Stockalone Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Anyway, he asked how many people I'd slept with and I kinda lied big time. Gave him a number that was about 3 times smaller than the real number. Why do you want to continue dating a guy you obviously have no respect for?
Author aerogurl87 Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 Why do you want to continue dating a guy you obviously have no respect for? I respect him alot and he's a nice guy that's why I want to continue dating him. I just wish he would've never asked me for my number, that's all. And maybe I should've told him the truth, but honestly I don't see the problem. I have no STDs and he thinks I'm awesome. So he makes me happy and I make him happy, yep no problem. I just told one little lie to protect his sanity.
Stockalone Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) I respect him alot And yet, you don't think he deserves the truth. You could have told him that your number is none of his business. That is a perfectly acceptable answer, but you chose to lie. I honestly don't understand how you can say you respect him. That said, I assume that he asked that question because it's important to him, and not because his brain-to-mouth filter is broken. But I am biased, as I have once been on the receiving end of this white lie. I just told one little lie to protect his sanity. If he ever finds out the truth, there is a very good chance that he won't see it like that. Edited February 24, 2010 by Stockalone
JessaL Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I respect him alot and he's a nice guy that's why I want to continue dating him. I just wish he would've never asked me for my number, that's all. And maybe I should've told him the truth, but honestly I don't see the problem. I have no STDs and he thinks I'm awesome. So he makes me happy and I make him happy, yep no problem. I just told one little lie to protect his sanity. The better solution is to not lie. Just don't answer the question. Guys says: "I've been hurt in the past" [:rolleyes:haven't we all] "therefore I think women who have a number of sexual partners that in my judgement is high are cheating sl*ts. And also, every girl who has ever had sex is a sl*t anyways, because I'm an uptight, close-minded, judgmental virgin. So, by the way, how many men have you screwed?" Aerogurl87 answers: "I don't have any VD and I've never cheated on an SO." And then never has anything to do with Virgin-Guy ever again because he's a douche. Since it's clear this guy has insecurity issues and is highly judgmental and has some weird moralistic thing going on, and it's also very doubtful that you're going to stop seeing him, I don't think you should "come clean" with him. It will not serve your purpose, and it's none of his business anyways. On a sidenote, whoever said that any number is "too high" to this guy because he's a virgin is probably onto something. They are definitely spot on in my experience.
donnamaybe Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Guys says: "I've been hurt in the past" [:rolleyes:haven't we all] "therefore I think women who have a number of sexual partners that in my judgement is high are cheating sl*ts. And also, every girl who has ever had sex is a sl*t anyways, because I'm an uptight, close-minded, judgmental virgin. So, by the way, how many men have you screwed?" Aerogurl87 answers: "I don't have any VD and I've never cheated on an SO." And then never has anything to do with Virgin-Guy ever again because he's a douche. BEST post in this thread yet!
Author aerogurl87 Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 Stockalone I see your point, but really it was none of his business. Yes lying was bad and if he does find out the truth I'm sure he'll be upset, but I'll just have to be honest with him in that the reason I didn't tell the truth was because I didn't want him to feel like he had to compete with all those other guys I had been with if that makes any sense. JessaL I know he really wanted to be with a girl who was a virgin his first time, as he's told me. And I've actually told him if my "experience" bothers him he can go find someone else, but he says he wants to see where things go with me because he likes me alot.
Stockalone Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Stockalone I see your point, but really it was none of his business. Yes lying was bad and if he does find out the truth I'm sure he'll be upset, but I'll just have to be honest with him in that the reason I didn't tell the truth was because I didn't want him to feel like he had to compete with all those other guys I had been with if that makes any sense. It makes no sense at all to me, but we obviously have very different views about this topic. Let's just leave it at that.
hats Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I respect him alot and he's a nice guy that's why I want to continue dating him. I just wish he would've never asked me for my number, that's all. And maybe I should've told him the truth, but honestly I don't see the problem. I have no STDs and he thinks I'm awesome. So he makes me happy and I make him happy, yep no problem. I just told one little lie to protect his sanity. 1. So no harm no foul? I guess cheating is ok too as long as he never finds out and everyone is happy? 2. You're making a big mistake in not realizing that how little or big the white lie is depends on how important the truth is to him, not to you. You might not think the number is a big deal, but it sounds like it is to him. From someone who agrees that the number should be irrelevant, I still think lying about this is really wrong. Now he might potentially make a big important decision (losing his virginity, pursuing a long term relationship) based on a lie. I would seriously consider telling him the truth before things get more serious.
JessaL Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Aerogirl, Why did you give this guy a "number"? I just skimmed through your previous posts and found this: Umm I've been with quite a few men since I started having sex two years ago. I've never told any guy the number of guys I've been with except my first real boyfriend who also happened to be my first. After that I kept it to myself. My ex got close to finding out my number, but never figured it out. He knows I've bedded a few men in my life but like I told him, either he can accept it or move on. No one is holding a gun to his head. And I don't see why it would be a big deal. Everyone is entitled to go through a crazy phase in their life. Even women.
conehead Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Hm, ok I think he has the right to ask and to know your sexual past and you have a moral obligation to tell him if you two are going to be in a real and open relationship. With my last bf, we both sat down and discussed our sexual history, did STD testing, etc all for safety/health reasons. If this guy is truly the one for you, he will accept you for who you are, despite your past. If he thinks the fact that you've slept with 15 guys is too many, he has the right to feel that way. If you think he is a prude for thinking so, you also have the right to feel that way. Another case of sexual incompatiblity.
conehead Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 And I don't see why it would be a big deal. Everyone is entitled to go through a crazy phase in their life. Even women. Not sure if I'd say everyone is 'entitled' to, but it happens to a lot of people. There are also people who's only had 3 partners in their life and are totally fine with it.
conehead Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Hm, ok I think he has the right to ask and to know your sexual past and you have a moral obligation to tell him if you two are going to be in a real and open relationship. With my last bf, we both sat down and discussed our sexual history, did STD testing, etc all for safety/health reasons. If this guy is truly the one for you, he will accept you for who you are, despite your past. If he thinks the fact that you've slept with 15 guys is too many, he has the right to feel that way. If you think he is a prude for thinking so, you also have the right to feel that way. Another case of sexual incompatiblity. Let me rephrase that, not moral obligation to tell, but rather to tell the truth. Or you can also choose to not tell. But lying is usually a bad idea.
JessaL Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Not sure if I'd say everyone is 'entitled' to, but it happens to a lot of people. There are also people who's only had 3 partners in their life and are totally fine with it. Those were the OP's words in a response to the linked thread. If there's a way to post her response in that thread to this thread, I don't know how to do that. My point was very simply that she claims to have only told that one bf her number, and knew enough to never tell any other guy her number. So I'm curious what her reasoning is NOW in telling THIS guy "a number", even though it's a lie. That's pretty messed up, IMO.
homersheineken Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 I never answer and never ask this question. It's nobody's business and honestly, it really doesn't even matter.
homersheineken Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Virgin or not, 15 is a lot, it's just too many... I'm no virgin, but it would bother me, unless the woman is already in her late 30s early 40s, and even then I'd wonder what were the circumstances. Who gives a crap how many she's slept with?? Donnamaybe is right, exp is a bonus, not a plague!
homersheineken Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Not sure if I'd say everyone is 'entitled' to, but it happens to a lot of people. There are also people who's only had 3 partners in their life and are totally fine with it. Why isn't she entitled to it? It's her life.
Dolos Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 You shouldn't have lied. After being burned by his ex he has some trust issues. If he ever finds out, and these things have a way of coming out eventually, hes going to be pretty devastated. Probably more so because you straight up lied to him rather than because of your number. Also, i dont buy the "white lie to protect him" line, its a slippery slope. How many cheaters try and justify covering it up by claiming that it would only hurt the other person if they told them? Im probably in the minority here, but if you respect him at all you should tell him. If hes really going to hold your number against you he isn't worth your time. It doesn't matter what you did in the past, it matters who you are now. How many people a person has been with is not indicative of their faithfulness, i bet his ex who cheated on him had a lower number than you. Just tell him you have never cheated on anybody in the past, that's really all that should matter to him.
JohnP82 Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Haha, this guy is called a douche and insecure for caring about the number of people his girl has been with yet the person that lied is championed. Yeah, it's your private life and you don't have to say what your number is, but it really pisses me off that whenever there is a thread like this that the person (guy or girl) that has a problem with their partner's number is vilified. People care for a variety of reason. This guy believes that promiscuity leads to an inability to remain monogamous. Whether that's accurate or not, who gives a **** it's his opinion. Others care because they think sex isn't sport. People say numbers don't matter, but they can matter as much as any other quality people look for; age, divorced, no kids, height, weight, etc. I care because I cannot reconcile the difference between meaningless and meaningful sex and honestly I don't want to be the 18th dick.
gypsy_nicky Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 (edited) I dont think the number is any indication of how faithful you will be with him. So if it was just ONE, you could be unfaithful to him. Thats not the indication. What a load of BS. Your number does indicate how faithful you will be....YOur past will always be a reflection of your future. Why would the OP blatantly lie to someone's face about it then. I'd drop it with this guy. You'd always be playing it down/keeping it low when your around him. Soon though, he will find out. Edited February 25, 2010 by gypsy_nicky
New Again Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Ok so I'm talking to this new guy after deciding that I was going to purge myself of my two most recent ex boyfriends. Anyway, he asked how many people I'd slept with and I kinda lied big time. Gave him a number that was about 3 times smaller than the real number. Now I don't consider myself to be a slut, but I did have alot of "fun" my freshman year at college. Anyway, so I find out he was cheated on by his ex alot of times and so he tells me he doesn't want a girl whose been with lots of people because he fears she might not be able to stay faithful to him. So I go with the flow and say "ok, cool" because I know I can stay faithful to him if I want, and I do plan to do so. Anyway, so he doesn't know the actual amount of people I've slept with and in a way I feel bad for lying to him but at the same time I didn't want him to judge me based on my past.Now I'm starting to wonder if I should've told him my real number... Hi aerogurl, nice to hear you're seeing someone new. I seem to remember you starting a thread once about people's opinions on divulging their "number". At the very least, you've been on LS long enough to have read and/or participated in a number of the dozens of threads related to this topic. So, why did you lie to this guy? If you were going to give him "a number" it should have been the correct number - but I know you already know that So what gives?
Author aerogurl87 Posted February 25, 2010 Author Posted February 25, 2010 Hi aerogurl, nice to hear you're seeing someone new. I seem to remember you starting a thread once about people's opinions on divulging their "number". At the very least, you've been on LS long enough to have read and/or participated in a number of the dozens of threads related to this topic. So, why did you lie to this guy? If you were going to give him "a number" it should have been the correct number - but I know you already know that So what gives? I know New Again *sigh* Well I told him the truth last night and he was all angry with me understandably. I mean I must give him credit for not yelling at me or anything, but he was upset and it was obvious. So I apologized and told him he could end things now if it hurt him that bad or he could forgive me, but I wasn't going to try and force him to do either one. Anyway, now we're talking about my lying to him and I've explained to him why I did it. He claimed he didn't care what the number was (umm yeah, if that was the case he wouldn't have asked) but he's mostly upset because I lied to him. So I'll see how this goes.
homersheineken Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 What a load of BS. Your number does indicate how faithful you will be....YOur past will always be a reflection of your future. Why would the OP blatantly lie to someone's face about it then. I'd drop it with this guy. You'd always be playing it down/keeping it low when your around him. Soon though, he will find out. This post is a load of BS. The number of women you've dated or slept with has absolutely no correlation on being faithful. I've been with a fair share and I have never ever cheated. Ever. Period.
Barky Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Ok so I'm talking to this new guy after deciding that I was going to purge myself of my two most recent ex boyfriends. Anyway, he asked how many people I'd slept with and I kinda lied big time. That's one "number" I would NEVER EVER tell anyone for any reason. Not my doctor, not my lawyer, not my psychiatrist, not my wife/husband, not my lovers, not my parents or siblings. Nobody, for any reason, ever needs to know that number. (And quite honestly only younger people ever ask that question anyway. Once you're 35+ you figure the answer is "a lot" and so you don't ask )
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