I wanted this...

[You Go Girl]

It's great to hear such a once independent woman find her independency again. I am so happy for you, and wish you only the best, whatever that may be. It's refreshing to hear a good post about D, because you only seem to hear the bad things. Good for you!!!!!!!!!!:D:D:D

 

TY, tnttim. I'm a long way to confident independence, but I'll sink or swim, either way, I'm getting in the water.

 

Update: He wants to reconcile, asks again in email. I can't do it. It's absolutely tearing me to shreds, I can't do it, I can't go there again, I love this person so much but I can't do it...this is really painful. It's tearing me up inside. I wrote several replies, junked them all, then finally sent one. It felt numb. I teared up several times today but I can't do it, not even for the love I feel for him and will always have for him. I never said I stopped loving him. But I can't do it...................................

[trippi1432]

TY, tnttim. I'm a long way to confident independence, but I'll sink or swim, either way, I'm getting in the water.

 

Update: He wants to reconcile, asks again in email. I can't do it. It's absolutely tearing me to shreds, I can't do it, I can't go there again, I love this person so much but I can't do it...this is really painful. It's tearing me up inside. I wrote several replies, junked them all, then finally sent one. It felt numb. I teared up several times today but I can't do it, not even for the love I feel for him and will always have for him. I never said I stopped loving him. But I can't do it...................................

 

Hey YGG - First....breath!! This man has you wrapped.....you have so many memories and yes, it seems as if you are leaving them behind...but they are still there, always will be.

 

I see your pain, because the person you married turned out to not be what he presented himself to be.....but yes, there was something there....at one time it was a marriage.

 

Slow down....try to relax and find out why he wants to reconcile. Is it to just save face because he is ego-driven....is it because he really wants you in his life. He needs to make concessions to change his behavior, but a break is probably what you both need right now. This decision is obviously causing you a lot of pain.....you have my email.

 

Hang in there, Hugs!

 

Trippi

[You Go Girl]

Thanks trippi.

It appears you're the only one reading my thread anymore, lol

 

Latest update: He wants to try again, asked via email.

I thought and thought, typed yes, erased it, stared at it, closed it, reopened it, typed no, erased that, typed yes, erased that again...you get the idea. Cried. Sobbed.

Then wrote no.

This relationship became abusive. I finally get that. It became abusive on both sides, from frustration, anger, love, battles of wills, you name it.

I'm too afraid to trust this relationship again. It was drama ALL THE TIME.

I bet you can relate to that Trippi. Maybe others.

The thing is, this forum chastises anybody who doesn't stay in the marriage. Those who have been left are angry, and want to vent it on posters that decide to leave. That isn't fair.

Now I'm going to go cry some more.

So those who think all who leave are evil, think again. Sometimes it's just too abusive.

[What_Next]

YGG, I am reading the thread and I am happy for you. I also admire your strenght and conviction. You appear to be a wonderful woman and some day some very lucky man will find himself lucky to be with you. I only hope he has the common sense to realize it.

 

I am sure that must have been a tough email to write. Good heavens even writing this post I am tearing up. This emotional rollercoaster certainly does a number on you doesn't it?

 

I wish you nothing but the best YGG

[tojaz]

Thanks trippi.

It appears you're the only one reading my thread anymore, lol

 

Latest update: He wants to try again, asked via email.

I thought and thought, typed yes, erased it, stared at it, closed it, reopened it, typed no, erased that, typed yes, erased that again...you get the idea. Cried. Sobbed.

Then wrote no.

This relationship became abusive. I finally get that. It became abusive on both sides, from frustration, anger, love, battles of wills, you name it.

I'm too afraid to trust this relationship again. It was drama ALL THE TIME.

I bet you can relate to that Trippi. Maybe others.

The thing is, this forum chastises anybody who doesn't stay in the marriage. Those who have been left are angry, and want to vent it on posters that decide to leave. That isn't fair.

Now I'm going to go cry some more.

So those who think all who leave are evil, think again. Sometimes it's just too abusive.

 

I'm reading YGG and i feel for you. This forum does not chastise anybody who doesn't stay in the marriage. Sometimes it truly is beyond repair. I don't like to, but I have advised others to leave, in cases of abuse, flat out neglect, or when all options have been exhausted, what else is there? I do chastise those who give up so quickly, who run from their troubles because it is easier to shift their spouse out then it is to work on their problems. Those that set the blame for their unhappiness in the lap of those they love (or used to). Thats not the case with you YGG, I have just spent some time reading your threads. You have a lot to deal with and you have to the best of your ability, but one person isn't enough to save a marriage never has been, and never will be. Sure he wants to reconcile, but it sounds to me like he has done very little to prove that he is willing to do what is necessary.

 

Update: He wants to reconcile, asks again in email. I can't do it. It's absolutely tearing me to shreds, I can't do it, I can't go there again, I love this person so much but I can't do it...this is really painful. It's tearing me up inside. I wrote several replies, junked them all, then finally sent one. It felt numb. I teared up several times today but I can't do it, not even for the love I feel for him and will always have for him. I never said I stopped loving him. But I can't do it...................................

 

That right there YGG, thats how I know. You love him, you acknowledge it! Thats why those of us left behind dislike walk aways (which i do not consider you) I loved my wife, scratch, love my ex-wife. She ran, didn't get counseling, didn't get a chance to try to be better, a chance your H squandered. At the very least though, if it had to end. If I could have heard what you wrote above from my ex, At least I could have been at peace.

 

Nobody knows what the future holds and maybe the story of you two isn't over yet, but you have done far more then your share and its time to take care of yourself. The truest changes he could make are the changes he makes for himself, not what he makes for you. Stay strong YGG and thank you for your posts.

 

TOJAZ

Edited June 12, 2010 by tojaz

[trippi1432]

Thanks trippi.

It appears you're the only one reading my thread anymore, lol

 

Latest update: He wants to try again, asked via email.

I thought and thought, typed yes, erased it, stared at it, closed it, reopened it, typed no, erased that, typed yes, erased that again...you get the idea. Cried. Sobbed.

Then wrote no.

This relationship became abusive. I finally get that. It became abusive on both sides, from frustration, anger, love, battles of wills, you name it.

I'm too afraid to trust this relationship again. It was drama ALL THE TIME.

I bet you can relate to that Trippi. Maybe others.

 

Yes, can very much relate to that...and drama can tear down a relationship no matter how strong the foundation.

 

 

The thing is, this forum chastises anybody who doesn't stay in the marriage. Those who have been left are angry, and want to vent it on posters that decide to leave. That isn't fair.

Now I'm going to go cry some more.

So those who think all who leave are evil, think again. Sometimes it's just too abusive.

 

No YGG - Not everyone here chastises those who must leave to find their sanity or to get away from any kind of emotional and/or physical abuse. Please keep posting and know that you are welcome to get your emotions out here. LS should be a safe forum for every poster, a place for advice and learning.

 

You have my email if it gets to be too much...sent you one back yesterday...but please know that we are here for you. Stay Strong.

 

Trippi

[LittleTiger]

YGG - I'm still here too. Just had a few days off LS 'cos life got a bit hectic for a while.

 

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. Please don't beat yourself up. You are in a situation that is not of your making and anybody who has read your threads will know that. You are not a walk away wife, you are a good woman, who clearly loves her husband and you are leaving because you need to do so in order to look after yourself. Your marriage is unhealthy and this is the right thing for you.

 

Your husband is asking you to stay because he is afraid of the future without you - and yet he is not prepared to change or even negotiate your relationship in order to make you happy. He is a desperate man and, at this point, he will try anything to get you back. Please don't be fooled.

 

It takes great courage to do what you are doing. My own stbxh kept me hanging for almost a year before he finally admitted he wanted out. It would have been easier for me if he had been honest earlier. So, as hard as this must be for you, if you know in your heart that this is the right thing for you, stay strong and do what you must.

 

The breakdown of any long term relationship is tough and the emotions are similar on both sides. Guilt, anger, fear, sorrow, regret, confusion, etc etc, the list goes on unfortunately. It's even tougher if you still love each other. Hang in there YGG. Cry as much as you need to. Post as much as you need to. Most of us have been in a similar place to where you are now. We can't take away your pain but we can, and will, offer support when you need it.

 

{{{YGG}}}

[trippi1432]

Hey Lady,

 

Haven't heard anything from you in quite a while....I do hope that everything is alright. Please don't allow other posters to run you off the boards due to not seeing your side....your story is not the same as some of the others on here (i.e. IronFist).

 

I do hope to heard back from you to let us know how things are going, recon or otherwise.

 

Hugs!!

 

Trippi

[sumdude]

YGG I hope everything is okay with you. Divorce is just plain hard. Yes it seems that most of the men on this forum are the ones who have been left and hurt. For me the end was months of deciet followed by the sneak attack move out.

 

It's really not my place to judge anyone or their feelings. I hear your pain. We only hear one side of the story here on LS. Whatever you decide I hope it's for the best for everyone involved. Only you know what's right for you.

 

About the anger? Looking back now over three years since my ex took off. There were signs, there were signals that I didn't quite notice during the marriage. Maybe it was my ego, maybe it was simply denial. Maybe the signals were a little too subtle. What I do know is that at one time there was a deep love between me and my ex which can't be denied. When things really started to deteriorate she started to shut down on me and show me icy cold anger. So much anger which in turn only gave me the options to respond with anger or withdraw. So often I withdrew more and more, sometimes into alcohol. Yet behind all anger is always pain and/or fear. If she had showed me her pain.. I mean really showed it to me. Tears, sobbing however the hurt felt I often think maybe we could have saved it. But the wall of anger was put up and there was no way through it. But that's not how it happened. She wasn't able to do those things and I wasn't able to see it through. Instead I think she showed those things to others, particularly someone else who she is now married to. I share this with a bit of wetness in the eyes. Every once in a while I still feel that deep sense of loss.. however crazy, difficult she could be. However much she may have lied to me.. fact is I did really love her.

[LittleTiger]

Is anybody here in contact with YGG? I've been a little worried about her and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

 

We haven't heard from her in a while and things were pretty rough for her last time she posted. Does anybody know if she's OK?

[trippi1432]

Is anybody here in contact with YGG? I've been a little worried about her and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

 

We haven't heard from her in a while and things were pretty rough for her last time she posted. Does anybody know if she's OK?

 

I've been in touch with her recently via email....she said that she would try to come back to LS soon. I would prefer not to tell her business, for obvious reasons, but she is doing the best she can under the conditions.

 

I will let her know that we are all thinking about her and hope to hear back from her soon.

 

Trippi

[LittleTiger]

I've been in touch with her recently via email....she said that she would try to come back to LS soon. I would prefer not to tell her business, for obvious reasons, but she is doing the best she can under the conditions.

 

I will let her know that we are all thinking about her and hope to hear back from her soon.

 

Trippi

 

Thanks Trippi. From your previous posts I suspected you might know and I did try to PM you, but it didn't work.

 

Of course, her business is private and we don't need details. As long as she's still hanging in there, that's all that matters.

 

Please pass on my thoughts and hugs.

 

LT

[trippi1432]

Will do...I'll add you for the PM's.

 

Thanks,

 

Trippi