shadowplay Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Three months post bad breakup, I'm wondering if I should be trying to date at the moment. I'm female, 26, and live in a hip, small city that has a lot of single men in their twenties/thirties. For awhile after the breakup, I felt fine focusing on self improvement, which I've done a lot of, but in the last week or two internal pressure has been mounting to meet somebody new. I'm not getting any younger and I want to get as much experience as I can. At the same time dating makes me anxious, which is part of why I put it off. I've never actually dated per se. Instead I've fallen into relationship after relationship. The problem has been that I rarely get asked out, so when an opportunity arises I cling to it because of my perception of scarcity. This is a behavior I'm going to change. I'm not sure how I would go about dating. Maybe it would involve meeting more people and really pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I'm very shy, and I'm trying to make friends for the first time in years. But still logistically I have no clue what I'd do in order to meet guys. Is it too soon, and am I overloading myself? I am trying to accomplish a lot at the moment -- just started a new job, I'm trying to make friends and work on my thesis project. Then again it's the summer and I won't have as much free time when the semester starts in September (I graduate in December). And if I do decide I want to start dating, how do I go about doing that? Ha. Oy, so many questions.
MisUnderstanding Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 It's not too soon as long as you are ready. The most important thing you have to remember is to have fun. You don't need to fall for someone on your first date. Enjoy yourself, enjoy whatever activities you do on dates, enjoy life itself. Don't put pressure on dating, enjoy it.
skydiveaddict Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Is there an airport near by? if you go skydiving you will meet tons of interesting men of all ages . Plus it's a lot of fun
kalikula Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 The best advice I have is to concentrate on building friendships and being social, and you will meet people! In my experience I have met guys the best when I have built friendships and started to hang out with friends more or build new ones. Then you tend to meet people through friends of friends, plus it helps with your shyness to be more social (In my opinion). How to make friends: work, the internet, acquaintances, etc...
Kamille Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I think you're right when you assess that you might be putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. You're still really young and you need look no further than this board to realize that a lot of us encountered our significant others in our 30s, likely once we had a better sense of who we were, and once we were comfortable with ourselves. Do not date because you feel pressured. Start dating once you feel you can enjoy it, and you have the right mindset for it. Fear and pressure are never the best reasons to do things, as they lead us to make poor decisions. For now, continue to focus on making friends. As you do this, you're developing the same set of skills that will help you once you are ready to date: approaching people, getting to know people, letting people get to know you, learning how to be comfortable and yourself around strangers, etc.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Do you play any sports? It's a great way to meet people, make friends and potentially meet someone special. Work on being more social and meeting people. It sounds like you are over your ex but are worried about the dating world. You are good looking, intelligent and have no reason to cling to anyone. There are plenty of guys interested in you I'm sure.
lullaby Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 There is no date to start dating again, just be sure you're ready for it. I can totally relate with you, I'm 27, and it's been 3 months since the break up but I found myself flirting again and it helped. You should be careful though and try not to grab to the first person you like in order to fill the void your ex left. Like many said, focus on making friends, meeting new people and if there's someone you like, flirt, have fun, enjoy the little things being single at this age means, OK? I'm writing this and thinking that this is what I should be doing also! LOL!!!!
bananaboat11 Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 Is there an airport near by? if you go skydiving you will meet tons of interesting men of all ages . Plus it's a lot of fun I'm going skydiving on august 13 with a group of friends. I'm so freakin' excited.
bananaboat11 Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 There is no date to start dating again, just be sure you're ready for it. I can totally relate with you, I'm 27, and it's been 3 months since the break up but I found myself flirting again and it helped. You should be careful though and try not to grab to the first person you like in order to fill the void your ex left. Like many said, focus on making friends, meeting new people and if there's someone you like, flirt, have fun, enjoy the little things being single at this age means, OK? I'm writing this and thinking that this is what I should be doing also! LOL!!!! Definitely agree with everything you've said. OP - do it in baby steps. Set small goals for yourself each day. Such as Day 1 - Make eye contact with 3 random guys I'm attracted to. Day 2 - Smile at 1 random guy I'm attracted to. Day 3 - Make eye contact and smile a few times (eye ****) a guy I'm attracted to. Day 4 - take a break. Day 5 - Say hi to a random guy I'm attracted to. Let it be fun. And don't take it TOO seriously... enjoy your time. You're young, you're smart, you're beautiful... I should take my own advice, but for a guy. heh. good luck!
BobSacamento Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I heard a woman ponder this recently. Overhearing this I could only think she was using the idea of not dating to ease the pain from the lack of attention. It's pretty foolish and only limits opportunity.
Author shadowplay Posted July 19, 2010 Author Posted July 19, 2010 I heard a woman ponder this recently. Overhearing this I could only think she was using the idea of not dating to ease the pain from the lack of attention. It's pretty foolish and only limits opportunity. How does this limit opportunity? If she's not getting attention, then she doesn't have opportunity.
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