bubble123 Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Please can I get some advice on this. I've been with my bf 9years. 2 months ago my bf phoned me the day after he had been out on a night out and said his mates had pinned him down and given him lovebites and how should he cover them. Later that day he changed his story to bouncers had grabbed hold of him during a fight and he didnt say cos he didnt want to worry me. I beleived him cos I didnt fink he would get up to anything. The last few months he has been going out loads considering we are saving up for a house and things just weren't right so 2 nights ago when he was fast asleep I looked through his texts and found messages from a girl from the last two months. It mentioned the lovebites and I knew then what he had been doing. Obviously was devasted. Did not expect to find that. They was laughin sayin how they had blagged us (her bf) n she said how about a repeat performance and he said i dont know iv never done this before. The messages continued being flirty and saying come meet me n love you and rude messages mostly by her. They were sent mostly when he was drunk but some when he was sober. I couldnt breathe n said to him what have you done knowing things will never be the same again. He admitted he kissed her and after speaking to her I belive that was as far as it went. What upsets me is the messages. They both insist that they were never gonna meet up n it was just harmless messing about. I dont think they have met up but I think if they seen each other again somethin would have happened. What do I do now I love him so much but I am an extremely jealous person. I know I will think of it forever and I wont trust him. But the thought of splittin is awful cos 2 days ago i was happy. Iv also found out he rang her n apologised for me ringin her in the middle of the night:mad:. They both knew each other when they were kids n she just said she got giddy when she seen him. She said she made the first move but he kissed her back. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubble123 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 Iv never been this devasted in my life and this is the hardest decision ever. He keeps lying and lying and tbh I find it hard to trust anything he says these days. Its so sad cos it didnt used to be like this. Its like Im grieving for the person I'v lost n hes gone orever now. A few years ago he thinks something happend between me n someone else just a kiss through rumours but it didnt happen. He said in a ay he didnt feel bad the day after cos it was revenge. then he will say how ashamed he is of himself. my heads messed up! Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Wow - he just keeps lying and lying, doesn't he? Love bites from friends, marks from bouncers, "revenge" for a supposed indescretion of yours that never happened. What excuse will he tell next? I guess he spins the excuse wheel every day and feeds you whatever lie the spinner points to that day. So he's been "going out alot" these past few months and you don't think he's seen her at all? Doesn't make sense. And apparently, you spoke to her and believe whatever she told you? Where do you think her loyalties lie - with you, or your cheating boyfriend? Of COURSE she lied to cover up for him. Why would she tell YOU the truth? She doesn't gain anything from doing that. I guess buying a house together isn't nearly as important to your boyfriend as it is to you, because he's constantly going out and blowing his money on getting drunk. And the reason he keeps "lying and lying" Bubble, is because you STILL haven't gotten the whole story, yet. Not nearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubble123 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 thanks for answering blue. I cant forgive him and it just is driving me crazy picturing them together. i don't think it would have been to bad if he didnt carry on texting her. and apologising for me yesterday. He doesn't care does he? It's the lies - he told me he rang to see if i told her boyfriend. she said it was to apologise for me ringin in the middle of the night. then the other part of me things of 9 years and our future we had planned. But I think it's ruined now cos its changed things hasn't it forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubble123 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 please can people tell me what they would do. Never thought i would be in this situation. xx Link to post Share on other sites
LSNoob Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 You know you deserve better than him. Why put up with his s---. He cheated and he didn't feel bad about it and kept text messaging her. He have no respect for you. If I was you I would dump him and never talk to him. Even if he comes back begging NEVER take him back. There is someone out there waiting for you who will love you and respect you. So, what are you doing wasting your time with your loser bf? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubble123 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 thanks lsnoob for answering. this is so difficult for me because i do believe it is the first time in 9 years he has cheated. so all our history is makin it difficult. i keep thinking i would never find anyone else and i know its not old at 25 but i want to settle down. i know though when cheating is on tv/songs/magazines - just gonna think of it all the time. and when he goes out i won't know what he's doing really will I? Do you think when the trust is gone best to end it? I'm so mad with him for ruining something special. Like you said if he felt bad he wouldnt have kept texting her would he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubble123 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 also he not taking me serious he just text now asking me to pick him up from work - as if this is just a normal row between us. One minute he says his sorry then he's nasty - whys he doing this? Link to post Share on other sites
LSNoob Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 I hope you didn't go pick him up. How can you even let him ask you this?? Bubble do you have self respect? Why you letting a worth less loser walk all over you. Why you laying down like a doormat for him to walk all over you. I knew you were mid 20s. I understand hes been with you since you were 16, you been with him through a lot. So much memories. But he showed you that he can replace you by someone else. And after he slept with her, he kept text messaging her and didn't even think about you or your feelings. Do you really wanna settle with him? Do you really wanna save 9 years and waste the rest of your life? Or waste 9 years and save the rest of your life? also he not taking me serious he just text now asking me to pick him up from work - as if this is just a normal row between us. Of course he wouldn't take you serious, you are throwing your self at him. Acting so desperate. One minute he says his sorry then he's nasty - whys he doing this? He's a low life. Trying to be angry to throw the blame on you. See I told you he's not worth your time and you deserve so much better. Why put up with such crap any way?? You need to end relationship, and kick him to the curb. If you living with him, first make sure you find a place to move out or move back with your family, then dump him. If you want you can even take break of relationships. Single life is fun too you know? You been in the relationship lifestyle for too long. Take some break off and pay attention to your self, spend some time and effort on your self. Do things like going for a trip with your friends, family or workmates. Signing up for a gym membership or joining a club or something. Enjoy being single, it can be healthy for you too. Just go out, have fun, meet new people, do silly things what ever. You need to be free, you missed a lot of crazy fun from your late-teen/early-twenties. You will get to enjoy xmas single, new years single Halloween as well. All of those will be fun times. Oh and if you can contact the other girl's bf by any chance so you can tell him what kinda desperate girl he is dating. Tell him that she is running after other girls' boyfriends and being sk*nk and spreading her legs wide open way too much. So he can dumb her as well, and she can move with your, now, ex-bf. Then she will cheat on your, now, ex-bf or he will cheat on her. Trust me what goes around will come back around. Be strong girl, hope you do the right thing. Wish you best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 I was thinking the same thing.He is so concerned about her phone call in the night but when it comes to you thats what should matter.He does not want her boy friend to know only because their is something to it.If it was so Innocent she and him would not care.Call the boyfriend, who cares hes already messed up your relationship.He should be protecting you not her.Kick him to the curb and watch they both wont end up together if so not for long once the fantasy is out in the open and the thrill of their secret will be gone.You are to young to settle go find a man that loves only you.Big Hugs and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
txsilkysmoothe Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 I would end the relationship. How did you come to date for 9 years? You said you want to settle down - does that mean get married? Has he asked you to marry him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubble123 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 thanks everyone for your messages. I met him after work and we talked. I wish I didnt now cos I think he thinks I'm just gonna go back to him. I need to be strong and stay away from him. Smoothe - he don't wana marry me. Do you think it's bad cos he kissed her or cos he carried on texting her. He says 'was just messing about' with the texts. I really believe they haven't met up since that one night. And they both say if something was gonna happen would have happened by now. What do I do? I dont know why hes done this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubble123 Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 We've just been arguing on the phone and he's said he would rather i finish him than all this sh*t he's getting. I do admit I go mad and a bit psycho and for hours just been goin on and on about it. he said iv gota stop texting her now. whys he so bothered. shuldnt i come first Link to post Share on other sites
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 Even if it wasn't for this other woman, I would end it. I would not date a man for 9 years if I wanted to marry him and he didn't want to marry me. Are you hoping he will change his mind about marrying you? It is highly unlikely. Usually if a man doesn't want to marry you it's because he doesn't think you are the one. In fact, his recent behavior is indicative of a man looking for a new woman. His concern about you bothering her is absurd. She shouldn't have sucked on your boyfriends neck if she wdidn't want to hear from a pissed off girlfriend. He is demonstrating more concern for her feelings than yours. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 (edited) Been there, done that, got the t-shirt! My EX claimed the sexting between her and MM was just friendly banter and nothing serious. I said it was inappropriate and that it hurt me deeply. She claimed it was over, and I see now that it never was over, and that she will say ANYTHING to defend the indefensible - her affair. What I have learned Bubble is that my EX was only sorry she got caught.. and not sorry she lied to and betrayed me. You can't trust someone who has no remorse or guilt, it's emotional bankruptcy. Nor can a relationship survive one partner who is actively deceitful and cheating. As much as it breaks my heart to let my EX go I HAVE TO for the sake of my mental health and value system. You do too. Tell him thanks but no thanks and if he needs help with rides home from work and "lovebites" contact the OW. Go NC on both of them ASAP. Edited July 1, 2010 by YellowShark Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubble123 Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 thanks smoothe and shark. thats what I mean if he didn't care about her he wouldn't be bothered would he. He text last night sayin if you text her again he won't speak to me! There both calling me now saying I'm obsessed and to get over it. He keeps saying it will make the relationship better cos he realises now what he could lose. But I cant see that - it will be a nightmare always saying where you going and thinking he's lying all the time. So I'm never gonna get away from it am I. It's so difficult for me this because I didn't want to split up I was happy and now he's ruind it. Do you think it's really bad what he's done? If he was that sorry wouldn't have carried on with the messages would he? thanks everyone for your messages it really helps Link to post Share on other sites
LSNoob Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 You are not obsessed or anything. They trying to make you look like you have issues or something. Your bf is wow... the biggest douche. When two people are in relationship they look for each others back. You bf is not just ignoring you, and not looking for your back, hes teaming up with another girl against you. And you still hoping to be in relationship with that guy?...and teaming up with that lower-class girl?? Look lets say even if your bf never cheated, ok? You still need to break it off with him. Do you know why? Because you said you want to settle down, right? But your bf told you already that he doesn't want to settle down with you, right? So that means you have to end it no matter what because you deserve better and hes obviously not the one for you, he even said it him self. Its really that simple. So why you letting him cheat on you, lie to you, make stupid excuses that doesn't make sense ( "my friends did that to me"... yea right) and then teaming up with that girl against you. As for the teaming up with the girl, I think he doesn't want her feelings being hurt, because he is planing on getting together with her after he dumps you. He is telling you "our relationship gets stronger"? I call that bulls--t. Yes they do sometimes turn out that way, but that's when the cheater (your bf) feels guilty immediately and come and confess everything and goes full no contact with the other girl. Did he do any of those? Nope he didn't, he is just saying this to keep your mouth shut. After everything calms down, he will go back with the other girl. Pleaaasseee do the right thing, dump him, tell the other boy friend, and then go and enjoy life. Don't look back at the 9 years relationship, because he already destroyed it, you have to start from zero, and he is not showing you that he is even willing to re-build it. So STOP wasting your time. Wish you luck, and keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Who is worse, the liar or the person who sits there listening to the liar... go on and on and on and on... and then takes no action? Just get out of this situation NOW. Forget the fact that it's been 9 years, because you know what, HE obviously forgot that fact 2 months ago. The longer you stay in this situation, the more fault of yours there will be for staying. Link to post Share on other sites
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