Physical Chemistry v. Mental/Emotional Chemistry

[CLC2008]

I definitely agree with you here...so it's a bad sign if there isn't immediate mutual physical desire by both people...? If not immediate, then you'd think by date 3...?

 

If you're not feeling physical attraction towards her after date 3, hmm, that's a toughie.

 

If it's the other way around, you could always show her your back.

[Pyro]

I posted a thread about this before.

 

I still would love to know HOW/WHY women give in to persistent overbearing guys

 

Please dont answer on this thread, I'm just thinking out loud.

 

It just boggles my mind that it works !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Boggles my mind as well. FTR they aren't doing so well now.

 

So maybe the issue is with online dating...and people being shy or timid to explore the physical side of things sooner rather than later (myself included...)?

 

its shyness in general, not online dating.

 

My relationship started online and I got the courage to tell her how I felt on the physical standpoint. It was a risk but it worked:bunny:

[USMCHokie]

I guess im confused by what you mean by not having mutual physical chemistry? If I'm attracted to a girl it's moreso an issue of building that physical comfort which takes time and more importantly - balls. If you don't make a move - even a kiss - by the end of the second date, imo things just get pretty awkward and you get friend zoned.

 

Well, with one of the girls I met online who I've been out with three times, I kissed her on the first date. And the second. And the third. She even invited me over to her place to watch a movie after the third date...but for some ridiculous reason unknown to me, I just failed to make a move...completely bombed...even to the point that she asked if I was tired and wanted her to drive me back to my car...it was a sad sad moment in my life...

 

With her, she just doesn't seem to exhibit much interest in me physically...when we're out, it's almost kind of awkward...and I think she's expecting me to take the initiative in creating that physical element (which I see nothing wrong with), but at the same time, her demeanor makes me feel like she's not even interested physically...so I don't bother making that move...and things haven't progressed because of my hesitation to make that move...

 

On the other hand, the girl I randomly met downtown immediately expressed physical interest in me...hell, that's the only reason she came over to talk to me...and so it's a hell of a lot easier for me to reciprocate and express physical interest in her...

[USMCHokie]

If you're not feeling physical attraction towards her after date 3, hmm, that's a toughie.

 

If it's the other way around, you could always show her your back.

 

 

Hahah, thanks CLC.

 

And as I said above, I'm not sure whether it's because she doesn't openly express a physical interest in me or because I'm just not that physically attracted to her...

[CLC2008]

Hahah, thanks CLC.

 

And as I said above, I'm not sure whether it's because she doesn't openly express a physical interest in me or because I'm just not that physically attracted to her...

 

Heh, no problem.

 

So would you say it is safe to assume that the two of you lack physical chemistry?

[USMCHokie]

So would you say it is safe to assume that the two of you lack physical chemistry?

 

That would be a safe assumption...but then again, it seems to be unexplored territory at the moment... We get along great and seem compatible on everything else (i.e. the mental chemistry)...hence the reason for this thread... When you have that non-physical chemistry, do you wait for the physical chemistry to develop, or just cut your losses and move on...?

[Sivok]

Physical attraction can sprout from emotional attraction, yes. It depends how much you guys like each other. If you feel there's potential for that emotional attraction to grow, by all means pursue it. I'm just worried you might get friend zoned if you wait too long to make a move

[USMCHokie]

Physical attraction can sprout from emotional attraction, yes. It depends how much you guys like each other. If you feel there's potential for that emotional attraction to grow, by all means pursue it. I'm just worried you might get friend zoned if you wait too long to make a move

 

 

Well, earlier tonight, I made plans with her to go out on Wednesday night this week...so she seems to be holding on for me to pull my head from my ass...

[CLC2008]

That would be a safe assumption...but then again, it seems to be unexplored territory at the moment... We get along great and seem compatible on everything else (i.e. the mental chemistry)...hence the reason for this thread... When you have that non-physical chemistry, do you wait for the physical chemistry to develop, or just cut your losses and move on...?

 

I think it's different in terms of which component comes first between the sexes. She doesn't light a fire between your pants, at least not yet.

 

I wouldn't define mental chemistry in terms of just getting along. Mental chemistry also includes **feelings**, of some sort. And sometimes that mental connection, if you will, is unspoken/unknown. But there is something about it, that generates feelings. A spark, a pull, etc.

[Sivok]

Well, earlier tonight, I made plans with her to go out on Wednesday night this week...so she seems to be holding on for me to pull my head from my ass...

haha do it man! Take two shots of jack before hand if you need a little bit of that liquid confidence to push you past that barrier

[USMCHokie]

I think it's different in terms of which component comes first between the sexes. She doesn't light a fire between your pants, at least not yet.

 

I wouldn't define mental chemistry in terms of just getting along. Mental chemistry also includes **feelings**, of some sort. And sometimes that mental connection, if you will, is unspoken/unknown. But there is something about it, that generates feelings. A spark, a pull, etc.

 

 

Earlier, as I read the responses to my original post, I realized that I may have misworded what I meant by "mental chemistry"...I think "compatibility, as another member pointed out, is the more appropriate term to use...or even "connection," as you have pointed out...

 

But no, at this moment, she doesn't light the fire in my loins...and I think that has a lot to do with the other girl I met online who does light that fire...but I don't think she's interested... Or she just waits a long time to respond to voicemails...

[USMCHokie]

haha do it man! Take two shots of jack before hand if you need a little bit of that liquid confidence to push you past that barrier

 

Hahah, booze not required...

[sweetjasmine]

 

• Of course both are equally important to a relationship, but is there one that you put at higher value than the other?

Both matter, but I value "emotional chemistry" much more.

 

 

• Could you be in a relationship with someone that you only had one of those chemistries with? If so, which one could you do without?

I could do without physical. I'd rather not, but I could.

 

 

• Is physical chemistry something that happens immediately, or can it develop over time? What about mental chemistry?

For me, "mental chemistry" is almost always immediate. Physical can be immediate or take time to develop.

 

The reason I ask is that I've had great mental chemistry with the women I've met online, but the physical chemistry has been slow to develop. I don't know whether it's just us trying to break through that timid comfort zone phase or if it's that we truly don't have the physical chemistry.

 

I think there's a little awkward phase that a lot of people go through, since you feel like you're both strangers to each other even though you've communicated and know something about each other.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would give it a little time and see if something clicks. If not, then you're not right for each other.

[CLC2008]

Earlier, as I read the responses to my original post, I realized that I may have misworded what I meant by "mental chemistry"...I think "compatibility, as another member pointed out, is the more appropriate term to use...or even "connection," as you have pointed out...

 

But no, at this moment, she doesn't light the fire in my loins...and I think that has a lot to do with the other girl I met online who does light that fire...but I don't think she's interested... Or she just waits a long time to respond to voicemails...

 

Awe, well me hopes it works out for you. It sounds like you're enjoying yourself and your honest as well and that will shine through.

 

[Confusedalways]

That would be a safe assumption...but then again, it seems to be unexplored territory at the moment... We get along great and seem compatible on everything else (i.e. the mental chemistry)...hence the reason for this thread... When you have that non-physical chemistry, do you wait for the physical chemistry to develop, or just cut your losses and move on...?

 

I do believe physical chemistry can sprout from emotional chemistry, but only to an extent. Like, as long as one party doesn't find the other downright 'ugly' as opposed to unattractive, there's still a chance.

 

Probably not a huge chance, but a chance nevertheless.

[USMCHokie]

Awe, well me hopes it works out for you. It sounds like you're enjoying yourself and your honest as well and that will shine through.

 

 

 

Thanks! I do have a good time meeting new people and getting to know them, but at the same time, I have to admit that the dating "process" can be a little tiring...this is actually the first time in my life that I've dated like this...let alone have multiple options...I know now that I honestly don't care for multi-dating...

[USMCHokie]

I think there's a little awkward phase that a lot of people go through, since you feel like you're both strangers to each other even though you've communicated and know something about each other.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would give it a little time and see if something clicks. If not, then you're not right for each other.

 

 

Yes, I absolutely agree with the awkward phase, especially when you meet people online...it's sometimes difficult to get a read on the other person...but I'm hoping that something does click eventually...

[USMCHokie]

I do believe physical chemistry can sprout from emotional chemistry, but only to an extent. Like, as long as one party doesn't find the other downright 'ugly' as opposed to unattractive, there's still a chance.

 

Probably not a huge chance, but a chance nevertheless.

 

 

Yea, I agree with this. But isn't it better if both people think the other is the bee's knees...? The cat's pajamas...? All that and a bottle o' Coke...? I guess I came to appreciate and long for that coming from my ex...she always openly expressed how attractive she thought I was and how much she appreciated the body... And in my experience, that sort of attention somehow seems to spark your interest in that person even more...

 

But I know early on it doesn't necessarily work like that...

[CLC2008]

Yea, I agree with this. But isn't it better if both people think the other is the bee's knees...? The cat's pajamas...? All that and a bottle o' Coke...? I guess I came to appreciate and long for that coming from my ex...she always openly expressed how attractive she thought I was and how much she appreciated the body... And in my experience, that sort of attention somehow seems to spark your interest in that person even more...

 

But I know early on it doesn't necessarily work like that...

 

Of course, but there also has to be life beyond the bee's knees, you know?

 

The guy I posted about from two years ago, ugh, bee's knees for sure.

 

I dreamt about him recently where I walked out of a building and he was standing there and I went up and just held him in my arms.

 

Then another part of the dream, same thing, I was walking out of a building and he was standing there, but this time with his shirt off, and I walked up to him and kissed his bare chest .

 

Darn dreams.

[USMCHokie]

Of course, but there also has to be life beyond the bee's knees, you know?

 

The guy I posted about from two years ago, ugh, bee's knees for sure.

 

I dreamt about him recently where I walked out of a building and he was standing there and I went up and just held him in my arms.

 

Then another part of the dream, same thing, I was walking out of a building and he was standing there, but this time with his shirt off, and I walked up to him and kissed his bare chest .

 

Darn dreams.

 

 

Heheh, nothing like a shirtless guy!

 

But you're right, there has to be more than just the bee's knees to any relationship...but all else being equal, wouldn't you want a partner who thought you were the bee's knees...? It would seem to be a disservice to yourself to settle for someone who only thought you were "not unattractive" or simply "servicable"...

 

Funny story...guys, NEVER say the word "servicable" in the presence of a woman...servicable should only be used to describe gear and equipment that is suitable for use...and not to describe a woman in ANY way...

[Els]

 

1) I feel that there is a distinction between physical and mental/emotional chemistry between two people. I see the physical chemistry as that "rip off his/her clothes" feeling that you get, while the mental chemistry is how well you get along with that other person outside the bedroom (i.e. great conversation, similar interests, compatible personalities, etc).

 

• Of course both are equally important to a relationship, but is there one that you put at higher value than the other?
  
• Could you be in a relationship with someone that you only had one of those chemistries with? If so, which one could you do without?
  

Mental has a MUCH higher value for me, personally. Of course ideally a person would have both, but in the past, I sustained a 1.5 year R with a guy whom I only had mental/emotional chemistry with, and no physical. It actually was pretty good while it lasted. On the other hand, I've never gotten together with anyone with whom the mental connection was missing.

 

 

• Is physical chemistry something that happens immediately, or can it develop over time? What about mental chemistry?
  

Physical can develop either way for me. Mental tends to happen quicker, it usually takes only a couple of indepth conversations to identify a keeper.

 

2) For online dating, I've noticed that mental chemistry generally develops prior to physical chemistry. Sending messages and emails back and forth develops that mental chemistry, and it might take a few dates to determine whether physical chemistry is there. On the other hand, meeting people in real life tends to expose physical chemistry much more quickly, and sometimes it's the sole basis for two people getting together.

 

• Do you all tend to notice this same thing...?
  

Yes, this is very true. Which is why I find it puzzling how some people can scorn 'getting to know someone online' as inferior to IRL. To me, assuming both parties are honest, chances are you will actually get to know someone's MIND better through online means. Not only is there not the distraction of the 'first impression' and other superficialities, but IME people (or at least the people I click with) tend to open up more and have less reservations about speaking their mind through text. Of course, it usually requires RL meeting to seal the deal.

 

The reason I ask is that I've had great mental chemistry with the women I've met online, but the physical chemistry has been slow to develop. I don't know whether it's just us trying to break through that timid comfort zone phase or if it's that we truly don't have the physical chemistry. However, I seem to have great physical chemistry with a girl I met randomly downtown last week, but I'm unsure of how mentally compatible we really are...

 

You mean you've actually been out with them IRL a few times, but felt no physical chemistry? I honestly don't think the fact that you spoke online first should affect that. So it's purely a case of no physical chemistry, or slow-to-develop chemistry, depending on yourself.

 

In the end, all these dating experiences has done nothing but remind me of how I had both chemistries with my ex...

 

This is probably one of the main reasons why I clung on to my current R even through times when some advised otherwise. I honestly think it's incredibly rare to find someone with whom you have all 3 chemistries with, along with all the other qualities (dedication, etc) needed to maintain a relationship. Such a combo is well worth overlooking some flaws for, IMO. Don't give up - rare it may be, but perhaps some of us have the good fortune to find it more than once.

 

Edit: To clarify re: mental chemistry, I am not insinuating that it's possible to know a person's mind in a short span of time. Merely that the spark that makes me want to get to know it MORE, begins then. And that is what I define as chemistry. As you get to know a person, it either grows, or diminishes.

Edited June 15, 2010 by Elswyth

[harmfulsweetz]

hm... in the start for me, I think physical chemistry is a must. It's that thing that makes you feel 'funny' when you know you are going to see them, can't take your eyes off them feeling, and I think most people need that to distinguish this person from any other person. If physical chemistry is lacking from the get go, you are on the track for a friendship and not a relationship.

 

IME anyway.

 

I think mental and emotional chemistry develop over time, take longer to develop because there are so many things people need to learn about each other, and the ability to open up to someone. For me, anyway.

[CLC2008]

Heheh, nothing like a shirtless guy!

 

But you're right, there has to be more than just the bee's knees to any relationship...but all else being equal, wouldn't you want a partner who thought you were the bee's knees...?

 

Of course. And, I was fortunate to have had that in my life. Twice.

 

Funny story...guys, NEVER say the word "servicable" in the presence of a woman...servicable should only be used to describe gear and equipment that is suitable for use...and not to describe a woman in ANY way...

 

Now you're just being goofy.

[Compatability]

Physical and emotional compatibility are both important in a LTR - at the beginning, the physical chemistry is more prominent, but in the long term, emotional/mental chemistry will determine if you stay together.

 

Let's face it, the physical chemistry can wear off after not very long and a new physical chemistry mate is met. but if you want a relationship that you can invest in and reap the rewards for years to come, then you need someone who can work with you emotionally and mentally.

 

There's a lot that goes into knowing who is going to really work for you and why. This is a subject that's important to all people, and the Chinese have ancient wisdom that's valuable for modern times. It's worthwhile to get to know your Chinese astrology , since it can make a big difference to finding the right one!

 

http://www.beluckyinlove.com/chinese-astrology-compatibility-1