Arbitrariness Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Say your friend is really into a girl, but you (and others) don't think she's ideal, Do you tell your friend to pull out? or respect his choice and likely see him get crushed? Your opinions would be appreciated.
ADF Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Unless he asks your opinion, stay out of it. Offering him unsolicited advice will just tick him off.
suprisinginsight Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Say your friend is really into a girl, but you (and others) don't think she's ideal, Do you tell your friend to pull out? or respect his choice and likely see him get crushed? Your opinions would be appreciated. Approach with extreme caution... any unsolicited advice may result in extreme backlash and resentment from your friend. I was in a similiar situation recently with one of my best friends. I found that the trick is to never address the issue directly. I always just used my past experiences as an example and tried to let him make that logical leap to make the connection between my story and his life or situation. Once he has that bit of doubt in his mind it is easier for him to see what everyone else is seeing.
tigressA Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Another trouble with this is, in either same-sex or opposite-sex friendships (but mostly in opposite-sex ones), there can be suspicion that you're only "giving advice" in order to sabotage so that you can have them or their partner for yourself. It can be difficult to dispel this and make your friend believe that it's only out of concern for them. I did this with a guy friend of mine, naturally it did not end well. Ultimately, I say just to stay out of it unless there's evidence that they're being abused in any way. We all have to make our own mistakes in dating and relationships, it helps us learn and grow--make ourselves better partners, and enable ourselves to pick better partners. And if a friend ultimately gets crushed, never, EVER say "I told you so" or any equivalent. That's a sure way to destroy a friendship.
Author Arbitrariness Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 Yeh, I guess you guys are right, still sucks though. Like watching a plane crash in slow motion ....
Confusedalways Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I'm definitely known to speak my mind but have found the obnoxiously hard way that this situation is a serious losing battle, even if you address the problems. Usually I make my move when they tell me about a fight, then I calmly explain "well, remember when X, Y & Z? That was bad. Aren't you noticing a pattern? Doesn't this seem strange to you?" It never works. Fast forward 2 years and I get a nice "Confusedalways, you were right, I should have listened." So as long as nobody is physically being hurt, I've found that after you say something once and are ignored, it's better to just drop it and sit on the sidelines.
D-Lish Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Yeh, I guess you guys are right, still sucks though. Like watching a plane crash in slow motion .... Sometimes it's better to watch the plane crash and rescue them afterward, rather than predict the crash and say "I told you so". No one wants to hear it when they are in the fog.
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