nama Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I broke NC after two months. We talked, my heart aches for him. My stomach hurts and i have no control over it. I'm a control freak. I thought I had figured out why I was addicted to him. I guess I'm just totally in love with him. I have broken NC many times, please someone tell me that it will get better. I can't see myself getting past this. I have even thought about him dying or me so that it would be over once and for all!!! (Yes, I'm feeling very angry at the moment.)
Hazyhead Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I broke NC after two months. We talked, my heart aches for him. My stomach hurts and i have no control over it. I'm a control freak. I thought I had figured out why I was addicted to him. I guess I'm just totally in love with him. I have broken NC many times, please someone tell me that it will get better. I can't see myself getting past this. I have even thought about him dying or me so that it would be over once and for all!!! (Yes, I'm feeling very angry at the moment.) I'm sorry Nama. I completely understand your frustration with yourself. Did you initiate it or respond to him? Do you want to go back to NC? How did he respond to you?
Author nama Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Thanks Hazy. I initiated because I was feeling very low. I have done NC many times - maybe I need to try something else. I don't know what though. He will always respond, that I can guarantee 100%. It's upto me and I don't know if I'm strong enough.
Hazyhead Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Thanks Hazy. I initiated because I was feeling very low. I have done NC many times - maybe I need to try something else. I don't know what though. He will always respond, that I can guarantee 100%. It's upto me and I don't know if I'm strong enough. I see. If you want more than an affair from him yet he is not prepared to leave his marriage then I think NC is the right way to go. But, you need to do it with the aim of finding something better for yourself, something you deserve, and tell him this. I know how hard it is to pull away (going through same) but if there is no chance for him to give you what you want then you probably should cut your losses. I'm sorry for your pain.
Devil Inside Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Nama it will get better. You will not always be a victim to your emotions. You need to cut yourself some slack...going NC with someone that you have intense emotions for is a very difficult thing to do. People have to try many times before it finally sticks. Perhaps you can do some reading here about some of the things that will help you stick to it before you go NC again. The more prepared you are, the easier it is.
Author nama Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 DI: Thanks, I needed to hear that. That is how I see myself - controlled by my emotions. I feel sick - physically. Hazy: It was never about him leaving his wife, I know he won't. We were best friends, he got married, we kissed and we realised we had this amazing connection/ chemistry (whatever you want to call it) and we have been addicted since. But he will not leave his wife and I have had to be ok with that. I'm trying to move on in all aspects of my life. I am currently seeking counselling but this continues to haunt me. I have been single for ages, I have denied that that was because of him. Who am I kidding right? Thanks for the support
whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I broke NC after two months. We talked, my heart aches for him. My stomach hurts and i have no control over it. I'm a control freak. I thought I had figured out why I was addicted to him. I guess I'm just totally in love with him. I have broken NC many times, please someone tell me that it will get better. I can't see myself getting past this. I have even thought about him dying or me so that it would be over once and for all!!! (Yes, I'm feeling very angry at the moment.) Please, go get counselling. Fact that you're allowing yourself to think DEATH to either yourself and/or him, means you need help badly. Noone is worth killing yourself over..And hope he dies or you die so it ends once and for all is not normal thinking.
pgummins Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 DI: Thanks, I needed to hear that. That is how I see myself - controlled by my emotions. I feel sick - physically. Hazy: It was never about him leaving his wife, I know he won't. We were best friends, he got married, we kissed and we realised we had this amazing connection/ chemistry (whatever you want to call it) and we have been addicted since. But he will not leave his wife and I have had to be ok with that. I'm trying to move on in all aspects of my life. I am currently seeking counselling but this continues to haunt me. I have been single for ages, I have denied that that was because of him. Who am I kidding right? Thanks for the support Don't be so hard on yourself!! I was in your position too, you will learn See a counsellor, I don't think you NEED one but it will definitely help you. Don't let it haunt you, you will be solid as a rock when you come out the other end of this. Trust me
Samantha0905 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I broke NC after two months. We talked, my heart aches for him. My stomach hurts and i have no control over it. I'm a control freak. I thought I had figured out why I was addicted to him. I guess I'm just totally in love with him. I have broken NC many times, please someone tell me that it will get better. I can't see myself getting past this. I have even thought about him dying or me so that it would be over once and for all!!! (Yes, I'm feeling very angry at the moment.) I'm sorry. I'm a WS and I miss my XAP so much sometimes I feel like I'm going bonkers. I know, however, it's best for him to move on with his life because I'm not in a situation that's going to be resolved quickly. It's not fair to expect him to wait while I'm so confused. It still doesn't make it any easier to think about him falling in love with someone else. I think the thoughts you are having are perfectly normal. Are you dating other people? It seems like that would help a person move along. I understand it's difficult because you don't like the thought of moving on without him. It's frustrating. I have thoughts of living by myself and just remaining celibate from here on out. That's kind of like your dying thoughts in that it has hurt me so much I'm willing to just let that kind of emotion in me expire. I just started seeing a counselor and think it's going to help some. Perhaps you should do the same.
fooled once Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Read this.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t220970/ If you truly WANT it to be over, you need to summon all your strength and END it. No more contact, no more quick calls/quick texts. The only way you will begin to heal and move forward it to stick to it. Take one day at a time.
pureinheart Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Nama it will get better. You will not always be a victim to your emotions. You need to cut yourself some slack...going NC with someone that you have intense emotions for is a very difficult thing to do. People have to try many times before it finally sticks. Perhaps you can do some reading here about some of the things that will help you stick to it before you go NC again. The more prepared you are, the easier it is. What he said.... It's the truth, I can get through a day, 2 days plus and there was a time that my life was hell if I didnot talk to him, if we were not together...my entire existance revolved around him. I am currently in my umteenth time of NC (with exDM), and have become a pro/expert...lol. In my last M....I knew it was over, I asked God to hold off on the break up as I could not handle it emotionally at that time...I was strengthened and walked away and never looked back. I felt exactly the way you do, either he had to go or me...when the abuse was very bad I contemplated suicide quite often. There were many things going on in my life, I felt beat up, felt used and abandoned...once I put myself up for adoption on FB (I was priddy buzzed when I did that). I was upset with my kids and just totally felt unloved. I guess I forgot that people will let you down, so we cannot put our entire being in someone else, we must have a special relationship with ourselves and forgive others.
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