Ross PK Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 A lot of the time when I see someone talking about how they can't get a girl, I hear a lot of people say that all they need to do is get more confidence. I was even told this myself by a woman doctor. But confidence in what? With women? Or in yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Crusoe Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 In yourself. Know yourself, trust yourself, be yourself and do it for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 In yourself. Know yourself, trust yourself, be yourself and do it for yourself. I'm not really sure I understand. Link to post Share on other sites
josie54 Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Have you heard of the saying, "If you want someone to love you, you first have to love yourself"? It's true. If you don't appreciate yourself and love who you are and what you bring to the world, then that comes through loud and clear to everyone. It tells people that you don't think you're worthy of their attention. People generally like to be around those who are confident, positive, and loving. They gravitate toward those who are like that and away from those who aren't. So, it means you have to have confidence in--and love for--yourself first. And then act on that impulse by doing the things you love and doing things for yourself that show you believe in yourself. By showing that to the world, you'll naturally find people who want to be with you as well. It sounds corny, but it's true. I stay away from negative people because they bring me down and they're too much work. On the other hand, I am attracted to and seek out people who are positive, caring, and energetic--with whom I can have mutually supportive and enjoyable relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
SaintDragon Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Very true, Ross. Using myself as an example I'm one of the least confident people. I have very little confidence in myself, mainly due to image problems and a certain phobia that has ailed me forever. Under all that I am a good guy and I know I could be a good BF.husband, but I refuse to undertake a relationship with a girl until I get rid of this phobia and gain 100% confidence in myself. It starts with yourself and only you... You NEED to be happy in your own skin..that is the key. The rest will shine through, because people will see how confident you are and want to be around you. It starts with you man. Link to post Share on other sites
SaintDragon Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Have you heard of the saying, "If you want someone to love you, you first have to love yourself"? It's true. If you don't appreciate yourself and love who you are and what you bring to the world, then that comes through loud and clear to everyone. It tells people that you don't think you're worthy of their attention. People generally like to be around those who are confident, positive, and loving. They gravitate toward those who are like that and away from those who aren't. So, it means you have to have confidence in--and love for--yourself first. And then act on that impulse by doing the things you love and doing things for yourself that show you believe in yourself. By showing that to the world, you'll naturally find people who want to be with you as well. It sounds corny, but it's true. I stay away from negative people because they bring me down and they're too much work. On the other hand, I am attracted to and seek out people who are positive, caring, and energetic--with whom I can have mutually supportive and enjoyable relationships. This is all so true under all notions. Many people find me sometimes not enjoyable to be around and some have given up totally. No surprise, because in my 30's I became very bitter and expressive of the feelings I kept hidden for many years. After an online romance 6 years ago, that went very wrong, I became extra bitter and very depressed. NO ONE wanted to be with me then....at all and I became a total shut-in, lost my job, but got it back after an explanation and major a$$ kissing. So yes..I became extremely negative in all respect and people do not want to be around that. So, Ross...you have to be a happy, confident person first to get any chance of a relationship.. Being a negative person will not get you anyplace. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Within yourself. If you are 100% confident.. then you will not second guess yourself, making it much easier to seek out a relationship. Also, women can sense real true confidence IMO. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
zebracolors Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 So, Ross...you have to be a happy, confident person first to get any chance of a relationship.. Being a negative person will not get you anyplace. Well, in most cases this is true. But personally for me, I accept that people have their character traits and views. Definitely can't speak for anyone else. If there is a connection, then despite anything I would not turn away. Nor would I want to think I am so special that I could be the one to change how they feel or see the world. In that case both would have to just see where things go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 The thing is is that I'm not even sure if I am comfortable in my own skin or if I love myself. All I know is that when I think of me I like me. But then at the same time it doesn't take much for something to make me feel like a complete loser. Sigh, it's all confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 The thing is is that I'm not even sure if I am comfortable in my own skin or if I love myself. All I know is that when I think of me I like me. But then at the same time it doesn't take much for something to make me feel like a complete loser. Sigh, it's all confusing. You need to love yourself first before you can fully love someone else. This I have learned. Might have taken me half my life, but it's the truth. Have some faith in yourself.. you will be just fine. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Crusoe Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 The thing is is that I'm not even sure if I am comfortable in my own skin or if I love myself. All I know is that when I think of me I like me. But then at the same time it doesn't take much for something to make me feel like a complete loser. Sigh, it's all confusing. I like you Ross. I don't think I like like you, I don't feel I like you, I know I like you. It is a fact, I know it, I trust it, I have no doubt in my mind. I like you, I am 100% confident of that. You are not a loser. I don't think you are not a loser, I don't feel you are not a loser, it is a fact, you are not a loser. I know it, I trust it, I have no doubt in my mind, you are not a loser. I am 100% confident of that. I am not confused in the slightest. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Confidence also means self actualizing and building a life around you that would make you desirable to another person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 You need to love yourself first before you can fully love someone else. This I have learned. Might have taken me half my life, but it's the truth. Have some faith in yourself.. you will be just fine. Mea:) Hey, Mea. What does having faith in yourself mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 I like you Ross. I don't think I like like you, I don't feel I like you, I know I like you. It is a fact, I know it, I trust it, I have no doubt in my mind. I like you, I am 100% confident of that. You are not a loser. I don't think you are not a loser, I don't feel you are not a loser, it is a fact, you are not a loser. I know it, I trust it, I have no doubt in my mind, you are not a loser. I am 100% confident of that. I am not confused in the slightest. Well thanks Crusoe. It's very nice of you to say that. Link to post Share on other sites
Crusoe Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Well thanks Crusoe. It's very nice of you to say that. No worries Ross, it is easy to say, it's the truth. Nobody can do or say anything to dent my faith in that truth. Link to post Share on other sites
zebracolors Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 The thing is is that I'm not even sure if I am comfortable in my own skin or if I love myself. All I know is that when I think of me I like me. But then at the same time it doesn't take much for something to make me feel like a complete loser. Sigh, it's all confusing. I kind of like the skin and mind that makes up Ross. I have my share of insecurities, and self doubt too, and not just from recent events in my life. I've been a little prone to them most of my life. But at the same time, the little gestures or things people do that may not seem like much, that show that they are at least a little concerned, end up making me feel tons better about myself. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 Ross, you seem to have skipped over my response. I really think that important thing is the changes you make to your life once you gain confidence. You can have all the confidence in the world, but if you're 35 and live in your mother's basement few women will consider you boyfriend material. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted March 16, 2010 Author Share Posted March 16, 2010 Ross, you seem to have skipped over my response. I really think that important thing is the changes you make to your life once you gain confidence. You can have all the confidence in the world, but if you're 35 and live in your mother's basement few women will consider you boyfriend material. I'm trying to make those changes. You'll be able to read all about it in my 'Journal of improving my life topic', but as you'll see, things don't really ever go well for me. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 You can have all the confidence in the world, but if you're 35 and live in your mother's basement few women will consider you boyfriend material. True! Confidence means nothing if you don't have something that is desired by females. Link to post Share on other sites
zebracolors Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 True! Confidence means nothing if you don't have something that is desired by females. Heya Ross. Hope its okay if I just give some thoughts here. What if for some women, just having the confidence would make a man desirable? Whether he lives on his own or still with a parent, is circumstantial I would think. Why can't a woman just like a guy for who and how he is? Also it is my humble opinion that the definition of "boyfriend material" will be different for every woman. If you're making effort to improve your confidence that could be quite attractive to a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 Why can't a woman just like a guy for who and how he is? I wish it was so simple Link to post Share on other sites
zebracolors Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 Oh sorry about that Lino, I didn't mean to miss your thought:o. But if you see this, may I ask why you think its not so simple? I am genuinely curious, because I'm in such a situation and am pretty sure I feel that way. Link to post Share on other sites
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