my thread about that damn girl

[mella]

this is a great time to use the diarrhea excuse, works like a charm

[monkeymaid]

what is the diarhea excuse?

[boogieboy]

i

 

 

how do you guys pick your self esteem up when it just seems to be laying in mud?

 

By talking to new women..in person. Not necessarily to start a new relationship, but to get the idea that other women will genuinely like you.

[mella]

just say you can't go because you have wicked diarrhea, no one really questions that, or delves into discussion about it, so it works rather well as an excuse. They will think it a precursor to the flu and then you can come back the next day and say you had a 24 hour bug...good luck!

[GrayClouds]

new development. ...i have to see her thursday night.

 

i work for her parents, she works for her parents. we work at different locations, so thats ok, but thursday, we have a work function that everyone has to go to, and i will see her.

 

i am more saddened by the thought of seeing her and not being able to laugh/tease/kiss on her, and i really dont want to put on the facade of being ok. i am not ok. thats the truth, and i dont want to have to hide it.

 

If you must go just keep things very generic very short, very polite and go out and get some kick ass clothes that makes you feel good (but still in your style). And keep any conversation from personal.

 

You doing only the right things, just keep it up it will get easier.

[monkeymaid]

went out last night till LATE!! hung out with a friend at the pub and met a few girls. ...eyed one girl and i got a little taken aback as i was a little intimidated. this does not happen too often.

 

then today, i was feeling way guilty for flirting. i felt like i was cheating or something (i know i wasnt!) then, the fact that she was coming on thursday was driven home. i her mom told me flat out, if you cant stand seeing her, dont come. and that she is brining a guy friend. **** me! i am such a little bitch. i held it together till i left work then cried.

 

i feel like such a pussy. this is so unattractive to myself, yet i cannot seem to get control.

 

 

how much longer?

[monkeymaid]

so im not going to that work thing. ....she is bringing her new "friend" i guess. ...i keep trying to pick myself up, and i keep falling down. ...i woke up this morning, and wanted to go back to sleep forever. i dont want to hurt like this, and i know its a conscious choice to feel this way, i just dont know how to switch it around.

 

running isnt working anymore, im down 14lbs in a 2.5 weeks, and i m trying to find self motivation, but the only thing that is working is the thought of her coming back and groveling. ...i miss her, i almost want to have her in my life as a cheating bitch and be miserable than sad and depressed. ...omg i dont know what the hell is happening anymore, and i cant see past last week.

 

 

i hope this gets better soon.

[Lucy_b]

You need to be very strong if this was someone else this was happening to you would tell that person to get shot of them quick and find someone like yourself and be happy she is not worth your love and devotion.

 

Talk to someone family, friends,gp

 

Start a new hobby a new sport go out walking cycling do something that will take your mind off this woman.

 

Lucy x

 

Learn to love yourself again

[GrayClouds]

so im not going to that work thing. ....she is bringing her new "friend" i guess. ...i keep trying to pick myself up, and i keep falling down. ...i woke up this morning, and wanted to go back to sleep forever. i dont want to hurt like this, and i know its a conscious choice to feel this way, i just dont know how to switch it around.

 

running isnt working anymore, im down 14lbs in a 2.5 weeks, and i m trying to find self motivation, but the only thing that is working is the thought of her coming back and groveling. ...i miss her, i almost want to have her in my life as a cheating bitch and be miserable than sad and depressed. ...omg i dont know what the hell is happening anymore, and i cant see past last week.

 

 

i hope this gets better soon.

 

MM make sure your eating well, take a day or two off of running, give yourself a small break, you deserve it. But just a small one.

 

Try picking up a pillow and beating the snot out of, bark at the moon, shoot at the devil, have a good cry. Allow your self to feel it and then let it go.

 

Yes it really sucks right now but it will get easier. Keep posting.

[N.Colony]

Start lifting weights.

 

Furthermore, get a sense of value and believe you are greater than her. You are the prize. I thought the world was over when I broke up with an ex 4 years ago. Today I won't even consider taking her back. Trust me I've been where you are now, but I got past it and vowed to myself never to stoop that low. It's unattractive.

 

Start having fun and talking to other women (on a conversational level) immediately. Don't do anything crazy though.

[monkeymaid]

i used to be a personal trainer, i lifted weights 5 days a week, and had the body of a fitness model. ...my life was set, i was utterly happy. ...enter the ex. i gave it up to keep her happy. ...im dumb

 

considering i am down from 205, i think i will be ok. ...i actually look bigger at 190 than when i weighed 205 (im 5'8"). most people just think im trying to get ready for summer. ...i know better though.

 

gray cloud. ...i am taking a break today and tomorrow from exercise. ...my body needs to heal! and my food is spot on. i do need to get my sleep patterns back on track though.

 

i feel like the hard parts last less time, and the happy moments are extending themselves again. ...i can see a glimmer of hope for my psyche

 

i did start wondering about her with other guys today. ...killed me, i got through it. ...punched a steel door. ..the pain was cathartic.

 

i am devising a plan to get my value system put back together so that no one, not even myself can break through it. time will tell.

 

 

if anyone else has any comments, or words of advice, i would love to hear them. they help more than i ever thought.

 

THANKS EVERYONE!!!!!

[monkeymaid]

i just went throough a photo album of us, and felt totally numb. ....i just wanted to feel somehting. ...i feel nothing. i remember the times we had and i feel nothing.

 

yesterday was ok, today i woke up sad. ...now im numb.

 

i almost want to hurt just to stay connected, but want to let go cuz i hate hurting. ...what a mind job!

 

 

 

...whoops, never mind theres that feeling back, ...its gone again.

heres how i feel in during the course of the day

 

:(:p:o:(

[GrayClouds]

MM your doing all the right things, it just a matter of faking it until you make it. Just do not make it harder on yourself by looking through pictures, facebook and the rest. All your doing is picking the scab.

 

Have you tried any journaling. Paper and pen and just write, it help to get the thought out of the head. It is a good thing to do at night to help you sleep. Also start a list of "Why the EX was not perfect" Write the things that drove you crazy, didnt like, or wish was better...nothing to small or to big it will help redirecting the mind from sentimentality.

 

Remind yourself that there is no reward for hurting. It is not like working out; no pain no gain.

 

Like you said you are seeing moments of clarity, keep focusing on those.

[monkeymaid]

MM your doing all the right things, it just a matter of faking it until you make it. Just do not make it harder on yourself by looking through pictures, facebook and the rest. All your doing is picking the scab.

 

Have you tried any journaling. Paper and pen and just write, it help to get the thought out of the head. It is a good thing to do at night to help you sleep. Also start a list of "Why the EX was not perfect" Write the things that drove you crazy, didnt like, or wish was better...nothing to small or to big it will help redirecting the mind from sentimentality.

 

Remind yourself that there is no reward for hurting. It is not like working out; no pain no gain.

 

Like you said you are seeing moments of clarity, keep focusing on those.

 

yes cloud, i have been writing it out. i keep thinking if i just look at those pictures, it will drive home the fact that she isnt mine and then i can resolve these lonely, empty dead feelings. and then i get pissed, then sad becsue she is not feeling any of this. she just moves on as if i never existed. then i wonder what the hell happened to me becasue i was king **** before her. i was the effing man! nobody ever brought me down, and i always had the answers.

 

then the guilt of breaking up with her kills me along with the fact that she is dating already, out having fun with my work staff, while i am sitting here dwelling on it. ...i still cant wrap my head around her turning to someone else for any resaon. i was the strong, type that was a good provider, best lay she ever had (i know about the others), she just doesnt seem to care, and i feel ripped to shreds becasue she just doesnt give a ****. ... why did she do that? what did i do to push her so far? maybe if i tried less, or worked on better communication, or seemed to not care more often...i just dont know. ..that book has given me some things to ponder.

 

....i feel this gaping hole that seems to grow then shrink, then grow, then shrink as if it was a heart beat.

 

 

 

...please anybody who reads this, write something. .. i am bleeding straight out of my heart right now. tell me what i can do, share a story or let me know how i can think differently because right now i just dont trust myself to make any sort of decisions about anything.

 

my run is up to 5 miles and when i am done, i feel nothing. it stopped helping.

 

 

 

 

Txxxx,

 

Look I know I ****ed up with a lot of things. As a person, I do that. I am not perfect, though you expected me to be. I tried baby, i tried so hard. I cannot believe what I have become. Less than a shadow of what i used to be. ...I maintain because it is what I know, and because I hope that one day soon (like tomorrow) you will see what you did, and how royally inappropriate it was, how disrespectful to our relationship it was, and that if you had only talked with me, i would have either done my part to figure it out and fix it, or let you go so that you could get what you wanted and we could have parted with love. now what is left. a debauchery of our once perfect union. I saw our whole life. All of our kids, our house, you and me on the eiffel tower, in the sequoias, dancing in tel aviv, spear fishing in tobago. dont you remember? call me and tell me you remember!!! I am still here, i never left. No, what about disneyland and our treasure hunt, or our island excursion, or dancing in the street? no?? all of the shows, snowboarding?? Our cabin? berkely? just the little hikes, yoga? top gun. ....do you remember standing in the middle of all of those people and me singing to you for 2 hours straight? do you remember your parents beach chairs? walking the dog on bikes? venice? surfing...did you forget everything? for what, so you caould have a little crush to ogle and grind with on your dancing nights? really? you really traded me in for some cheap entertainment who you knoe damn well is just going to blow you off after hes been inside of you? you lost yourself in 1 moment. ..you allowed this to happen! y you dumb bitch? becasue i got really busy trying to lay the foundation of our future? so you and i could be happy for the rest of our lives? you dumb princess bitch. never. ...NEVER will you be happy. you are content with nothing and must have more all the time. i hate you ...call me!

 

143

-me

[monkeymaid]

i looked at her email this morning. ...96 messages form guys to her. ...didnt read any of them, but holy ****. ...96 in 2.5 weeks!!!

 

then looked at the jdate profile, ...needless to say i am weka at the moment. im going back to sleep today. ...then not getting out of bed

[GrayClouds]

i looked at her email this morning. ...96 messages form guys to her. ...didnt read any of them, but holy ****. ...96 in 2.5 weeks!!!

 

then looked at the jdate profile, ...needless to say i am weka at the moment. im going back to sleep today. ...then not getting out of bed

 

MM it is very simple, really difficult, not easy but simple. And it is your choice.

 

These little things your doing checking email, looking at pictures, looking at her profile, ect ect ect is not making you feel better. It is making you feel worst. It is time to stop hurting yourself.

 

Do you understand No Contact means NO CONTACT that means not doing any of those things and more. Pick up the book "Journey from Abandonment to Healing" to give you something to read and do this weekend. Do the exercises it suggest, they may seem silly but they will be helpful.

 

Finally get this girl off the pedestal, she was not all that, even her mom knows that. Stop beating yourself up. Read or reread these:

 

The No Contact Guide

So you want a second chance?

[monkeymaid]

yeeha cloud!!

 

i forced myself to join a new gym today instead of going back to sleep. ...lots of hot girls there! gotta start lifting heavy again. gonna get it back. not gonna let this happen to me. im way too good for this ****

 

and im gonna keep posting. ...somehow it helps.

[GrayClouds]

yeeha cloud!!

 

i forced myself to join a new gym today instead of going back to sleep. ...lots of hot girls there! gotta start lifting heavy again. gonna get it back. not gonna let this happen to me. im way too good for this ****

 

and im gonna keep posting. ...somehow it helps.

 

Smart. But do not worry about the girls for while just keep the focus on yourself and reminding yourself what things you do that makes you feel good about being you. Once you find them, keep them. People come and go but knowing you can make yourself happy can not be taken away and it gives you power (and makes you more attractive).

[monkeymaid]

had a dream about a converation with the ex. ...she was flirty like normal, and we were talking about sex. ...she said something about how she wanted me bareback, then when i told her she had to get on her knees and beg or its gonna go to waste, she said, it hasnt been enough time for a rebound yet silly, it wont go to waste. ....i woke up in a cold sweat.

 

hey colony, how long did it take till you realized what to change and it clicked??

 

cloud, thanks for all the words. ...whats your story?? do you just like helping, or is there a breakup for you or what?

[GrayClouds]

 

cloud, thanks for all the words. ...whats your story?? do you just like helping, or is there a breakup for you or what?

 

My story... I was born as a poor white boy from the wrong side of the tracks in a land far, far away...or did you meant something a bit less historic?

 

My more immediate story... yes a cavalry of currish cupids hammer hoof-prints on my heart too, but I had so much fun hanging out at heartbreak hotel, I extended my stay for awhile to see if I could offer up some words of hard won wisdom to few of the newer patrons.

[monkeymaid]

*applause*

 

i c. ..so, how bad do these ups and downs get?? and in your experience, how long do i have to fake it till i make it?

[GrayClouds]

You already experienced the worst I suspect, for your asking about the ups and down rather then the down and downer. As far as timing, everyone is on there own time line but if your mindful not to give in the negative thinking, keeping yourself active, you can keep from making it longer then you need too.

[monkeymaid]

interesting little bit here. ...so that work function thing was great for those who attended.

 

her dad talked **** about her saying, "txxxx is always in the middle of or creating some sort of dramatic situation. im proud that monkey sttod up for himself and decided to make his life better. it shows me that he is a good man"

 

 

damn that made my day!!

 

still sad though, but i did smile really big for like 2 hours after that!!

 

 

im sitting here wondering what i am going to think after i come back to this thread in a year and read it. ...interesting thought

[GrayClouds]

interesting little bit here. ...so that work function thing was great for those who attended.

 

her dad talked **** about her saying, "txxxx is always in the middle of or creating some sort of dramatic situation. im proud that monkey sttod up for himself and decided to make his life better. it shows me that he is a good man"

 

 

damn that made my day!!

 

still sad though, but i did smile really big for like 2 hours after that!!

 

 

im sitting here wondering what i am going to think after i come back to this thread in a year and read it. ...interesting thought

 

That why you need to continue to work your a$$ off so you can comeback and say "Boy have I grown" but choosing self development and learn self reliance.

 

Keep up good work, and when your down remind yourself of that 2 hour smile.

[monkeymaid]

i had a great workout last night, went to sleep within 3 minutes of hitting the bed, then woke up to her in my head. ...not a dream, more like interactive, very real images. it was the limbo state where you are more awkae than asleep, but still on the hallucinogenic side. ...it was sad becasue i seem to be continuing our relationship in my dreams, then waking up to find her NOT lying next to me.

 

though i dint, i really felt the urge to call and say good mornign, then when i realized that we actually arent together anymore, i wanted to check her inbox, jdate etc... i snapped out of it quickly, but now its lingering and i just want her back ...again. ..3 days i was fantastic, then a little back slide this morning. ...****!!

 

maybe im just lonely , or need some booty, i dunno