I think I'm about to get fired :(

[shadowplay]

God, i feel awful.

 

This is so humiliating, and I feel betrayed by all the people there who I thought were decent (she mentioned the names of that other woman and this guy who I was friendly with as playing a part in the decision).

 

I still can't get over how critical they were about how I taught my first class when I really did my best.

[Star Gazer]

It feels pretty bad to have written this long email talking about the abortion/pregnancy, which was hard enough to do, and then get fired. And never be given any warning that they had problems with my performance.

 

I know it sucks, and it sounds like she's a wench.

 

For future reference, I'd refrain from discussing controversial details of your personal life, like the fact that you had an abortion. Some people will have a viceral reaction to that, and not in your favor. Rather, just explain that you were going through some pretty tough personal medical stuff. I mean, she may be some pro-life nut and decided to make the decision on that ground alone. So if/when a FUTURE employer asks, say the truth - that you had some pretty tough personal MEDICAL stuff going on, and that it caused your performance to suffer. You can always add that your ex-employer was fully aware of the situation too (making them look cold hearted, without actually bad mouthing them).

 

I know my job is lost, but I feel like I should do something to discourage other students from working there because I'd hate to see the same thing happen to somebody else. Maybe write a letter to the school paper?

 

No, no, don't do that. That could potentially harm your future prospects for employment with other employers... not to mention open a big can of worms about your personal life. So just don't. Vent away here, and to your friends and family, but don't get the press involved.

 

Are you going to start looking for work, or take a breather to regroup?

[Lauriebell82]

I know it sucks, and it sounds like she's a wench.

 

For future reference, I'd refrain from discussing controversial details of your personal life, like the fact that you had an abortion. Some people will have a viceral reaction to that, and not in your favor. Rather, just explain that you were going through some pretty tough personal medical stuff. I mean, she may be some pro-life nut and decided to make the decision on that ground alone. So if/when a FUTURE employer asks, say the truth - that you had some pretty tough personal MEDICAL stuff going on, and that it caused your performance to suffer. You can always add that your ex-employer was fully aware of the situation too (making them look cold hearted, without actually bad mouthing them).

 

This is good advice..sometimes good workers get fired for unfair reasons unfortunately right Shadowplay?

 

I'm sorry this happened Shadowplay. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I feel that I was fired for unjust reasons. The only thing I can say is that it is pretty hard to find a job after being fired. It took me over 6 months. It's unfortunate, but even if you use a medical excuse employers wonder if that kind of thing will happen again. Even if you try to reassure them that it won't it will still be a red flag. I wish it didn't have to be that way, it's very unfair.

 

I know it was sad the way they did it, but I got fired on my lunch hour! Conviently after I had seen all my clients for the month and done all my work.

 

I will say that it may be a little easier for you to move on because they did give you a bit of a warning and you know the reason you were fired. It will help you find closure and get over it a lot faster.

 

I am so sorry this happened. ((hugs))

[threebyfate]

Straight up shadow, you were fired for cause, which was a combination of valid concerns, incorrect information and poor training on their part.

 

I'm honestly sorry I gave you the advice about divulging the pregnancy, since they chose not to be merciful. It was a shot in the dark since in the past, I've personally withheld firing someone who had gone through a hard time in their personal life (HIV scare), as long as the situation was rectified and their performance picked up.

 

I will say that any kind of emotional appeal to an employer, should be face-to-face, rather than via email. This way, they get the full impact of your honesty of emotions.

[Star Gazer]

Straight up shadow, you were fired for cause...

 

You really don't know that. This chick may have just not liked Shadow, or particularly not liked Shadow's explanation (the abortion, etc.). It could be any number of things.

Edited April 1, 2010 by Star Gazer

[alphamale]

God, i feel awful.

don't worry you'll be fine, this is a good learning experience. start looking for another job pronto

[threebyfate]

You really don't know that. This chick may have just not liked Shadow, or particularly not liked Shadow's explanation (the abortion, etc.). It could be any number of things.

A week ago, shadow was given a list and told it's possible they're going to fire her.

 

She sent them an email talking about pregnancy AND also, gave her perspective about the misconceptions.

 

To immediately zone in on the pregnancy aspect to be the reason, is just deliberate button pushing, SG. But that's okay, it's your normal MO. You also don't know anything for certain.

[Star Gazer]

To immediately zone in on the pregnancy aspect to be the reason, is just deliberate button pushing, SG. But that's okay, it's your normal MO. You also don't know anything for certain.

 

FFS, that is not what I'm doing at all, and you know better than to accuse me of that. You yourself apologized for encouraging Shadow to tell them, because it could have played a role in their decision. Are you button pushing too? Is LB button pushing too by agreeing with me above? I decidely think not. But I do know one thing: "STRAIGHT UP", nothing is for certain. So telling her she was fired for cause is presumptuous.

 

Shadow has given us other facts which point to truly unfair treatment (the girl is very young, just out of school, just barely above Shadow in rank, etc., etc.), and the fact that they weren't even remotely understanding about what she told them, or at least put her on probation or the like to see if she could recover from the blip, only compounds a conclusion that she was experiencing unfair treatment.

[carhill]

Shadow, sorry to read about this latest development. I hope you gained something positive from your employment experience and can apply it in the future. Kudos to you for recognizing your responsibilities in the dynamic. Continued wishes for good health and future employment.

[shadowplay]

TBF, thanks for apologizing but don't worry about it. Given what you and I both knew, it seemed like a possibly good approach at the time. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't also feel like it might have worked.

 

In retrospect, though, I can see how it might not have gone over well considering her personality. She's a kind of cold, reserved Midwesterner. The times I've tried to make chit chat with her, both when we were interns and when she was promoted, she was very unresponsive. I remember asking her questions as conversation starters that didn't lead anywhere. She also never talked about herself. I wouldn't say she came off as unfriendly because she would smile and be polite, but there was a layer of coldness beneath the surface.

 

Also in retrospect, the two or three times in my life I've tried to appeal to a higher up's empathy it's always blown up in my face, even in cases where I had a much stronger case. That's something I should have taken into consideration. I don't know if it's something about the way I specifically come across, or human nature in general. I think it might be a combination of both. People who don't know me well seem to misunderstand and distrust me because of my social awkwardness, even though I try to be friendly. But also some people just get colder in general when presented with an emotional plea.

[threebyfate]

Try not to internalize the effectiveness of the appeal. I sincerely doubt it had anything to do with your manner.

 

If they were very critical about your first performance and focused heavily on this, more than anything it sounds like they'd already made up their minds.

 

It really sucks when you have employers who don't train properly or give proper guidance and constructive criticism, before it gets to the point of termination.

 

From a business perspective, they suck bad, since on average, it takes six months to a year, to get a cost effective return on new employees.

[Hot Carl]

If I was annoyed to the point of considering letting someone go, getting an email full of personal details and what might look like excuses would not make things better.

 

All I'd want to hear is "I recognize my own poor performance and I've been letting my personal life intrude. I care about this job enough to ask for another chance to show that I can focus and meet the team's objectives. I apologize for making things difficult on you."

 

Or even better would be, "I know I haven't been meeting your expectations, and it just seems like no matter how hard I try I can't bring myself to care about what goes on around here enough to dedicate my energy to it. I'm not money-driven, even when I'm broke, and I think maybe I should look for something to do and/or a team that challenges me and holds my attention."

[Star Gazer]

If I was annoyed to the point of considering letting someone go, getting an email full of personal details and what might look like excuses would not make things better.

 

All I'd want to hear is "I recognize my own poor performance and I've been letting my personal life intrude. I care about this job enough to ask for another chance to show that I can focus and meet the team's objectives. I apologize for making things difficult on you."

 

Or even better would be, "I know I haven't been meeting your expectations, and it just seems like no matter how hard I try I can't bring myself to care about what goes on around here enough to dedicate my energy to it. I'm not money-driven, even when I'm broke, and I think maybe I should look for something to do and/or a team that challenges me and holds my attention."

 

I really agree.

 

(I'm not sure I'd say the second option, but if it was true, perhaps it would be a good idea.)

[shadowplay]

I don't know what to gain from this experience, other than to not ever let my personal life cause a slip in my performance. What frustrates me is the things they really focused on were not those slips but the situations where I was trying my hardest but still fell short of their expectations.

 

I think back to all of those months where I bent over backwards to do a good job for them and put in extra time that I was never paid for and it all seems like a waste now. I won't even be able to get a reference out of it. I'm hesitant to even put the work down on my resume lest somebody calls them for a reference.

 

I guess I should just move on.

[shadowplay]

I forgot to mention my ex also works there. Of course this led to awkwardness when we broke up. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he badmouthed me to people there after we broke up, as he tended to do that with other people all the time when we were on the rocks.

[Kamille]

The good new is you're still in school and can still use your teachers as references.

 

I don't know whether you should keep in your resume or not. -But, there, again, you are saved by the fact that you're in school. It is fairly common not to work part-time while studying.

 

You'll be fine Shadow.

[Star Gazer]

I forgot to mention my ex also works there. Of course this led to awkwardness when we broke up. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he badmouthed me to people there after we broke up, as he tended to do that with other people all the time when we were on the rocks.

 

Shadow, you KILL ME when you leave out such important details!! Either in this thread or ones about your ex.

 

That adds so much to the equation, and I do think you're on to something about that...

 

In any event, you will be fine. Promise. If anything, this was really a blessing in disguise...

[shadowplay]

If anything, this was really a blessing in disguise...

 

How so? I hope there's a silver lining.

 

--------------------------------

[Isolde]

I'm really sorry. All I can say is I too have difficulty forgetting my personal life while at the workplace--I think most of us do, so there's no need to self-flagellate, rather continue doing your best and if possible, wait until graduation to find a new job, where you can focus more just on that.

[Star Gazer]

How so? I hope there's a silver lining.

 

--------------------------------

 

Off the top of my head, it gets you away from your ex (which you know you need) and allows you the chance to find a stable happy place to work, one

that's as happy and stable as your BF.

 

When one door closes, tons of others open. This situation is no different. You WILL be okay, Shadow. It smarts now, it sucks, but you'll only grow and get better from experiences like this.

 

[SadandConfusedWA]

You were treated really unfairly shadow. Your ex is such an a-hole that I wouldn't put it past him, especially given that you are now happy with the new bf and have rejected his sexual advances.

 

Still, the girl that fired you is a heartless biatch. In my experience people that are pretty junior and recently promoted are particularly vicious and out to prove how "tough" they are.

 

I have also found that almost every person that I work with and trusted in the past has stabbed me in the back. And emotional pleas to the superiors have never worked for me either. You really need to be extremly logical, cool and detached when dealing with work issues. The sad reality is that people are very self-absorbed and they just don't care.

 

You will be OK shadow. I know it feels terrible now, but it's no big loss. Sounds like that place was pretty toxic for you. Concetrate on the positives: you have a great bf that adores you, you are young, healthy and brilliant - you really have the whole world at your feet

[shadowplay]

Off the top of my head, it gets you away from your ex (which you know you need) and allows you the chance to find a stable happy place to work, one

that's as happy and stable as your BF.

 

When one door closes, tons of others open. This situation is no different. You WILL be okay, Shadow. It smarts now, it sucks, but you'll only grow and get better from experiences like this.

 

 

Thanks, that makes me feel slightly better.

[D-Lish]

Also in retrospect, the two or three times in my life I've tried to appeal to a higher up's empathy it's always blown up in my face, even in cases where I had a much stronger case. That's something I should have taken into consideration. I don't know if it's something about the way I specifically come across, or human nature in general. I think it might be a combination of both. People who don't know me well seem to misunderstand and distrust me because of my social awkwardness, even though I try to be friendly. But also some people just get colder in general when presented with an emotional plea.

 

I'm sorry to hear your latest development Shadow.

 

In my experience working within corporations, when higher ups haul you into the office to give you crap, what they are looking to hear is acknowledgement and a promise to fix whatever they deem to be wrong immediately. Excuses (no matter how valid) rarely go over well.

 

I've learned to say "I hear what you're saying, you're right, I'm going to fix this immediately"... Then I go and bitch and complain and vent to people that have nothing to do with my job.

 

I agree that bringing up the abortion might have evoked a personal reaction from your boss. A lot of bosses don't like to hear that your personal life interferes with your job. I'm not one of those bosses, but I've had more than one boss that wanted acknowledgement and compliance over excuses.

 

It's a learning experience. You can learn just as much, if not more, from your failures than you can from success.

[shadowplay]

 

I have also found that almost every person that I work with and trusted in the past has stabbed me in the back. And emotional pleas to the superiors have never worked for me either. You really need to be extremly logical, cool and detached when dealing with work issues. The sad reality is that people are very self-absorbed and they just don't care.

 

You will be OK shadow. I know it feels terrible now, but it's no big loss. Sounds like that place was pretty toxic for you. Concetrate on the positives: you have a great bf that adores you, you are young, healthy and brilliant - you really have the whole world at your feet

 

Aw, thanks.

 

Yeah, from now on I'm not going to trust anyone I work with. I felt that I was sort of friends with two of my superiors (that woman and another guy), but that obviously wasn't the case. With the guy we had long conversations about our lives when I was working at the desk and he was always seemed very empathetic. With the woman I also had a number of long conversations. She also told me about her life in detail.

 

In the future I'm going to avoid befriending superiors because it leads to a sense of intimacy that isn't real. I thought it was OK since it's such a casual workplace, but I should have maintained better boundaries.

 

You're right -- people really just care about themselves in a professional setting, and I should adopt the same mentality.

 

One of my friends made an interesting point tonight when I told him what happened. He said that my email may have made them feel awkward, and that may have tipped them in the direction of firing me if they just didn't want to deal with the awkwardness.

[shadowplay]

Thanks for the responses, guys. You all had something helpful to say.