a guy being clingy after first date?

[clueless_cutie]

I have just gone for first date with a guy..

i m starting to see red flags already after just one date.. he's starting to b clingy.. i m starting to b turned off by him. i initially liked him..but he had to spoil it by coming off as desperate.

I just wanna know whether this guy is really clingy or am I paranoid?

 

We have been texting each other since after the first date..

 

1) See one of his msgs "thinking of moving my ass to bed but no motivation coz i will be so lonely alone in bed".. but he kinda told me in the next msg that he was kidding..

 

2) the next day (which was yesterday), he sent lots of texts & his response time for my msgs were few seconds & he kept the conversation going for like an hour..

and in one of his sms he said he wants to cook for me some time next week. I was like "oh ****, u gotta b kidding".. after first date, he's already planning to cook for me.. i started to get a little bit worried.. but still i wanted to give him benefit of the doubt & thought that he was very sweet ..coz no guy had offered to cook for me..

 

3) after a few more msgs, he asked me to install some appplication in my phone which will enable to chat UNLIMITED for free.

I freaked out after seeing that msg, all i saw was the word UNLIMITED... now itself he's sending me texts too much.. & that itself is not enough ? is he planning to chat until i have no time to do other things.. it's already sucking out all the air around me..

 

4) i have told him since last weekend that i will b going to visit my parents in another state this weekend..

This morning when he sent me texts, he told me "u know what i hv a movie ticket for 2 persons for iron man but no company i don't have any girl to take with me. why don't you postpone your trip to next week?"

Then i just told him "there are so many girls, why don't you just ask another girl to come.."

and in next text,he said "But am still sad.. i hv lots of friends but I kinda realized that there will b nobody if i need help. All are lame"

 

Then I was like WTF!!! does he have some issues? Is it time for me to run?

or am i being paranoid?

 

It's such a waste coz we hit it off quite well during our first date. I wanted to take things slow and see where it goes.. He's a nice guy.. but too much for me to handle..

 

I m just wondering he has issues or am I the one with problem? Coz i had previously dated a insensitive emotionally unavailable jerk. I thought he screwed me up so bad that i became insensitive & cold woman..

[Rorschach]

Yeah thats definitely clingy/desperate/easy. Just dump him gently because he's probably already emotionally invested. Poor guy.

[Pfiend101]

TALK to him about what he did wrong in an adult way. Then dump him. Yeah hes being very clingy but he doesn't realize it. I'm sure he wouldn't do anything that would intentionally make you doubt him. He will never have success in future relationships if you are not honest with him about it. Do him a favor on your way out the door.

[SomewhatExperienced]

Agreed. You should take off, but if you just cut contact you'll break his heart and he'll end up confused and bitter. Try to make it a positive experience for him in that he learned a lesson, and then move on.

[Eeyore79]

Millions of women would kill for such an attentive, emotionally available man. I'm surprised you're not falling over yourself with delight that he's so obviously into you.

 

Your emotional needs obviously don't match; you're getting too much from him and he's probably not getting enough from you. If you don't appreciate his attention and consideration, let him go so he can find a woman who does. Alternatively, if you really like him then have a quiet word in his ear about taking things a bit more slowly.

[usernamedbadly]

Sounds like he's a bit out of touch with the whole dating thing or inexperienced. If he's joking around with some of his comments, maybe do the same? jokingly accuse him of being a stalker? (be obviously be careful with that!!)

[In-The-Wheat]

Please at least talk to this guy about how he's acting and see if he changes his needy ways - don't just bail and cut all ties. If no change is noticed after a few more days, just peace out kindly.

 

I would agree though that this guy is a little off/clingy/desperate whatever. Those messages he sent are weird, and the amount of texting you describe after a FIRST DATE is insane. He's coming on way too strong for only knowing you for what, a week or two? Even if I was completely head over heels for a girl that soon, I wouldn't be acting like that.

[Kamille]

Millions of women would kill for such an attentive, emotionally available man. I'm surprised you're not falling over yourself with delight that he's so obviously into you.

 

 

The problem is the guy doesn't sound emotionally balanced... His way of wording his attachment is to say he's already turning to her as his sole source of happiness. That's not being emotionally available, that's being emotionally needy.

 

I agree you should discuss the reason for breaking up with him. He likely has no clues how clingy he comes off.

[Lakeside_runner]

run... Run... RUN !!!

[clueless_cutie]

Thanks all of you for your comments.

 

Yeah, we've just known for a week. and Just one date (on Monday that was 3 days ago technically). And we never even kissed or touched each other. We just had dinner & talked.

And I have counted the number of texts he sent since after that date.. 73 messages...

 

and just when he doesn't have someone to accompany him to movie, it sounded so desperate for him to say that no girl to go with him & all his friends are not there when he needs..

I m just worried that he will suck all the air out of me and make me the sole reason for his happiness.. to fill up his emptiness ..

[123BeachFan]

He's what I call an "energy vampire." Seriously bad in the whining/sniveling category.

 

The "oh poor me" routine on having to go to a movie by himself and the having to sleep in a bed by himself is all .... icky.

 

The offer to cook for you isn't anything worrisome. The umlimited texting thing is okay too (though you might not feel he's worth it so early in the game to install an app just for him).

 

I still hate texting as a primary form of communication. If you had been talking to him on the phone, you would have been able to determine if he was really being a whiny pansy, or he's just got a dry sense of humor.

[Lakeside_runner]

He's what I call an "energy vampire." Seriously bad in the whining/sniveling category.

 

Yeah... the only thing that comes to my mind now is:

 

"Men do not cry. Men do not pout. Men jack you in the freakin' jaw and say... thanks for coming out."

 

The offer to cook for you isn't anything worrisome. The umlimited texting thing is okay too (though you might not feel he's worth it so early in the game to install an app just for him).

 

C'mon - they've been only out on one date! IT'S WAY TOO EARLY!!!

 

I still hate texting as a primary form of communication. If you had been talking to him on the phone, you would have been able to determine if he was really being a whiny pansy, or he's just got a dry sense of humor.

 

I agree. Texting seems kind of cowardly...

[DustySaltus]

I freaked out after seeing that msg, all i saw was the word UNLIMITED...

 

I think this statement says it all here. I believe that everyone puts on their best behavior at the onset of dating. If you see red flags now, it's the tip of the iceberg.

 

Also, him asking you to cancel plans with your parents is classless. I say go with your instincts.

[123BeachFan]

C'mon - they've been only out on one date! IT'S WAY TOO EARLY!!!

 

LOL...yeah, you're right. If a guy offers to cook for me, I'm hearing the hidden message, "Can I cook for you at my apartment and then have you for dessert?"

[In-The-Wheat]

LOL...yeah, you're right. If a guy offers to cook for me, I'm hearing the hidden message, "Can I cook for you at my apartment and then have you for dessert?"

 

 

LOL, this is not our only intention... I cooked for my ex on our 3rd serious date b/c I really wanted to show her that I was really into her... she absolutely loved it AND made the first move to initiate "dessert".

 

In this situation though, its way to early to be having people over and cooking, etc. Maybe in a couple weeks that would be ok.