DLM77 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 This woman has trust issues and was upfront with this right away. What I cant understand is why I'm constantly being accused of lying among other things. I've been accused of being a drunk, a druggie, ect... We met one day and apparently my eyes were red and she accused me of being a coke head. WTF? Dont know how much longer I can put up with this. She's great otherwise.
Ronni_W Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 What I cant understand is why I'm constantly being accused of lying among other things. Because she has trust issues! THAT (crazy accusations) is one of the behaviours that people with trust issues engage in -- it is actually what you signed up for, knowingly or not, when you got serious with someone who upfront admitted that she has trust issues. The thing, of course, is that unless she gets help to permanently overcome her "issue", then this is pretty much how all her relationships are gonna look.
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 This woman has trust issues and was upfront with this right away. What I cant understand is why I'm constantly being accused of lying among other things. I've been accused of being a drunk, a druggie, ect... We met one day and apparently my eyes were red and she accused me of being a coke head. WTF? Dont know how much longer I can put up with this. She's great otherwise. She does have issues and she needs to get professional help to get over her past fears, mistrusts and hurts. It is TOTALLY unfair of her to dump on you and accuse you of things that have nothing to do with you. If you love her, and want to stay in the relationship, then encourage her to seek counselling. If she is unwilling to take these steps, amongst others (Like actively doing her best to trust you and know you aren't one of the guys who hurt her in the past, and you've given her no reason to be so uppity and on you so much) then break it off with her. People who want to change, do! Even though it's alot of hard work and can be painful, bringing up and dealing with past hurts, atleast SHE will be happier and be more easy going rather than how things are going now. Sooner or later you're going to get even more tired of defending yourself to her accusations which are false.
Shakz Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Well, trust is the foundation of any relationship so there is no way you're going to be happy with this woman unless you can demostrate to her how her mistrust is unfounded. Personally, I would create a situation in which she thinks she has reason to mistrust you and then let it unravel so that it reveals how she was mistaken. Maybe then she'll lighten up. Short of that find someone else who isn't so paranoid.
Author DLM77 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 When we talk about it she simply says Im the one with issues because I take everything personally and that someone must have gotten to me good in the past! LOL
bac Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 When we talk about it she simply says Im the one with issues because I take everything personally and that someone must have gotten to me good in the past! LOL IMO she is right, you pay too much attention to insignificant details. Because you are too detailed oriented you miss the major goal which is to get laid. There are always something insignificant which prevents us from getting our priorities. If I were you, I would explained her whatever she wants to know, if it is necessary to get the reward.
OceanTropic Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 This is EXACTLY the situation I had with my ex. It can go either two ways. 1. If you truly love/like her and want to continue the relationship, you are going to have to work with her through these trust issues. But it will be a long and hard process. It took me 2 years to get my ex to loosen up, and STILL this would always become an issue. 2. Break up. It depends a lot on how old she is, but if she is over 30, then she won't change, and will always have these trust issues. If she is young, there is hope. One sh*tty relationship can really kill someones confidence, as a result they have trust issues. If this is the case, work with her through them, but again it won't be easy. It really just depends on you and whether or not you are willing to help her. BUT you can't help her if she isn't willing to help herself. The first step would be having a serious discussion with her regarding this, and see how she takes it. If she is mature about it, it would seem she is willing to try things out. If she just finds excuses, your best bet would be to move on.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 That's not cool DLM. She accuses you of lying and being a druggie and then has the audacity to say you shouldn't be offended by these accusations. Tell her to get her stuff worked out and look for you then. If it's meant to work, it will work. But right now, she isn't in a place to be in a healthy relationship.
Jilly Bean Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 How intensely exhausting. OP - get out now. It's not going to get any better. And why tolerate this, even in the short term? Phoey!
mixwell Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 IMO she is right, you pay too much attention to insignificant details. Because you are too detailed oriented you miss the major goal which is to get laid. There are always something insignificant which prevents us from getting our priorities. If I were you, I would explained her whatever she wants to know, if it is necessary to get the reward. Seriously ? Have you ever had a REAL relationship because you sound like most typical guys who will jump for a woman just to get the "reward" but this thinking doesn't work when you want to be in a committed relationship.. To the poster, I had a very insecure, jealous girlfriend and was always accused of lying.. My advice would be to drop this chick if she continues.. I'm taking a WILD stab in the dark by guessing she is younger than you ? If she is then it is most likely stupid highschool mentality thinking but if not then this will ALWAYS be an issue unless this chick can grow up.. I've been there and done that and I was with one of the hottest chicks I've ever been with but no matter how hot she was that insecure crap wasn't worth it and was a HUGE turnoff to me personally. Peace
Author DLM77 Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 IMO she is right, you pay too much attention to insignificant details. Because you are too detailed oriented you miss the major goal which is to get laid. There are always something insignificant which prevents us from getting our priorities. If I were you, I would explained her whatever she wants to know, if it is necessary to get the reward. Bac this is a joke post right? Seriously ? Have you ever had a REAL relationship because you sound like most typical guys who will jump for a woman just to get the "reward" but this thinking doesn't work when you want to be in a committed relationship.. To the poster, I had a very insecure, jealous girlfriend and was always accused of lying.. My advice would be to drop this chick if she continues.. I'm taking a WILD stab in the dark by guessing she is younger than you ? If she is then it is most likely stupid highschool mentality thinking but if not then this will ALWAYS be an issue unless this chick can grow up.. I've been there and done that and I was with one of the hottest chicks I've ever been with but no matter how hot she was that insecure crap wasn't worth it and was a HUGE turnoff to me personally. Peace Actually she's a little older than me. The way i see it is this, if she hasn't changed thus far in her life she wont change in the future. She was in a very abusive relationship when she was 18, married young ect...
bac Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Bac this is a joke post right? It was not a joke because I assumed that you did not mind just to have sex with her. IMO having sex is better than having nothing at all. Perhaps, I was wrong and you did not want to have fun with her. I understand that men are different and some want an emotional connection first and can not see themselves having intercourse without proper emotional connection and comfort.
reservoirdog1 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Everybody's neurotic about something. But some neuroses are highly toxic to relationships and can potentially end them. If I was constantly (and unjustly) getting accused of lying, I'd get tired of it REALLY fast. I would not want to be in a relationship in which I was constantly on the defensive, always anticipating what the next accusation of lying might be about, and always having to scrupulously monitor my otherwise unobjectionable behaviour solely to avoid getting into another argument with her. Relationships are challenging enough as it is. Nobody needs that in their life. I don't care how hot she is.
Author DLM77 Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Bac this is a joke post right? It was not a joke because I assumed that you did not mind just to have sex with her. IMO having sex is better than having nothing at all. Perhaps, I was wrong and you did not want to have fun with her. I understand that men are different and some want an emotional connection first and can not see themselves having intercourse without proper emotional connection and comfort. Sex is important to me and it's good in our relationship. However it's not the reason i choose to stay with her. I thinks it's pretty clear I care enough about her to put of with the **** i go through thus far, or else I wouldn't be here looking for opinions. Sex has nothing to do with it! Everybody's neurotic about something. But some neuroses are highly toxic to relationships and can potentially end them. If I was constantly (and unjustly) getting accused of lying, I'd get tired of it REALLY fast. I would not want to be in a relationship in which I was constantly on the defensive, always anticipating what the next accusation of lying might be about, and always having to scrupulously monitor my otherwise unobjectionable behaviour solely to avoid getting into another argument with her. Relationships are challenging enough as it is. Nobody needs that in their life. I don't care how hot she is. Yes i'm not sure how long i can be on the defense here... When she opend up to me I suppose I should have walked after learning about her past. Guess I felt sorry for her?
reservoirdog1 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Yes i'm not sure how long i can be on the defense here... When she opend up to me I suppose I should have walked after learning about her past. Guess I felt sorry for her? Probably a little bit. But I suspect that, when she told you early on that she had "trust issues", you didn't conclude from that disclosure that she'd be accusing you of lying on a semi-regular basis. Which would be a pretty reasonable conclusion to come to. Everybody has a past, and some people are able to rise above theirs and not drag it into the present. She may not be able to do so.
llm77 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 I can tell you why she is accusing you of lying!! Your married Dip ****! although all the good people here dont know that!! You failed to mention that both you & her are married with children!! She practically raises her 3yo granddaughter, who happens to be the same age as your son! She knows your still with your wife! You sleep beside her everynight! Sometimes cant seem to keep your hands to yourself!! Of course you said that this isn't you posting here, BS!!
llm77 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) BTW, DLM77 is 32, the woman in question is 46!!!!! Edited August 3, 2010 by llm77 wrong age
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