Rorschach Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Reposted from off topic forum for more attention/opinions in regards to relationships When I was in fourth grade I was diagnosed with brain cancer, I won't blow it out of proportion and say it was a near death experience, it wasn't, as far as brain cancer goes it was pretty tame. But one thing it did for me is make me appreciate my body in a way I imagine most people can't. As a child I was almost blind due to cancer, as an adult I'm only slightly less blind, but I still have my sight when if the cancer had gone unchecked I would not. As such, for me, my body is my temple. I don't do pot or any other drugs (hell I don't even take tylenol most of the time) because I like being in complete control of the body I still have. I don't drink for the same reason (if I do go out with friends I might have a single beer in a night). And it's always bothered me that it seemed so hard to find people who didn't put any foreign substances into themselves either, less because I have some sort of moral objection to them, but because I can't respect people who don't respect their bodies in the same way I do. How many people out there are so into their substances that if they met somebody like me, they wouldn't stop? I'm thinking from a relationship standpoint I can't be with anybody who does these things, but how many people even do them to start with? And how many of those do it on a 'eh, I can take it or leave it if my partner feels strongly about it' basis? Opinions? Comments? This is not a 'drugs are bad' thread and I don't want to have any sort of argument erupt over my opinions on the issue, this is purely in terms of dating how do these things effect people.
allanworks Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 i would date a girl if she smoked weed and only weed.cigs bad drugs bad alcohol bad pills bad weed good.god put weed here on earth to smoke everything else is man madeon a side note i dont smoke any thing.
marsle85 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 No, I wouldn't stop drinking for you. I respect, and commend your forward thinking about alcohol and marijuana, I would never expect you to change your values for me... I just ask the same in return. You experience is completely valid, and I completely understand your feelings about drugs. However, unless I have a serious problem- I don't think it's healthy for the relationship for your values to influence mine. If we aren't right for eachother for that reason, very well... but I don't think it's fair for you to make an ultimatum. I drink probably 2x a week. I'm a college student and enjoy going out. I smoke pot even less... possibly once every few months. Your entitled to your opinions, but i'm entitled to mine. Going into the relationship, if you knew my habits and tolerated them... it's not fair to withdraw your acceptance. It's important to live separate lives. If I had a boyfriend with these feelings, I wouldn't drink/smoke around him, as I'd try to respect his feelings... but I wouldn't quit something solely because someone else wanted to. Ultimatums in any relationship are uncalled for.
Author Rorschach Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 Additional information: My ex enjoyed recreational drug use before I met her (from my understanding not just pot). After falling in love I had a talk with her about the way I felt and to her credit she stopped cold turkey, but she always WANTED to do them, only one time did she ever actually smoke pot when we were physically together but as silly as it is it really put me off and in all likely hood contributed to the breakup. I realize this is my own issue and not really an issue of 'drugs=bad' but my own hang ups about them, I just want a good idea about how many people really honestly do these things regularly. NOTE: alcohol is not a big deal to me, I don't do it because I don't enjoy it, but I'm not particularly opposed to being around people who do. I'm trying to feel this way about pot because logically I know it's not that bad for you (hell alcohol is worse) but emotionally i HAAATTTEE it and struggle with the concept.
Author Rorschach Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 No, I wouldn't stop drinking for you. I respect, and commend your forward thinking about alcohol and marijuana, I would never expect you to change your values for me... I just ask the same in return. You experience is completely valid, and I completely understand your feelings about drugs. However, unless I have a serious problem- I don't think it's healthy for the relationship for your values to influence mine. If we aren't right for eachother for that reason, very well... but I don't think it's fair for you to make an ultimatum. I drink probably 2x a week. I'm a college student and enjoy going out. I smoke pot even less... possibly once every few months. Your entitled to your opinions, but i'm entitled to mine. Going into the relationship, if you knew my habits and tolerated them... it's not fair to withdraw your acceptance. It's important to live separate lives. If I had a boyfriend with these feelings, I wouldn't drink/smoke around him, as I'd try to respect his feelings... but I wouldn't quit something solely because someone else wanted to. Ultimatums in any relationship are uncalled for. Sorry I forgot to clarify my feelings more clearly. See my other post and then repost what you think please. As for ultimatums I completely agree, I know that if I met somebody who smoked more than extremely rarely we would simply not be compatible, I wouldn't go about trying to change the person I'd just break up and move on. For right or wrong it's a deal breaker for me.
Enema Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I'd probably put a tick in the: "Childhood issues" box and back away from you. No one should expect a prospective partner to "stop" for them.
sagetalk Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Well, you pretty much accept acohol or kiss attractive girls from 18-30 goodbye. Don't believe me? Go to an online dating site and choose Drinks=never as a search criteria. The results will be a page or two max. Almost all of the hot extroverted girls/guys will not be listed. For me personally, I do not drink. I never have and never will. It is horrible for you, can lead to painful cancers, alcoholism, obesity, uncontrollable and regrettable behavior, and a host of other things. Not drinking is a death wish socially, but I knew that and have accepted my fate in that regards. My ideal woman would also not drink (never mind drugs), but I would let her get away with a glass of wine or two here and there. It is important to me because I don't want her to get me to start drinking, our kids, or have her do something stupid while she's drunk (car crash, cheat on me). Pot is bad news, I'd say you're better off not accepting it from a girlfriend. Aside from the legal/health risks, she could have an ex that's a drug dealer and then you are really asking for trouble if he's not over her.
sagetalk Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I wouldn't go about trying to change the person I'd just break up and move on. For right or wrong it's a deal breaker for me. Same here, well said.
Author Rorschach Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 I'll say it again because I think people missed it. I have no problem with people who drink, I just choose not to be one of them. If I buy a six pack it'll last in my fridge for a month before I finish it. I don't mind being buzzed on rare occasions but I hate being drunk. So drinking is NOT a deal breaker for me, but so far in life drugs are.
ADF Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 You have every right to abstain from drugs, alcohol and any other substances you see as dangerous to your health. However, you do not have the right to insist others do the same. You may not realize it, but you sound rather haughty and arrogant about the subject. You imply that most people use various substances because they lack your level of enlightened understanding. That's rubbish. That said, your insistance on dating only non-smoking, drug-free teetotlers is definately going to narrow your dating pool. Accept it. Also, be aware that many people who abstain do so for very different reasons than you. Many of the people who fit your criteria are likely to be religious zealots, and they will bring that baggage into their relationships with you.
sagetalk Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I'll say it again because I think people missed it. I have no problem with people who drink, I just choose not to be one of them. If I buy a six pack it'll last in my fridge for a month before I finish it. I don't mind being buzzed on rare occasions but I hate being drunk. So drinking is NOT a deal breaker for me, but so far in life drugs are. No, I got it, I was agreeing about the drugs part. When alcohol is consumed without drunkenness, it's fairly harmless (I don't really mind it). But few people drink in that manner.
Disillusioned Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Yes, but think about the personalities of people who smoke, drink, or use drugs. Do you want to be involved with someone who knows they're taking risks by using? I won't get involved with a smoker because that's how my mother died... I don't want a gf who's going to, guess what, be diagnosed with the big C. I won't get involved with a drinker because people become someone else when they get drunk. I won't get involved with a druggie because they're terrified of the future and all they really care about is the sensation of chemical-induced pleasure. Need I say more?
Author Rorschach Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 Yes, but think about the personalities of people who smoke, drink, or use drugs. Do you want to be involved with someone who knows they're taking risks by using? I won't get involved with a smoker because that's how my mother died... I don't want a gf who's going to, guess what, be diagnosed with the big C. I won't get involved with a drinker because people become someone else when they get drunk. I won't get involved with a druggie because they're terrified of the future and all they really care about is the sensation of chemical-induced pleasure. Need I say more? I agree with you, I just get crazy paranoid when it comes to dating prospects since I feel I'm going to have that much harder a time finding somebody to fit the criteria
Pfiend101 Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Good for you. I don't drink right now due to reasons I dont want to get into right now. My ex knew this. Then decided I was boring because I didn't go out and get hammered every weekend.
Woggle Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I have an ex who became a hardcore junkie I have no objection to alchohol and weed used in moderation. It is nice to relax and have a drink or smoke a joint. Harder drugs though are a big no in my book.
SomewhatExperienced Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 You have every right to abstain from drugs, alcohol and any other substances you see as dangerous to your health. However, you do not have the right to insist others do the same. You may not realize it, but you sound rather haughty and arrogant about the subject. You imply that most people use various substances because they lack your level of enlightened understanding. That's rubbish. That said, your insistance on dating only non-smoking, drug-free teetotlers is definately going to narrow your dating pool. Accept it. Also, be aware that many people who abstain do so for very different reasons than you. Many of the people who fit your criteria are likely to be religious zealots, and they will bring that baggage into their relationships with you. 100% agree. You have the right to make your own decisions but do not have the right to tell people not to do it. I don't think finding people who drink but don't do drugs should be that difficult. Of course, the more choosy you are the less options you have, but that's your choice. This being said, I smoke pot every once in a while. I used to do it a lot more but I dated a girl who did coke (not a ton, but still did it). I told her I really didn't like it but wasn't going to stop her. My only rule if I was around she couldn't do it. I met up with her and her friends one night and found out from one of them they were doing rails before. I got mad at her for that.
Author Rorschach Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 Like I said I'm honestly trying to be more accepting to pot because logically I don't believe its that bad for you in moderation. But for whatever reason I have some serious issues connected with drug use. I'm pretty sure I could be accepting with rare use but never when I was around. Or at least thats how I feel right now, I'm trying to open up more. also lol@the people who only half read the first post and then reply verbose scenarios that I've already said wouldn't bother me. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Green Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I think its cute to see my gf with a cosmo getting tipsy. For me its fun to have a drink to celebrate something. For me not binge drinking or getting adicted to drugs or driving impaired is respecting my body. I also try to eat healthy and be in great shape. Finaly, I always try to learn something new and keep my mind sharp.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I haven't followed your weight loss story, but I've noticed a number of threads in which you mention your weight and weight loss progress. Have you ever used food as a drug to numb difficult emotions? This is what is going on with most people who overeat. Everybody's got their favorite cozy blanket to wrap up in when life gets too cold. For some, it's alcohol. For others, marijuana. Or TV, Internet, sex, porn, overwork, food.
Author Rorschach Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 I haven't followed your weight loss story, but I've noticed a number of threads in which you mention your weight and weight loss progress. Have you ever used food as a drug to numb difficult emotions? This is what is going on with most people who overeat. Everybody's got their favorite cozy blanket to wrap up in when life gets too cold. For some, it's alcohol. For others, marijuana. Or TV, Internet, sex, porn, overwork, food. No, I've never used food for comfort. The way I was raised if you don't like something you change it. So I never really understood the 'escapist' mentality people use with drugs/alcohol/food/etc. I see people do that all the time 'man, I need a drink' is a line you hear all the time. But in my world if I don't like something I fix it.
annxxdisaster Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I won't get involved with a druggie because they're terrified of the future and all they really care about is the sensation of chemical-induced pleasure. That's one HUGE assumption to make about drug users. When a person gets to the point of actually being addicted to a drug, then yes, most of the time all they care about is the drug. I drink my self and I smoke pot like, every 6 months or something...not very much at all. I don't smoke because I'm too afraid of my future and all I can think about is my next high.
Author Rorschach Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 That's one HUGE assumption to make about drug users. When a person gets to the point of actually being addicted to a drug, then yes, most of the time all they care about is the drug. I drink my self and I smoke pot like, every 6 months or something...not very much at all. I don't smoke because I'm too afraid of my future and all I can think about is my next high. smoking once every 6 months doesn't really qualify as a druggie, I think he's referring to people who do it on a weekly or even daily schedule.
phineas Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I enjoy a few Bud Selects with lime 4 or 5 times a week. 55 calories each. I don't drink every night, but most nights I do have a few with dinner. Been running into a lot of women that don't drink at all & they act like 1 or 2 beers a few times a week is bad or something. don't get it at all. Then I meet women that'll drink 2 glasses of red wine a night & don't think I drink much at all.
espec10001 Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 They aren't meant for you. It's that simple. You'll never understand the mentality of someone who does it, but I can understand why people don't do any of it. Everyone has their 'addiction' to something. Everyone, including you. That's why anything people say with regards to judging someone else, who are you to judge? Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
sally4sara Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 It is odd that so many are okay with alcohol but not with weed. Alcohol has, by far, caused more deaths and illnesses than weed. I'd be more comfortable with an occasional weed smoker than I am with a drinker. For me it is about the choices made to continue to drink or smoke week, and the choices made when drinking and smoking weed. The other drugs and excessive drinking- no thanks. Too altering and if I'm dating them, I want to date THEM not who they become on their preferred substance.
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