So here's a hypothetical

[Art_Critic]

So you'd be happier making an informed decision where you choose to either break up or stay with somebody you've (assumably) lost a modicum of respect for.

 

Rather than remaining ignorant, never being the wiser, but living in a relationship you enjoy with somebody you respect?

 

I absolutely would be happier..

 

and honestly that respect would be based on dishonesty anyhow.. even though I did wouldn't know that my SO would be disrespecting me I certainly would want to be with someone that loves me..

 

IMO.. if the SO didn't tell and lived out the lie then they aren't really showing love and respect..

[Rorschach]

I absolutely would be happier..

 

and honestly that respect would be based on dishonesty anyhow.. even though I did wouldn't know that my SO would be disrespecting me I certainly would want to be with someone that loves me..

 

IMO.. if the SO didn't tell and lived out the lie then they aren't really showing love and respect..

 

Thats part of the hypothetical though, she does love you and respect you just as much as you love and respect her. I don't know if you need a rationalization say she had one hot moment in the fax room at the office but after it was over she realized just what she had risked and it made her appreciate you more than ever. Would that change anything?

[ADF]

What I'd want to know more than the details of some drunken kiss was the fact my SO was so ambielant about me. After 2-3 years, it shouldn't be a question of maybe loe, maybe not. After 2-3 years, it shouldn't just be "starting" to get serious. Maybe.

[Art_Critic]

Thats part of the hypothetical though, she does love you and respect you just as much as you love and respect her.

 

That's where the hypothetical goes out the window..

It isn't showing love and respect if she does that.. so therefore she isn't showing her love and respect if she cheats and any chance of regaining the love and respect for her spouse is lost if she doesn't tell..

 

If she tells then she has regained some of her own self respect is showing him that she at the very least does love him and gives him the option of trying to see if it is worth rebuilding the respect.

[Green]

Do I think about my wife's infidelity every day?

 

Yes, every day. Even though it happened 18 years ago. Maybe that's because I've only known for about a year.

 

This sh*t is complicated.

 

The fact of the matter is this is complicated, you control what happens now though

[You Go Girl]

When I was in my early 20's I went to visit my sister across the country for several weeks.

I actually gave my bf my best friend's phone # and said, yeah, hang out.

Well, they did more than that. One night they kissed a bunch and he had her top off.

So when I came home, he picked me up from the airport. He told me what happened on the way back home in his car. He was very remorseful. It really showed that it was authentic.

I may have been young, but I understood it for what it was. Simply two people out together that had some mild attraction for each other and acted on it.

I forgave him immediately.

He couldn't believe it. He was teary eyed that I didn't hold it against him and throw a fit.

Later I married him, had a child with him, and spent 20 years total with him.

Confessions are good things. If your bf/gf can tell you that they made out with your best friend, they are trustworthy in the long run.

BTW, the best friend never told me. After a month I brought it up myself.

To this day I view the whole thing, his confession, her lack of one, as that he had more spine, more character, and better understanding of emotions, fairness, and trust than she ever did, or ever will.

[road]

Tell the BS.

 

They need the truth and the ability to deal with it now. It happens often enough where the truth comes out 10, 20, 30 years later. Their life has been a lie.

 

How does a person get to make up living a lie for all those years?

[Reality Drip]

Some people are able to confidently say that the stars aligned juuuust right and the drinks were overwhelming and they "cracked."

 

Most times it's a systemic problem with the relationship or underlying issue with the cheater. Not to mention, after you've cheated once it's likely to be repeated.

 

If it were ME; I'd like to know. But we're all different and I'm a cheater myself.

 

For most people, if the guilt of cheating is destroying you and you KNOW you will carry that cross forever...then don't say anything if this is the person you want to marry or commit to for a long time.

 

Why put them through the hurt? Isn't it just as selfish that YOU get to unload your guilt for doing it and feel better while you drop that bomb on them?

 

-Max