Jump to content

New posters on the OW/OM forum and the Infidelity forum

jennie-jennie

By jennie-jennie
in The Other Man / Woman

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted
I have been helped by LS, but I have had to sift through and ignore many, many unhelpful posts to find the golden nuggets.

 

 

But then you run the risk of only hearing what you want to hear and not what you need to hear.

jwi71 Established Member

jwi71

Posted
Posted
I have been helped by LS, but I have had to sift through and ignore many, many unhelpful posts to find the golden nuggets.

 

Now that's true any and everywhere...whether it be online, or face to face or on the IC's couch...some advice will resonate with you, some will not.

 

We all pick and choose....

Fieldsofgold Established Member

Fieldsofgold

Posted
Posted

I understand what you're saying, Jennie-Jennie, but here's the problem as I see it. Each one of us being unique as we are, we all see things a little differently.

 

There is no way any of us can know what is, or is not, helpful to a new poster. Perhaps I post for the first time, get flamed early on by someone of a different "persuasion" than me, and I leave. Did I leave because I got my feelings hurt?Or did I leave because I got a dose of reality I desperately needed, and didn't feel the need to take up residence here? No one can know. We can only assume - and as I was told many years ago, "assuming" makes an ass out of u and me.

 

So while you think people are doing harm, there is no way we can *know* that.

 

Any time anyone logs onto an Internet discussion, he/she should be well aware that there is going to be every opinion imaginable - as many different opinions and modes of presentation as there are people in the world. That's why I come here. As another great group says, "my own best thinking got me here." I NEED to hear other ideas and opinions. I consider Internet groups to be giant think tanks. I have access to ideas and input from people all over the world, much more than I would ever encounter in my limited community. As that same great old group also says, "I take what I need, and leave the rest."

 

(I probably *shouldn't* say this, but . . . I find it amusing that while you are indignant about people being unkind to posters, you appear to have no qualms about being unkind to posters here.)

White Flower Established Member

White Flower

Posted
Posted (edited)

Is it then appropriate for me to start seeking out new BS's threads and state my opinion that tough luck, your husband is in love with another woman, that is just how life goes, suck it up, I don't believe in marriage anyway?

 

Anybody care to answer this question? This is actually at the core of what I am getting at.

I'm only on page one of this thread so will finish the rest but I wanted to post before doing that.

 

This is the thing, it is all about a belief system. Most BS or anyone who dishes out 'tough love' are usually doing so due to their own convictions and their own beliefs. And society usually follows the pressure coming from the majority, whichever that group's creed is. Currently it would appear that, outwardly speaking that is, the majority belief in 'until death do us part', even if the love has died in one or both parties.

 

Which reminds me that unapologetic OW usually believe in themselves and their love, contrary to the idea that most OW are 'slaves to their MM'.

 

So in answer to your question, do we say 'Welcome to LS BS, and let me pound you with my beliefs'.? Because that does happen often in this forum. Yes, we should offer advice from our perspective and experience while AT THE SAME TIME remembering that our beliefs as a whole may differ from others'.

Edited by White Flower
White Flower Established Member

White Flower

Posted
Posted
While the discussion continues about BS's beating up on new posters to the OW forum, there is a new poster being "abused" by BS's. Where is the welcoming committee???????

What thread and who is being beat up? I'll go kick there arses.:cool::cool::cool:

 

I'll stand up for anyone who is being misunderstood including the BS. Oh, I once was the BS but people tend to forget that. All they see is what they want to see. Again, a belief system.

Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted
I'm only on page one of this thread so will finish the rest but I wanted to post before doing that.

 

This is the thing, it is all about a belief system. Most BS or anyone who dishes out 'tough love' are usually doing so due to their own convictions and their own beliefs. And society usually follows the pressure coming from the majority, whichever that group's creed is. Currently it would appear that, outwardly speaking that is, the majority belief in 'until death do us part', even if the love has died in one or both parties.

 

I don't see this, WF. The majority belief here is more along the lines of "love me or leave me, but don't cheat on me"...at least that's the prevalent BS mindset that I see.

 

I don't see anyone here advocating staying if there's no love. I think the majority are saying if you don't love...leave. Just don't cheat on your way out.

 

Which reminds me that unapologetic OW usually believe in themselves and their love, contrary to the idea that most OW are 'slaves to their MM'.

 

I don't see this either. I don't believe that anyone sees "slaves". I DO see that the OW end up being forced to do things on MM's timetable many times...but usually that appears to be their choice.

 

The day to day details of the affair ARE nearly always dictated by the WS...because they're the ones who have to keep it hidden. They're forced to 'manage' both lives and keep them out of conflict.

 

So in answer to your question, do we say 'Welcome to LS BS, and let me pound you with my beliefs'.? Because that does happen often in this forum. Yes, we should offer advice from our perspective and experience while AT THE SAME TIME remembering that our beliefs as a whole may differ from others'.

 

Not even sure I understood this...LOL. I must be having a dyslexic Friday!

reboot Established Member

reboot

Posted
Posted

Sometimes people merely sharing their beliefs are accused of pounding someone with them. Particularly if those beliefs are not what we want to hear.

 

Sometimes posters ARE trying to force feed others their opinions.

 

But sometimes we are just way too sensitive.

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

Posted
Posted
Currently it would appear that, outwardly speaking that is, the majority belief in 'until death do us part', even if the love has died in one or both parties.

 

No, at least on LS, I think the belief is "divorce instead of sneaking around and screwing someone else behind your partner's back, thereby forcing them to live an unknowing lie of a life." ;)

reboot Established Member

reboot

Posted
Posted

I actually find that a little insulting. Yes, I do believe in "till death do us part", and I won't apologize for it.

 

However, if it can't be that way, I'll settle for donnmaybe's "divorce instead of sneaking around and screwing someone else behind my back".

 

I'm not a glutton for punishment.

Maxxx Established Member

Maxxx

Posted
Posted
I don't see anyone here advocating staying if there's no love. I think the majority are saying if you don't love...leave. Just don't cheat on your way out.

 

 

That is for sure all I have ever said about people cheating.

 

And it is Bull crap that you can't leave a house always has a door and people are free to leave anytime they want.... But if you are going to stay be faithful.

 

And don't be asking for suport when you are going behind people's backs and hiding things

  • Author
jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm only on page one of this thread so will finish the rest but I wanted to post before doing that.

 

This is the thing, it is all about a belief system. Most BS or anyone who dishes out 'tough love' are usually doing so due to their own convictions and their own beliefs. And society usually follows the pressure coming from the majority, whichever that group's creed is. Currently it would appear that, outwardly speaking that is, the majority belief in 'until death do us part', even if the love has died in one or both parties.

 

Which reminds me that unapologetic OW usually believe in themselves and their love, contrary to the idea that most OW are 'slaves to their MM'.

So in answer to your question, do we say 'Welcome to LS BS, and let me pound you with my beliefs'.? Because that does happen often in this forum. Yes, we should offer advice from our perspective and experience while AT THE SAME TIME remembering that our beliefs as a whole may differ from others'.

 

Exactly. Why is it that this seems to be so hard for BSs to understand? Or is it just the BSs who post on LS? Would I have had trouble understanding that if I had posted on LS when I was a BS?

  • Author
jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
  • Author
Posted
No, at least on LS, I think the belief is "divorce instead of sneaking around and screwing someone else behind your partner's back, thereby forcing them to live an unknowing lie of a life." ;)

 

That is my view as well, and probably the view of many other OW/OM as well.

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

Posted
Posted

The ones I can't stand are the ones who think you have to be some bitter BS to think infidelity is wrong, insult and insinuate with every post and then hit the alert button the moment you say "While I don't like what you're doing, I don't only feel this way because I want to insult you."

  • Author
jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
That is for sure all I have ever said about people cheating.

 

And it is Bull crap that you can't leave a house always has a door and people are free to leave anytime they want.... But if you are going to stay be faithful.

And don't be asking for suport when you are going behind people's backs and hiding things

 

My opinion is that WSs currently in affairs have the right to support on an internet forum as well. I believe it prolongs the dilemma/the affair that they have nowhere to go for support. Unless you have been in their shoes you do not know what they are struggling with. As an OW to a man who frequently expresses his emotions verbally I am privy to some of that struggle.

Edited by jennie-jennie
donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

Posted
Posted
The ones I can't stand are the ones who think you have to be some bitter BS to think infidelity is wrong, insult and insinuate with every post and then hit the alert button the moment you say "While I don't like what you're doing, I don't only feel this way because I want to insult you."

 

I know. Those who, every time you disagree with the entire premise behind an A, label you "bitter." :rolleyes:

reboot Established Member

reboot

Posted
Posted
Exactly. Why is it that this seems to be so hard for BSs to understand? Or is it just the BSs who post on LS? Would I have had trouble understanding that if I had posted on LS when I was a BS?

 

Why do you insist we choose sides? Why do we have to be pigeon holed? Why can't we just take our own personal experiences and wisdom (assuming we have any) and try to help people? Why must it always be a battle?

 

Why?

 

Do some of you actually think our anatomy is somehow different because I am a BS and you are a OW? Maybe our hearts on on different sides of our chests? Maybe our blood is a different color?

 

Why can't we just be nice to each other without making our caustic little comments all the time?

 

Why is this the 100th thread exactly like this that I've read here?

jwi71 Established Member

jwi71

Posted
Posted

Do some of you actually think our anatomy is somehow different because I am a BS and you are a OW? Maybe our hearts on on different sides of our chests? Maybe our blood is a different color?

 

Yes, you're a Vulcan.

I thought we established that in another thread already.

So, you're a forgetful Vulcan - which somehow seems like an oxymoron.

:)

  • Author
jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Why do you insist we choose sides? Why do we have to be pigeon holed? Why can't we just take our own personal experiences and wisdom (assuming we have any) and try to help people? Why must it always be a battle?

 

Why?

 

Do some of you actually think our anatomy is somehow different because I am a BS and you are a OW? Maybe our hearts on on different sides of our chests? Maybe our blood is a different color?

 

Why can't we just be nice to each other without making our caustic little comments all the time?

 

Why is this the 100th thread exactly like this that I've read here?

 

I am not choosing sides. I am genuinely trying to understand what is a mystery to me. I have been a BS for much longer than I have been an OW, just so you know. I know the pain. But I can't imagine myself being that different then from now.

 

I actually like a lot of your posts, not all of them, but a lot of them.

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

Posted
Posted
I know. Those who, every time you disagree with the entire premise behind an A, label you "bitter." :rolleyes:

 

I don't know why they can't just pass your opinion on by without assuming you're talking ABOUT THEM or directly to them. I guess its always got to be about them. :rolleyes: Might have something to do with their choice to have an affair in the first place?

  • Author
jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I don't know why they can't just pass your opinion on by without assuming you're talking ABOUT THEM or directly to them. I guess its always got to be about them. :rolleyes: Might have something to do with their choice to have an affair in the first place?

 

:confused: It sounds to me like you are talking not about me but about OWoman! :p

Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted

What I'm struggling with is that there's an OPINION that some posters who are being "brow-beaten" by the BS's who post here...and at the moment, I'm feeling rather "brow-beaten" for being a BS who posts here.

 

In other words...I get that you don't like the way that some opinions are being "forced". However, I'm feeling that you're doing the same thing right now trying to force YOUR opinion on the subject at hand. Committing the same offense you're accusing other of, IMHO.

IfWishesWereHorses Established Member

IfWishesWereHorses

Posted
Posted
What thread and who is being beat up? I'll go kick there arses.:cool::cool::cool:

 

I'll stand up for anyone who is being misunderstood including the BS. Oh, I once was the BS but people tend to forget that. All they see is what they want to see. Again, a belief system.

 

I was being funny but I thought it was ironic that while this banter continued on, that a new poster to OW/OM was only being responded to by BS, initially anyway.

  • Author
jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
What I'm struggling with is that there's an OPINION that some posters who are being "brow-beaten" by the BS's who post here...and at the moment, I'm feeling rather "brow-beaten" for being a BS who posts here.

 

In other words...I get that you don't like the way that some opinions are being "forced". However, I'm feeling that you're doing the same thing right now trying to force YOUR opinion on the subject at hand. Committing the same offense you're accusing other of, IMHO.

 

Owl, the difference is between the NEW posters I am speaking of and us older posters who can take the treatment hashed out. We who have been here at least a little while can engage in heated discussions. That does not mean that I am trying to force my view on anyone. I just looooove discussions.

 

Are the LS posters aware that several of the OW who come to LS and turn in the door because of "being cut off at their knees" as JAST so eloquently phrased it, start up a private conversation through emails or IMing with the unapologetic OW from LS? We get to see what they dare not post here. And sometimes what they do post here if they continue is straight out lies to protect themselves from the bashing taking place on LS.

 

What this means is that the BSs do not get a chance to continue supporting and influencing these OW with "tough love" just because they were too harsh with them in their initial contact with LS.

Edited by jennie-jennie
sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

Posted
Posted
:confused: It sounds to me like you are talking not about me but about OWoman! :p

 

It is not exclusive to one person on here.

 

And no, you don't resemble this description. You seem to be able to rationally discuss a wide variety of topics, even within the subject of infidelity and understand the world doesn't spin simply because you walk on it. ;)

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

Posted
Posted
Are the LS posters aware that several of the OW who come to LS and turn in the door because of "being cut off at their knees" as JAST so eloquently phrased it, start up a private conversation through emails or IMing with the unapologetic OW from LS?

 

How could that be possible, since no one gets PM privileges at the get go? :confused:

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...