Space

[clearity]

I decided to give my girlfriend space and not pressure her into anything, what does all this mean?

 

Im really confused.....i really need some time to see what i want .....i have never been this confused and upset before.... im not sure about anything anymore... i cant even say i have been happy in my life, but when i met u, it was different....im sure the feelings i have for u are real but im just worried if this was the right thing... that im going to be happy. because i have had enough of a sad life where nothing was right

i just need some time and space to think ....

 

thats all

 

but i do love you

 

and i always will

 

 

 

 

so I told her that I'd give her the space she wanted and I'd rather just move on, instead of all this. I come home sunday morning and she asks to see me, and says she loves me , we talk for a few hours. Later in the day , we hang out , and she hugs, and kisses, and says she loves me.

 

What the hell?

 

 

and here is a email right before going NC yesterday..

 

It's been a day NC, and its tough.

 

me: i just dont understand like yesterday

 

her: ?

 

me: u were holding me , kissing me, and saying u love me

 

her: i do]

 

i love you

 

this has nothing to do with my feelings

3:05 PM

I LOVE YOU

 

and i mean it every time i say it

 

me: then what does it have to do with

her: if this is the right thing....for me ....for u....in future

 

me: i thought we talked all this out yesterday

 

her: yea...but its still in the back of my mind

 

and it scares me

 

 

her: my heart tells me something different than my mind does

[USMCHokie]

"I need space" = LAUNCH.

 

She will act like this until she finds that new man that lights the fire in her loins. You need to bail on her before you get drawn in again. She misses having that attention and that closeness with someone and doesn't want to be alone, so she expects that she can get all that from you while keeping her eyes open for that next guy. Don't let her use you like that. If she doesn't want you in her life as a boyfriend, then she doesn't deserve to have you as a friend.

 

Actions speak louder than words...which means that her breaking up with you means a hell of a lot more than her saying that she still loves you...

 

Do yourself a favor and maintain NC...I know it's going to hurt, especially if she keeps coming at you with all those lovey dovey words, but unless she breaks down your front door, admits that she made the biggest mistake of her life by breaking up with you, and will do anything to make the relationship right, just leave her be and move on with your life...

[D-Lish]

Your best bet is to cease contact with her and give her the space to figure it out. It's not fair to you to be giving you all these mixed messages.

 

You really have to play hard-ball and cut off contact in order to give her a chance to miss you. She can't come to the conclusion that she misses you if you continue to be available to her.

[clearity]

I really don't think there is another guy in the picture, its a big decision , She's Macedonian, and I am not, I have a feeling she has to make a decision on if to go through with all that goes along with dating someone from a different religion.

[D-Lish]

I really don't think there is another guy in the picture, its a big decision , She's Macedonian, and I am not, I have a feeling she has to make a decision on if to go through with all that goes along with dating someone from a different religion.

 

Doesn't matter what her reason is for pulling away, the fact is that she IS pulling away. You still need to give her space, and take some space for yourself.

 

Just give her some alone time to allow her to figure out if she misses you- take a break.

 

The biggest mistake people make when someone pulls away is to chase them. Don't chase her, don't make yourself available to her.

[clearity]

Doesn't matter what her reason is for pulling away, the fact is that she IS pulling away. You still need to give her space, and take some space for yourself.

 

Just give her some alone time to allow her to figure out if she misses you- take a break.

 

The biggest mistake people make when someone pulls away is to chase them. Don't chase her, don't make yourself available to her.

 

 

I understand.I'm really trying to figure out if her words are sincere, if she does really love me, and all that..

[USMCHokie]

I understand.I'm really trying to figure out if her words are sincere, if she does really love me, and all that..

 

 

Ok...I've been exactly where you are...where my ex wanted time and space to figure things out and 'find herself'...so I've had all those thoughts and all those doubts that you're having running rampant in my mind as well...

 

First of all, her words are sincere...she does love you...never doubt that...but it doesn't change the fact that she doesn't want to be with you right now, if ever...that's why you have to leave her alone and avoid contact with her...even if she contacts you...move on with your own life...without her...and let her live her life...without you...

 

But at this point in her life, she doesn't feel that that love is enough...so you've got to let her decide whether it's the kind of love she wants for the rest of her life...and if you're constant hanging around, she won't know what it's like without your love...

[clearity]

Ok...I've been exactly where you are...where my ex wanted time and space to figure things out and 'find herself'...so I've had all those thoughts and all those doubts that you're having running rampant in my mind as well...

 

First of all, her words are sincere...she does love you...never doubt that...but it doesn't change the fact that she doesn't want to be with you right now, if ever...that's why you have to leave her alone and avoid contact with her...even if she contacts you...move on with your own life...without her...and let her live her life...without you...

 

But at this point in her life, she doesn't feel that that love is enough...so you've got to let her decide whether it's the kind of love she wants for the rest of her life...and if you're constant hanging around, she won't know what it's like without your love...

 

 

thank you, the worst is waiting to see if a call or anything will ever come, i try to block it out but the thought is still there.

[clearity]

Day 2 NC, last time we went NC she called me after Day 1. I wonder if she is even thinking about me

[Chochobong]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2786252#post2786252

[TaraMaiden]

Day 2 NC, last time we went NC she called me after Day 1. I wonder if she is even thinking about me

you don't get it.

She's trying to NOT think about you.

I hate it when people say they need space, or a break, or 'me-time' or time to think...

In my opinion and experience (and so far, this hasn't been proven wrong, but hey.... there's always a first time) this just means

 

"Time away from you is proving to be what I want, and time away from you means I actually don't want to be with you any more, but I just need to figure out a way of saying it without being cruel or hurting you."

 

Which is a non-starter, because trust me - it will.

[clearity]

I really think its the pressure shes getting for being with a american and not a Macedonian

[USMCHokie]

I really think its the pressure shes getting for being with a american and not a Macedonian

 

 

This is great and all...but the reason doesn't matter...remember that...

[Ilovecake]

"I need space" = LAUNCH.

 

She will act like this until she finds that new man that lights the fire in her loins. You need to bail on her before you get drawn in again. She misses having that attention and that closeness with someone and doesn't want to be alone, so she expects that she can get all that from you while keeping her eyes open for that next guy. Don't let her use you like that. If she doesn't want you in her life as a boyfriend, then she doesn't deserve to have you as a friend.

 

Actions speak louder than words...which means that her breaking up with you means a hell of a lot more than her saying that she still loves you...

 

Do yourself a favor and maintain NC...I know it's going to hurt, especially if she keeps coming at you with all those lovey dovey words, but unless she breaks down your front door, admits that she made the biggest mistake of her life by breaking up with you, and will do anything to make the relationship right, just leave her be and move on with your life...

 

I fully agree, she's totally yanking you around. She’s not all that into you but is afraid of being alone. She's keeping her bases covered and options open.

[Ilovecake]

I really think its the pressure shes getting for being with a american and not a Macedonian

 

You're not looking at the big picture. Why, when, where and how doesn't matter; the only thing that matters is that your girlfriend just told you she does not want to be your girlfriend, that's the bottom line.

 

If the reason is that you are American how is that going to change anything? Are you going to stop being American?

[Hop_prophet]

I really think its the pressure shes getting for being with a american and not a Macedonian

 

Ok your mind is telling you what you want to hear. You are totally blind sided right now and of course you aren't going to want to hear the truth because it is too hurtful. Every one is telling you the right thing to do. These things pretty much follow the same script every time.

 

SPACE = new guy. Keep drilling these words into your head until you believe it because it is true almost every single time. What other logical reason is there for needing space??? And even if its not, why do you want to waste any more time on someone who throws you away and has the lack of conviction to tell it you straight? She is BSing you 100% and she is a total coward. Get angry and don't cave on the NC. That is the best thing you can do!

[clearity]

Ok your mind is telling you what you want to hear. You are totally blind sided right now and of course you aren't going to want to hear the truth because it is too hurtful. Every one is telling you the right thing to do. These things pretty much follow the same script every time.

 

SPACE = new guy. Keep drilling these words into your head until you believe it because it is true almost every single time. What other logical reason is there for needing space??? And even if its not, why do you want to waste any more time on someone who throws you away and has the lack of conviction to tell it you straight? She is BSing you 100% and she is a total coward. Get angry and don't cave on the NC. That is the best thing you can do!

 

 

It's not wishful thinking, she's not bs'ing me, I know this, it all comes down to what people in her culture are going to think.She doesn't have a new guy, and I stand by it.

[USMCHokie]

It's not wishful thinking, she's not bs'ing me, I know this, it all comes down to what people in her culture are going to think.She doesn't have a new guy, and I stand by it.

 

 

And this is all completely fine...but I don't think you get the bottom line...no matter how she feels at the moment, the point is she isn't with you...she decided to end things with you...and you have to realize that the reasons, whether it has to do with ethnicity or another guy, are irrelevant...trying to rationalize the breakup will only hold you break from starting the journey of healing and moving on with your life...you need to accept that the relationship is over...only after this acceptance can your new life truly begin without her...

[clearity]

And this is all completely fine...but I don't think you get the bottom line...no matter how she feels at the moment, the point is she isn't with you...she decided to end things with you...and you have to realize that the reasons, whether it has to do with ethnicity or another guy, are irrelevant...trying to rationalize the breakup will only hold you break from starting the journey of healing and moving on with your life...you need to accept that the relationship is over...only after this acceptance can your new life truly begin without her...

 

USMC whats up bro, you got a email?I cant pm, email me

Edited May 13, 2010 by clearity

[skydiveaddict]

Never buy it when a girl says "I need space". She's trying to let you down easy

[clearity]

I really dont know I think I am unattractive, im just really like blah. here is a pic of me

 

http://img188.imageshack.us/i/photoxgu.jpg/