Author ReadyforLove Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 Don't tell him you're doing this, it's not really any of his business since you're not in a committed relationship with him. I won't be telling him anything but the thing is, we did decide to be in a committed relationship and we have not entirely broken it off. We have been in contact with each other every day and I don't see that changing. I just can't really take him seriously if he finds the need to log in to that damn site still!
stillafool Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I won't be telling him anything but the thing is, we did decide to be in a committed relationship and we have not entirely broken it off. We have been in contact with each other every day and I don't see that changing. I just can't really take him seriously if he finds the need to log in to that damn site still! Then you should tell him this.
BWLoca Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Agree with Tony T. Just treat him like another friend; that's if you even still want to be with him at this point.
2sunny Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Apparently, he was getting messages, was unable to view them and so he reactivated his profile out of curiosity. The problem is, I confronted him face-to-face on Friday and he got extremely defensive and denied the whole thing. By Sunday, when he had "cooled off" I'm guessing, he told me "truth". He then went on to say that he was hurt that I didn't trust him and that he thinks we should get to know each other better. If I really knew him, I wouldn't have had any doubts about him being back on the site. He says we should take a couple of steps back, talk more, get to know each other more and see what happens. Oh, and he also mentioned not having sex during this period Anyone have any thoughts on this? I'm pretty much considering myself as "single" now especially since we won't be intimate I figure I can still date others (although I haven't mentioned this to him). ahem, you can still check messages even if you're not VISIBLE to others. he obviously had a reason for wanting to be visible. on Friday and he got extremely defensive and denied the whole thing. By Sunday, when he had "cooled off" I'm guessing, he told me "truth". HUGE - BIG problem. HE LIES! he gets defensive when he's caught... then backpedals and gives a new version of the truth. he also lied about making his profile visible again - he knows EXACTLY why he did it. that is a huge deal breaker for me. he's telling you no sex because he's actively looking around and has someone that's a bigger priority... one he WANTS to have sex with. he just moved you to the back burner and you gladly approved. has he asked you out for Saturday night yet? if not, seeing as it's Thursday - he's got a date lined up with the new gal. defensive and lies are always deal breakers for me.
Author ReadyforLove Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 (edited) has he asked you out for Saturday night yet? if not, seeing as it's Thursday - he's got a date lined up with the new gal. We have plans for tonight. He has work early on Sat & Sun so it was either we meet up tonight or Friday. I already made plans for Friday. I didn't really know how to take the "no sex" comment but maybe you are right that there is someone else he wants to have sex with. I think our relationship is just so new that if he wants to keep his options open then I will do the same! I like him and am not trying to put any pressure on either one of us but I definitely won't be getting intimate until he can commit 100% (and take down the damn profile!) Edited April 22, 2010 by ReadyforLove
Star Gazer Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I really feel like I know the guy you're referring to....
Author ReadyforLove Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 LOL I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, Star Gazer...
Crazy Magnet Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Why are you waiting on this loser to come around again? With so many men in the world you can find one without all this drama at the beginning of a relationship.
2sunny Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 We have plans for tonight. He has work early on Sat & Sun so it was either we meet up tonight or Friday. I already made plans for Friday. I didn't really know how to take the "no sex" comment but maybe you are right that there is someone else he wants to have sex with. I think our relationship is just so new that if he wants to keep his options open then I will do the same! I like him and am not trying to put any pressure on either one of us but I definitely won't be getting intimate until he can commit 100% (and take down the damn profile!) keep your profile visible. you are available since he's stated in an elusive way that it's not exclusive. yep, he has plans with someone else... since he didn't make plans for you on Saturday evening. i know plenty of men that work early weekend mornings (is 5am early?) and they still manage an evening out every weekend with the gal they are SERIOUS about. it is their PRIORITY. this guy has a priority that's bigger than you. are you happy enough with second place? he expects you to be, that's why he's doing what he's doing.
Art_Critic Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 All of this drama and you both have only known each other a month. Your exclusive but not serious.. your own words.. huh ?? Any exclusive talk from a guy this soon is more about nailing the chick than actually being exclusive.. I think the guy is sport dating... you just haven't figured it out yet.. Then on the other hand why would you feel betrayed after only knowing someone less time than a billing cycle ? I'm confused...
Author ReadyforLove Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 You guys are all right, I know it deep down inside... We have plans for tonight and now I'm thinking about canceling on him. I wanted to meet up with him to gauge our interaction but now I'm feeling like I don't even want to waste my time.
Crazy Magnet Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Any exclusive talk from a guy this soon is more about nailing the chick than actually being exclusive. Now that's not always true. But I think it is in this case. Unless he's actively showing you how exclusive he is, then he's not exclusive with you. My BF and I met online and decided to be exclusive very quickly. However, both profiles were turned off immediately. We didn't care who or what was messaging us because we knew we wanted only each other. Why would you waste your time tonight? If it were me in the situation I would cancel tonight, tell him the profile thing wasn't working for me, tell him to have a nice life, that I have no desire to date or talk to him anymore. But that's just me. I go cold turkey! And get your profile back up and put yourself back on the market!!
Author ReadyforLove Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 In the past it has been really easy for me to go cold turkey also. But for some reason, my dumb ass wants to give this guy the benefit of the doubt! It really must say something about my self-esteem and I know that I have many men-related issues that I need to deal with at some point. Instead, I jump from one b.s. relationship to the next. I know there are many other men out there but I don't ever want to feel like I let something/someone pass me by. Even if this man is full of it, I won't ever be okay with cutting off communication until I have convinced myself that I am truly being played by him and I am only an option as opposed to a priority. Sad, but true.
txsilkysmoothe Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Apparently, he was getting messages, was unable to view them and so he reactivated his profile out of curiosity. ~~~ He was getting messages from who? Women? How is that an explanation? It's confirmation isn't it? It sounds like you're talking about Match. I'm fairly certain if your profile is hidden, people can't email you. You don't have to be visible to read your email, either.
tkgirl Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 In the past it has been really easy for me to go cold turkey also. But for some reason, my dumb ass wants to give this guy the benefit of the doubt! It really must say something about my self-esteem and I know that I have many men-related issues that I need to deal with at some point. Instead, I jump from one b.s. relationship to the next. I know there are many other men out there but I don't ever want to feel like I let something/someone pass me by. Even if this man is full of it, I won't ever be okay with cutting off communication until I have convinced myself that I am truly being played by him and I am only an option as opposed to a priority. Sad, but true. why do you have to convince yourself of this? He tells you he can see a future with you... and after dating only a month or so? to me that's a little soon to know that... and yet he still has his profile up... meaning he's still looking for the BBD (bigger better deal). The guy is full of crap... you need to start believing you deserve better.
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