Men Can't Be Friends With Women

[ADF]

Your ex-BF is half right.

 

It is true that men almost never go out of their way to befriend women unless they are attracted to them. Almost never. If a guy makes any effort whatsoever to get to know a woman, it is almost always because he has the hots for her.

 

But that doesn't mean men and women cannot be friends. All men, all through their lives, will run across attractive women who, for whatever reason, are interested im them. That's just a fact of life. A guy can try, but sometimes the answer is going to be "no." If he is mature enough to accept that, and put his sexual interest aside, he can be friends with a woman.

[SomewhatExperienced]

I have plenty of female friends who are just friends because we get along really well and connect. On the flip side, I do have female friends who I initiated conversation with to see if asking them out was worth it, then I usually would find out they had boyfriends, but we still remain close friends and not because I'm hoping they'll eventually break up and then I can make a move.

 

This being said, I'm the kinda guy who just gets along much better one-on-one with girls than guys.

[phineas]

If you think about it, how many guys do women actively pursue as friends?

It is the guy who starts the interaction and his interest is usually not platonic.

 

And what if the woman pursues a man while he is seperated & going through a divorce?

What if the woman starts the interaction?

 

Attention whore?

Getting her place in line for when the man is divorced?

 

I got 3 women who won't leave me alone.

They do not want to date me because I am married but they all do not let me forget they exist & all seem very interested in the status of my divorce.

 

If they are not interested in dateing me then why keep calling me up & asking me to hang out?

 

I rarely call them because I always have something I can do in my free time.

 

Logic would dictate their interested in me but not until my divorce is final.

But we all know how logic fits in when it comes to people & their behavior. LOL!

[gypsy_nicky]

IME, a man and woman can be friends, but true close friends, with attendant mutual interest, care and intimacy couched in true and honest platonic feelings, is pretty rare. More superficial friendships, sure. Sounding board, sure. Activity partner, sure. Both in relationships with others, definitely possible.

 

In my life, I can think of only one lady who fit the above description of a true close platonic single friend, and we were close friends until she moved in with her boyfriend. Looking back, had I been sexually active, I can't honestly say I wouldn't have developed sexual feelings for her. IDK.

 

Regardless, we each define the parameters for ourselves. If one thinks it's possible, it is. Here's to the possibilities

 

this is true man. Although, I have a woman bestie that Ive known for years

, yes were very close as like that you mentioned, we had to have a heart to heart discussion once because we were getting intimately close (nothing physical happened). She brought it up. We both agreed to remain platonic.

[DadofTwoGirls]

I'm going through the same thing phineas since my separation..I have had lunch,dinner made for me..neck rubs..long talks..wife used to tell me "a man can always just walk away even if cornered by the bitch."..I'd have to disagree with her.

[gypsy_nicky]

One more thing.... I've never, ever, encountered a female 'friend' who enabled, supported or 'cheered me on' in my quests for romance over the decades. They just didn't. It wasn't a feature of the friendship. IMO, a true platonic friend does such things. They support their friend's quests and relationships. I was happy for my female friend (from the preceding post) *and her boyfriend*, whom I knew well, when they took the next step in their relationship. I'm looking forward to the day when I meet such a woman who I will be proud to call my friend. So far, of late, it's been mostly vampires, some married and some single. Better boundaries are an effective silver bullet.

 

Crazy Magnet, you might try this tactic of being a relationship cheerleader, actively supporting your male friends in their relationships or quests for romance, as a way of diffusing and sexual feelings they might have for you and clearly putting actions to your words of 'nothing romantic between us'. If they don't value that love and support, and reciprocate, then they're not your friends, rather merely self-inserted orbiters. Try it (if you haven't already).

 

man this is also true about women friends. My bestie would actually get hostile when I went dating. So we really needed to talk about it. Were fine now and she actually advises me (note though, a womans advice is not to be taken face value, you have to decode it properly).

[espec10001]

This is an AGE issue. If I was an old man, and didn't have the urges I have now, then obviously there would be no sexual tension among female friends and we could be just that: friends.

 

However, under almost all circumstances, that a young man who has sexual drive will not go out of his way to friend a female without wanting more. This is why it is imperative for a young man to make it clear from the get-go what he's looking for so neither his nor her time is wasted.

[USMCHokie]

This is an AGE issue. If I was an old man, and didn't have the urges I have now, then obviously there would be no sexual tension among female friends and we could be just that: friends.

 

However, under almost all circumstances, that a young man who has sexual drive will not go out of his way to friend a female without wanting more. This is why it is imperative for a young man to make it clear from the get-go what he's looking for so neither his nor her time is wasted.

 

 

Although age is a factor, it's certainly not the determinative factor. Other factors include personality, whether the guy himself is in a relationship, his respect for relationships in general, etc.

[espec10001]

Although age is a factor, it's certainly not the determinative factor. Other factors include personality, whether the guy himself is in a relationship, his respect for relationships in general, etc.

 

I mean if the guy is physically attracted to a girl, he HAS TO make the moves or give clear signals and see if she reciprocates. But you are right it has many other factors but if a young guy is romantically interested in a girl he has to make it clear from the outset. Otherwise he's being dishonest and this is why the whole confession of feelings never works and freaks the girl out.

[Sivok]

My best friend is a girl and yes, we both agreed if we're both single and got wasted we'd probably end up sleeping together . That is not my intention in remaining friends with her however, we just 'get' each other and have a long enough history of trust that we became each others 'go to' people for social advice/ other issues.

[USMCHokie]

I mean if the guy is physically attracted to a girl, he HAS TO make the moves or give clear signals and see if she reciprocates. But you are right it has many other factors but if a young guy is romantically interested in a girl he has to make it clear from the outset. Otherwise he's being dishonest and this is why the whole confession of feelings never works and freaks the girl out.

 

 

Absolutely agree with you on this one. If a guy (regardless of age) is interested in dating a girl, he has to make that intention known from the beginning. It puzzles me every time a guy comes to LS wondering why a girl he became friends with won't go out with him...

[Pyro]

This is what I meant in my original post. I have found that when men actively make an effort to be "friends" with a woman he just met, he actually wants more.

I wasn't talking about men who have had the same female friends since he was in high school and college because it's so easy to make friends with the opposite sex in those situations. But in the "real world", people have to make an active effort to befriend someone and that takes time, patience, and regular communication with someone.

 

I fail to see how that is any different than becoming friends with someone in high school or college.