CaliGuy Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Those you love the most will not love you the same way. Those who love you the most you will not love them the same way. This is what I've learned the most in life about relationships. So many people focus on the wrong people (myself included) that we end up wasting our lives chasing a dead-end dream. What I have learned? Focus your attention on those who feel the same way about you
USMCHokie Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Focus your attention on those who feel the same way about you So true...so many of us stay in relationships and dating situations much longer than we need to...either because we feel guilty for ending it or because we "want it to work"...it really should be easy when it's right...
carhill Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Wise words. I got a reminder of that today; thanks to therapy and LS, the feelings were fleeting. No, it had nothing to do with stbx. The clear winner is the new and improved people-picker. No regrets; no apologies. Move forward
zebracolors Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 I'm awed by your wisdom. Thank you all three! And I kind of do know about chasing a dead end dream I've moved on, but I've learned from it as well.
xRJ85x Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Those you love the most will not love you the same way. Those who love you the most you will not love them the same way. This is what I've learned the most in life about relationships. So many people focus on the wrong people (myself included) that we end up wasting our lives chasing a dead-end dream. What I have learned? Focus your attention on those who feel the same way about you Actually that interprets as "You'll never be as happy as you wish you could be, so you must settle for the best you can get." Which I already knew...
Bejita463 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Actually that interprets as "You'll never be as happy as you wish you could be, so you must settle for the best you can get." Which I already knew... You didn't understand what he was saying if that is what you took from it.
Tony T Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Those you love the most will not love you the same way. Those who love you the most you will not love them the same way. This is VERY true. Love is very fluid. It's there more on some days and less on others. It's there more in some moments and less in others. It can be hate one day...love the next. Those who love you more than life itself today may not give you a second thought a year down the road. Those you have no feelings whatsoever for today may become the love of your life in a week or two. The person you love with all your heart today may be the person who gives you the most pain in years to come. The person who is the love of your life now may drain every bit of money and energy from your body in the future. Those who you may be indifferent towards right now may care enough about you to play the most significant role ever in your life...just down the road. Two people who love each other today beyond all description may be the two you watch TV about who kill each other in a few years. So.....ONE BILLION DOLLAR REWARD to any person who can explain love clearly so it will be predictable, easily understood, easily found and easily gotten over if necessary.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 Actually that interprets as "You'll never be as happy as you wish you could be, so you must settle for the best you can get." Which I already knew... Nah you're losing sight of what I am trying to get people to understand. They want what they cannot have (or should not have) and do not want the ones who are GREAT for them. Has nothing to do with settling at all.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 This is VERY true. Love is very fluid. It's there more on some days and less on others. It's there more in some moments and less in others. It can be hate one day...love the next. Those who love you more than life itself today may not give you a second thought a year down the road. Those you have no feelings whatsoever for today may become the love of your life in a week or two. The person you love with all your heart today may be the person who gives you the most pain in years to come. The person who is the love of your life now may drain every bit of money and energy from your body in the future. Those who you may be indifferent towards right now may care enough about you to play the most significant role ever in your life...just down the road. Two people who love each other today beyond all description may be the two you watch TV about who kill each other in a few years. So.....ONE BILLION DOLLAR REWARD to any person who can explain love clearly so it will be predictable, easily understood, easily found and easily gotten over if necessary. Excellent quote, T. And yes, I've been in both situations and now that I am starting to get up there in age, I am a BILLION times wiser than I was in my 20s. I only wish THEN what I know NOW
Ruby Slippers Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 So.....ONE BILLION DOLLAR REWARD to any person who can explain love clearly so it will be predictable, easily understood, easily found and easily gotten over if necessary. The only love in this world that is predictable and reliable is the love you have for yourself, and the love you willingly give to others -- and even those can be tested daily. You have ZERO control over what anyone else does. Loving is a choice, and the person who loves you dearly today may no longer choose to love you in the future. People love and do not love to fulfill their own needs and preserve their survival. Know that most love is fleeting and impermanent. If you know that, you will appreciate it when you have it and let it go gracefully when it departs.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 The only love in this world that is predictable and reliable is the love you have for yourself, and the love you willingly give to others -- and even those can be tested daily. You have ZERO control over what anyone else does. Loving is a choice, and the person who loves you dearly today may no longer choose to love you in the future. People love and do not love to fulfill their own needs and preserve their survival. Know that most love is fleeting and impermanent. If you know that, you will appreciate it when you have it and let it go gracefully when it departs. RS, that is exactly why I let people walk out of my life and never come back. Once you leave, once you prove that love is not there anymore, what good does it mean to hold on to that which does not hold onto you? (Sorry that is a run on sentence!)
USMCHokie Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 RS, that is exactly why I let people walk out of my life and never come back. Once you leave, once you prove that love is not there anymore, what good does it mean to hold on to that which does not hold onto you? This is the single most important thing I learned from you...and it has changed my entire outlook on dating and relationships...it has made it infinitely easier to let go of the people who reveal themselves to be the wrong ones...
Author CaliGuy Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 This is the single most important thing I learned from you...and it has changed my entire outlook on dating and relationships...it has made it infinitely easier to let go of the people who reveal themselves to be the wrong ones... That's what I'm talking about, dude. When people choose to walk away, let them go. There are better things in store for you when you look forward and not behind you. Cheers man!
skydiveaddict Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 That's what I'm talking about, dude. When people choose to walk away, let them go. There are better things in store for you when you look forward and not behind you. Cheers man! sometimes easier said than done cali
Author CaliGuy Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 sometimes easier said than done cali Never said it was easy. It's just something we have to learn and DO. The sooner you do, the faster you heal, move on and meet someone WAAAAAAAAAAY better for you.
bac Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Focus your attention on those who feel the same way about you They want what they cannot have (or should not have) and do not want the ones who are GREAT for them.(QUOTE) Can I want that I cannot have if there is no one who is great for me? There are no one who feel the same way about me anyway. Because I am in 40s, I had plenty of time to check it out. So, I can relax now and chase those who I cannot have.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Well, I learned one can actually walk away a lot faster if one learns how to take rejections well... which is quite meaningful because sometimes when I look back on the guys I'd been with I can't bring my head around to why I ever liked them in the first place.
bac Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 What I have learned? Focus your attention on those who feel the same way about you The problem is that for many people nobody feels the same way about them and nobody ever will.
EthanH Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 See can someone explain to me why people spend so much time with this 'does he/she love me more than I love him/her?'... surely it is a changable thing? And love for one person is different from that for another. Who here has even been able to set out what it means when they say they love someone? You can't, it means different things to different people, so why act like we have a stamp on our hearts with how much we love the person we are with... for me, I have never had that, as my feelings change as I'm with someone, sometimes I feel more, sometimes less, but it is never constant...
Author CaliGuy Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 See can someone explain to me why people spend so much time with this 'does he/she love me more than I love him/her?'... It's human nature. People want things they cannot even explain to themselves. The problem is that for many people nobody feels the same way about them and nobody ever will. Sure they will. You just have to recognize the right person. The problem is people want much more than they should be expecting. Well, I learned one can actually walk away a lot faster if one learns how to take rejections well... which is quite meaningful because sometimes when I look back on the guys I'd been with I can't bring my head around to why I ever liked them in the first place. Agreed!
stace79 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 So true...so many of us stay in relationships and dating situations much longer than we need to...either because we feel guilty for ending it or because we "want it to work"...it really should be easy when it's right... Is it really "easy" though? I mean obviously all relationships take work and care. But what does a good relationship really look like? I wouldn't know. I certainly don't see them on TV. I don't have many friends/family who are in relationships that I'd want to emulate. What does a good one look like? I have a guy who I believe really does love me deeply. I just think we might be incompatible. Because it certainly is NOT easy.
Lovelybird Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 so If people only want someone doesn't want them, then the only way to get the one is to play hard to get? Maybe most men just like to purely hunt, when they talk about love, maybe they are talking about pride and ego that kind of things
shadowplay Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 This is VERY true. Love is very fluid. It's there more on some days and less on others. It's there more in some moments and less in others. It can be hate one day...love the next. Those who love you more than life itself today may not give you a second thought a year down the road. Those you have no feelings whatsoever for today may become the love of your life in a week or two. The person you love with all your heart today may be the person who gives you the most pain in years to come. The person who is the love of your life now may drain every bit of money and energy from your body in the future. Those who you may be indifferent towards right now may care enough about you to play the most significant role ever in your life...just down the road. Two people who love each other today beyond all description may be the two you watch TV about who kill each other in a few years. So.....ONE BILLION DOLLAR REWARD to any person who can explain love clearly so it will be predictable, easily understood, easily found and easily gotten over if necessary. You are wise. I've experienced all of the above, except for the killing each other on tv bit.
tkgirl Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 That's what I'm talking about, dude. When people choose to walk away, let them go. There are better things in store for you when you look forward and not behind you. Cheers man! Never said it was easy. It's just something we have to learn and DO. The sooner you do, the faster you heal, move on and meet someone WAAAAAAAAAAY better for you. now to actually BELIEVE... that's where I'm at! great thread... thanks CaliGuy! p.s. Cali is awesome... my favorite place in the world!
robaday Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 What happens if the love someone has for you is completely unconditional and you're not sure what you feel because they are so ahead of you? My ex was an ex-model and worshipped the ground I walked on. She was a lovely lovely person, smart etc and I stayed with her for all kinds of reasons, we got along great, very few arguments, sex was amazing and she did everything for me. So I waited for my feelings to grow, I cared about her immensely, liked her a huge amount and was very attracted to her, but I did not feel the same way as her and I felt it would take so long to fall in love or catch up that perhaps I was wasting her time. Was it because she was SOOOO into me that I didn't want her?
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