I never in a million years thought I'd be starting a thread like this.

[Star Gazer]

I have an announcement to make, that is breaking my heart to even write. It's a long read, I apologize for that. Please, if you have anything even remotely hurtful or snarky to say, keep it to yourself, IMs, or PMs. Anything less than supportive comments will be reported.

 

So... Skiman, my boyfriend of 18 months (we are both 32), broke up with me out of the blue last weekend. It came as a complete surprise to me. It felt like I had been fired, without ever having had a performance evaluation or being put on probation. He said he’d been unhappy for a long time. (At first he said since about March; later he said about after the New Year.) And to calm any instant thoughts about someone else, I am 100000000000% positive that there’s no other girl in the picture (at least right now).

 

I had NO IDEA idea he was unhappy in our relationship. In fact, every sign he sent my way told me that he thought I was “The One” and wanted to live happily ever after with me. We were planning a future together. For all intents and purposes, I already lived with him (spent every night there, had nearly all my clothes there, had important mail sent there, etc.). In late April, the day after his brother’s bachelorette party and about 6 weeks before the breakup, he “formally” asked me to move in (he wanted it to be a special “moment”). We had each previously said that we didn’t want to live with someone unless we were engaged or about to be. But seeing as I had really already been living there, I figured that “rule” was out the window. When I asked him what moving in would mean for us and our future, he ultimately told me I could expect a proposal within 6 months. That made me feel safe (but also a little freaked out).

 

Around that same time, he began talking more and more about how he’d go about finding and buying me a ring, and how he wanted our wedding to be, and who he wanted to invite, what he wanted to name our first son. We were talking about a trip in October and next winter. As of last weekend, I was 2 weeks away from “officially” moving in with him. I had already turned in my 30 day notice at my apartment (he drove me to turn it in), had turned off my power, and even put a deposit down on a mover. 2 days before he broke up with me, he bought me a plane ticket for a trip we were to take next weekend and I bought fancy new bedding for a bigger new bed we were buying together. We also ripped apart and planted a new garden together the day before he broke up with me.

 

I mean, it was all right there… our future. I just knew it would be. I didn’t have ANY doubts that we’d get married, that I’d join his family. It was just a matter of time, and with the assurances he gave me (not just verbal, but in his actions too), he could take all the time in the world. All of my thoughts were long-term, and that was because of the things he said and did. When his twin brother got married last month, he continued to talk about how we would do it differently (smaller, farther away, etc.). There was never any sign to me that I wasn’t “The One,” or that he didn’t foresee us living happily ever after together. In fact, he made it clear to me that that’s exactly where we were headed, it was only a matter of time… and told me how much his family and friends loved me and how great everyone thought we were together.

 

Because of all of the assurances he gave me, I had never felt so secure, safe, and comfortable in a relationship. I was blissfully happy with him. I trusted him with every ounce of my soul, more than my own mother. If he had needed a kidney or part of my liver, I would have given it to him. When he broke up with me, I was absolutely astounded. I learned that all of that comfort was a figment of my imagination, because he’d been unhappy for months, and just “going with the flow.” How ironic, that as I was growing more and more secure and safe, he was becoming more and more uncomfortable and wanting out.

 

During the breakup, he cried. It was sincere emotion. We had had a small argument (like 2 sentences from each of us, about his drinking) the night before, where I snapped at him, and it seems to have been the last straw. The morning of our breakup, the first words out of his mouth were, "We both know where this relationship is headed." I had no idea what he was talking about! His stated reason was that I loved him more than he loved me, that “I wasn’t the one for him,” that he had fallen out of love with me, that I wasn’t the person he fell in love with anymore, because I wasn’t fun anymore, and had been picking on him and “not nice” to him in recent months (snappy, irritable, and challenging). I had to practically pry examples out of him, so that I could understand where I went wrong. The examples he gave me confused me, because 90% of the time, I was completely joking or just being playfully sarcastic, not mean spirited whatsoever. I can see how someone who doesn’t know me might think a comment here or there was snappy, but he did know me, and really should have known when I was being cutesy vs. serious.

 

But there were other comments or instances that I can totally own up to, like picking on him for driving too fast (but I wasn’t trying to be b*tchy, but was just like, “Babe, you’re going too fast” (85mph around curves)…but I can see how my tone may have been harsh). I also fully recognize that I had been getting on him more and more about his drinking (which I perceived, rightly or wrongly, as being excessive). From our breakup conversations last weekend, it seemed that it wasn’t necessarily the message that upset him, but the way I said it.

 

I asked him why he never talked to me about this before, that he was unhappy, or felt that I was picking on him. He said he did, or that he tried, but that I just never listened. He says that he tried to bring up how unhappy he was by saying, “You need to be nicer to me.” Admittedly, he had said that probably 3 times in the past 6 months. Thing is, I had also said the same thing to him, but it was never serious enough where I would have ever dreamed of leaving him. In addition, we have an inside joke that’s like this (“Be nice!” followed by a love pat or kiss), so I thought that he was saying it in that joking way. I totally missed the fact that he was being serious, or that there was a bigger problem underneath. He never communicated it to me. He now acknowledges that he needs to learn how to communicate better, because he sees now that I really had no idea he was unhappy.

 

We also just got back from Hawaii, and when I asked how he could take me on such a wonderful trip (which was the best trip of MY life) and still continue to act like we'd be together forever if he was so unhappy, even talking about maybe getting “Mauied,” he said that it was like a test to see if something would magically change and he’d be happy with me. Apparently, other than a few bursts of fun times, he had a horrible time there. He said, “If you can’t have fun in Hawaii…” (and we know what that means). That literally crushed me; all of my happy memories with him were completely one-sided.

 

He also said that he felt pressured to get married. This really confused me, because I felt like I was just following his lead… particularly because of the things he said and the way he behaved. I mean, all of his actions matched his words, 100% (with the obvious exception of this breakup). But now I can see why he may have felt pressure. First, I was the one who brought up moving in together, because my lease was coming due (this month) and my roommate was pestering me about what my plans were, whether she needed to start looking for a new place, etc. He and I also didn’t communicate well about what our expectations about moving in together, and what that meant. It now seems that he may have said the 6 months-until-engagement thing because he thought that’s what I wanted to hear.

 

And then after he said I could expect a ring in 6 months, I would occasionally joke about where my ring was and moan about how everyone around us was getting married. He’d laugh or roll his eyes, but never seem uncomfortable. We’ve also been surrounded by weddings (including his twin’s) and engagements and overall commitment hoopla. Admittedly, I also had weddings on the brain, because everyone I know (it seems!) is talking about and planning them, and as a result, I became interested too…but really, that was because of what HE said and did. I didn’t come up with it on my own. I never meant to pressure him, I just wanted to be with him. I wanted to take this life journey with him. I had no deadlines or plans. And I would have married him years from now wearing a plain dress with a justice of the peace on a cliff in Carmel. But I can see how he’d feel pressure, particularly given that I had made him responsible for my happiness (which I’ll talk about in a second). But in any event, he was feeling pressure – caused by me, him, circumstances, all sorts of things, I am sure.

 

Anyway, when he broke up with me, I was crushed and confused. There I was, heartbroken and basically homeless, I had to search for a new place to live in a very short period of time. It was incredibly awkward and I felt abandoned by him, his parents, and his mutual friends (although I understand where their loyalty lies, it didn’t make it hurt any less). Ultimately, I was able to rescind my notice and renew my lease where I currently am. It was when I returned to my apartment (which I hadn’t even been to in MONTHS!) and was looking at all the things I still had there that I had left behind and let go of, that I had a giant epiphany.

 

The short story on my end is this: I lost who I was in the relationship. I let go of my friends and other relationships and stopped doing the things I enjoyed and that made me happy. My workdays pretty much went like this: wakeup, work, come home to boyfriend and couch. My weekends went like this: wakeup, do activities with boyfriend, return home to boyfriend and couch.

 

I disappeared as a person. The me he fell in love with was gone. I also pretty much stopped exercising and gained weight, and felt unattractive. The list of things I gave up in order to put my relationship first is pretty long. I didn’t really realize I was doing that, or had even done it, until this breakup. I mean, yes, I definitely had moments where I realized over time, “Hmm, I don’t see my friends much anymore, just his. Well, that’s okay, because they’re my friends now too, and always will be.” And, “Hmm, I don’t play tennis anymore, or go to the gym. I really enjoyed that, and now I’m gaining weight, but with all the time we spend skiing, I guess I just don’t have time. That’s okay, I’m a skiier now.” And, "Hmm, I'd love to spend the afternoon painting, but I feel bad leaving him alone, so I just won't." So see, I was aware of how I was letting things go, but I justified it to myself. But to be clear, he NEVER discouraged me from doing my things… in fact, he used to encourage me to exercise often (but I took that more as a sort of “You’ve gained 12 pounds, Star… you need to run,” NOT a sort of, “Hey Star, you used to love to exercise…why don’t you get back into that?” – see the difference?). But he never encouraged me to do anything else - to paint, make jewelry (something I love to do), or even go see my friends, etc.

 

Intellectually I knew I needed to have my own life and my own things to keep me happy, particularly with regards to fitness and exercise, but somehow I just wasn’t able to put it into action. This could be anything from my charity work, to bookclubs, to going to the gym, painting, baking, going out with friends, etc. In the back of my mind, I figured if I took time away from the relationship to focus on myself (even if going for a run), that would be selfish, because it took away from our quality time. I didn’t realize that in not keeping myself happy and the same person that BF fell in love with, I was actually hurting myself, and my relationship, and therefore my BF. And because I had let go of the me that I loved, I was unhappy...in a sort of apathetic and resentful way.

 

Because I had let go of everything I loved and nothing else in my life to make me happy, he became my entire world. I ended up relying on him and making him responsible for my happiness. But guess what? He couldn’t make me happy, I had to be happy with myself first. But because he couldn’t make me happy, because he wasn’t enough, I started getting irritated with him more easily. And because he was my sole form of happiness, he was also my sole form of stress relief. I took out my stress (from outside factors) as well as my frustration with myself on him. Because I was unhappy with myself, I didn’t treat him the way he deserved to be treated. I was exactly what he said I was: I picked on him, challenged him, just wasn’t nice to him. (Some things I think he was WAY oversensitive about, but I can acknowledge that I wasn’t as kind to him as I should have been).

 

In my estimate, it was probably around January that I realized I felt unfulfilled and unhappy – with myself, not him. At the time, I thought it was all work related for me. But it went deeper than that. He first explained that he’d been unhappy since March (when I started bringing up moving in), but now his timeline is matching up with mine too (after New Year’s). Given the timing, I am pretty sure that it’s 100% my fault that he was so unhappy – that it was me, not being myself, being unhappy, and taking it out on him, snapping at him, picking on him, etc., that made him unhappy.

 

But as for the demise of our relationship, I have to put half of the responsibility on him… because he just didn’t communicate with me. If I had known he was unhappy, I could have taken steps to improve things. But I didn’t know he was unhappy with me. He kept it hidden. In fact, he said that’s the one thing he’s learned out of all of this – that he needs to communicate better. During the past week, he was told by others that he should be a poker player. I feel so deceived, because I did not see any of this coming. But at the same time, I think, “How could I have not known that my unhappiness was making him unhappy too?”

 

I’m really crushed. I feel like I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. I have never been treated better by a boyfriend – he was so kind, supportive, generous in every way. And I took him for granted. I just assumed that his love for me was equal to my love for him, and that he’d never leave me. Never.

 

He was literally my everything, and now I have nothing.

 

Or so I thought. My first thought when he left the house that night, was, “OMG…I’m alone.” But in less than an hour, the news had spread and friends were reaching out to me from literally all over the world. All shocked, two of them actually crying when they called me! I was shocked that the friends I had basically given up during my relationship, were the first ones to reach out to support me. I figured I deserved to be abandoned, just as I had abandoned them. But no, they literally picked me up off the floor. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that.

 

I’ve decided to become happy again. I’m just going to do it. I’m taking affirmative steps to get the “me” back that he first met and fell in love with. He had previously said that he wouldn’t write off the possibility of us ever trying again down the road. However, I’m not making these positive changes for him, or to get him back, because he actually told me yesterday when I went to go pick up my things that I should give up any shred of hope. As much as that hurts me, it’s okay. I’m doing that for ME, because the “me” that I lost and want to get back is the REAL me. She’s the “me” that I love too. I miss her.

 

So not only am I reaching out to friends (and them to me, god bless them!), but I’m rejoining the racquet club and gym by my apartment, joining a running club to prepare for a half-marathon in October (and I just got back from a run! yay!), and diving right back in to my charity work and painting. Even just having made those decisions has made me feel better, and I cannot imagine how actually putting them into action will make me feel. I’m actually quite excited about rediscovering myself, the self that I love so much. Some friends are saying that I’m handling this remarkably well… but I just think it hasn’t quite hit me yet. Then again, maybe it has.

 

But I’m still heartbroken. I love this man with every fiber of my being, and I am tortured that I ever hurt him or made him unhappy. Letting go of my true self and not treating him the way he deserved to be treated will forever be the biggest regret of my life. But I’m still… moving on (gulp). I have no choice.

 

[Hot Carl]

I'm sorry, Star. I know you really had hopes for a future with him. It's really a surprise. Of course, you should be hearing all the normal platitudes, and they are true: you'll be ok, it wasn't the right relationship, and don't let it get you down.

[Star Gazer]

Thanks, HC.

 

He wasn't a perfect person, definitely had his flaws... but he was perfect for me. We always talked about how lucky we were to have found one another, that we had won the lottery, that we were so thankful to have found the right person. I hope I can find that again someday.

 

In the meantime, I'm working on me.

[Art_Critic]

I'm sorry, Star. I know you really had hopes for a future with him. It's really a surprise. Of course, you should be hearing all the normal platitudes, and they are true: you'll be ok, it wasn't the right relationship, and don't let it get you down.

 

HC took the words out of my mouth..

 

Sorry SG...

***hugz***

 

Here's a Dove Dark ....

[SadandConfusedWA]

Star, I am truly sorry.

 

LS is here for you to obsess, whinge, anlayze and over-analyze every single detail.

 

You are a gorgeous, intelligent, capable and strong woman, you will find someone else when you are ready.

[northstar1]

very sorry to hear that sg. but, it does sound like you are taking all the right steps to find happiness again for yourself, and keeping busy.

 

and it also seems you've gained some valuable knowledge about the relationship itself already, which is helpful fo the future.

 

my relationship/recent breakup has a lot of parallels to yours, so i can definitely relate.

 

keep your head up, you'll get through it.

[Star Gazer]

I hate myself for what I did to the most precious thing in the world to me. Damnit. I was doing okay all day, until just now. Eff.

[Art_Critic]

I am tortured that I ever hurt him or made him unhappy. Letting go of my true self and not treating him the way he deserved to be treated will forever be the biggest regret of my life. But I’m still… moving on (gulp). I have no choice.

 

 

I think you are taking too much responsibility on your shoulders here SG...

You are not to blame for his unhappiness.. that is his deal...

 

If he was unhappy then it was his responsibility to bring it to light without hurting you.

 

You are responsible for what you do and say and they are responsible for how they react to it.

You can do your introspection and own what you did but he has to own what he did or how he reacted to you.

[Citizen Erased]

Oh wow, this was the last thing I expected to read from you. I am so terribly sorry Star, reading all of that reminds me of how amazing you are, you're so damn self aware!

 

I love that your friends are there for you and I hope that they and doing things that you love will help you get past this. Hugs.

[Hot Carl]

Thanks, HC.

 

He wasn't a perfect person, definitely had his flaws... but he was perfect for me. We always talked about how lucky we were to have found one another, that we had won the lottery, that we were so thankful to have found the right person. I hope I can find that again someday.

 

In the meantime, I'm working on me.

 

I don't agree he was perfect for you. He was storing up resentments, which are a natural part of a relationship, for months. And then there was the relatively petty "straw" that caused him to erupt. You are blaming yourself, but he's the one who should be under the microscope here. Do you still wish you had moved in, or even married him, now that you know this is how he handles things? You would have ended up with an even greater logistical challenge and a much greater commitment to deconstruct eventually. If I were you, I'd be thinking twice about all those hopes you built up for a future with him.

 

I don't think a relationship with you would be especially easy all the time, Star. I think you could be a challenge. It's who you are, and it's not a bad thing to be you. But you need a guy who (everyone needs a partner who) lets you know what's going on and has no secret resentments festering. You need someone who is straight with you, and cares about the relationship enough to never let it go down a path like this. I know you can find someone who can go the distance, Star.

 

But you should be nervous if things seem to be "great" all the time. You need to provide and be given gentle, respectful, even humorous feedback on what's going on. On the spot. All the time. Resentments are your enemy and should be destroyed on sight. Maybe this is your lesson for next time. Hopefully you don't instead learn not to trust.

[Citizen Erased]

I hate myself for what I did to the most precious thing in the world to me. Damnit. I was doing okay all day, until just now. Eff.

 

Nope. You are not allowed to blame yourself. He's an adult, he should have come to you as such and told you he was unhappy. Even someone with the worst communication skills can do at least that much.

 

Be upset but never hate yourself.

[Star Gazer]

If he was unhappy then it was his responsibility to bring it to light without hurting you.

 

I do agree with this. I still can't understand why he didn't bring it to my attention. He said he tried, but that I had blinders on. I just cannot believe this. Those of you who have been around long enough know me... If I sense even the teeniest smidgen of withdrawal or discomfort from my SO, I panic and become a needy, insecure mess. I freak out. I'm stressed and worried about what's wrong. But with him, I had not one ounce of worry. Not one.

 

You are responsible for what you do and say and they are responsible for how they react to it.

You can do your introspection and own what you did but he has to own what he did or how he reacted to you.

 

He does feel badly for having to hurt me... The rest, I just don't know.

[Star Gazer]

Oh wow, this was the last thing I expected to read from you. I am so terribly sorry Star, reading all of that reminds me of how amazing you are, you're so damn self aware!

 

But...that's what's KILLING me! It took THIS for me to wakeup to what the eff I was doing!!! Why couldn't I have recognized that I was going downhill sooner? Before the last straw hit his back??

 

Honestly, this is just... so hard.

[Jilly Bean]

Star, first off, I have to really commend you on your maturity, and willingness to take a hard look at yourself. This is the first break-up you've posted about in which you weren't defensive and blaming the dude. THAT shows how far you've come, and I think that's magnificent. I am really encouraged, as you should be, that you are so adult about this - realizing his mistakes, and your own. Moreso, it seems like you've already answered all your own questions, and have a recovery plan in place. GOOD JOB.

 

So, no need for anyone to offer any post-mortem, advice, or criticism - you've already done the work, looked within, gotten real and hard with yourself, so now it's down to the healing.

 

Really good stuff in this, and even if you don't see it now, you've grown incredibly.

 

Think of him as practice. And really - all that nonsense about being so tight with his brother? Phoey. Plus really - who wants a guy who can hide his emotions so easily? That's kinda scary, you know?

 

Art gave you a Dove Dark, but I have some Hagen Daz...

[sb129]

I don't agree he was perfect for you. He was storing up resentments, which are a natural part of a relationship, for months. And then there was the relatively petty "straw" that caused him to erupt. You are blaming yourself, but he's the one who should be under the microscope here. Do you still wish you had moved in, or even married him, now that you know this is how he handles things? You would have ended up with an even greater logistical challenge and a much greater commitment to deconstruct eventually. If I were you, I'd be thinking twice about all those hopes you built up for a future with him.

 

I don't think a relationship with you would be especially easy all the time, Star. I think you could be a challenge. It's who you are, and it's not a bad thing to be you. But you need a guy who (everyone needs a partner who) lets you know what's going on and has no secret resentments festering. You need someone who is straight with you, and cares about the relationship enough to never let it go down a path like this. I know you can find someone who can go the distance, Star.

 

But you should be nervous if things seem to be "great" all the time. You need to provide and be given gentle, respectful, even humorous feedback on what's going on. On the spot. All the time. Resentments are your enemy and should be destroyed on sight. Maybe this is your lesson for next time. Hopefully you don't instead learn not to trust.

 

You know what? We have spoken at length about this SG, and I think HC has really nailed it here.

 

I think that what you are doing is the right thing, because you DO need to regain yourself back.

But it takes 2 to tango, and I agree with Carl that festering, suppressed resentments that culminate in a breakup thats a surprise for you are not healthy.

 

You have to let skiguy take some of the blame.

 

Don't be so tough on yourself.

[Star Gazer]

]You need to provide and be given gentle' date=' respectful, even humorous feedback on what's going on. On the spot. All the time.[/b'] Resentments are your enemy and should be destroyed on sight.

 

Those are the people that I have valued the most in my life - personally, professionally, romantically. I'm pretty self-aware of how I am feeling and what I am experiencing, but I am not a mind reader and I don't always recognize how my actions/words are being interpreted by others. I can only control how I'm presented, not how I'm perceived.

 

And if I step on someone's foot, I want to know, and I want to know as soon as humanly possible. I don't want to end up stepping on their foot 100 times and breaking their foot, and not having any idea that was happening until they hand me their used cast and walk away.

 

Maybe this is your lesson for next time. Hopefully you don't instead learn not to trust.

 

That's my biggest fear, and exactly what I told him as he was breaking up with me. I know I'll get "me" back, and I know I'll be able to fall for someone again... But how will I EVER trust again? I believed, I mean, I BELIEVED, in every single cell of my body, that he wanted happily ever after... with me. I believed we were a TEAM, that we'd work through anything and everything together.

[Citizen Erased]

But...that's what's KILLING me! It took THIS for me to wakeup to what the eff I was doing!!! Why couldn't I have recognized that I was going downhill sooner? Before the last straw hit his back??

 

Honestly, this is just... so hard.

 

Of course it's hard, it's only been a week. You really do need to give yourself a break here. And you didn't recognise it because you were, when it came down to it, happy. And he fooled you into believing he was too. That wasn't right and you should know that. I really hope that he does.

[Green]

I thought this was going to be a thread that talked about how you were getting Married.

 

I personaly would not break up with a girl unless we were FIGHTING ALL THE TIME or SEX WAS REALLY BAD. So really this guy is an idiot if you two weren't SCREAMING at eachother and still having REGULAR SEX (once or twice a week atleast)... Oh yes and if there was CHEATING would be the only other reason I would break up.

 

I guess he just couldn't see a future with you. Live and learn, never stop being yourself... but we all lose are self a little when in a pasion filled relationship.

[Star Gazer]

Star, first off, I have to really commend you on your maturity, and willingness to take a hard look at yourself. This is the first break-up you've posted about in which you weren't defensive and blaming the dude.

 

Well, that's because it always WAS their fault! I kid, I kid.

 

I really had no choice here. He was telling me that it was me, and given how important this relationship is to me, I HAD to figure out where I went wrong. For two days, I was really lost. It literally wasn't until I came home to my apartment, and started looking through my things, that I realized I didn't even recognize the girl who used to sleep in my apartment... the girl he fell in love with. I'd become a shell of her. A soft, out-of-shape, b*tchy shell.

 

Ugh.

 

I am really encouraged, as you should be, that you are so adult about this - realizing his mistakes, and your own. Moreso, it seems like you've already answered all your own questions, and have a recovery plan in place. GOOD JOB.

 

I actually wrote skiman a long novel letter via email (like 5 times as long as the OP!) on Friday explaining this epiphany that I'd had. He actually said that while the whole situation sucks, he's happy that I "get it," and am making plans to be happy again. He also said he was impressed at my ability to acknowledge all of it.

 

And really - all that nonsense about being so tight with his brother? Phoey.

 

I don't get what you mean... ?

 

You know what? We have spoken at length about this SG, and I think HC has really nailed it here.

 

I think that what you are doing is the right thing, because you DO need to regain yourself back.

But it takes 2 to tango, and I agree with Carl that festering, suppressed resentments that culminate in a breakup thats a surprise for you are not healthy.

 

You have to let skiguy take some of the blame.

 

Don't be so tough on yourself.

 

I really love you, SB. Thank you so much for being there for me through all of this.

[CLC2008]

Oh Star I'm really sorry to hear this .

 

It sounds like he had a case of the willies and when the reality of the relationship set in, he cracked.

 

This very same thing happened to my best friend last year, they practically lived together from day one, discussed marriage, kids, where their kids would go to school, etc.

 

They were out to dinner one night, he ordered his steak rare, she said he should cut back on the red meat, and then bam - he went a-wall.

 

In all honesty though, there was nothing she (and in this case - you) could have done differently. It's just one of those things that you cannot forsee, no matter how good it looks from the outside.

 

Stay well and try not to put the blame entirely on you.

 

Hugs.

[Star Gazer]

And you didn't recognise it because you were, when it came down to it, happy. And he fooled you into believing he was too. That wasn't right and you should know that. I really hope that he does.

 

I don't think he does.

 

There were several times where he'd been drinking in the past 6 weeks, and he'd be super mushy towards me, with all the marriage/forever talk. I expressed that I didn't think he had the ability to lie like that when buzzed/drunk, and he agreed. But he equated it to saying, "I love you, man!" I don't get it.

 

He said that he'd just been going with the flow, in a "non-relationship", and that he could just continue going along with the flow, and maybe even being happy, but ultimately realized that he didn't want to just go along with the flow... he didn't want to walk on eggshells around me anymore.

[Art_Critic]

Star.. maybe he realized that the milk was no longer going to be free and he bolted because certain cowards only want the milk if it's free..

 

"I love you, man.." man he has no balls..

 

Are you still in contact with each other ? Do you still have stuff to get from him ?

[SadandConfusedWA]

He really deserves more of the blame. I just hate the sound of how he completly hid his feelings and led you on to think that everything is great. How he didn't even give you the chance to have this ephiphany earlier and perhaps save the relationship

[CLC2008]

Star.. maybe he realized that the milk was no longer going to be free and he bolted because certain cowards only want the milk if it's free..

 

"I love you, man.." man he has no balls..

 

Are you still in contact with each other ? Do you still have stuff to get from him ?

 

Bingo! He had a case of the willies!! Boohoo. :sick:

[Star Gazer]

Are you still in contact with each other ? Do you still have stuff to get from him ?

 

I guess we're not in contact. We did have contact this past week, in discussing logistics of me getting my things. Then when I was there yesterday, we talked more about the breakup (he was much cooler and "oh well" yesterday than he was last week ). But not anymore... He was my best friend, the one I told every little detail of my day to.

 

I still have some things to get from his house, like boxes of law books in the garage. But nothing that's pressing. I can wait a long time to get it, which I might need to do (right now, I couldn't bare to see him again).