OWoman Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 You say you're on a crusade to inform people about A's, I could think of other threads where you could be of help: Those where they brag of breaking up, or being in the marriage, and resume w bashing the wife .. Yep, that's it - a crusade is what us sinners need! The more you preach at us, the more likely we are to end our "unblessed" Ms and hand back our "stolen" Hs to their "respected" Ws so that the world can more closely approximate that which a particular poster's particular reading of their particular favourite religion ordains, and once those few posters are happy we can all keep our wayward fingers busy by counting our blessings :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 my A as we knew it ended the night i called xmm w and told her of the A. this followed a huge fight (one of many that month) and my reaction was to hurt him as much as he did me. I was sure the only way to do this was to out the A and by doing so I knew I'd end the A also. I knew this was what i ultimately wanted as our A had ran its course but we were too embedded to remove ourselves. we of course loved each other but and shared a very strong bond. after i outed xmm to his w he and i went NC for a few months and he told me that he and w were separated. our "involvement" resumed although at first he was hesitant to trust i wouldn't out him again so he attempted to keep things between us on a "friendship" level. i questioned why would he be concerned about outing if he was separted and he insisted he that if he D he didn't want to to make things worse by flaunting our R. The dynamics of our involvement was the same but its was now defined as a "friendship". after a few months more of sneaking around, lying and going underground with our involvement, w found a text in his phone to me. she confronted me and told me that they were NOT separated and i in turned told her of our continued involvement. mm and w DID separate following outing#2 and he and i resumed our involvement. i tried to assure me that he was sorry for lying and that he justs wants to move on and not lie or hurt anyone. i told him that if he wanted to R with his w at anytime to just be honest, he insisted it was OVER and got angry when i brought it up. my gut began screaming at me that something was off, and xmm became more persistent as i backed off. i told him he should go and work on his m and he again insisted that wasnt going to happen and asked if WE could move forward. weeks later after badgering xmm to tell me whats going on he finally tells me that he and w are going to work things out. i would have respected him IF he hadn't lied to the very end or until he got w to agree to R or vice versa. i didnt feel jilted because at that point he was NOT who i thought he was. he showed his weakness and was simply pitiful to look at. he was not the man i had an A with he was pretending the entire time to be what he was NOT. so basically during a final convo with his w she discovered that her H did in fact love me enough to betray and disrespect her to epic proportions and that if it werent for the fact that i outed him he would still be with me. i also told her that i was done with him and she can have him back. i told her that was why during their TRUE separation, i wouldn't sleep with him or make contact with him. i had a feeling he was lying. she confirmed and admitted he lied to her as well. it was more than obvious xmm was trying to use me as his alternative in the event that w didn't want to R. now does this make me feel bad? well of course but im sure its not nearly as much of a blow as finding out that your h had more than just a ONS, he lived another life,loving,caring and providing for ow and that he lied, decieved and manipulated you for 4yrs. and flaunted ow around town in front of friends and FAMILY. so yes i feel hurt that i was intended as the alternative but i am HAPPY that i found out what kind of man he is NOT and i CAN move on but the foundation of his M is forever changed. his w may think she has won a fabulous prize or that she won a sick competition but the fact is, i opened an email account that i set up for him some time ago and that w is unaware of and he has signed up for several dating sites 1 week after their supposed to be "working" on their M. how's THAT for a "prize"?!! well all Thanks for letting me get this out and for reading my story. I suspect i will get a myriad of views and all are welcomed. Nowhere in this entire lengthy post does it even mention that you are M! For someone who defines themselves as a "soccer mom", who didn't want to expose their kids to a (lyin' cheatin' scumbag of a) MM, this all seems rather contradictory. If being M, and a mother, is so key to your identity - why did you only 'fess up on that VERY MATERIAL info much later? There is a world of difference in the A dynamics, expectations, constraints and context between a S AP and a MP, and where both APs are M. The omission of that critical info was at best naive, else disengenuous. Your crusade is unlikely to succeed if you can't muster up sufficient credibility, empathy or understanding in your heathens... Link to post Share on other sites
Confused Lady Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Franie, although it's natural to be pissed off at yourself ( I know where you're coming from!) try not to be. We all make mistakes. We just have to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 because i lived in the home with my children and was not going to expose them to a MM living in our home Why - because he "cheated" on his BW and you didn't want them exposed to such dubious morality, given the fine upstanding morals of their parents? Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Yep, that's it - a crusade is what us sinners need! The more you preach at us, the more likely we are to end our "unblessed" Ms and hand back our "stolen" Hs to their "respected" Ws so that the world can more closely approximate that which a particular poster's particular reading of their particular favourite religion ordains, and once those few posters are happy we can all keep our wayward fingers busy by counting our blessings :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. OMG, I think I just peed a little!!! (Excuse me while I go count my blessings.. 1.My children, 2.My Sweetheart:love: 3.... well, you get the point .) Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Yep, that's it - a crusade is what us sinners need! The more you preach at us, the more likely we are to end our "unblessed" Ms and hand back our "stolen" Hs to their "respected" Ws so that the world can more closely approximate that which a particular poster's particular reading of their particular favourite religion ordains, and once those few posters are happy we can all keep our wayward fingers busy by counting our blessings :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: With such a disdain for M its amazing to me that you even bothered. Unfortunately you can't be both his mistress and his wife. "Preach to US????" Seriously? Are you a wife or an still an OW? Good grief, I realize you got some type of power trip from it all but that's over now. You are married. Next step BS or MOW dependin g on which of you has something better come along first. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I deliberatley didn't devulge that information but i will tell you this much, why i allowed myself to engage in is what i must live with regardless of anyone's opinion of the reasons i chose to do so. Nowhere in this entire lengthy post does it even mention that you are M! For someone who defines themselves as a "soccer mom", who didn't want to expose their kids to a (lyin' cheatin' scumbag of a) MM, this all seems rather contradictory. If being M, and a mother, is so key to your identity - why did you only 'fess up on that VERY MATERIAL info much later? There is a world of difference in the A dynamics, expectations, constraints and context between a S AP and a MP, and where both APs are M. The omission of that critical info was at best naive, else disengenuous. Your crusade is unlikely to succeed if you can't muster up sufficient credibility, empathy or understanding in your heathens... Precisely, OWoman. I agree. The deliberate omission of pertinent information by the OP makes it very hard for any poster to lend her any credibility or take her seriously. And the berating of a poster who posted based on the information given is also pretty tacky, IMO. How can anyone post with someone that deliberately withholds information and then changes the story to "this happened a year ago" when a poster posts based on what was posted? I can understand the desire for anonymity, but this strikes me as being misleading on purpose. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Precisely, OWoman. I agree. The deliberate omission of pertinent information by the OP makes it very hard for any poster to lend her any credibility or take her seriously. And the berating of a poster who posted based on the information given is also pretty tacky, IMO. How can anyone post with someone that deliberately withholds information and then changes the story to "this happened a year ago" when a poster posts based on what was posted? I can understand the desire for anonymity, but this strikes me as being misleading on purpose. The whole thing seems purposely misleading. Sounds to me like someone whose affair ended bitterly, and now she wants to climb up on the mountaintop and point out the path of salvation to the masses, but rather than be honest about what she did and how she felt, she is making things up, and twisting the story to try to best suit her needs at the time, not realizing that the plot twists she is adding is doing more to hurt her cause than anything. I think it is hooey, and if I want anyone to worry about my everlasting soul, I will be sure to take up with the person with the proper authority to save it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 so yes i feel hurt that i was intended as the alternative but i am HAPPY that i found out what kind of man he is NOT that should have been apparent to you by the very fact he was cheating on his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
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