SilentVoice Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 So, Hi!! Ok I am currently in a FWB situation. Me and the guy were not friends before this. We did not start of dating. It was more like lets meet up and if we have enough chemistry lets have sex and keep this going for the summer . This was all my idea. I choose the times we meet and we barely talk unless it is to make plans. Or somehow sex related. I don't want to meet his friends or family, and I don't want him to meet mine. We already discussed if either one of us starts getting more feelings we either discuss it or see if the other feels the same way. This has been going on for about 2 1/2 months. Ok so here is the point of me posting. My roommate/best-friend knows about him. She has meet him once when he came to get me and we all stood outside talking . Along with a friend of hers.She knows me and him are only FWBs. So we are young it is common to bring your "guy" with you to events with friends . Like a close friends of mine bday celebration. But as you read before me and this guy aren't dating. I am pretty sure he wouldn't mind but I really don't want to put any strain on us. So my friend is always mentioning .Lets say his name is Joe. "Why can't "Joe" take us to the party?"... "Can you call him and tell him to come get us?"..."Tell Joe to come so he can pay for you.". This is just is how my friend is . This is how she is with guys. Even if I was with Joe I would call him every time I needed things like this. So I told her that I am just trying to keep it platonic and don't want to catch any feelings for Joe.. and me and Joe won't be together much longer since it is just a seasonal thing. So she asks me.. " What am I really getting from this?" And I told her "Sex, that is all I want from it." She said she doesn't understand but it is what ever. So am I the only one who thinks like this? Is it possible to really be with a guy and not expect more from him ? Just because I am having sex with a guy ,does he owe me? Why do women think like this, or am I just odd?
Author SilentVoice Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 I had a FWB. I was able to stay emotionally detached. It got complicated for other reasons so I ended it. I don't think you're abnormal for feeling this way. It is a mutual agreement and you don't owe each other anything at any point in time. Your friend just doesn't get the concept. No big deal. To each their own Thank you for the reply . To each their own is right .
seekandfind Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Seems to me FWB's are only truly successful for both parties if neither sees the possibility of a serious relationship with other person yet there is still some attraction. And if you guys have agreed to a certain arrangement, I think you shouldn't fix something that isn't broken He isn't your boyfriend, and you aren't dating, so you shouldn't expect him to come do all these things for you. Treat like you would any other guy friend, depending on how close you are (it doesn't sound like you are that close with him).
Author SilentVoice Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Seems to me FWB's are only truly successful for both parties if neither sees the possibility of a serious relationship with other person yet there is still some attraction. And if you guys have agreed to a certain arrangement, I think you shouldn't fix something that isn't broken He isn't your boyfriend, and you aren't dating, so you shouldn't expect him to come do all these things for you. Treat like you would any other guy friend, depending on how close you are (it doesn't sound like you are that close with him). Thanks for the reply. You are right I am trying to fix something that isn't broken. I guess I was looking for justification in others. And no we are not close but I like it that way.
Cracker Jack Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Nah, your friend just doesn't understand the concept of FWB. She thinks there has to be more to it than simply sex. You know exactly what you want out of this, so you're good.
deebeechrisyo Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 As long as you guys can keep yourselves emotionally detached, it should workout. 99% of the time it doesn't. All of my prior FWB's I let know ahead of time that I didn't want a relationships with them. They were fine with it then, but after a month or two they weren't, and thus it ended. Sometimes they come back after a while thinking they can do it again, but the cycle just repeats. Men are definitely capable of getting emotionally attached in these as well. Usually it's the woman because women have a harder time separating emotions from sex.
O'Malley Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 So am I the only one who thinks like this? Is it possible to really be with a guy and not expect more from him ? Just because I am having sex with a guy ,does he owe me? Why do women think like this, or am I just odd? 1. No. 2. Yes, but I think it's the exception when both people are on the same level in an friends with benefits situation. Quite often one of the individuals is using fwb as leverage to gain a relationship, or unrequited romantic feelings start to develop after time. 3. That's the inevitable part of fwbs -- it can seem like a relationship, where there are obligations, but ideally there shouldn't be. Feelings can blur those boundaries. 4. I don't think it's a gender issue. Your friend simply has a different idea about things, and is viewing your relationship in the context of how she would feel about and handle it. She might be concerned that you are being led on (it's obvious that you are not). Is it possible that this guy is more invested in a potential relationship than you? Or do you feel he has the same attitude towards it?
Author SilentVoice Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Is it possible that this guy is more invested in a potential relationship than you? Or do you feel he has the same attitude towards it? Thanks for the reply. I really doubt that he would want a relationship with me. 1. He is obviously not over his ex.. which he tried discussing with me before but I cut him off and told him I rather not know.(truthfully don't care) 2. I know he has relations with people with outside of his culture(race) but I know I will be a big pill for his mom to swallow. So I really don't think their is a chance that we can even entertain the idea of us getting serious.He is a huge momma's boy 3. He doesn't contact me unless I contact him , like I said I set all dates.But I told him this is the way it will be in the beginning. But then again 1. He invites his self to my place "Oh I am outside". That is how he meet my friend. 2. He sits outside with me and states that he "wants to get inside my head". Which I told him will never happen. I am very guarded around him . I just want this to work out. 3. He is always so happy to tell me about his week, when I don't discuss my own week with him. 4.He finally got me to cuddle with him last week.. after weeks of begging. 5.He tends to try to event himself to gatherings since we do have a lot in common But my second list may have no relevance to normal people.Since I refuse to be over friendly with him.He is most likely just being friendly but I guess I am over thinking it . I don't know if to relax around him or keep it as is? But no I really doubt he wants a relationship with and hope he has the same attitude towards it.
Author SilentVoice Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 As long as you guys can keep yourselves emotionally detached, it should workout. 99% of the time it doesn't. All of my prior FWB's I let know ahead of time that I didn't want a relationships with them. They were fine with it then, but after a month or two they weren't, and thus it ended. Sometimes they come back after a while thinking they can do it again, but the cycle just repeats. Men are definitely capable of getting emotionally attached in these as well. Usually it's the woman because women have a harder time separating emotions from sex. Haha yes the odds are against me lol ... :-) Thanks for the reply .. I agree with what you said
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