bittersweet memories Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 So I did end things with this man. I was actually surprised and by that let down by it. I really thought or my delusion of what I thought we had told me that on some level he would share with me what was going on. He did but I wasn't prepared for it. He initially did the same song and dance and tried turning it back on me with in his play dumb game. However, I pressed. The phone fell silent and then he says. Your right I have a phobia of being in public places with any woman not just you. When I was a child my mother would never go in public with my face showing. He went on to share further details all seeming out of this world. Probably just another part of his lame and now ridiculous excuses. I told him that I was sorry he has to go thorough life with this. But I wasn't able to continue to be with a man that could not be in public with me. He said ok! Man can dating really mess with people's head! This is just the oddest crap ever. How can one seem so normal and otherwise be so successful and then throw this load of crap at you. ARRG! It's odd because it's BULLCRAP!! He's full of it!! You will kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince. Don't give up! Enjoy being single and keep mingling!
Author amazed&confused Posted July 4, 2010 Author Posted July 4, 2010 So I knew the Ok when I finished saying my final decision couldn't be the end. Of course not! Now he is calling, calling, texting and more texting. Figures, he didn't take me seriously I suppose! Go figure. I am so serious! Men.. tell me why doesn't he get that! So over this load of crap! Sorry venting! If I tell him he was lousy in bed you think that he would leave me be? What can I say to get him away and leave me alone?!
Author amazed&confused Posted July 4, 2010 Author Posted July 4, 2010 LOL! If only that would do the trick! Unfortunately, he would know that is BS!
carhill Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Sounds like he's leading a double life... Married Now he is calling, calling, texting and more texting. Figures, he didn't take me seriously I suppose! Go figure. I am so serious! Men.. tell me why doesn't he get that! Cheer's effect, nothing to lose. Typical of MM. You're likely one of many. Everyone is a 'honey'. Glad to see you caught this early. Good on ya
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 (edited) Wow, some of this advice is horrible I think its a grosse misjudgement by this community to dismiss his claim that he has a phobia. Everything she described is exactly what a person with a social phobia would have behaved as. - preferring home dates - not doing PDA - being weird when emergency services and press/camera were near a hospital Sounds to me as though his meetings with your family was him really trying for you, really going above and beyond his comfort zone so that you wouldn't dump him because he couldnt meet your parents/friends. There ARE guys, and girls who have social phobias in the world, all legitimate cases ; And claiming all of them have some hidden secrets or double lives and they are using "phobia" as an excuse, is frankly disgusting advice from the wider community here. For shame! Edited July 4, 2010 by alyssatranswarrior
Author amazed&confused Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 I am very glad to hear one person give some perspective that coincides with my situation and not a cheater. I never felt that was it..I knew that wasn't it. Many Thanks to you Alyssatranswarrior! This afternoon as I am heading out the door to a bbq, he is at my door. He is clearly upset, shaking and desperately needing me to hear him. He shares a ton of things with me that he kept previously because he knew how hard it would to #1 believe that a grown man could have these issues and #2 that he otherwise shows that he has everything together; confident, funny and very charming. Which he really does. He said he has been working very hard and only continues to work on this. He has been seeing a therapist about it the last few months and takes medicine to help cope and deal with his anxieties. He said he wasn't like this at all before though 4 years ago he fell upon very hard times in every way. Those experiences some how triggered these fears and overwhelming anxieties. I am not comfortable with this though I am also not comfortable leaving a man that clearly has now laid all his cards on the table. I am willing to work with him on this. I actually feel much closer to him for it. All and all I am hopeful that it works out for us both!
carhill Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 "Hi honey! How are you? How was your day? I miss you! I am at a concert so I can't talk right now. Will call you in a bit when it is quieter." Mind you no mention of this (as with all other times he has plans of this nature. He doesn't say anything until he is the middle of it). I asked him what concert? He was at the same concert that not less the 2 days earlier we discussed going to and of course he skated the issue and said he may have to work late. "We will see Honey". He's not a social phobic. He's a bull-shyter. Remember, men can see such behaviors clearly in fellow men. No worries. I'm sure it'll all work out.
Author amazed&confused Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 While I appreciate this perspective and although one can never be certain of this here it is how I see it. From the origination of my thread, my instinct was that his behavior of not wanting to be in public stemmed from a shame of being with me in public. Which was my fear. I realize that this behavior appears to be BS and therefore he must be married or a cheater. It is not possible for this. There is too much in his life that I am fully apart of. Nothing that would be regarded as secretive. His professed phobia's are such..professed. Until otherwise, I refuse to be one of those woman or men who obsesses over more than it is. I am confident enough and will hold hope in that confidence that time will reveal the best outcome for us both.
Recommended Posts