EthanH Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 When someone says 'I'm in love with you as a person, but not in love with you'... what does it mean? When I have asked people about this before, most say, it is that you care for them, but don't have romantic feelings for them. But this isn't true in my case as she has also said 'I love you' and told me she meant it and also that she told me she could never see me as just a friend as the attraction will always be there and we have such chemistry still that we always feel the urge to sleep with each other. And it isn't one night stand sex either... it is just as passionate as when we were dating, if not more so!
tkgirl Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 When someone says 'I'm in love with you as a person, but not in love with you'... what does it mean? When I have asked people about this before, most say, it is that you care for them, but don't have romantic feelings for them. But this isn't true in my case as she has also said 'I love you' and told me she meant it and also that she told me she could never see me as just a friend as the attraction will always be there and we have such chemistry still that we always feel the urge to sleep with each other. And it isn't one night stand sex either... it is just as passionate as when we were dating, if not more so! it means she's F-in' with your head... run!
northstar1 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 When someone says 'I'm in love with you as a person, but not in love with you'... what does it mean? When I have asked people about this before, most say, it is that you care for them, but don't have romantic feelings for them. But this isn't true in my case as she has also said 'I love you' and told me she meant it and also that she told me she could never see me as just a friend as the attraction will always be there and we have such chemistry still that we always feel the urge to sleep with each other. And it isn't one night stand sex either... it is just as passionate as when we were dating, if not more so! It means she doesn't know what she wants. who the hell does at her age. having attraction and sex with someone doesn't equate to love necessarily, at least the that means someone sticks around. if she meant it and wanted to be with you 100% she would be. look for actions here mate, not words.
Author EthanH Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 actions... um... breaking up with me and then coming back and then getting cold feet again as she is scared she doesn't feel enough...i don't know!
tkgirl Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 actions... um... breaking up with me and then coming back and then getting cold feet again as she is scared she doesn't feel enough...i don't know! yeah, you do know... stop letting her F with your with your head like that!
northstar1 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 actions... um... breaking up with me and then coming back and then getting cold feet again as she is scared she doesn't feel enough...i don't know! Right,and those are not the actions of some who is is undoubtedly in love with you and looking for a committed, mature relationship.
Eeyore79 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Usually it means she likes you as a person but doesn't have the hots for you or want sex with you. Even though she's having sex with you, it doesn't mean the sex is good enough for her to want to have that and nothing else forever. I've banged guys who I kept doing it with because pretty much all sex is enjoyable to some extent, but it wasn't good enough for me to want to stay with him. Alternatively, she could mean that you're a nice guy and good in bed, but you're not the type of guy she wants to be with in the long term - i.e. you're not wealthy, or don't have a good education and career, or don't have particularly good prospects, or don't want kids, etc.
Author EthanH Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 see that just confuses me... she says I tick every box in terms of what she wants...she just has bad memories of the end of our relationship... she said she needs to be stronger and resist me, even though when I have been with her it has been her who has initiated it. it's such a mess. told me when i kissed her when we first got back together (temporarily) that it was the best kiss she has ever had. She went out of her way to tell me that. She also told me she loved me and that she has never meant it more, and never been more comfortable with saying it. She says she is just scared she has moved on too much... my reading of it, and the view of my friends is that she is confused as she was really needy before and she has realised she doesn't need me, but still wants me, and yet to her, it feels like she doesn't feel as intense about me (she does, just in a different way)... so i don't know what to do... she might never realise that, but do i tell her?
Author EthanH Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 Alternatively, she could mean that you're a nice guy and good in bed, but you're not the type of guy she wants to be with in the long term - i.e. you're not wealthy, or don't have a good education and career, or don't have particularly good prospects, or don't want kids, etc. also, without wanting to sound arrogant, I pretty much fit everyone of these, well apart from the last, we are still young and I know both of us don't want kids yet!
phineas Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 You tell her to call you when she has figured it out. She is either 100% in or out. You also tell her you are not waiting around for her to figure out either & you date other people. She will keep you in limbo until you finally get fed up with all the time you wasted on her.
tkgirl Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 see that just confuses me... she says I tick every box in terms of what she wants...she just has bad memories of the end of our relationship... she said she needs to be stronger and resist me, even though when I have been with her it has been her who has initiated it. it's such a mess. told me when i kissed her when we first got back together (temporarily) that it was the best kiss she has ever had. She went out of her way to tell me that. She also told me she loved me and that she has never meant it more, and never been more comfortable with saying it. She says she is just scared she has moved on too much... my reading of it, and the view of my friends is that she is confused as she was really needy before and she has realised she doesn't need me, but still wants me, and yet to her, it feels like she doesn't feel as intense about me (she does, just in a different way)... so i don't know what to do... she might never realise that, but do i tell her? seriously? she sounds like a huge drama queen... good luck!
carhill Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Mind-f*cker. I wasted a lot of years on one of those. Classic. Accept that there's something in her head which prevents a healthy relationship with yourself. Find someone who 'ticks every box' in terms of what *you* want and can give you what *you* want. It's not her.
northstar1 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 see that just confuses me... she says I tick every box in terms of what she wants...she just has bad memories of the end of our relationship... she said she needs to be stronger and resist me, even though when I have been with her it has been her who has initiated it. it's such a mess. told me when i kissed her when we first got back together (temporarily) that it was the best kiss she has ever had. She went out of her way to tell me that. She also told me she loved me and that she has never meant it more, and never been more comfortable with saying it. She says she is just scared she has moved on too much... my reading of it, and the view of my friends is that she is confused as she was really needy before and she has realised she doesn't need me, but still wants me, and yet to her, it feels like she doesn't feel as intense about me (she does, just in a different way)... so i don't know what to do... she might never realise that, but do i tell her? Then why isn't she willing to commit 100% and stick with you, without turning to all this drama?? Otherwise, you are making excuses for her.
boogieboy Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 see that just confuses me... she says I tick every box in terms of what she wants...she just has bad memories of the end of our relationship... she said she needs to be stronger and resist me, even though when I have been with her it has been her who has initiated it. it's such a mess. told me when i kissed her when we first got back together (temporarily) that it was the best kiss she has ever had. She went out of her way to tell me that. She also told me she loved me and that she has never meant it more, and never been more comfortable with saying it. She says she is just scared she has moved on too much... my reading of it, and the view of my friends is that she is confused as she was really needy before and she has realised she doesn't need me, but still wants me, and yet to her, it feels like she doesn't feel as intense about me (she does, just in a different way)... so i don't know what to do... she might never realise that, but do i tell her? It means you dont "do it" for her. She doesnt feel butterflies with you. She has to be "in love" with you to be with you long term. She keeps coming back to you because she cant be alone...and she hasnt found someone to replace 6you yet. Soon as she finds someone who actually gives her butterflies, and shes looking for it, she will leave you in the dust. You are setting yourself up for a big heartbreak if you keep staying in touch with her. She probably broke it off with you to start with someone else and then when it didnt work out, she went back to you. Dont believe anything she says, she will tell you what she needs to say to keep you at arms length, at her mercy. Dont let her do that to you.
Twenty-ten Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 It means there is no sexual chemistry for her. She loves you like you love a really good friend but she doesn't look at you and think WOW I want to jump his bones. Unfortunately this is exactly what it means when someone says they love you and are not in love with you. She has no romantic feelings for you, your friends were right, she can still love you but that is in a best friend sort of way. You should seriously consider moving on since this is not based on your particular attributes so don't take this hard. Sometimes we can't explain why we find people sexually appealing, or find chemistry with them, and other times we just don't.
Author EthanH Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 See I know this is totally untrue. That is the one thing we have always had, and when we got back temporarily, that was the main thing which was still amazing. She certainly sees me in that way. It was her who initiated it. And put it this way, I'm sure, very sure, that it isn't a problem. In many ways, I think the sex was one of the main things which kept us together sometimes in the relationship, that and the closeness we had. I have put this facebook convo in a post... let me know what you think...
Author EthanH Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t228871/ ok so this is the convo i would like people to view...
northstar1 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 See I know this is totally untrue. That is the one thing we have always had, and when we got back temporarily, that was the main thing which was still amazing. She certainly sees me in that way. It was her who initiated it. And put it this way, I'm sure, very sure, that it isn't a problem. In many ways, I think the sex was one of the main things which kept us together sometimes in the relationship, that and the closeness we had. I have put this facebook convo in a post... let me know what you think... Sex confuses a lot of things. You need to take a step back and take a breather here. You also need to get some perspective on this by taking a break from her. You're looking for a lot of signals and signs in past behaviours in the hope it will tell you what you want to hear. Both of you are feeding off the drama, except at 19, it is more expected from her end. You're the older guy mate, start showing some maturity and confidence here and stop playing her games. If you aren't going to let this go, then be frank, tell her what you want and what you will accept and then back off. If she can't come to the table with agreement, then walk away. It's that simple. Either she wants to be monogamous with you or she doesn't. You are either on the same page or you aren't.
txsilkysmoothe Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 She wants the relationship to be over, but is also afraid of it ending, so she tries to have it both ways. Think of it as a bird leaving the safety of the mothers nest, the bird flies away until it gets scared, lonely or feels unsure, so it returns to the nest, regains its resolve to leave, flies away again. Each time it leaves, it grows more confident until one day, it never returns. Do you really want to be continually waiting for her to return until one day you have to slowly accept that she won't?
Twenty-ten Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 She wants the relationship to be over, but is also afraid of it ending, so she tries to have it both ways. Exactly!!! Furthermore, this: . It's strange as since we have split, we have done our own thing, enjoyed ourselves, but both felt we missed each other. She said she missed me but was worried it was for reasons which she hates as she thinks it is her being 'needy' is the dead giveaway that she is just not into you the way she should be. She is not in love with you. She enjoys the companionship as a friend, but more than likely she wants to try being single and seeing what more is out there. This is the reason why she won't contact you when you split up, she knows she is doing more harm than good when she reconnects with you after a breakup. You need to let her go. Let her go do whatever it is she feels she needs to do and if it's meant to be she will come back to you once she figures things out.
Author EthanH Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 I genuinely don't think she wants it over. For this reason. She was away from me. She didn't need to come back. She isn't an idiot. She came back to me. And then got scared again. It is so much harder because she specifically said to me last saturday that she thought it would be easier for her to cut me off, it would be easier for both of us, but she knew that I knew that she still wasn't sure, she still really loved me... so she thought I would appreciate her being honest with me, even though it made things harder.
alex123 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 everytime someone replies to you, you keep saying theyre wrong somehow... maybe you should look at what everyone is saying. each person replying is saying you should forget her...what advice do you want really? listen to what everyone is saying...youre so obsessed about every small detail you cant see whats actually happening here if youre not willing to accept people's advice then don't ask for it be a man, think about what you want, not about what she wants or how confused she is
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