shikio011 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 (edited) Hi there, This is probably my 5th time posting (i dont keep a record tbh) but i thought id try posting my own coping uh... thread just to keep my head moving in the right direction. Basically, this is what happened with me & my ex gf: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2711404#post2711404 I've gone past begging for a 2nd chance now (but i still have that hope in me) when i saw my ex leaning her head on her new bf's shoulder (i couldnt see properly cause he was in the way but i just assumed). It hurt quite a lot, but i also felt so much anger & bitterness towards her for choosing someone else over me. I called her last tuesday telling her i basically had really strong feelings for her still but i wanted to be friends with her. But I cant do that yet so i told her to just talk to me again in the middle of the summer or few months time from now and she agreed and i went straight into NC. Then after that i deleted her on fb and blocked her on msn. But I kept her friends on my list (only now i blocked them from my wall posts). Before that though i posted something like 'I wanted more than friendship but you dont even care so i rather throw everything away than pretend to be happy as your 'friend'' so im not sure if her friends read that & told her because a few hours after posting that i texted her saying 'actually on 2nd thought, ill never accept 2nd place Xx' then in the morning 'i mean 2nd best* Xx' Since then she hasnt replied to me or said anything back. I know its still early being 6 days that've past but im just wondering - does she even care anymore? is she ignoring me because she cares about me just as a friend but she knows that if she talks to me she'll only send more heartache in the form of a text message? Its nearly been 2 months since shes been with this new bf and im finding it really difficult still accepting everything how it is. We were friends for 2 years before going out (but only met once & talked though msn & fb + myspace a lot). It just feels so weird & lonesome without having to talk to her again. Everytime i think about her i cant get the thought of her being happy with someone else out of my head whilst feeling extreme anger & bitterness. How can i move on like this? its just so difficult Edited May 10, 2010 by shikio011
worlybear Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Being rejected sucks big time. You probably feel that your position is unique but believe me- we've all been there! You're hurting at the moment and betrayal ie her being with someone else is a massive hurdle to overcome. I won't pretend that its easy but it will be more manageable as time goes by. The sun will still shine and life will go on- treat yourself well and try not to spiral down into "what if?" land- my advice is this: Act as if you're not too bothered around her- be polite but distant. If its meant to be then she will return- and if not, its a good coping strategy and will annoy the hell out of her. It will also help build up your confidence for the future- remember you are a good ,worthwhile person and if she choses not to return... its her loss!:bunny:
northstar1 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I'm sorry for your pain, it hurts for someone to not want to get back. But you need to all the friends/mutuals from FB and stop using it as a tool to broadcast msgs to her. Stop Texting her. It will just bring more pain to you. It sucks, but you to go full no contact.
Ilovecake Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 This is one of the reasons why it's so important to go full on NC. This way you are not waiting around for messages and you're not wondering why they're not retuning your attempts at contact. She has obviously decided to cut off all contact with you, the reasons why she did that only she knows but you should definitely follow in her foot steps. If you keep trying to reach out you will only kill yourself with worry and questions that you will never have answers to. I know right now you feel completely out of control of your life because such a big part is missing suddenly and there is nothing you can do to change it. It’s human nature to try and fix things but you can’t fix what someone else is feeling. The most important thing you can do right now is to start accepting the fact that she is gone and never coming back in the capacity that you know her in. Once you accept it you can start moving on.
Author shikio011 Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 NS > thanks, but i wasnt using fb to intentionally pass messages to her through her friends. I just didn't think at the time her friends might tell her my fb updates. But i've hidden them all from them so im not deleting them in fear that im rude to her friends as well, i dont mind them. But I prefer to keep everything about me private from them so if she asks in the future she wont ask them without through me cheaply. Ilovecake > I know from what she said that when i talked to her she said 'if you're gonna not talk to me anymore you know im not gonna talk to you anymore as well this time' so i think she's being serious. But I didn't think she was serious. Im also confused how she can just throw away 4 months of waiting for me to change my mind & our year long relationship of happiness & laughs just like that for someone she hardly knows even as a friend. But whatever, i'm done degrading my humanity over just one girl. While its regrettable, i've managed to learn the guitar a lot better because of all this. I'm more than determined to reach my goal & eventually travel back to Japan after graduation & explore the unknown without anyone holding me down emotionally. The only problem off course is the process of letting go & knowing it'll hurt me more later. Thank you all for your advices, you've moved me emotionally & given me a better reason to move on!
Author shikio011 Posted May 11, 2010 Author Posted May 11, 2010 (edited) Hey guys i need some advice again, I've had today to think about stuff between me & my ex and i realized what i last said to her. Part of me probably does want to stay friends with her because i wouldnt have said i wanted to over the phone if i didnt. Yet some part of me still craves for that long-term relationship status. Am I just lonely having even that friendship or am i missing that status of being in a relationship due to my lost ego or something? im not sure if im making any sense. EDIT: i guess what im realling asking is - has anyone ever been friends with an ex they used to love so much and not let their feelings get in the way and what they did to make that happen? Edited May 11, 2010 by shikio011
Heatemyheart89 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Ive just sent my my ex a text today ' so sorry for all of this. I hope we can be friends one day' No reply. The truth is he like your ex have moved on. No words will move them, nothing you can say will convince them. She probably does care. But is that enough? Id say stay NC for life. It hurts but you move on. She didnt want you why would you want her? (btw I have to take my own advice) My ex said to me: ' its time now for you to realise this isnt the end of the world' Its sound advice really. He's still a jerk though
Vova427 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 To answer your question.. Yes you can be friends with your ex.... But only after you completly, and I mean completly over her. I only truelly became friends with my ex after I felt in love with another girl( which left me a week ago :-( ) Before that i was lying to myself.. Telling we are just friends but deep inside I wanted more and was hopping for more! If you still have feelings for her don't do it!!!!!
GrayClouds Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Hey guys i need some advice again, I've had today to think about stuff between me & my ex and i realized what i last said to her. Part of me probably does want to stay friends with her because i wouldnt have said i wanted to over the phone if i didnt. Yet some part of me still craves for that long-term relationship status. Am I just lonely having even that friendship or am i missing that status of being in a relationship due to my lost ego or something? im not sure if im making any sense. EDIT: i guess what im realling asking is - has anyone ever been friends with an ex they used to love so much and not let their feelings get in the way and what they did to make that happen? As long as you have feelings there is no friendship just a facade where hope lives. It is time for you to work on letting go, start with NC, the past is done. The future is about focusing on becoming a better you.
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