3d times a charm? can i save us?

Hi there,

I've been looking all over the web for help and i found this site which seems pretty useful so i thought id give it a shot & see what kinda help i can get.

Anywhere here goes:

Me & my ex girlfriend've been broken up for over 4 months now. We went out the first time for over 7 months and she broke up from me (her decision because she said she didnt know what she wanted) and then 2 months later we got back together again when i told her when we met up as friends 'i think im kinda alright now just as this (single)'. She cried and told me she started liking me again. I didnt move on completely back then so it was easy for both of us to start again the 2nd time.

then about 5-6 months later i broke it off because i didn't feel the same. But since then everytime we met up we've always been holding hands & kissing as if we were back together, talking as if nothing happened.

For a while i thought about us & i realized maybe i was afraid of just committing. Everytime we met as just friends and those things happened i had the feeling of liking her again but not like her anymore and that feeling would keep repeating on & off in me.

Then finally i decided & realized i did love her. So i told her but she started to see someone else. But the reason why she didnt want to go back out with me wasnt because of the new guy, she said 'i dont think me & you is right atm' and it hurt me so much. I didn't imagine i could feel this way because i thought i was over her.

Im trying to win her back again by texting her less frequently and not call her. I started this no contact thing just 2 days ago and since then she's been texting me everyday asking 'how was lecture?', 'hows your day?' and 'hows you?' (last one being sent to me today).

Is there a chance that she still loves me? i know she's scared of losing me as a friend and i dont want to not be her friend either but i find it so hard right now. But i want to save our relationship & start over the 3rd time as if its our first.

What do you guys think? its my 2nd serious relationship & 2nd time dealing with this pain like we broke up.

Hi there,

 

I've been looking all over the web for help and i found this site which seems pretty useful so i thought id give it a shot & see what kinda help i can get.

 

Anywhere here goes:

 

Me & my ex girlfriend've been broken up for over 4 months now. We went out the first time for over 7 months and she broke up from me (her decision because she said she didnt know what she wanted) and then 2 months later we got back together again when i told her when we met up as friends 'i think im kinda alright now just as this (single)'. She cried and told me she started liking me again. I didnt move on completely back then so it was easy for both of us to start again the 2nd time.

 

then about 5-6 months later i broke it off because i didn't feel the same. But since then everytime we met up we've always been holding hands & kissing as if we were back together, talking as if nothing happened.

 

For a while i thought about us & i realized maybe i was afraid of just committing. Everytime we met as just friends and those things happened i had the feeling of liking her again but not like her anymore and that feeling would keep repeating on & off in me.

 

Then finally i decided & realized i did love her. So i told her but she started to see someone else. But the reason why she didnt want to go back out with me wasnt because of the new guy, she said 'i dont think me & you is right atm' and it hurt me so much. I didn't imagine i could feel this way because i thought i was over her.

 

Im trying to win her back again by texting her less frequently and not call her. I started this no contact thing just 2 days ago and since then she's been texting me everyday asking 'how was lecture?', 'hows your day?' and 'hows you?' (last one being sent to me today).

 

Is there a chance that she still loves me? i know she's scared of losing me as a friend and i dont want to not be her friend either but i find it so hard right now. But i want to save our relationship & start over the 3rd time as if its our first.

 

What do you guys think? its my 2nd serious relationship & 2nd time dealing with this pain like we broke up.

It seems like the both of you do not really know at this point what you want as you have both been back and forth over the course of this relationship. I think that as of right now you are more emotional about it and that is why I would say you need to stop contacting her. Tell her you are not looking for Friendship, and then cease all contact. This allows you to test how she really feels about you. Most will tell you that NC is not easy, and it isn't, but remember the more you are contacting the more you are only hurting yourself. When you go NC remember its not about getting her back, you do it to raise your own self esteem, and move forward. Its uncanny but they usually come back once you have fully rehabilitated your emotions, and have started to move forward.

Hang in there mate, and I hope this helps you.

but wouldn't that put her off with me if i tell her im not looking for just friendship? i mean im not saying i dont want to be friends with her cause i do want more than that. I even told her i won't dissapear from her life too .. :S

Hey im not one for advice really but Ive been through something very similar and this helped me out great! -

"Discover how I got my ex back and never have to worry about relationship

problems ever again: http://www.payzeno.com/a/relhuk/19"

hope it helps pal good luck!

but wouldn't that put her off with me if i tell her im not looking for just friendship? i mean im not saying i dont want to be friends with her cause i do want more than that. I even told her i won't dissapear from her life too .. :S

You two need to disappear from each other's life.

This getting back together and breaking up stuff is all drama. If you are ready to be in a serious adult relationship, then you have to do the hard work.

You CAN'T be friends with an ex if you actually just want to get back together. You have to be indifferent with an ex if you want friendship.

But you want to make it work, right? Well, you have to let each other go and spend considerable time apart to analyze what the problems were in your relationship and for her to do the same.

Most exes get back together just because they miss each other with no real intention on fixing what broke. If you continue to stay in contact with your ex, even in the smallest of ways, you guys will do this back and forth stuff for eons until one of you matures enough to cut it for good.

but wouldn't that put her off with me if i tell her im not looking for just friendship? i mean im not saying i dont want to be friends with her cause i do want more than that. I even told her i won't dissapear from her life too .. :S

Doubtful. Women tend to want what they cannot have. If you agree to be friends she could just stick you in the friend zone and leave you there for good, while she goes off and does her thing, and that will really hurt. At the end of the day its just my opinion. Maybe wait for some other posts before you decide. All the best to you.

You two need to disappear from each other's life.

 

This getting back together and breaking up stuff is all drama. If you are ready to be in a serious adult relationship, then you have to do the hard work.

 

You CAN'T be friends with an ex if you actually just want to get back together. You have to be indifferent with an ex if you want friendship.

 

But you want to make it work, right? Well, you have to let each other go and spend considerable time apart to analyze what the problems were in your relationship and for her to do the same.

 

Most exes get back together just because they miss each other with no real intention on fixing what broke. If you continue to stay in contact with your ex, even in the smallest of ways, you guys will do this back and forth stuff for eons until one of you matures enough to cut it for good.

This is great advice from LovelyDaze.

Lovelydaze is right. I got together with my ex and we didn't really think or discuss about what went wrong and how we'd fix it. Now she broke it off with me again.

 

But you want to make it work, right? Well, you have to let each other go and spend considerable time apart to analyze what the problems were in your relationship and for her to do the same.

 

Most exes get back together just because they miss each other with no real intention on fixing what broke. If you continue to stay in contact with your ex, even in the smallest of ways, you guys will do this back and forth stuff for eons until one of you matures enough to cut it for good.

Hi, so are you saying there's still a chance for us to be back together even though she's seeing someone else right now?

We've stopped talking to each other for a little bit through mutual agreement, she says she'll miss me more than i would miss her but thats because we're used to talking to each other almost everyday for a year 1/2. I told her i just need time apart from her because i need to sort myself out.

When i went to see her the other day, i talked to her about the happy memories we made when we were going out before we broke up the 2nd time :S

You two need to disappear from each other's life.

 

This getting back together and breaking up stuff is all drama. If you are ready to be in a serious adult relationship, then you have to do the hard work.

Perfectly said.

You both need to move on, go grow up, and meet new people.

Maybe in a year or two, you can be friends again - but certainly not now.