Ellezz Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I met this guy online a couple of months ago and we are attracted to each other, and I find him a very nice guy. He is coming to see me soon from another country, and is going to stay for a couple of weeks. He is spending a lot on traveling here so I thought the least I can do is to offer him a place to stay. We are both college students and not so rich. Now I'm having second thought about this, I mean I like him a lot and there's nothing wrong about him, he is perfectly cute and honest to me, but after all it's our first meet, what do you guys think? By the way, I live by myself, family is not around, have some friends living nearby though.
magda Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Don't offer in advance. Wait until he's there and you guys are really hitting it off. It's probably 50/50 that you will end up not being attracted to him upon seeing him. I've seen this happen to several people. It's all fine online and on the phone, but within a few minutes seeing each other you know it'll go nowhere. Sorry to be sour grapes but it could save you an awkward situation. It might be fantastic, then you can invite him to stay with you.
Scarlett513 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 No way. I know you've spent time getting to know him online, but that does not mean you know who he really is. Of course we're all keeping our fingers crossed for you that he's amazing and gorgeous and kind, but you never know! Use the same safety rules that would apply for normal online dating. Keep private details (like your address, etc) to yourself until you've gotten a better feel for what type of a person he is. Safety aside, it could be a disaster if you wind up not liking him and then you're stuck with him as a houseguest.
make me believe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 NO way!! You do NOT know this guy as well as you think you do. Of course you think he's perfectly nice & honest -- you only know exactly what he wants you to know! Scarlett is completely right. Don't let this guy know where you live until you've met him in person (and in public) and get to know him better. He needs to stay in a hotel for at LEAST the first week of his visit. If he has enough money to fly over from another country to meet you, then he has enough money to spring for a cheap hotel.
Author Ellezz Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Thanks for all the inputs. You all think it's a bad idea? Technically I've never online dated before, at least never met anyone offline. Honestly I didn't think of it safetywise until now, isn't he just another college kid like everyone else in my school? I was more concerned about whether I'd like him in person. The thing is, I kinda have told him he could stay with me, since he has been telling me it's not easy for him to get the money for the travelling. How can I take that back? Or shall I?
magda Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I would lie. Tell him your parents found out about it and they don't want you to have him stay there? And they might be in town and stop by? Or say your friends talked you into it. Do you have any guy friends who might let him couch-hop? That might be nice of you, to find a few free options for him. Maybe there's some cultural center at your college he could get a cot in, or a hostel. One thing about him staying with you... he probably thinks he's guaranteed sex. That is an awkward commitment. I would try to get out of it. Are you having second thoughts about him?
alphamale Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 its a very very bad idea to let him stay with you. things could go sour from the start and then you'd be stuck with him for a number of weeks.
Author Ellezz Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 I would lie. Tell him your parents found out about it and they don't want you to have him stay there? And they might be in town and stop by? Or say your friends talked you into it. Do you have any guy friends who might let him couch-hop? That might be nice of you, to find a few free options for him. Maybe there's some cultural center at your college he could get a cot in, or a hostel. One thing about him staying with you... he probably thinks he's guaranteed sex. That is an awkward commitment. I would try to get out of it. Are you having second thoughts about him? I need to figure something out... Do you think if I take the offer back and suggest somewhere else, he would think I lost interest in him? I like him but definitely not want to give him the idea of guaranteed sex, lol.
IronMaiden Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Did he make this trip SPECIFICALLY to see you, or are you one of the stops along the way of a trip to many places? If you are the sole purpose of the trip, for sure he wants to sleep with you, and you really DON'T know him at all!
magda Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I need to figure something out... Do you think if I take the offer back and suggest somewhere else, he would think I lost interest in him? I like him but definitely not want to give him the idea of guaranteed sex, lol. He probably would if you couldn't explain it easily... since whatever came over you to forget all propriety and invite him to stay with you for two weeks has vanished. I have to ask - did anything about him give you an odd feeling or make you think you might not be attracted to him? Or are you just nervous about his coming, you think? Did he decide to come and everything before you offered your place? Or did he kind of hint around at being broke until you offered and then he booked his flights? Maybe it's okay to let him stay if you have never suspected an ounce of weirdness from him and you feel like you could be straight with him if it wasn't working. You could invite some friends to all be staying at your house, also. A friend from out of town, say. Or just have a friend who supposedly has her apartment flooded and sleeps over every night until you give her the all clear. Plan a party. Go on a camping trip or something. Basically have plenty of options in case the romance doesn't work to prevent the awkardness. Because I think it wouldn't be so potentially awkward if you didn't live alone. I'm totally curious now how it's going to go!
Author Ellezz Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 He probably would if you couldn't explain it easily... since whatever came over you to forget all propriety and invite him to stay with you for two weeks has vanished. I have to ask - did anything about him give you an odd feeling or make you think you might not be attracted to him? Or are you just nervous about his coming, you think? Did he decide to come and everything before you offered your place? Or did he kind of hint around at being broke until you offered and then he booked his flights? Maybe it's okay to let him stay if you have never suspected an ounce of weirdness from him and you feel like you could be straight with him if it wasn't working. You could invite some friends to all be staying at your house, also. A friend from out of town, say. Or just have a friend who supposedly has her apartment flooded and sleeps over every night until you give her the all clear. Plan a party. Go on a camping trip or something. Basically have plenty of options in case the romance doesn't work to prevent the awkardness. Because I think it wouldn't be so potentially awkward if you didn't live alone. I'm totally curious now how it's going to go! Thanks for the great suggestions, I will probably ask a friend to stay too, it's really only a small place though... No nothing is wrong with him, he is always nice and cute:bunny:, I'm just cautious and nervous since I've never "online dated":p. He decided to come before I offered, but he did hint quite a lot about being broke for the tickets and is like" I don't mind sleeping on the floor", I was gonna let him stay at a guy friend's place but it didn't work, then I offered my place. I'll let you know how it turns out;), have to wait for a month or so though.
Author Ellezz Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 Oh and maybe I didn't make it clear enough, I live in student residence, like a studio, have other students in the same building too, so it's a little less awkward I guess:p
Author Ellezz Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 Did he make this trip SPECIFICALLY to see you, or are you one of the stops along the way of a trip to many places? If you are the sole purpose of the trip, for sure he wants to sleep with you, and you really DON'T know him at all! Specifically for me, that's what he said. If he could afford a trip to many other places, I wouldn't need to offer my place. What you said makes me worried though, why would he think like that, or all men think alike? Honestly I don't think he is coming for sex, he doesn't know me in person either...
Els Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Did he make this trip SPECIFICALLY to see you, or are you one of the stops along the way of a trip to many places? If you are the sole purpose of the trip, for sure he wants to sleep with you, and you really DON'T know him at all! I can vouch from experience that this is not true. It depends on the man; yes, some WILL expect it, but some won't... and if you don't know him well enough to hazard a good guess as to which type he is, you definitely shouldn't be staying together. I would personally arrange accommodation for him since he is paying for the travel, but I would not arrange it in my room. If you get what I mean. Book him a few days at a nearby hotel, is my advice. At the end of the few days, when you each know each other better, you can decide whether to offer the room or not.
Author Ellezz Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 I can vouch from experience that this is not true. It depends on the man; yes, some WILL expect it, but some won't... and if you don't know him well enough to hazard a good guess as to which type he is, you definitely shouldn't be staying together. I would personally arrange accommodation for him since he is paying for the travel, but I would not arrange it in my room. If you get what I mean. Book him a few days at a nearby hotel, is my advice. At the end of the few days, when you each know each other better, you can decide whether to offer the room or not. From what I know about him, I'd say 90% chance he is not the kind of guy who would come expecting sex:), he does seem want to stay with me though. Hotel can be costly...I'm thinking maybe ask another girlfriend to stay for a while.
Els Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I'm quite curious how the sleeping arrangements are going to be with the 3 of you. I'm assuming you don't all get separate rooms, so uh, all THREE of you are gonna sleep in the same room? I don't know about you but that sounds awfully awkward to me.
magda Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I'm quite curious how the sleeping arrangements are going to be with the 3 of you. I'm assuming you don't all get separate rooms, so uh, all THREE of you are gonna sleep in the same room? I don't know about you but that sounds awfully awkward to me. Why? It'll be a little party. I don't see why it would be automatically awkward.
Author Ellezz Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 Magda can speak for me now. It really doesn't matter how we arrange the sleeping, just try to avoid potential awkwardness. And if it goes well, I'll ask her to go home;)
Green Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I sure hope you guys hit it off and he is probably a nice guy... but if you just let him come and stay at your place before you at least meet him you could end up getting raped.
rewe4reel Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Do you have any male friends in the student residence, or better yet, boyfriends or brothers of any of your gfs who live nearby? Make your best effort to find an accommodation for your visitor with one of your male/non-romantic acquaintances. Buy him a case of beer or something, you will owe them for the favor. This way you have helped saved your visitor some money but it doesn't give the wrong impression. If you can't find anyone for him to stay with, you can honestly say "I really tried to find a place for you to stay with one of my friends but I couldn't work it out. So sorry."
IronMaiden Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Perhaps I shouldn't have phrased it that for sure he wants to "sleep" with you, but for sure he is coming to see if this relationship has romantic potential. So if he immediately comes and stays in your room the first night with no one else there, that kind of forces at the very least an awkward intimacy that you may find has backed you into a bit of a corner if you don't like him that way at all. So having someone else there would be prudent. If you live in a residence hall, don't they have any rooms for guests, or do any of your guy friends have a room to themselves without a roommate who could perhaps let him stay with them at night?
Author Ellezz Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 Thanks guys, I've found a way, one of my friends in the hall is going home for a while and agreed to lend me the room. It only covers the first week but enough to figure out if the chemistry is right. to IronMaiden, romantic potential is something I'm looking for too:)
Green Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Thanks guys, I've found a way, one of my friends in the hall is going home for a while and agreed to lend me the room. It only covers the first week but enough to figure out if the chemistry is right. to IronMaiden, romantic potential is something I'm looking for too:) This pretty much solves the problem then... you'll probably know after the first day if you like him. Don't feel presured to find him a place to stay past a week if he ends up being a loser
Els Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 Thanks guys, I've found a way, one of my friends in the hall is going home for a while and agreed to lend me the room. It only covers the first week but enough to figure out if the chemistry is right. to IronMaiden, romantic potential is something I'm looking for too:) That's great!
Author Ellezz Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 I'm totally curious now how it's going to go! Sorry to dig my old post out, just wanna add the happy ending: it worked out great and he is my boyfriend now:). I used to think online dating isn't really a good way, but now I'm glad I took chances.
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