Did I blow it with One night stand idiocy?

[cherub-rock]

This is my first post. Excuse my rant. I actually think strangers will give me the advice I need- e.g. the truth, not just want I want to hear.

 

I am 31 and have not had a serious relationship. In fact, a boyfriend has never told me he loves me. Which is hard to admit.

Six years ago I fell in love with a best friend...it eventually became more. Four weeks in to the relationship he realized the disparity in our feelings and ended it. (Yes, the right thing to do) So I took it hard, being the first love (albeit unrequited in the way I wanted).

For 5 years (!!) I punished myself and shunned any potential relationships. Five years of self induced celibacy is brutal. Over the last year, I finally started listening to advice. I really do have to put myself out there...

So in the last few months I have had three one night stands. Which is not ideal but I figure I was due for some fun. I was open to dating the first two guys but it didn't go anywhere (except maybe a four day stand with one) That was cool because I didn't feel anything for them, other than, "Hey, you're an okay guy and that was fun".

 

The last instance was this weekend. Trouble is this time,I actually want it to become more. And I think I blew it. Did I become, by default, an 'incase of emergency booty call'. Being subconsciously emotionally guarded, i.e. 'this is just a hook up not leading to anywhere' might have put him off. I am old enough to realize that the chances of flings (particularly where alcohol is involved) becoming more serious are modest. I just wish I had have realized before what a sweetheart he is.

 

If you are patient enough to read my babble, I'll give you background. Bear with me, part of it is just wanting to get it down or out of my head in a tangible form:

 

So I went to this pub I go to semi-regularly on the weekend. I drank a bit before there, so I am a little more than merry. I went there alone to wait for two friends. They never showed up...so I was left standing around, feeling SO obvious and a little bit loserish for about an hour and a half. It was crowded and noisy, so I think, "Nah...no-one's noticed. You may as well have a few more drinks and then head home."

I stood near this group of people and the guy next to me was having a rather funny conversation so I butt in. I excused myself after a minute because I felt like a dick for butting in (Scott No friends!) and leave to look for my friends. Later in the night we ended up talking again...pretty soon he up front asked if can leave together. I laughed at his bluntness since we don't know each other but after thinking about it (in my slightly shickered and probably right to call it recently slutty mind) I agreed to at least let him buy me a drink and think about it.

I ended up sharing the drink with him at the bar. He asked to kiss me. I kissed him, but pulled back, looking around slightly emabarrassed. He kissed me again and I pulled away again after a minute. He asked "why won't you kiss me?" I didn't really have an answer. So I tried a little harder, I do know that for someone who has no moral issue with one night stands, I don't feel okay with public displays, so it wasn't a big ole pash.

I told him there's plenty of drink at my house and we should leave. We got in the taxi and he tried to kiss me again. We made out for a couple of minutes, but I stopped him. I apologised and told him I have gotten lost in a taxi home because of making out (a true, very expensive story).

He insisted on paying and opening the door for me etc. Once inside my house I got the drinks organised. Maybe I was avoiding eye contact, or the usual 'lets jump on each other now we're inside' etiquette (!) or concentrating too hard on getting the drink down cause he asked, "You don't really like me do ya?"

 

I joked, "Nah, I'm just a big ol' slut". I was inferring he thought I went home with anyone, but realised that I had that question coming. It aint only girls who need reassurance hey. Later went I commented how nice the tattoos his arms were and ran my finger over them, his grin (of relief maybe) was priceless. So I pulled my head in a little, realising that he was probably thinking, WTF. I admitted I just aint as confident as I appear, yeah I liked him, but I was feeling a little nervous. He suggested we go outside and talk, have a smoke, finish our drinks. So, it turns out we have heaps in common. He's intelligent, funny, we like the same obscuro music. He looked at me and said, "I have a question, why don't you have a boyfriend?" I don't know and said so. He asked, "Who were you waiting for at the pub?" Like a dick I mentioned I had hooked up with a guy from there recently, that he was a jerk who was too good for me, but I was actually meeting friends. He went quiet. It was freezing and I only had stockings on my feet and started shivering. He put his feet on mine and said "He's crazy, I think you're gorgeous". I was dismissive again- I am around 15 kilos overweight currently and never think of myself as anything other than average. He told me that tomorrow he wanted my number and that we would "do this again, maybe in two weeks". I did wonder at this, but liked his directness and told him so. Then, the talk got a little explicit (LOL) but he told me again that he thinks I am gorgeous and when we kissed it was warm and soft. I then developed a little crush.

The sex wasn't like the other flings. It was sweet and well, nice (not nice in a bad way, it was naughty at times and not under the cover of darkness ) But just really good. Same the next morning.

I woke up with a headache and seediness and he got up and got me water, told me to sleep. When we woke again he seemed nervous. He had no phone, needed to be home in a couple of hours to take his mum to lunch (that's too dorky to be a lie, right?) and could I call him a taxi. We agreed that his house (nearly an hours drive- goddamn suburban sprawl) was too far to drive, but that I'd drive to the pub. I sooked about getting up...but he made me laugh so much I soon felt better. The drive was really nice. It ended too soon. We asked lots of questions about each other. I parked and he kissed me and then looked around for a pen to get my number. Alas, I had not one, not even a tube of mascara in the glove box. I expected him to bail at that point, but he waited for me to do a proper search. I said I could store his number in my phone, but he didn't have one (which I am actually inclined to believe- this day and age if he has one it'd be on him). Again with my dribble talk I said that's probably a good thing since I would be dumb about calling him anyway cause I'm shy. He asked if I went to the pub often and we do it that way I actually really wanted to have my number) I asked how good his memory was, then he said take my cab receipt and scratch it in with your keys. He told me though it was my etching skills he was proud of his idea. "See this, this **** is like McGuyver". Ha, I am still laughing about that. So he kissed me again and then he was off, tapping his hand on the bonnett of my car goodbye.

 

So, i know there's some talk amongst people about not calling too early blah blah...three days. Well its been three, nearly four. I am getting a little edgy, but thats not why i have come here. I am actually about 25% confident he will. (I hope the key pen on a scrap of paper held up). And if he doesn't then I'm okay with that too, just a little dissapointed.

 

What I want is advice about what to do assuming he does. I'm pretty sure I need to straight off tell him I was hoping he would call/ that I had a great time, basically be honest and let him know Iam interested, since he might be hesitant because of my 'behaviour'. I am just worried about how I would express my intentions...you know...I would actually like to date him. I don't want to play games.

I dont want to scare him, but at the same time I dont want to be aloof or give mixed messages (even inadvertant/unintentional). I don't want a casual sex scenario.

I know alot of you would probably say forget it... find someone else. But I don't think I am too far off the mark in my hunch here that he might be up for it. And when I think of the weekend...it makes me sigh a little.

 

okay everyone...what re your thoughts? Should I be extra direct? Do some digging. Should I already have forgotten about this?

Arrgghh...I am so bad at this! Sorry for the large amount of words.

Please help!

Edited July 14, 2010 by cherub-rock
spelling

[Cracker Jack]

I think you should be more direct with him. Having sex with him so quickly was merely a choice you made--but if you really like him, you should let him know that you don't plan on making this a "sex-only" thing. If he has interest in you, then he'll easily comply with this.

 

And yeah, you should have more confidence in yourself.

[Serenitynow]

I had sex with a girl on the first date. But I made it clear to her I wasnt there to hit it n quit it. She turned out to be the best gf I ever had.