She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 Uggh why is life so messy..... Someday it will become clear This was your quote from a couple weeks ago. You know what; I feel the same way sometimes. And then I realize that life is not supposed to the way we plan. Love grows by working through things and maturing together. I do feel your pain in ‘the disconnect’ and the lack of intimacy; without true intimacy and love, there is no basis for marriage... I can understand that you are done with this marriage. In my opinion, this book explains it VERY WELL: [COLOR=#800080]http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0446581119/marriagesrest-20[/COLOR] I've followed your thread closely and unfortunately, I believe that your point of view, your lens, the way you see things right now, it's extremely flawed. I know you've been through a ton of crap. I get that. I know you are ready to give up and have little faith that it will work. I get that too. You are so distant from your wife you are virtually at the point of no return... You have left the marriage at this point. If there is any chance of your team to be a success, you MUST get rid of your individual thinking. In everything you write I end up reading about "what's in it for me?" We've all heard the saying 'There is no "I" in TEAM.' Unless you dig down real deep and determine that your wife and kids are really worth it, you will lose. When you lose, guess what, all the lives involved will be forever changed... Your wife is walking on eggshells and scared right now. When the fear subsides so will her temporary improvements in behavior. If you manage to dig down deep enough to truly love her again, you may someday again be blessed with true intimacy and love. In the meantime, I believe your marriage is dead, and will not be revived until you find the love for her again, REGARDLESS of what she does around the house and or her physical appearance... The true change you wish to see in her lies in your ability to love her unconditionally. So, as you asked in the beginning, can you find the love for her you once had? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 you could both benefit from counseling - whether or not you stay together. your style of writing looks like you may be very depressed. get a few new hobbies. work out. take a night class. change things up so you start enjoying life again - whether or not you stay married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused_in_canada Posted August 7, 2010 Author Share Posted August 7, 2010 Just wanted to say thank you to all of you for your honest and great input. I agree there is no "I" team but, there has been only "I" in this team for sooo long that I forget what's its like to be in a team that is a Responsible team that helps and adds input and helps on all parts of the relationship. Sure it may seem a bit selfish at this point to think what's in it for me but, after so many years of pulling the sled by yourself you have to look back and think is anybody from this sled gonna come up and help me or do I have to bear all of it by myself for the rest of this journey. If I'm running solo up here there better be a damn good reason for it... I am depressed and I hate to say it but, she's brought me down with her depression. I use to be a real upbeat guy and always outgoing and helping people out but, ever since Father's Day of this year when this all started to spiral out of control I've found myself dripping into this crappy Depression. I've actually started to bike in the evenings with my Son on his trailer bike so that get's me out and thinking about other things.... and my Best friend and I have dusted off the Golf clubs so here's hoping those hobbies stick around for a bit. Anyways, we are off to MC next week and I'll keep this thread alive as our lives unfold... again thanks to all.. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoo Posted August 7, 2010 Share Posted August 7, 2010 (edited) I understand you feel you have tried hard, I feel the same way. It's hard to want to "try again" when you have been in a pattern of getting "no return on your investment." Yet, you still want to try, right now? MC is a step. (I want MC in my marriage - he doesn't. Where does this leave me?) At least your wife is going to MC with you. See how you feel with that... who knows, maybe it will work! Best of luck to you. (Edited: I removed a rant I put in about my own marriage woes. grossly inappropriate of me. don't want to hijack your thread! I really do wish you luck... It's a messy soup, life, ain't it?) Edited August 7, 2010 by tattoo Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts