Cake eating

[foreal]

Thanks all. I will try to do LC. Thanks again for taking the time to give your experience an insight. Much appreciated.

 

She and I met yesterday at my little ones bball practice. She was upset about something, and would hardly talk. My older son and I were going to a basketball tournament, and she had to keep the youngest with her. She didnt seem happy, as it seemed she wanted to do activites with her friends. Her enabling girl friend showed up, and I pretty well walked off by myself for the rest of practice.

 

This morning she texted me at 2:30 am, to tell me she loved me. At 3:45 am, texted me to tell me she was sorry for acting like that at the practice, but she was upset and sad.

 

 

I did not respond.

 

DO NOT RESPOND!

 

It is probably killing you not to- BUT

 

DO NOT RESPOND.

 

She was probaby drunk texting you anyway...stay strong!

[Ballerfamily]

Baller:

 

I am sorry you are going thru the hell of a cake eater....I am very familiar with this breed.

 

It is striking how that although I am the W and you are the H, our respective WSs are soo the same!!

 

here is a great web site to check out:

 

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/index.html

 

You can check my posts for background but I too went thru the back and forth bullshyt of a cake eating, boo-hooing, angry one minute sucking up the next AHOLE of a spouce.

 

Yes, NC is SOOOOOO hard!! BUt LISTEN TO ME! LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE ON HERE!!

 

GO NC!

 

The web site above has an e-newsletter, sign up for it..your W is in MLC to the max..and yes, it really sux for the kids.

 

And explore that site- it will help you to understand WTF your W is doing and help you be strong.

 

I was the one who filed for D as if I had not my H would still be eating cake..and gawd it has been rough- BUT, I am stronger every day..I only speak to him when I have to and I try to use email for everything.

 

Try to never contact her (even when every bone in your body is saying DO IT..DON'T!!), let her contact you first..then make is short, to the point and GET OFF THE PHONE ie END THE CONVERSATION before she does.

 

ALWAYS END IT FISRT AND POLITELY

 

She wants your attention...she actually prefers the anger, the negativeity you give to her b/c that way she can tell herself YOU are the Ahole and not HER.

 

So be nice

 

Be short

 

Be direct

 

Don't take all her calls, take 1 out of 5 if you must.

 

Don't respond to emails/texts etc for at least a day (unless it is about your kids...but even then it is most likely a non emergency she is asking about..for example, my husband texted me asking what shoe size our son wore...I finally texted him back, "Depends on the shoe, I always have him with me when I get them"...3 days later

 

CLICK, OVER, CYA

 

"Okay thanks I have to get going" click

 

Let that be your mantra when you speak to her in person or the phone.

 

She wants you to wallow

 

She wants you to be sad, miserable, hurting WITHOUT HER (in stark contrast to how YOU want her to be: happy, healed, etc)

 

((((BE STRONG BALLER.))))

 

I hope this helps

 

What a great site. Thanks so much. Gave me alot of answers. MLC, do i stand or move on?

[Gunny376]

Damn Dawg! You said she was 48 which I assume your in the same age range? You think your going to live forever? Get your happy self busssssssy living your life?

 

Move on! Quit being so selfish and give all those others ladies out there a shot at what its like to have a good man by their side!

[lkjh]

Do not respond to her text, tell her you want limited contact only involving family matters and make her own up to her part of the divorce. If she tries to rewrite your history call her out on it

[Meaplus3]

She might be a narcissist. She has a lot of traits. yikes, that sounds terrible. Im a doormat. A little of her is better then none, at least i always thought that.. I thought i was crazy. There was an incident 16 yrs ago, and it always made me worry, and she always explained late nights, absences away.

 

 

The way you have descibed her it sounds very possible that she is. IMO, people like this tend to think they are above everyone else even god. It sounds like she needs to take a good look in the mirror and makes some changes. Do NOT call yourself a doormat. IMO, she is the one that needs to change here.

 

 

 

Please provide me with some insight. I am hurting big time. At times i can hardly function. I have developed anxiety attacks, and am on medication.

 

I can see why you have anxiety because of this. Not an easy way to live. Now, does she see her behavior as a problem? Because IMO, this is the first step. She need's to be aware of how her actions are hurting you. If she can accomplish this.. my bet is she may be willing to get some counselng? Hang in there. And do NOT put yourself down.

 

Mea:)

Edited February 21, 2010 by Meaplus3

[2sunny]

Thanks all. I will try to do LC. Thanks again for taking the time to give your experience an insight. Much appreciated.

 

She and I met yesterday at my little ones bball practice. She was upset about something, and would hardly talk. My older son and I were going to a basketball tournament, and she had to keep the youngest with her. She didnt seem happy, as it seemed she wanted to do activites with her friends. Her enabling girl friend showed up, and I pretty well walked off by myself for the rest of practice.

 

This morning she texted me at 2:30 am, to tell me she loved me. At 3:45 am, texted me to tell me she was sorry for acting like that at the practice, but she was upset and sad.

 

 

I did not respond.

 

this is the alcohol you're dealing with. no need to respond... it always looks inconsistent and ugly when the disease is active. learn more about alcoholism... no need to be involved unless she decides to get sober. the need to respond may come when she is at least 30 days sober and starts to come out of her alcoholic fog/cover up.

 

until then - there is no need to be involved in scenes that will never make sense... it's designed this way on purpose to get you to do all the work for her by reacting and over reacting. to do so only makes it easier for her to stay active in her disease.

 

if it were me - i'd give her no money and no means to live - that way she will stuck with no choices but to get sober and start living again. she's banking on you bailing her out no matter how bad she makes it... stop doing that, it only makes it easier for her to keep partying and justifying her bad behavior.

[dazzle22]

She's very likely been a closet alcoholic and cheater for years. She is classic - bad moods, problems that are always someone else's fault, never owning her behavior even when caught red handed.

 

She's acting all helpless and pitiful now, but further in the divorce process, she will really start putting the screws to you to get your hard earned money. If you have earned 6 figures for years you are at risk. I would advise you liquidate accounts and take what money you have and hide it somewhere - where it can't be found, and say you lost it gambling or something. She will come gunning for it, but she will say it is for the kids...that is NEXT.

[MARINE_ONE]

My story

 

Married my hs/college sweetheart. Dated 5 yrs and married 24 yrs. We have 2 boys, 18 an 7. We both work , me as a contractor, my wife in the college setting.

 

In the summer of 2009, i become suspicious of my wifes behavior. Her cell phone was always on her an hidden. Long walks, constant texting, etc. She left her phone in car after her an I being out one night, i looked at her phone. There was lots of tm's and i miss u, etc. I of course through a hissy fit, which of course she denied it was anything an apologized and said she didnt know what was wrong with her. He was on her co-ed soccer team an they didnt know each other well. It was him contacting her an so forth. I then checked phone log an saw lots of texting back an forth, alot iniated by her.

 

Sex and are relationship were great for the next 4-6 months. Sex in the car, 4/5 times a week, etc. I helped with the housework more, etc.

 

I coached my sons high school baseball team, and he is now on a baseball scholarship at the same school my wife is part of. Sports in are family is a big part of are life. My wife has played soccer and has joined a running group. She never missed a game of our sons, till that summer and the following summer.

 

F-foreward to aug 2010. Son starts college, wife is acting strange again for about 3 months. I have been monitoring her phone log, and 1 certain number is no longer appearing. A man in her running group. I get suspicious of there being a 2nd phone, but i dont confront her. I put a gps device on her, and she is caught at his apartment.

 

She gets home, and we talk. She denys,etc, and i start getting angry. She walks away and goes inside to be by are 7 yr old. I control my anger outwardly, and break her phone without anyone seeing. She eventually goes upstairs an locks door, which she does alot.

 

She leaves next day with 7 yr old, and stays with a friend for 3 wks. I have am angry an abandoned. Lots of texts angry an nice. She gets an apt. We have a few dates, an then i catch her with this guy again which she emphatically denies doing anything with. She is running one morning, and I get her phone from her car. There hundreds of tm's between him an her. Sexting, him encouraging her to divorce, fantasying about being with her, etc.

 

I wait for her to return to her car, and she says you caught me red-handed, i want a divorce.

 

We then cool off for a month or so, and then i recieve the divorce filing 3 days after thanks giving. She wanted to hang out on thanksgiving weekend an i refused. Christmas eve, I have both of my boys, and she sneeks into house and is sleeping by the tree when i wake up. Woo-wee, santa came.

 

Every day an night i get texts about how horrifically sad she is, and she feels like she is going to hell. We went to counseling one time, and she denied the affair, etc. Just a friend, who she still runs with. This group runs, parties, drinks a couple times a week. They have big parties a couple times a month. My wife drinks every day. This group are all single or divorced.

 

I am confused. With are 7 yr old, we have to have contact. She invited me to dinner with are boys last night. She gives me big hug and says she loves me more thn anything. Texts me this moring and says she had a terrible night sleeping an thinks she is a terrible mother an person.

 

We have had some financial problems, br, con artist stole 200 k from us, etc. Now are home is in FC. We were starting to get it back together. Maybe the security is a big thing for her. I made 6 figures for many yrs.

 

She wants her cake and gobbles it up. I dont know what to do. I have been faithful forever. I took my wife out fri,sat, sun. We went on vacations every year. We went to all my sons games, baseball, basketball. I never went to bars or hung with my friends alot, especially on wkends. She adores,loves,cares for me an them. I just wasnt there emotionally for her enough i guess

 

She is very pretty, in great shape. She is very out going and flirtaseous. Alcohol and these traits, are scary. Always thought her being flirty an guys hitting on her were the price you pay for having a good looking wife.

 

She might be a narcissist. She has a lot of traits. yikes, that sounds terrible. Im a doormat. A little of her is better then none, at least i always thought that.. I thought i was crazy. There was an incident 16 yrs ago, and it always made me worry, and she always explained late nights, absences away.

 

Please provide me with some insight. I am hurting big time. At times i can hardly function. I have developed anxiety attacks, and am on medication.

 

Man, it sounds so familiar to me. Except that we have four kids and youngest is 11. I divorced her. It was final this past Friday. I would suggest the same. It will be tough, but you need to do it for your own sanity.

[foreal]

What a great site. Thanks so much. Gave me alot of answers. MLC, do i stand or move on?

 

MOVE ON....

 

You will "stand" in your heart (for awhile) but you must move on-

 

Think of what you are teaching your kids (I am sorry, are they boys and/or girls??)...

 

if they are boys, you will model for them what a REAL MAN is and does...he doesn't take to being treated like dirt; he doesn't allow his children to be treated like disposable play things; he is loyal and loving and values his family.

 

if they are girls, you will model what a REAL WOMAN is...she is loyal, loving, and doesn't take take to being treated like dirt by any one, and more specifically treated like crap by HERSELF; she doesn't subordinate her children to a bottle.

 

Show your kids what true love is...it isn't easy. But what in life worth having is?

 

LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE HERE!

 

Someone just wrote , I think it was Dazzle, that she will come gunning for your cash..oh yea she sure as hell will...you think she is ugly now (figurtvely speaking) wait till she starts wanting the money...and even if she was never a money grubber, let me tell you, my H was always very generous, never concerned about money or what I spent etc...now he is as cheap as they come and he is in such a fog he could care less about what happens to me or his kid and all he wants to do is get his money and get out ("I need a fresh financial start" translates to "I want to sell the house WE made together and cash out the 401Ks WE earned")

 

Get your financial house in order asap...get a lawyer asap, at least consult w/ one--don't go cheap- your kids are at stake.

 

Good Luck- I know how bad it hurts but you will get thru this- if I can anyone can!!

[Gunny376]

Understand this and understand it well.

 

The decisions that you make (or don't make) today will decide your fate five, ten, twenty, years from now?

 

You my friend have a drinking / partying problem!

 

And its her!

 

Lets do a sit - rep (Situation Report)

 

1. You've just lost your job

 

2. To get another job ~ your going to have go "geographic" ~ aka move out of state..

 

3. The wife has filed for divorce

 

3. She expects you to pay for her car and car insurance

 

4. She 'thinks' you should be paying $800 + in child support for one child.

 

5. Your suppose to be at her beck and call whenever she feels the need to hold "court"

 

6. She's suppose to come and go all hours of the night with people you don't even know to bars drinking so-called "a couple of beers?"

 

Go to any AA or Al-Non meeting and deliver this speech in front of a bunch of self defined, self acknowledged, self recognize alcoholic and they will tell quick fast and in a hurry like that this isn't nothing more than liquor talk!

 

They know! They walk the walk, talk the talk, and speak the language.

 

And I've really got to ask you?

 

WTF are you getting out of this relationship? From what you've posted? Your bringing everything to the party and all she's bringing is herself?

 

I'm really curious as to what she's got to offer you that you can't find just as good if not better, just a much if not more with someone else?

[mimidarlin]

Gunny,

I love reading your comments. More than once I have read "WTF are you getting out of this relationship?" Most of us need to ask ourselves this question. What am I bringing to the table and what is the spouse bringing to the table? Is it relatively balanced? Do we find some type of emotional support? Are we able to communicate honestly even if we're angry or hurt?

[Gunny376]

Gunny,

I love reading your comments. More than once I have read "WTF are you getting out of this relationship?" Most of us need to ask ourselves this question. What am I bringing to the table and what is the spouse bringing to the table? Is it relatively balanced? Do we find some type of emotional support? Are we able to communicate honestly even if we're angry or hurt?

 

Factoring out ROI ~ 'Return On Investment' ~ in terms of time, effort, energy and money? It comes down to "What are you getting in return for your investmentof time, effort, energy and money?

 

The fat of the matter is that most people just aren't cut out to be LTR or marriage material? That's just fact! Be they men or be they women.

 

They simply lack the relationship, communication, skills to pull it off.

 

Factor in societial and cultural myths, fallaices and outright lies? Its a wonder the divorce rate isn't higher than what it is?

 

A lot of men complain about a lack of sex in their marriage/relationships?

 

The fact of the matter is that when it comes to sex? They suck at it! (For those intersted? Read, "How To Satisfy A Woman Everytime and Have Her Beg For More!" written by a woman)

 

If you feel a need to control your woman? Learn to understand her, her wants and needs. Cater to those wants and needs.

 

Women really are pretty simple ~ and are not that complicated. They just want and need to know that they're the center of your universe.

 

You can pretty much do anything you want, in so long as they know that it they that your world revoles around.

[2sunny]

WTF are you getting out of this relationship? From what you've posted? Your bringing everything to the party and all she's bringing is herself?

 

all she's bringing with herself is a woman that's willing to choose a drink above the safety and well being and happiness of her family. a gal that parties with men/women and does things she doesn't want her family to be aware of.

 

a woman that is willing to suck the emotional, financial and physical life out of the well being of the family.

 

a woman that essentially cares about only herself.

 

is that enough for a happy, healthy and safe marriage? not in my world it's not!

 

grow some balls, baller! cut off any means of support and go no contact so she becomes uncomfortable enough to wake up to reality! if, and only if, she becomes uncomfortable enough - will she become willing to change things around.

 

until then - there is nothing you can do except stand by watching her kill herself through a slow alcoholic induced death. do you really intend to watch that?

 

i promise - it's VERY ugly to watch!

 

you need to take care of yourself and your kids first and foremost. mom has checked out for the time being... get to an al anon meeting - and hurry!

Edited February 23, 2010 by 2sunny

[You Go Girl]

I think I can shed some insight on your situation. Your W and my H are twins.

She gambles with life and love. It's her ego problem. It's a lack of understanding how fragile love and life are--and pretending that she's somehow invincible to pain.

She doesn't value what you value.

She values thrills. the high life. the rush. Hence the jogging, the alcohol, and the sex.

She's been cheating on you for more years that you can easily accept. You're in your own denial.

Her alcohol--my H is a functioning alcoholic. Drinks everyday, and goes to work everyday. Don't think that alcoholism is an amount of alcohol--it's not. Alcholism is a state of mind, not how many ounces is drank. Alcoholics can swear off alcohol for months--doesn't mean they are sober--because it is a disease of the mind that must be cured before they can have a healthy relationship with anyone.

Somewhere, she's carrying around pain that she never dealt with. Don't pity her because of this--it is her arrogance and stubbornness that have brought her to where she is now.

Your wife gambles with life and love and she will lose--it's guarantteed. When will her fall be--not your concern. Don't be an enabler. Don't give her what she wants in other words. Start putting yourself first. She is hurting you--and you continue to let her. You have to stop that cycle of abuse. You do that by realizing that she is toxic, and that you have to start looking out for number 1--that's you. When you take care of yourself--then you are capable of taking care of others, including your kids and relationships. So you take care of yourself. Let her fall into whatever abyss she is leaning over. You can't control her behavior--and you can't stop her train wreck. It's her destiny to learn the lessons she needs to learn in life, and you can't protect her, nor catch her when she falls.

I know your pain very well, it is similar to my own. It is crushing. My H is a online sex addict, doesn't respect me, is an alcoholic, an egotist, and probably what they call a narcisst. He plays games with people's emotions. You have to realize that your wife is playing games--she doesn't take relationships seriously--she likes to gamble with life and love--and you have fallen into her trap.

These types are intelligent, cunning, and sly. You can't win a battle with this because they are the experts at manipulation and intimidation.

What you can do is use your common sense and sense of fairness, and treat yourself with respect! Those simple things are how you fight the unfair sneaky behavior. They can't win against simple honest truths--so go with your gut of what is basic rights and wrongs when having to deal with her.

She's toxic to herself and you--and you have to remember when you think of her that she is poison you keep drinking, just like her alcohol.

When you look her in the eye--your first thought needs to always be--this person is sick...and toxic to me...I have to be very careful and not let them poison me, because that is their goal.

[SummerLady]

My story

 

Married my hs/college sweetheart. Dated 5 yrs and married 24 yrs. We have 2 boys, 18 an 7. We both work , me as a contractor, my wife in the college setting.

 

In the summer of 2009, i become suspicious of my wifes behavior. Her cell phone was always on her an hidden. Long walks, constant texting, etc. She left her phone in car after her an I being out one night, i looked at her phone. There was lots of tm's and i miss u, etc. I of course through a hissy fit, which of course she denied it was anything an apologized and said she didnt know what was wrong with her. He was on her co-ed soccer team an they didnt know each other well. It was him contacting her an so forth. I then checked phone log an saw lots of texting back an forth, alot iniated by her.

 

Sex and are relationship were great for the next 4-6 months. Sex in the car, 4/5 times a week, etc. I helped with the housework more, etc.

 

I coached my sons high school baseball team, and he is now on a baseball scholarship at the same school my wife is part of. Sports in are family is a big part of are life. My wife has played soccer and has joined a running group. She never missed a game of our sons, till that summer and the following summer.

 

F-foreward to aug 2010. Son starts college, wife is acting strange again for about 3 months. I have been monitoring her phone log, and 1 certain number is no longer appearing. A man in her running group. I get suspicious of there being a 2nd phone, but i dont confront her. I put a gps device on her, and she is caught at his apartment.

 

She gets home, and we talk. She denys,etc, and i start getting angry. She walks away and goes inside to be by are 7 yr old. I control my anger outwardly, and break her phone without anyone seeing. She eventually goes upstairs an locks door, which she does alot.

 

She leaves next day with 7 yr old, and stays with a friend for 3 wks. I have am angry an abandoned. Lots of texts angry an nice. She gets an apt. We have a few dates, an then i catch her with this guy again which she emphatically denies doing anything with. She is running one morning, and I get her phone from her car. There hundreds of tm's between him an her. Sexting, him encouraging her to divorce, fantasying about being with her, etc.

 

I wait for her to return to her car, and she says you caught me red-handed, i want a divorce.

 

We then cool off for a month or so, and then i recieve the divorce filing 3 days after thanks giving. She wanted to hang out on thanksgiving weekend an i refused. Christmas eve, I have both of my boys, and she sneeks into house and is sleeping by the tree when i wake up. Woo-wee, santa came.

 

Every day an night i get texts about how horrifically sad she is, and she feels like she is going to hell. We went to counseling one time, and she denied the affair, etc. Just a friend, who she still runs with. This group runs, parties, drinks a couple times a week. They have big parties a couple times a month. My wife drinks every day. This group are all single or divorced.

 

I am confused. With are 7 yr old, we have to have contact. She invited me to dinner with are boys last night. She gives me big hug and says she loves me more thn anything. Texts me this moring and says she had a terrible night sleeping an thinks she is a terrible mother an person.

 

We have had some financial problems, br, con artist stole 200 k from us, etc. Now are home is in FC. We were starting to get it back together. Maybe the security is a big thing for her. I made 6 figures for many yrs.

 

She wants her cake and gobbles it up. I dont know what to do. I have been faithful forever. I took my wife out fri,sat, sun. We went on vacations every year. We went to all my sons games, baseball, basketball. I never went to bars or hung with my friends alot, especially on wkends. She adores,loves,cares for me an them. I just wasnt there emotionally for her enough i guess

 

She is very pretty, in great shape. She is very out going and flirtaseous. Alcohol and these traits, are scary. Always thought her being flirty an guys hitting on her were the price you pay for having a good looking wife.

 

She might be a narcissist. She has a lot of traits. yikes, that sounds terrible. Im a doormat. A little of her is better then none, at least i always thought that.. I thought i was crazy. There was an incident 16 yrs ago, and it always made me worry, and she always explained late nights, absences away.

 

Please provide me with some insight. I am hurting big time. At times i can hardly function. I have developed anxiety attacks, and am on medication.

 

 

Here is the issue to me. If I have to ever EVER check someone's cell phone records and not trust them again I am out that day. I did this and its not healthy. When following you around and checking your cell phone is part of the equation I am ending it. Been there done that. Never again. NEVER!!!!!!!

[Gunny376]

Here is the issue to me. If I have to ever EVER check someone's cell phone records and not trust them again I am out that day. I did this and its not healthy. When following you around and checking your cell phone is part of the equation I am ending it. Been there done that. Never again. NEVER!!!!!!!

 

Amen to that!

 

Life's too short, and I've got better things to do with my time, effort, energy and money!

 

One of my rules is they get one shot at this just as I do! So don't screw it up!

 

The way I see it? If she can find someone whose got more to offer them that I? Then they deserve each other, and I'll go find myself some new "puddin'

[seibert253]

Amen to that!

 

Life's too short, and I've got better things to do with my time, effort, energy and money!

 

One of my rules is they get one shot at this just as I do! So don't screw it up!

 

The way I see it? If she can find someone whose got more to offer them that I? Then they deserve each other, and I'll go find myself some new "puddin'

 

Gunny you really need to write a book.

Your life and travels, what you've been through, how you've delt with it, and advice on how we can also drive on and move forward.

 

OOOOH RAHH

[mimidarlin]

I 2nd the motion for Gunny writing a book!!! He's a great story teller and he has a lot of experiences to tell stories about!

[Gunny376]

Yea in the Marines we call them 'Sea Stories"

 

The diffference between a fairy tale and a sea story?

 

A fairy tale begins with "Once upon a time............

 

A sea story begins with "Dude! This NO s***!

 

I've got a business card that reads.

 

"Author, Warrior Poet, Sniper, Killler Elite

Have Gun ~ Will Travel

Revolutions & Civil Wars Stopped.

Villages burned, Virgins De-flowered"

 

I got it from one of my 'igiots' that had a bunch of them printed off.

 

Thanks guys

 

Guns

[Ballerfamily]

Thanks for all the replies. Your all a great help.

 

I think my stbx is in mid-life crisis big time. She needs to go through the journey. I'm getting on with my life, and I don't mind if she has to tell me her sad life. She missing me and my boys, and all the fun times. She is head strong. My guess is she will follow through with divorce and stay sad forever, thinking the next sunny day and beer will get her through.

 

I will never take her back in this condition. I will never ck her phone, etc ever again. That was miserable. Spring, flowers, beautiful, fun loving gals are everywhere.

 

If i would consider it, it would be on terms I could live with. Otherwise, its me an my boys. You inspire me. I am starting on the road to happiness.

I will not be dragged into this quagmire again. Its time for me. I can be happy without her.

 

I am healing more every day. Its driving her crazy when I tell her I'm happy and smiling. I know what makes me good. She keeps texting I hope your ok, I am so sad. God love her.

Edited February 24, 2010 by Ballerfamily

[You Go Girl]

There you go--

you can't stop somebody else's determined train wreck. If they're hell bent on destroying their life--nobody can stop them, not even soften the blow.

It's sad to watch, I bet. It's sad that life gets too easy for us sometimes--and then we make the type of choices she is making now.

Yeah. Life got too easy for her. What can she conquer now, now that she has conquered the basic american dream? That was easy! Something different and more expanding on knowledge must be right around the corner--

So she tosses her safety net in life and wants to go up on the high wire without one.

She isn't going to like the knowledge she acquires. It's gonna really really hurt.

[Gunny376]

Good for you! Its really the only option. Most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be?

 

You can choose the 'red pill' or the 'blue pill' the choice is up to you.

[Green]

She cheated on you, and got caught. I could never forgive some one for that. Look use NC. Go see a lawyer. You don't have to fight it out with your wife or demonize her. Just explain to her how you have lost all trust in her.

 

Being single will be hard. You will find some one else who will not cheat on you.

 

For the sake of your kids you should try to find a way to get along with your wife and help her. She just needs to realize she lost you.

[Ballerfamily]

ah, my stbx. I have to smile. She is entertaining to say the least. Texted me by mistake(meant for her girlfriend) and wanted to know if they should take me and girlfriends husband(my friend an cousin) out for our birthdays this weekend, or would that be stupid. Upon realizing that she sent it to me, she said haha, but would I like to. I igored it for awhile, and then told her I would rather just spend time with my boys.

 

I remember in Oct, 2 months after D day, taking her flowers and coffee every morning before work, and having to basically beg to be with her on her birthday.

 

She will not leave me alone. She told me in a text last night that she is mostly sad because I am. I am happy, trying to move on, just want to be with my boys, WTF. She is crazy.

 

Called this morning and wanted to talk. She is nuts. Wants to have freedom,(she has a life also) and wants me to have my the 7 yr old this weekend. I said ok, I will pick him up after work fri, and you can do whatever you want this weekend. I will hang with my boys and celebrate my bday with them an family, friends. Then she says no, im trying to make her feel bad. She hangs up crying an feeling bad, saying I dont care about her feelings. She would like to be with the boys too. How convenient. My cake will suck, because its been eaten. Haha

 

Entertaining to say the least.

 

Texted me to let me know this is why she left and then filed. Im mean. haha, I give up. Find a nice OM then. They are so nice and thoughtful. Theres alot of nice men out there, be with them. Me and my meaness just wants to be happy and be with my boys. There will be a day for that beautiful flower to come along, or maybe not.

Edited February 25, 2010 by Ballerfamily

[2sunny]

ah, my stbx. I have to smile. She is entertaining to say the least. Texted me by mistake(meant for her girlfriend) and wanted to know if they should take me and girlfriends husband(my friend an cousin) out for our birthdays this weekend, or would that be stupid. Upon realizing that she sent it to me, she said haha, but would I like to. I igored it for awhile, and then told her I would rather just spend time with my boys.

 

I remember in Oct, 2 months after D day, taking her flowers and coffee every morning before work, and having to basically beg to be with her on her birthday.

 

She will not leave me alone. She told me in a text last night that she is mostly sad because I am. I am happy, trying to move on, just want to be with my boys, WTF. She is crazy.

 

Called this morning and wanted to talk. She is nuts. Wants to have freedom,(she has a life also) and wants me to have my the 7 yr old this weekend. I said ok, I will pick him up after work fri, and you can do whatever you want this weekend. I will hang with my boys and celebrate my bday with them an family, friends. Then she says no, im trying to make her feel bad. She hangs up crying an feeling bad, saying I dont care about her feelings. She would like to be with the boys too. How convenient. My cake will suck, because its been eaten. Haha

 

Entertaining to say the least.

 

Texted me to let me know this is why she left and then filed. Im mean. haha, I give up. Find a nice OM then. They are so nice and thoughtful. Theres alot of nice men out there, be with them. Me and my meaness just wants to be happy and be with my boys. There will be a day for that beautiful flower to come along, or maybe not.

 

baller - you cannot make sense or logic from a gal that is actively drinking and has a problem in that arena. nothing will make sense to you... she is asking you every time to get on her emotional roller coaster - and you continue to let her take you for a ride.

 

stop it! stop taking her calls - communicating. let your boys deliver any message directly to her. do not participate with the woman while she is drinking - it will only drive you to the looney bin too because things will NEVER make sense to you. trust me.

 

stop taking calls, texts, emails. just shut down the possibility of her manipulating you and trying to make you feel guilty.

 

SHE created all this - let her live with it.

 

move forward. the less you deal with the crazy gal she's become - the more time and energy you have to create a happy day for yourself - using positive energy and influences instead of the negative and nasty energy she intends to dump on you at every opportunity. so stop - give yourself a break from her chaos - and start enjoying life without the craziness she brings along.