the man has never had a relationship by that age, then there probably is some sort of problem. That's not to say that he is a bad person, it more likely means he has some self confidence / social anxiety problems.
SadandConfusedWA Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 I admit that I would be hesitant to date men in their late 30's that have never been married.
Pezeater Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 If he is 30 and never had a relationship, that's another story. True and try having guys at work thinking you're gay for being this old and no GF , nothing. It's fun being the class piss-on to a bunch of idiots that have no clue of the real why. It's reasons like this that I despise the human race sometimes:rolleyes:
Incognito3 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 The Watcher - I am female, 33 and not married and do not think there is anything wrong with me... I know you said by your comment "generally speaking", but be very careful in your choice of words. Everyone (men and women) faces different circumstances in life, causing them to differ in the exact age they marry.
gamma1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 True. If someone hasn't had a serious relationship by the time they are 30, it's a red flag. Depends on what you mean by "serious" though. Are we talking about someone that can't get beyond the 6 month mark? Do they routinely move on after 2 years? You have to look at patterns. False. If he is 30 and never had a relationship, that's another story. I admit that I would be hesitant to date men in their late 30's that have never been married. How much trouble is late 30s and never been in a serious relationship? I don't think the answer will not be good. It's usually due to lack of confidence or no one feeling those butterflies for you. I'm working on that, but getting thrown out because of lack of previous relationship experience would destroy much of the confidence I have. From a practical standpoint, do I refuse to answer questions about previous relationships or what? What's a man like me to do? Do I make things up? I have long lasting platonic friendsships, so it's not like I can't deal with people at all.
gamma1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 (edited) True and try having guys at work thinking you're gay for being this old and no GF , nothing. It's fun being the class piss-on to a bunch of idiots that have no clue of the real why. It's reasons like this that I despise the human race sometimes:rolleyes: I've had to deal with some of this and it is not fun at all. I'd go so far as to say that other men have judged me more harshly than other women. There are double standards, but they go both ways. Males with too little experience are usually judged harsher than females. However, females with many sexual partners are usually judged harsher than males. I really wish I could meet someone who cares more about the present, but most people that I've met so far seem to obsess about the past. One more story about her horrible ex and I'll just want to cut the date short immediately. Single guys over 30 seem to have a creepiness about them in societie's eyes... I can feel it in the air. I can feel it too and it comes from both men and women. I don't think it applies so much to single guys who have gotten close to marriage though. It's more to single guys over 30 who are just trying to start dating. Edited July 16, 2010 by gamma1
tanbark813 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 False. Finding a faithful woman is surprisingly difficult. You have to weed through a lot of whores.
paleblue Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 It’s a known fact that people are waiting longer these days to commit. Not because anything is wrong with them. They used to get married at 15 back in the day. Today you would probably get arrested for that! Between the average life expectancy now being so much higher than it was, and the fact that religion played a huge role back then, no wonder the stigma still lingers to this day. I think more people are waiting, but I also agree if you have just never done anything by the time you are in your 30’s. you are either lazy, a mamma’s boy, or you have some kind of issue.
Disillusioned Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 I'd say false, and for 4 reasons: 1. He might be a keeper surrounded by players, in which case he'll be the only one in his circle of friends who wants a serious relationship. 2. He might be a player surrounded by keepers, in which case he wants to do his share of partying even though his friends are all married off. 3. He might have more important things on his mind, like how to pay the bills or keep from losing his house if he has one. 4. Or, maybe he's just a late bloomer.
Taramere Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 One of my close friends is a guy I've known since I was in my teens. Has he got anything wrong with him? Sure he has. Like everyone, he has lots of things wrong with him. However...he's he's funny, he's smart, he's kind and he's more sane than 90% of people I've encountered. He's also, as far as I'm aware, more than happy being single.
jenngem Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Otherwise he would have been snatched by now. True or false? False. Without a doubt.
tigressA Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 False. I think it's pretty wise, actually. So many of us are focused on dating and relationships from a fairly young age and it's kind of disturbing. The pressure for many to find a mate is intense, especially once you reach certain age milestones. I would applaud someone taking their time, for whatever reason.
Pyro Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 false Chances are he is being patient and being picky, which is very wise. A good woman is hard to find sometimes.
TheWatcher Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 (edited) The Watcher - I am female, 33 and not married and do not think there is anything wrong with me... I know you said by your comment "generally speaking", but be very careful in your choice of words. Everyone (men and women) faces different circumstances in life, causing them to differ in the exact age they marry. Incognito...I didn't mean to suggest that there was anything wrong with someone 30+ whose unmarried.I meant to say that women (again generally speaking) are afforded many more romantic possibilities than men are.Women have a much much easier time meeting men. I meant in terms of being approached,dating & opposite sex showing interest.I didn't mean in terms of marriage only.I mean it is much more common to come across a 30+ virgin male whose never had any contact with a woman...than a woman in the same situation....I'm just speaking anecdotally of course. Chances are he is being patient and being picky, which is very wise. Good point but you wouldn't believe the overwhelming self-esteem issues that some men have.It takes a lot of confidence to approach a woman & pursue something and to be in a relationship you do have to think that you have some thing to offer.Some guys don't think they could maintain interest in a woman & consider themselves to be deficient.So they don't bother trying to meet anyone. Edited July 16, 2010 by TheWatcher
Pyro Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Good point but you wouldn't believe the overwhelming self-esteem issues that some men have.It takes a lot of confidence to approach a woman & pursue something and to be in a relationship you do have to think that you have some thing to offer.Some guys don't think they could maintain interest in a woman & consider themselves to be deficient.So they don't bother trying to meet anyone. good point as well. Some guys as well are still trying to get past the bitterness that they obtained after a bad experience. Some will eventually get past that, while some will continue to hold on to that like a security blanket.
TheWatcher Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 The Watcher - I am female, 33 and not married and do not think there is anything wrong with me... I know you said by your comment "generally speaking", but be very careful in your choice of words. Everyone (men and women) faces different circumstances in life, causing them to differ in the exact age they marry. Incognito...I didn't mean to suggest that there was anything wrong with someone 30+ whose unmarried.I meant to saythat women (again generally speaking) are afforded many more romantic possibilities than men are.I meant in terms of being approached,dating & opposite sex showing interest.I didn't mean in terms of marriage only.I mean it is much more common to come across a 30+ virgin male whose never had any contact with a woman...than a woman in the same situation....I'm just speaking anecdotallyof course. Chances are he is being patient and being picky Good point but you wouldn't believe the overwhelming self-esteem issues that some men have.It takes a lot of confidence to approach a woman & pursue something and to be in a relationship you do have to think that you have some thing to offer.Some guys don't think they could maintain interest in a woman & consider themselves to be deficient.So they don't bother trying.
gamma1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Some guys as well are still trying to get past the bitterness that they obtained after a bad experience. Some will eventually get past that, while some will continue to hold on to that like a security blanket. It's not always a bad experience with dating. Some guys haven't had any or have had very few dates in 10 or 20 years. With that often comes feelings of bitterness. Add to that a society that values men with experience and it's not surprising that some men feel hopeless.
threebyfate Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 True and false. Some have serious problems, others don't.
Pyro Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 It's not always a bad experience with dating. Some guys haven't had any or have had very few dates in 10 or 20 years. With that often comes feelings of bitterness. Add to that a society that values men with experience and it's not surprising that some men feel hopeless. very true as well. I like to think and do believe that there is hope for all men out there, but it takes work and patience and many aren't willing to do those things. I am a perfect example of going from someone who was overly shy, lacked confidence and could never land a date and then I worked on my issues and it worked. If I can do it then anyone can.
Billy_Boy Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Otherwise he would have been snatched by now. True or false? False, if you ask many women a man doesnt really mature enough for a relationship until he hits 30. I am 29, I am dating around but single, I have a prospect here or there I am considering. I feel like I finally have enough concentration and know who I am enough to have a really successful relationship, so thats what I am trying to do. You are in the BEST possible place in your lifespan to snatch up a really great girl, 30-40 are mens prime years for being the most attractive as a long term mate.
Zapbasket Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 True and false. Some have serious problems, others don't. I think this hits closest to the truth. I have several friends who are in their early/mid 30s who have been mostly single so far in their adult lives, and of all of them I'd say that in various ways, they have trouble with intimacy. Speaking very generally, I'd say the females who fit into this category express their fears of intimacy in not giving relationships enough of a chance; the males express theirs in being unable or unwilling to engage in the "mess" of high emotions that accompany increasing intimacy and commitment. Of all the people I know who fit this category, I'd say that if they don't begin to do some soul searching and work to chip away at their fears, they'll either end up in very shallow, unsatisfying partnerships or will continue to remain single. But I'd also say that something is only "wrong" with them if they don't start, by age 30, noticing their patterns and trying to change their behaviors and attitudes. The people with something "wrong" with them are most typically characterized, I think, by the fact that they continue to blame the outside world for their problems rather than look within. I do believe that if by age 50 someone, male or female, has never had a long-lasting relationship, there is something wrong with them along the lines of what I delineated above. They are people incapable of change and growth.
gamma1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 very true as well. I like to think and do believe that there is hope for all men out there, but it takes work and patience and many aren't willing to do those things. I am a perfect example of going from someone who was overly shy, lacked confidence and could never land a date and then I worked on my issues and it worked. If I can do it then anyone can. It would be nice if that were true, but older inexperienced men have to face a huge possibility that even if they find a relationship that they will immediately be broken up with if she finds out about the lack of experience. The question of past experience can come up at any time and as much as I think about it, I really don't have a good answer. This is especially true in the over 30 group and a number of women have posted it would be a red flag, which I assume would mean the relationship would end immediately. I'm getting closer to 40 with so little experience and keep wondering "what else is wrong with me"? You think one thing is wrong and find out that's not a problem and then you wonder what really is wrong. All I know is I keep screwing up phone calls and dates and am wondering if there really is a such thing as some woman feeling butterflies when around me. I've never experienced anything close. I wonder how many of the 30+ single men have never experienced this either.
Pyro Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 It would be nice if that were true, but older inexperienced men have to face a huge possibility that even if they find a relationship that they will immediately be broken up with if she finds out about the lack of experience. The question of past experience can come up at any time and as much as I think about it, I really don't have a good answer. This is especially true in the over 30 group and a number of women have posted it would be a red flag, which I assume would mean the relationship would end immediately. I'm getting closer to 40 with so little experience and keep wondering "what else is wrong with me"? You think one thing is wrong and find out that's not a problem and then you wonder what really is wrong. All I know is I keep screwing up phone calls and dates and am wondering if there really is a such thing as some woman feeling butterflies when around me. I've never experienced anything close. I wonder how many of the 30+ single men have never experienced this either. well being I am still a year away from hitting my 30s, all I can say is that self-help books do work. Its not an overnight success. I was rejected heaps of times along the way. Lack of experience was definitely a factor for me. Its was/still is a learning experience but along the way you gain knowledge.
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