Talking to girls.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by SoleMate

Doniker gave some good advice...get "the girl" talking about herself. And be a good listener. Really listen, and ask her to say more about various things she brings up. Do NOT attempt to wow women with unexpected stunts or crazy gags.

 

If the conversation lags, then be ready to mention a recent movie or book that might conceivably be of interest to her (NOT robot space invader stuff). You may need to expand your activities and interests somewhat beyond computer games to be able to do this. The richer your own life is, the more you will find to share.

 

I actually already asked everything there is to ask this certain girl :|

 

And well.. the part about expanding my life... I'm already planning on doing that but no idea with what :/

[blue16]

i would definetly suggest doing ther activities besides computer. Whether its watching TV/news....playing sports....whatever. By doing these things, you learn more, interesting things happen (which you can talk about)...and you seem like more of an interesting person. The problem i'm guessing you have is the transition period......eg - You talk about one subject.....then the next....then the topic resolves...and theres nothing left to say. I bet you are great at talking about a certain topic/have interesting things to say (say a common TV show interest, or something)....but transisting from one topic to another may be hard for you. If this is the case....it's a tough to find a solution. Most conversations flow...and you don't even think about what to say....it just pops up and you say it.

 

Alternatively, i would say that leading into a common topic (something of both ur interest) discussed for a little bit. If you feel the conversation slipping and think "theres not much else to say about this topic" try to expand on something she said to start a new/similar topic. Don't let the topic run dry to a point where there is nothing to say......and you have to say something desperately to avoid the silence. Switch topics if there is a possible chance...don't get stuck on one thing. Once you start talking about different things......you'll notice a flow...and you don't even need to think about what to say.

 

I thought of this stuff just now....so it's not like i've been analyzing this for a long time.....but this is how i feel on this subject after thinking about it.

 

Also, sometimes it's not your fault if you don't know what to say.

 

eg- You ask a question...they reply back with a simple answer. You ask another question.....you get a fairly short answer back. If they aren't expanding on their responses, or asking you follow up questions.....its almost impossible to carry a conversation.

 

Long story short.....do other activities besides computer (no matter what it is....TV...sports....other hobbies...ANYTHING). This will give you an ocean of topics to talk about, and stories to tell. Assuming you have an opinion about it...and they are interested....you are on your way to a good conversation. Make sure not to talk about the same thing over and over again....keep your options open and talk about many different things! Good luck. Please give updates if you can....i'd like to test if this theory is correct or not.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by blue16

i would definetly suggest doing ther activities besides computer. Whether its watching TV/news....playing sports....whatever. By doing these things, you learn more, interesting things happen (which you can talk about)...and you seem like more of an interesting person. The problem i'm guessing you have is the transition period......eg - You talk about one subject.....then the next....then the topic resolves...and theres nothing left to say. I bet you are great at talking about a certain topic/have interesting things to say (say a common TV show interest, or something)....but transisting from one topic to another may be hard for you. If this is the case....it's a tough to find a solution. Most conversations flow...and you don't even think about what to say....it just pops up and you say it.

 

Alternatively, i would say that leading into a common topic (something of both ur interest) discussed for a little bit. If you feel the conversation slipping and think "theres not much else to say about this topic" try to expand on something she said to start a new/similar topic. Don't let the topic run dry to a point where there is nothing to say......and you have to say something desperately to avoid the silence. Switch topics if there is a possible chance...don't get stuck on one thing. Once you start talking about different things......you'll notice a flow...and you don't even need to think about what to say.

 

I thought of this stuff just now....so it's not like i've been analyzing this for a long time.....but this is how i feel on this subject after thinking about it.

 

Also, sometimes it's not your fault if you don't know what to say.

 

eg- You ask a question...they reply back with a simple answer. You ask another question.....you get a fairly short answer back. If they aren't expanding on their responses, or asking you follow up questions.....its almost impossible to carry a conversation.

 

Long story short.....do other activities besides computer (no matter what it is....TV...sports....other hobbies...ANYTHING). This will give you an ocean of topics to talk about, and stories to tell. Assuming you have an opinion about it...and they are interested....you are on your way to a good conversation. Make sure not to talk about the same thing over and over again....keep your options open and talk about many different things! Good luck. Please give updates if you can....i'd like to test if this theory is correct or not.

 

wow this is a while ago..

I'm 18 now..

 

I'm pretty sure your theory is correct. But it seems that I just can't motivate myself to do something! I'm almost always behind my pc .

 

I'd like to do a sport.. but my physical condition is crap, and only just now picking up a sport is very hard (people my age in football are in 1st division and stuff)

And I think just running to get physical condition is b o r i n g

I'm just feeling sorry my mom or dad didn't pursue me to do a sport.. they let me go to 10 kinds of sport but I always stopped within a month or something because i tought it was boring. Hint to all parents... get your kid to do sport!!

The only thing I think I'd like are things like "Parcours, Capoeira,..."

I'm not sure if they sound familiar to you, but here are some examples:

Capoeira: http://www.multilevelmoves.com/MLMv7/html/modules.php?name=Downloads&d_op=getit&lid=28

Parcour: http://www.ufkrew.com/videos/pk2.wmv

 

As u can see these sports are rather unknown, there isnt any capoeira sports group nearby, and well parcour isnt a sport really

Anyway enough about sports.

 

I go out enough in weekends, visit friends, go to the movie, partys, .... but thats most of the time at night.

But when I get home from school... I drop my school books somewhere and fire up the pc. Untill somewhat around 12 o' clock and I go to sleep.

I don't even feel like watching tv. The only good things on tv are on around 18.00 - 22.00, but thats the same time most people come online.

 

I've been watching other people, about what they talk. Even plain asked some of my good friends.

One of my closest friend said "its strange.. You don't know what to say to a girl you only saw 1 time.. and I always have something to say to my girlfriend who i see every day"

 

I just don't get it.

"Get A Life" seems like the perfect phrase for me. Just how etc...

arrrr

[amerikajin]

I think we all get in ruts, Tkay. I'm in one right now and I'm now trying to change it. I just joined a fitness club nearby, so I hope to get into some kind of regimen. I've also decided I need to socialize more, which is why I'm going to be contributing here (and elsewhere on the Net) less and less over the coming months. Sitting behind a p.c. is comfortable, almost like a good glass of wine before bed or a cup of coffee in the morning; but it's not living. By all means, go out and live.

[blue16]

The answer to why people find it easy to talk about stuff with their girlfriends, even when they see them every day is because they are so involved with each other. They can talk about everyday stuff like how was your day, minor problems in life, etc etc. Kinda stuff that 2 people who don't know each other wouldn't care about. This in addition to having good chemistry with your bf/gf, makes it easy to talk about almost anything compared to others.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by blue16

The answer to why people find it easy to talk about stuff with their girlfriends, even when they see them every day is because they are so involved with each other. They can talk about everyday stuff like how was your day, minor problems in life, etc etc. Kinda stuff that 2 people who don't know each other wouldn't care about. This in addition to having good chemistry with your bf/gf, makes it easy to talk about almost anything compared to others.

I understand, but before you are bf/gf... just people who don't know eachother very well... You can't go tell all your emotions and problems and stuff.. i really dont know what to talk about often

[RedneckRomeo]

when it comes to me and this girl I like, it is hard to come up with stuff to talk about sometimes too - but if I am starting the conversation I'll usually start by asking how she's doing, and she usually asks the same, and then if she mentioned anything in her reply - I'll ask about that - othewise I'll just pick a random subject or something that I've done recently, or something thats going on - and just pick what comes next from what she says. If the subject is used up, then you just gotta get a new subject or either just wait a few seconds (may seem awkward) and she'll come up with something to say to me to keep the conversation going.

 

Example - last time I saw her, I got there after her band started playing, so I had to wait until their first break, and she came back to talk to me. She started by asking how I've been and what I've been up to, and I made sure to tell her how I was doing and mentioned a few things I had done, which led to her asking about those things, then it went to family, and how they all been doing, and we got on the subject of jobs, and she mentioned where she worked, asked about my job - told her I didnt have one and was a bum (lol) She had something to say about that, but then I asked a little more about her job because I knew sorta what she did but wasn't sure if she still did the same thing she used to or not - so I asked and she told me some stuff, I asked a little more, she told me more, gave me a little more info which gave me something to ask about, and that subject lasted a long while - because it just kept getting broader and broader -- went from asking about my sisters job to my job to talking about her job to talking about people getting fired for various reasons, to them offering her another positon but her not taking it, and the reasons behind that, to her putting in a good word for me if they had any jobs in my line of work, and then i said about having looked there before but wasn't sure I'd wanna do it, and asked her if she knew this one kid I knew that worked night shift there.. We might have kept on that for a long time but someone else came back to talk to her then, which I took a small part in too, and then she had to go back and get ready to play again. When she was about ready to leave I made a comment about a strap that was hanging down and rubbing against my head.

 

Later on that night we got some time to talk again - during a slow dance where she only sings backup, just me and her, and since we couldn't talk about the same stuff over again, she started by asking whether I was having fun, and I told her I was, mentioned not seeing her for 2 weeks, and asked her a couple questions, After she answered them and we got done talking about that, I asked about the previous night...I had seen her sister and some of the band at an event, but hadn't seen her - and I had to ask if she was there or if she was doing something else - she told me what she was doing that night (she wasn't there) and I told her I saw her sister, and mentioned some detail about the event, and she said something about it, and then we ran out of time to talk. But Talking face to face isn't all that you can do - while we were dancing, she looked at me in such a way at a certain point in the song that it said so much more in that split second than words ever could say.

 

Talking isn't everything, but when you are talking, just go with the flow - if you dont have anything to ask, let her ask and just answer her question in such a way that she will have something to say in return. Keep her involved, even if you are talking about yourself. Talk for a litlle, then mention something you did, pause and let her get a few words in, but dont elaborate until she asks about it (most likely thats what her next words will be asking about) If you run into an awkward silence - neither of you will like that at all - and in a few seconds if you do not come up with something to say, she will. Happened to me before - and its ended with me coming up with something and other times with her coming up with something. Just let it come naturally. You can even ask questions you already know the answer to, but just havent heard the answer from her yet. If you know where she works, but you only know because a friend told you, either ask her where she works and act like you just found out, or else say you heard she worked at a certain place and wanted to know if she really did, then ask about it some more or say something about the place to keep the conversation interesting

 

Just let it out, and dont worry about whether the subject is dumb - even if it is, it usually will start another subject that you can expound upon. You can even use the subject being dumb as part of your line and you'll be sure to get a response from her either confirming it being dumb or totally rebutting it, followed close behind with her own followup response and/or question.

 

If you think you've asked everythign there is to ask already - ask one of those questions again - you might get a different response. Ask about her family, (how they are, what they've been up to), job (does she work? where does she work? how has the job been? what does she do? etc) -- its really not that hard to come up with stuff - just talk about whatever pops into your head. If you've been thinking about her, think about when or why you thought about her - and tell her about it or ask her about it (it being whatever caused you to think about her)

[moss23]

Hey man,

I think everyone's first attempts at talking to a girl have been pretty dull. One of my firsts: My friends set me and a friend of mine up on a date to watch a movie together. Barely said a word to her in the movies, and the train ride home was almost completely silent. It was TORTURE.

 

All I can say is relax and don't think too hard. After a while things like this almost become second nature. There are a couple of things you can do to improve social skills: Practice by talking to people you don't know - and this can happen in many different ways.

 

1) as mentioned earlier, go to chat rooms. Yes, people do find it easier to talk behind a screen, but your social skills will improve by talking to more and more "unknown people". You'll soon start to find ways to get a person to put their "I don't know you" guard down and open up.

 

2) When you hang out with friends, if they bring other friends along, initiate conversation.

 

3) Practice with every person you might have contact with in the course of a day: The old lady who starts rambling on to you at the bus stop, the librarian, the salesperson trying to sell you something - everyone and anyone! Salespeople are particularly helpful - they will try keep conversation up cause its part of their job.

 

Remember that making someone laugh is the quickest and easiest way to get off on a good start. Sarcasm is good when used the right way. Sarcastic people come in two main categories I find: "Funny sarcastic" and "annoying 10 year old sarcastic". I think you know which one is better.

 

Finally don't premeditate how a conversation is going to work. Never EVER do this - it won't work the way you want it to. Relax, be yourself, make her laugh.

 

If a girl is as interested in you as you are in her, they'll be trying as much as you are to keep the conversation going. If they stop talking, try someone else.