Why do parents let children misbehave in public?

[Enchanted Girl]

Having a CPS in some cases is a bit like locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.

 

I'm not familiar with that phrase, but I THINK I know what you mean.

 

The point I was trying to make with my post is that not only would it not guarantee that everyone who is going to a bad parent would get caught (after all, there's lots of bad drivers out there with licenses, your argument is that some people get away with it), but it's also impractical.

 

You have yet to explain how the government could give a practical test on parenting that would actually be able to forsee who would be a good parent or who would be a bad one. There's lots of rules on parenting that are subjective and the rules that aren't, there's no way to predict that someone is going to do that to a child. People lie and do things that they don't expect to in the future.

 

What kind of test should be given to everyone? Multiple choice? Oral? Taking care of a real child for a day? How would it be effective? What kinds of questions and things should be asked?

[sb129]

I know what you are saying- the practicalities of it would be very difficult, and i don't have the answers.

 

I think anyone who thinks that its OK to hang a child on a washing line would automatically disqualify.

 

 

I see your points, but my point is that there really are quite a few parents out there with no clues.

[SweetD]

Now that I have said my piece in defense of my own toddler's public meltdowns, I do want to chime in that I think I know which parents you are in fact talking about. I work as a waitress in a restaurant and not too long ago had to serve a large party. It was split into two tables: one of the parents and one of the fifth grade children who were out celebrating their graduation from elementary school. The children started ordering all kinds of crazy foods, throwing french fries, shouting, standing on chairs and the parents at the table next to them JUST SAT THERE. What was even more frustrating was that when it came time to pay, they wanted seperate checks for each of their parent and kids, but they had no idea what their child ordered, let alone where their child was to ask them. All of the fifth graders were gone from their table at that point and running amuck in the restaurant. I was baffled and furious. It was not my job to hunt down children so we could split checks accurately. First the parents should have been informed and prepared to tell me who was with who, and second, those children should have been sitting in their seats!! I wanted to ask if they were prepared to tip for babysitting also

[sb129]

Oh sweetD what a nightmare!

 

Yes, THOSE are the parents we are talking about.

[donnamaybe]

That's why we have CPS though. People who neglect their kids like that (neglect is a type of abuse) are accountable if caught as well.

 

I will say, unfortunately, not everyone is caught though, but it's the best option I've heard of for children.

 

Yeah, with the CPS workers overburdened to the point where little 3 year old Eli Creekmoore was killed by a kick in the stomach by his father after having been removed from the home numerous times and returned to that abusive situation once again.

 

http://www.seattlepi.com/archives/1987/8701060945.asp

 

I understand this is an older case, but this kind of overburdening of the system continues.

[donnamaybe]

Now that I have said my piece in defense of my own toddler's public meltdowns, I do want to chime in that I think I know which parents you are in fact talking about. I work as a waitress in a restaurant and not too long ago had to serve a large party. It was split into two tables: one of the parents and one of the fifth grade children who were out celebrating their graduation from elementary school. The children started ordering all kinds of crazy foods, throwing french fries, shouting, standing on chairs and the parents at the table next to them JUST SAT THERE. What was even more frustrating was that when it came time to pay, they wanted seperate checks for each of their parent and kids, but they had no idea what their child ordered, let alone where their child was to ask them. All of the fifth graders were gone from their table at that point and running amuck in the restaurant. I was baffled and furious. It was not my job to hunt down children so we could split checks accurately. First the parents should have been informed and prepared to tell me who was with who, and second, those children should have been sitting in their seats!! I wanted to ask if they were prepared to tip for babysitting also

I have another restaurant story for you:

 

I used to work at Pizza Hut in Colorado Spgs when I was quite young. These two women were there with their five children. The restaurant was PACKED as is normal on a Friday night. The one woman's two kids were behaving quite nicely while the other woman's three were just awful! First I found them all standing RIGHT at the entry door with the youngest, still in diapers, hanging on to the door handle and his older brother kneeling on the floor behind him with his nose at his rearend saying, very loudly, "Pew, that stinks!" over and over. I politely told the kids they could get hurt if someone opened that door and to please go sit down. Next thing I know I'm trying to walk out to a table with a pizza in one hand and a full tray of drinks in the other. The three kids came running RIGHT in front of me, and I almost spilled the lot. I got a little more stern and said, "You need to go sit down." Finally, the straw that broke the camel's back was the next time I came out to the dining room, the little girl of that trio and the older brother were eating out of the salad bar with their bare hands. OMG! All this time, the mom was watching me trying to deal with her kids but not saying one word to them. Finally I got very stern and said, "We do NOT eat out of the salad bar with our bare hands. We use a plate and a fork!" The woman says, "Leave my kids alone!" to which I responded, "Well, lady, you need to either teach your kids some manners or put 'em on a leash, because everyone else in here is trying to have a meal!" I then told my manager everything that had happened, including what I said. He'd seen most of what had been going on anyway. When the bitch came up to pay he said, "Let me take care of her" and when he asked the usual question, "How was everything?" she started saying something to the effect about the food being good, but our waitress blah blah blah" to which he responded, "Well, ma'am, we have many paying customers here who are trying to have a decent meal and don't want to eat out of a salad bar that has had someone's hands in the food. If you can't control your children, we would rather you brought your business elsewhere." I fell in love with him at that moment.

[Enchanted Girl]

Yeah, with the CPS workers overburdened to the point where little 3 year old Eli Creekmoore was killed by a kick in the stomach by his father after having been removed from the home numerous times and returned to that abusive situation once again.

 

http://www.seattlepi.com/archives/1987/8701060945.asp

 

I understand this is an older case, but this kind of overburdening of the system continues.

 

I never said it was perfect. I actually talked about this in my posts if you read all of them, but they do save a lot of children from abusive situations and I know they make the world a better place than it would have been if they didn't exist. The argument was over whether we should have a test or not and give out licenses to people about whether or not they are allowed to have children and I was making a point of mentioning that even without those licenses, the government is still involved with protecting children as part of my point.

 

The argument was not over whether or not CPS is perfect.

[princecarspian]

Spank you. Those who do not have children who misbehave. This is why children do what they do. They know that their parents let them get away.Some POPs on the butt, and everything will be fine. It's legal too.Parents who are easy on children, have children who are difficult for parents.

[Clep]

Spank you. Those who do not have children who misbehave. This is why children do what they do. They know that their parents let them get away.Some POPs on the butt, and everything will be fine. It's legal too.Parents who are easy on children, have children who are difficult for parents.

 

I think as parents we have the ability to outsmart our children. I do not spank or smack my children and would prefer them to learn due to natural consequences rather then making them comply out of fear.

 

To me spanking or force of any kind is a short term solution that creates a long term problem.

[lolapalooza]

I think as parents we have the ability to outsmart our children. I do not spank or smack my children and would prefer them to learn due to natural consequences rather then making them comply out of fear.

 

To me spanking or force of any kind is a short term solution that creates a long term problem.

Bad parents who let their children run around restaurants and the like would rather reason with or be friends with their children.

 

The children in these cases rarely ever learn consequences.

[Disillusioned]

I really hate it when parents do not control their children in public. My H and I decided to have breakfast at Panera Bread (casual dining type place, but typically pretty quiet). Everything was fine until this kid started jumping up and down in his seat, screaming, and throwing food on the floor. The parents continued their conversation like they didn't even notice! We finally got up and moved, but could still hear the little brat, and could still see him when he got bored and started running all over the entire restaurant yelling! Yet the parents did nothing! The entire place was clearly annoyed. One old man even tried to trip the little fart as be ran by.

 

When I was growing up, I never acted like this, wouldn't have dreamt of it. Why do some parents let their children act like wild hooligans in public?

 

It's been my observation that people from different ethnic backgrounds tend to bring up their kids differently. Here in L.A., you don't have to go very far to find this out. Most of the African-American kids that misbehave in public get yelled at or smacked for it by their parents, but the Mexican- and Central-American parents would never dream of doing so (apparently, letting the kids run around like apes is an old Native American custom). Middle Easterners tend to get melodramatic when their kids misbehave in public, and I've seen Jewish parents act that way too. I have no idea what east Asians teach their kids to make them behave so well... and with run-of-the-mill white folks, it's pretty much a mixed bag. You can accuse me of being a racist, but I've seen what I've seen.

[Vcygnus1]

Here i have a great one for yall

 

I work at an aquarium store and there is this one kid who likes to go and get under (empty) aquariums and play in their stands. I called the kid on it one day and his parents had the audactiy to tell me that the owner knew and it was ok. SO the next time they come in the kid does it in a stand with a 40 gallon aquarium (roughly 4 feet long about 60 pounds and stand. Same dims except bout 100 pounds). As he goes to get out of it the thiung falls on him! Im talkiung about at least 150 pounds fall on him as the parents watch!

 

The dad then says "well serves him right leave him there" to which Me and the oher employee promptly remove the thing from on the kid and charged him 500 dollars for breaking the things. He argued to which I told him it was cheaper than getting a lawyer to explain why you were going to leave your kid there.

 

Gotta love crappy parents

[Clep]

Bad parents who let their children run around restaurants and the like would rather reason with or be friends with their children.

 

The children in these cases rarely ever learn consequences.

 

I completely agree with that statement.

 

I am not sure how that has to do with spanking a child though. I do have the ability to teach my child through logical consequences or allow them to teach themselves through natural consequences. Either way, they are learning and punishment is not what they are learning from. I think punishment is a shaming tool to get our kids to comply where consequences are a teaching tool.