Update/Support

[PhoenixRise]

Lostit

 

Just as I and others have been telling you that it is your H's actions, not his words that count here, the same thing goes for you.

 

If you keep saying to him over and over "I am done, If you don't end it with OW I am through" but you never follow that up with action, you will hold no credibility. Your H knows when it is just words.

 

I hope that really soon you get enough emotional distance to see just how vile his emotional manipulations are. He lied to you, betrayed you with a friend, abandoned you and your family. He knows you want him back desperately. So he constantly contrast your treatment of him---your legitimate pain, your legitimate reactions to his actions, to the OW treatment of him---all sweetness and light.

 

He wants to manipulate you into being some Stepford wife, expressing no feelings of your own, and living only to make him feel good.

 

He throws you a bone, an "I am thinking of you" then when you jump at that and respond in a loving way he treats you with contempt.

 

I know it is hard, but bow out completely and let him have this OW with the multiple baby daddies. Chances are, once all impediments are removed their relationship will go up in flames. He is not going to want to deal with all the drama that is her real life. AND if they don't go up in flames, the sooner you let him go, the sooner you will start to heal.

[LostIt2010]

i know. thank you. he makes me think i'm crazy. that our relationship was horrible. i know it wasn't. i just can't believe he is doing this and i keep thinking maybe i will get my husband back not whoever this is. its hard to understand why someone who has been with you and said to love you, is capable of manipulating like this. i have never trusted anyone my whole life completely like i did him, and this is what i get for it.

 

i'm so sick of it i hate her and i hate what he is doing. at this point i don't want to ever speak to him again. i can't believe what i have become and how easy it is for him to play fu*cking house with this person and say how perfect she is and to blame and make me feel like i don't stand up against her, make it sound like we were horrid. we weren't i'm trying to understand. i hope their relationship goes up in flames its what they both deserve after delibrately doing this to someone who did nothing to them, who cared about and loved them. it makes me sick to my stomache thinking of them holed up in her apt, like this big secret fantasy world, together with her baby like a family when that is what we were supposed to have together.

 

i'm just in shock, its like when all this first happened all over again. i'm giving myself a week to get a hold of all this anger and hurt, to get a hold of myself and i'm finishing the papers next week. i'm just going to tell him to leave me alone. i'll schedule a weekend in june to get the rest of my stuff out of the house and all we will have to do is split our car insurance and phone bill. and that is that, 14 years ended like nothing. its crushing.

[CrayonAngel]

He doesnt want you because you are readily available to him whenever he wants to call and muster up all of those warm feelings with you (his safe soft place) You are giving him every opportunity to break your heart over and over again! PLEEEEAAASSSEEE for the sake of your happiness and sanity CUT HIM OFF! not LC, I'm talking cold hard NO CONTACT! Slap him in the face for once. I promise you...he will come running back when he figures out what shes all about. I promise. end of story. stop answering the phone stop texting just stop because you are only enabling him and giving him your "button"

[CrayonAngel]

Your posts hurt me physically.. I'm sorry for your pain and I really hope you can get your full self back.

[LostIt2010]

I may not even leave him the book. Don't know what it is even worth or what it would even do now, or that he would care.

 

My wreck and ravanged insides and mind physically hurt me too.

 

I'm trying to grasp what little truth I can from this affair and what is left of myself, my life. I can't even separate whats real and not real, whats me and what isn't. I'm still reeling and sometimes it is sur-real this is happening.

[Spark1111]

Lostit, a frequent and common affair dynamic is that the halo sits on her head, and c'mon, of course it does, because she is placing NO DEMANDS on him.

 

It's FUN! And Sexy! And hot! With few strings attached.

 

It's the perfect fantasy relationship.

 

You get to wear the devil horn, with your crying and sobbing and....neediness! Every time you react that way, guess what?

 

She becomes even more desirable in his eyes. You are the "mean mommy," and she is the "fun mommy."

 

Stop it please. Stop it now!

 

You are trying to be rational with a man who is not rational at the moment.

 

Please remove yourself from this dynamic; your needs, your tears, your devastation. Everytime you wear the devil horns (in his mind) she becomes oh-so-more desirable; he is using your emotionalism to continue to justify his having an affair.

 

Don't you get this?

 

Be friendly, courteous and breezy if you MUST talk to him. Be busy and active and happy. See friends, hell, even flirt if you want to.

 

He is using your pain and anger to justify his continuing the affair.

 

Don't allow it.

[PhoenixRise]

Don't leave him the book.

 

You want your marriage. I get it. I have been there. You love your husband and you want him back. You want your life to go back to being the way you have always understood it. You want your family to be intact. I get it.

 

But you can't help him with his "confusion"

 

If he is still living in affair land he will read the book and just decide that none of it applies to him because the love between him and his AP is special and different (they all think this).

 

If he is not taking actions to return to the marriage, you have to disengage.

 

Think of it this way...

 

Do you want him to come back because he is guilty and confused and it is just easier to come back, and because you are in so much pain, because you are begging and pleading, because you drag him back reluctantly?

 

OR

 

Do you want him to come back because he on his own, he realized that he loves you, that his life with you and your family is the most important thing in the world to him and that he has screwed up big time, that he needs to make this up to you, that he needs to figure out what is wrong with HIM that made him self destruct his life?

 

If he was begging YOU to take him back and asking what he could do to restore the marriage I would say give him the book. But he is not. Right now you are begging him to come back to you. The book won't help you with this. Use the book for your own understanding and healing.

[PhoenixRise]

Spark is right

 

 

You need to remove yourself as the barrier to their perfect love. They both cast you as the bad guy to justify the affair.

 

 

Lostit I have not wanted to say it because I know that you are hurting but the OW is creating a fantasy environment, fun, passion, she physically wants him, she admires and appreciates him, she doesn't make him feel guilty, she demands nothing (yet). It is sexy as hell and your H would like to think that fantasy would last forever with OW.

 

On the other hand, ain't nothing sexy about a woman crying, begging, pleading.

 

Please don't think I am knocking you. Lots of us go through this stage.

 

If your H ever makes an affirmative choice to return to the marriage it will be because you stop chasing him and show him that you can be happy without him. I know you don't feel this way right now, but fake it till you do.

[Snowflower]

Lostit, a frequent and common affair dynamic is that the halo sits on her head, and c'mon, of course it does, because she is placing NO DEMANDS on him.

 

 

Yup, the OW is not placing any demands on your H. She is letting him feel like he is 'all that and more', giving him on-demand sex, appreciation, validation, you name it. Some OW are very good at giving their MM what he thinks he needs.

 

Eventually though, she likely will start making demands of him. Then his tune will likely change.

 

But believe it or not, you might not want him back at that point.

 

Lostit, I hope you're at least listening to some of the advice on this thread. Gawd, I wish I had had advise like this 18 months ago!

 

I know it probably seems counter-intuitive to what your heart wants, but take it from those of us who have been where you are now (me, jwi, spark, phoenix and others who have posted)...do you really want your H back after all that he has done?

 

I get it...after d-day I thought at first I would do anything to get my husband, my marriage, my life back. I begged him to stay with me at first but fortunately, I wised up quickly.

 

My H had to show me that he was even worthy of a second chance...he didn't act like yours is now.

 

Trust me Lostit, if your H broke it off with the OW and came back to you today...you would be happy and relieved at first but soon doubts would set in...did he come back because I forced him to or because he wanted to? Is he still missing the OW, talking to her behind my back, etc?

 

Your H needs to hit rock-bottom first and I warn you it could take awhile or it might never happen.

 

If you do succeed in wooing him back, it will never be right. He needs to come back on his own and after he has figured himself out.

 

And when/if he does hit rock-bottom, you might have moved on by then.

 

In either case, you need to make yourself stronger first. Either to eventually rebuild your marriage or start a new life.

 

I know it hurts...but please, take heed of what you are being told on this thread. Please vent...this is a good place to do it. We'll help you.

[LostIt2010]

thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

i'm listening and i've been so hurt and what you all say make so much sense. i haven't been in my right state of mind bc i'm so strung out on him and pain.

 

at one time during the midst of this hell, when i was at my strongest, i picked myself up and i was making moves to be ok, i had a foot under me. he begged me back for a week while I fought him. i finally caved. he asked me to come back. i moved back in for two weeks. i caught him talking to her through email, things he definately shouldn't have been saying.... and i saw what a whore she really was. i left again. i haven't quite recovered from that. i'm hoping to get that back.

 

my sister has a friend that works at school he works for she saw today. (small town, everyone knows everyone) she asked what i was gonna do. she said everyone at school (which he is now leaving) knows what he has done and who it is with. why i'm kind of surprised i don't know. i know she has told people and fire travels fast i guess.

 

it makes me sad that they don't give a **** about anyone but themselves. they hole up in her government apartment and don't care about anyone. she doesn't care she is ruining his reputation he has worked hard to build, possibly even his career and he is SO BLIND he can't see what is happening. it makes me sad. i don't know when reality will rear its head but i hope it does. i hope he gets a taste of even half the pain he has caused me bc it would be punishment enough.

 

i know what you all say is right, its just taken my heart too long to accept it, to believe this has happened.

 

i wish i knew what was going to happen with them, and him in the next year. my whole life has been turned upside down. i feel embarrassed i'm living in my grandmother's loft and humiliated everyone knows and feel like i can't even keep my husband. and he gets a new job with better pay, etc., he gets to live in our house, he is having this love filled whoo-rah with this whore and his life has barely skipped a beat. and i'm thrown to the wolves alone, with a broken form of who i was. its not fair, its just not fair. i don't know what i ever did to deserve this. with my luck they will go along and be happy as can be never having any hurt or consequence for what they did. i feel like i'll be picking up pieces of this mess forever.

 

thank you so much. i'm trying so hard, and i feel anger and i'm sick of this. thank you for the advice, i do listen. its like i know what i should do, its just conviencing my heart to let go. its either me or him at this point, and he doesn't care about me obviously, so someone has to. i'm just so hurt, all i ever did was love him, all i ever wanted was him and this is what i get.

Edited May 14, 2010 by LostIt2010

[stillafool]

She's on WELFARE?! Leave him alone with his whore and let him get enough of her. Remoe yourself so he carn't compare you to her anymore. Please, please don't call him again. I wish you could change your phone number. The only way they are going to have friction in their relatioinship is for you to drop off the face of the earth (as far as he knows). They probably discuss your conversations every night. He can make time to spend with her but not you and this is after he just said yesterday that "maybe he will break it off"? Please wake up as they are making a joke out of you and it's disgusting.

[stillafool]

BTW, tell your heart that the man it pines for is dead. Forever gone. This is a new man and the relationship you had with him, he destroyed. She is going to do everything in her power to get him. She is on welfare and is looking to him to rescue her illigitimate family. Let him go and see what it's like to pay and raise two other mens kids.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Lostit, geez...

 

Like the rest of the posters advising you, I have been where you are.

I've read all of your posts and seriously, my dear, you've got to let it ALL go - all of it!

 

You must not initiate or receive contact from your soon to be ex husband.

You've seen what happens... You WILL be burned EVERYTIME!!

 

Words are nothing; words are worthless; and that's how things will be for months, if not years.

 

ALL interaction you have with him will hurt your and usher you back to square one... But you already know this, because you've experienced it time and again.

 

You must understand that your M is already over. Think about it... Think of the facts. Don't avoid them. You're begining to get angry and that's good because anger brings clarity and motivates action. What are the facts Lost?

 

You must lay them out in your mind and answer the question, "has he already ended the M, beyond all repair?" Whether you like it or not you will come to realize that the answer is a resounding "HELL YES HE DID"

 

Perhaps you need to get burned 4 or 5 more times; maybe 6?

At this point YOU are doing self inflicting damage. It's all you at this point.

Your STBX has shown his cards and you're the only one not looking at them.

 

Please Lost, respect yourself enough to let him go - he's poison; pure and simple. No more volunteering to damage yourself anymore, please.

 

Your thread pains me because I was where you were but the support network

I setup for myself helped me to do way less self inflicted damage. You just keep walking back for more and it's tough to read...

 

Lost, trust us; you can do this. NO MORE CONTACT - ZERO!!!

On my phone you know what picture popps up when my ex calls?? It's a Skull and Cross Bones with the word POISON written underneath.

 

Your STBX is poison. Internalize that as fact. Please.

[turnera]

Have you ever called her parents and siblings and told them she is cheating with a married man? Have you ever called your husband's parents and siblings and told THEM?

 

If you're not willing to do that, then just get a lawyer and sign the divorce papers.

[fooled once]

Have you stuck to NC?

[LostIt2010]

I did. and it is actually remarkable as soon as a went cold, he txted me more than he has in a week. i didn't believe it would happen but it did.

 

It took a day before he txted me. he said he felt in his heart I was the one and he said in his heart he thinks i'm what he will find his way back to and he hopes he can figure out how before its too late. I unfortunately am not at a point where I can ignore him.... sometimes I wish I was but he is such a part of me I'm not there yet. as you can imagine hearing things like that and my strong feelings for this man, but i understand they are words. I however was short with him. I told him that as far as I'm concerned he was with her now. i told him he is showing that is what he wants and that he was lying to her and me. i told him my pain in this limbo is too much and i didn't deserve it. i told him i needed to heal and all talking to him did was hurt me. he said he was sorry and he understood. he said he was struggling and scared. i told him i was sorry this is hard for him and i told him i couldn't heal talking to him and believing empty words and i needed a break from him, i asked him to leave me alone. I was strong and took my power back, i actually felt the shift a little, it was hard but my sister helped me be strong. he txt me the next day, i was short with him. he txt me again that night, i was actually at a concert so i told him that and told him i had to go. he txt me again sunday, he said he would like to read the book "after the affair" i told him about like a week ago. i told him i would leave it in his mailbox. he asked me if i had fun, and i told him yes and that i felt normal for first time in months. he said he hasn't had fun in months or felt like himself. sunday night he asked me if i wanted to have dinner, i told him i couldn't, and wasn't sure if it was a good idea bc he was still confused and i don't want to set myself up to hurt more when she is still in picture. he said he thought the book was good and said he missed me. he txt me yesterday, just small talk and i talked with him a little but told him i had to go. i'm not catty, but short and lighti was surrounded by my sis and a couple friends and had a family function on sunday so was very busy. it is easier when i'm busy and not so alone. today he has not txted me and i'm kind of coming down off a great weekend so it has been a really hard day. a part of me is accepting my marriage is over, a part of me still hopes that it isn't true.

 

i will not be able to go to ft worth bc i just don't have the money. but that is at least something decided and this week i can apply for graduation, and my exit test for teaching and focus on getting things ready this summer to student teach, create a budget, and focus on me.

 

today has been hard coming down off the weekend. i got my running shoes in the mail today and am going to start running this week, there is also a pilates class i signed up for at the college i'm going to attend.

 

it helps to pretend she doesn't exist, to just tell myself he and i are over so i don't expect something and become sad when it doesn't happen. i guess i sort of expected him to text today and that resulted in me being sad. its a process, but i'm feeling a bit more in control, i have been on such a rollercoaster. i'm gonna try and focus on me and not have an expectation of him. i'm what is important. i told him that i can either live or die, and i'm chosing to live.... hopefully it won't kill me.

 

thanks again for the support and advice on here. i'm a little slower, letting go of this man will be the hardest thing i ever do in my life, but i'm moving in a direction. i'm scared, and unsure, and still in a lot of pain, but i'm not gonna allow this to take me, it almost did. it may be baby steps, but at least its a direction. i'm hoping to get stronger and get the papers finished and to him. that day seems impossible for me to do, but i know it is a step i must take.... i just need to get myself ready to handle it.

 

today has been hard the weekend was actually not bad for the first time in, god, in months. i'm hoping to start maybe having more good days than bad.

Edited May 18, 2010 by LostIt2010

[fooled once]

I did. and it is actually remarkable as soon as a went cold, he txted me more than he has in a week. i didn't believe it would happen but it did.

 

It took a day before he txted me. he said he felt in his heart I was the one and he said in his heart he thinks i'm what he will find his way back to and he hopes he can figure out how before its too late. I unfortunately am not at a point where I can ignore him.... sometimes I wish I was but he is such a part of me I'm not there yet. as you can imagine hearing things like that and my strong feelings for this man, but i understand they are words. I however was short with him. I told him that as far as I'm concerned he was with her now. i told him he is showing that is what he wants and that he was lying to her and me. i told him my pain in this limbo is too much and i didn't deserve it. i told him i needed to heal and all talking to him did was hurt me. he said he was sorry and he understood. he said he was struggling and scared. i told him i was sorry this is hard for him and i told him i couldn't heal talking to him and believing empty words and i needed a break from him, i asked him to leave me alone. I was strong and took my power back, i actually felt the shift a little, it was hard but my sister helped me be strong. he txt me the next day, i was short with him. he txt me again that night, i was actually at a concert so i told him that and told him i had to go. he txt me again sunday, he said he would like to read the book "after the affair" i told him about like a week ago. i told him i would leave it in his mailbox. he asked me if i had fun, and i told him yes and that i felt normal for first time in months. he said he hasn't had fun in months or felt like himself. sunday night he asked me if i wanted to have dinner, i told him i couldn't, and wasn't sure if it was a good idea bc he was still confused and i don't want to set myself up to hurt more when she is still in picture. he said he thought the book was good and said he missed me. he txt me yesterday, just small talk and i talked with him a little but told him i had to go. i'm not catty, but short and lighti was surrounded by my sis and a couple friends and had a family function on sunday so was very busy. it is easier when i'm busy and not so alone. today he has not txted me and i'm kind of coming down off a great weekend so it has been a really hard day. a part of me is accepting my marriage is over, a part of me still hopes that it isn't true.

 

i will not be able to go to ft worth bc i just don't have the money. but that is at least something decided and this week i can apply for graduation, and my exit test for teaching and focus on getting things ready this summer to student teach, create a budget, and focus on me.

 

today has been hard coming down off the weekend. i got my running shoes in the mail today and am going to start running this week, there is also a pilates class i signed up for at the college i'm going to attend.

 

it helps to pretend she doesn't exist, to just tell myself he and i are over so i don't expect something and become sad when it doesn't happen. i guess i sort of expected him to text today and that resulted in me being sad. its a process, but i'm feeling a bit more in control, i have been on such a rollercoaster. i'm gonna try and focus on me and not have an expectation of him. i'm what is important. i told him that i can either live or die, and i'm chosing to live.... hopefully it won't kill me.

 

thanks again for the support and advice on here. i'm a little slower, letting go of this man will be the hardest thing i ever do in my life, but i'm moving in a direction. i'm scared, and unsure, and still in a lot of pain, but i'm not gonna allow this to take me, it almost did. it may be baby steps, but at least its a direction. i'm hoping to get stronger and get the papers finished and to him. that day seems impossible for me to do, but i know it is a step i must take.... i just need to get myself ready to handle it.

 

today has been hard the weekend was actually not bad for the first time in, god, in months. i'm hoping to start maybe having more good days than bad.

 

You sound like you are on the right track. I am so sorry you are going through this...but I think in the end, you are going to be stronger. I think the toughest things we go through in life helps us to grow as a person. I am so glad you are sitting around and waiting for him...what a horrible way to live life. ((hug)) I hope you continue to be strong.

[PhoenixRise]

Lostit

 

You are doing great. Yes you are taking baby steps but they are all steps in the right direction. Rome was not built in a day and nobody expects you to cut off all your feelings overnight.

 

But you are stopping your H's affair from ruling your life and you are stopping him from jerking you around. This is all good.

[CrayonAngel]

he said he was struggling and scared. i told him i was sorry this is hard for him

 

BOO ****ING HOO!!! You need to throw this thinking and concern for him out the window! Is he showing you any kind of concern or compassion???

 

Remember, actions speak louder than words. Please quit sharing your pain with him. This is no good. I know its hard but its going to be alot harder the more you give him.

 

Other than that I think you really are taking a step in the right direction.

[Snowflower]

thanks again for the support and advice on here. i'm a little slower, letting go of this man will be the hardest thing i ever do in my life, but i'm moving in a direction. i'm scared, and unsure, and still in a lot of pain, but i'm not gonna allow this to take me, it almost did. it may be baby steps, but at least its a direction. i'm hoping to get stronger and get the papers finished and to him. that day seems impossible for me to do, but i know it is a step i must take.... i just need to get myself ready to handle it.

 

 

Don't worry about being slow to let go. I was the same way. It took me a LONG time to accept that my husband was no longer the man I married (at least at that time). It also took me a long time to give up on my marriage.

 

But hey, you are making progress-baby steps in the right direction. You sound stronger and more sure of yourself.

 

I know this is so hard. But I promise you will come out of it and be a better, stronger, likely even happier person for it. Painful experience have a tendency to do this.

 

Hang in there!

[turnera]

I can tell you that, of all the people I've seen leave abusive or bad relationships, almost every single one of them, a year later, said they could kick themselves for waiting so long. All the time wasted when they could have been happy.

[LostIt2010]

so one step forward, one step back.... so goes whatever that saying.

 

i took step back. i'm trying so hard, another stupid expectation i allowed myself to hold on to, to only be slapped in the face. (the pattern is not lost on me)

 

i wasn't gonna put this, but what the hell:

we had talked lightly and one night really talked about us (i saw this as him trying to figure things out, as he said he was doing) he talked about book, we actually had a couple decent talks, even joked around few times. it felt i dunno good. this all since sunday. i tried not to let it affect me or take it too serious but i guess slowly i did a little. after he txt me yesterday morning and we lightly joked, talked about day he said he would talk to me later. i didn't hear from him. something possessed me to text him good night at 11:30pm, i did to no response and realized he was prob with her, i got mad. he told me he was stressed about job decision happening today, had a few beers and was weak and went over there. i was speechless. it was then he told me he hadn't seen her in a week, was not really speaking to her but a couple times by text during that week, he was reading the book, stepping back and trying to be strong, he sent me a picture of a necklace i gave him the last time we "tried" and i was in house, he said he was wearing it to try and help him be strong. guess he couldn't hold out. i told him to just be with her then. the papers are in the works, but i thought.. maybe something was changing in him, like he wanted it, i thought i could feel it. wrong. yet again. i don't understand why i'm surprised. its like an addict at a slot machine, i keep thinking this next time, this next time.

 

i'm trying to take these slips and learn from them. they are painful lessons

 

i found a roomate, a friend that is moving down from the city. she just ended a relationship. we are going to get an apt together about an hour from my "hometown" where all this has happened. we are going to spilt the bills and i have a job lined up while i student teach there. she has 3 interviews and as soon as she gets her job and some money we are going to get a place. she is an old family friend we have known each other our whole lives, she is in her late-30's, i think she will be good for me. i think getting on my feet and having place on my own feeling a little more independent and moving in this direction will help me get stronger.

 

this is so hard i'm sure you all are like enough all ready. its just a slower process for me. 14 years and half of my life with this person is hard to just suddenly cut off, especially when my feelings are so strong for him. baby steps is all i can manage until i'm strong and surer to really walk.

 

i'm trying desparately to be strong. i'm so exhausted, i feel haggard and worn so thin, weak. i'm trying to pick myself back up and to make my heart let go. i'm quite stubborn about some things, or maybe my heart is.

 

i'm trying not to fall back, i stumbled a bit backwards... i'm trying to regain my balance.

 

i could use some wise words, some understanding, some encouragement. i've never been through a break-up before and i'm going through this back and forth hell with the only man i've known, a divorce on the horizon, its so heavy.... and i'm trying desparately make it out of this with just a small amount of sanity and my little bag of shattered pieces of heart and self.

 

its been difficult night and morning. you guys make things make so much sense, i could use some if anyone cares to.

Edited May 20, 2010 by LostIt2010

[PhoenixRise]

Lostit

 

I know how hard is it to let go. I really do. I think you are making a lot of the right moves. Getting your own apartment with a roomate and making plans for your life....all good.

 

 

As for your marriage. You are going to have to learn to love yourself more than you love him. You are going to have to learn to give yourself the respect you deserve.

 

It is a process.

 

But bottom line. As long as you make yourself an option, your husband will treat you as optional.

 

For your own sanity and emotional well being, tell him that you don't want to be a part of his waffelling any more. Stop taking stop responding to his texts. As much as he might tell you what you want to hear from time to time, stop believing ANYTHING he says. Only believe his actions. His actions say he is not giving up this OW.

[turnera]

It's time to go No Contact with him. Change your number, or else block him. Change your email. Change your FB, whatever. Just cut him off. You will feel better. It doesn't seem like it, but you will. The drama will end, and the feelings will fade - not disappear, but fade. Do this for yourself.

[CrayonAngel]

It's time to go No Contact with him. Change your number, or else block him. Change your email. Change your FB, whatever. Just cut him off. You will feel better. It doesn't seem like it, but you will. The drama will end, and the feelings will fade - not disappear, but fade. Do this for yourself.

 

Lost it, I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry.

 

you know the saying "Wrong me once..shame on you. Wrong me twice..shame on me" plleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease STOP!

 

I know it hurts, I know you love him. I have been with my H for 7 yrs and we have to beautiful children together I am very much in love with him but the second he decided to get on the internet and look for local sex I LEFT HIM! I didn't answer the phone, or respond to emails, or texts..NOTHING! and we have children. The only contact we even remotely had was when I dropped our son off at his moms every other weekend...and that was a brief run through of "instructions" and I got in my car and coldly drove away. In about 4 weeks he came back. His head was clear he was seeing a counselor and he was SORRY. Truly sorry. We wouldn't be here today had I not been straight to the point that I wasn't going to be his doormat, that I wouldn't be there waiting for him to find himself. It kills me to read your posts because you just keep getting hurt. I hope you find it in yourself to put YOU first and LEave his SORRY ASS! Do you really want all this stuff to happen down the road when you are pregnant with his children? Or staying home day in and day out changing diapers while he is out running around on you. He is cheating on you right in front of your face and that should be enough for you to walk away...he isn't even to the "I'm so sorry" phase and you are giving him all the support in the world to rip your heart out! Just Divorce him already, he isn't going to change... As much as you want to think so. Don't You deserve a man who loves and honors you? one who isn't in another womans bed every night? You will see the light...I just hope its soon. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I know what you are going through and you need tough love right now.