How do you pull away emotionally? Is it possible?

[smartblonde]

I posted my situation in an earlier post about meeting a guy in a support group for recently-separated people. We talk almost every day...about our jobs, ex's, kids...and its clear to me that I give him a great deal of support. Actually, I think he relies on it quite heavily. We have gone out together but it was never officially defined as a "date". We did have one night together but we quickly told each other soon after that neither of us can move forward because we are both recently separated and still recovering.

 

But, its obvious to me that I have come to care for him "more than a friend" even though I know it will probably never go any further. I know that I need to disengage somehow but I can bring myself to do it at the expense of hurting him.

 

I would like to continue to be supportive to him but at the same time, pull away emotionally. Is this possible?

 

He is so fragile at the moment. I can't bring myself to do anything that would make him feel rejected.

 

And please don't tell me to find another guy. I really just need a break from the emotional roller-coaster I'm experiencing.

 

Thanks all

[boogieboy]

You cant worry about him feeling rejected, he knows how to handle it, he's a grown man.

 

You cant pull away from him and still see him in person, that will be torture to him. Do you care about that? You have to completely take yourself out of the picture or dont pull away at all.

[make me believe]

I would like to continue to be supportive to him but at the same time, pull away emotionally. Is this possible?

 

No, I don't think this is possible. You need to stop seeing this guy completely. You're not responsible for supporting him or protecting him from being hurt. He is an adult, not a "fragile" little boy. He needs to learn to deal with things on his own.

[sagetalk]

It's a simple answer, but you've already screwed this one up. Don't get sexual with a guy until you're in a relationship with him. Then, if he turns out to be Mr. Wrong, you're emotional attachments are low. Sex is a huge emotional attachment. Go slower next time. As for this time, you're just gonna have to take it in the gut.

 

If you don't like emotional roller-coasters, then don't sleep with guys that early in the relationship. That will save you an avalanche load of pain in the future.

[123BeachFan]

It sounds like his neediness on you is unhealthy. Don't worry if he perceives your pulling back as rejection. He needs to stand on his own two feet. Reduce how available you are to him, the quickness in responding to his calls or emails, the amount of time you give him to share his problems with you. See if that doesn't do the trick.

[deux ex machina]

I think being this clear would help:

 

"I really just need a break from the emotional roller-coaster I'm experiencing."

 

...and then completely backing off.

 

This seems to have 'powder keg awaiting a match' written all over it. Please take good care of yourself, smartblonde. Best of luck to you.