clashcity19 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Hello, Just looking for a few opinions here... I am 29, am with a guy I really love and am living in a new city attempting to transition myself into a new career. I am living with my boyfriend (since February) but we were in a long distance relationship since June of last year until I moved here in Feb. I have always been a very "Type A" kind of person. Don't get me wrong, I am not so uptight or wound-up that I cannot have fun or be funny, but I do struggle with worry and anxiety a lot of the time. I always have since I was a very small child. As a result, I tend to get into these funky periods of time where I am filled with insecurity and self-doubt. Prior to my moving here, my boyfriend and I only had a few ways to communicate at a distance (phone, email, etc.) and therefore, we talked all the time. About everything. It forced us to really get to know each other without rushing into a physical or domestic relationship for the wrong reasons. That, I always have felt, was a good thing. Now that I am here and we are living together and see each other every single day, undoubtedly, things have changed. I am not as satisfied with our communication level as I once was, but everything else is pretty great. We get along, we don't really fight ever, and we make each other laugh. But I feel we have lost some of the intimacy we once had when all we could do was talk to each other. We talk still, sure. We are physically intimate, sure. But we don't talk about things the way we used to. I feel my boyfriend has become more secretive. I feel insecure as a result. I am not sure what to do about it. I tried to tell him, but it hasn't really changed anything. I don't want to change him... but I thought it was going to be different... like the way he made me think it was going to be. It doesn't seem fair. Any thoughts?
tkgirl Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Hello, Just looking for a few opinions here... I am 29, am with a guy I really love and am living in a new city attempting to transition myself into a new career. I am living with my boyfriend (since February) but we were in a long distance relationship since June of last year until I moved here in Feb. I have always been a very "Type A" kind of person. Don't get me wrong, I am not so uptight or wound-up that I cannot have fun or be funny, but I do struggle with worry and anxiety a lot of the time. I always have since I was a very small child. As a result, I tend to get into these funky periods of time where I am filled with insecurity and self-doubt. Prior to my moving here, my boyfriend and I only had a few ways to communicate at a distance (phone, email, etc.) and therefore, we talked all the time. About everything. It forced us to really get to know each other without rushing into a physical or domestic relationship for the wrong reasons. That, I always have felt, was a good thing. Now that I am here and we are living together and see each other every single day, undoubtedly, things have changed. I am not as satisfied with our communication level as I once was, but everything else is pretty great. We get along, we don't really fight ever, and we make each other laugh. But I feel we have lost some of the intimacy we once had when all we could do was talk to each other. We talk still, sure. We are physically intimate, sure. But we don't talk about things the way we used to. I feel my boyfriend has become more secretive. I feel insecure as a result. I am not sure what to do about it. I tried to tell him, but it hasn't really changed anything. I don't want to change him... but I thought it was going to be different... like the way he made me think it was going to be. It doesn't seem fair. Any thoughts? it's a huge change to move in with someone... you both need time to adjust. A big part of it is suddenly feeling like you need your "space"... I know that's what I went through the couple times I did it. It sounds like that's what your guy might be feeling too... why you think he's being a little more "secretive"... he's probably just trying to enjoy some down time... don't take it personal.
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