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Posted

If you're reading this then you've been in this position... or are currently going through a hard time coping with the idea and concept of accepting this reality. I know it isn't easy. The majority of your regulars know my story so I'm not going to repeat it, but you newcomers are welcome to do a search.

 

I'm not going to lie to you and say to deal with it and to move on... it isn't THAT simple. I know. I'm not going to tell you they aren't hurting right now because in all honesty... AT THIS MOMENT, they probably aren't. What is it that burns so deep? Your heart feels heavy as your blood runs cold. Your tears burn as they kiss your lips falling from bloodshot eyes...

 

You want them back and you're willing to do ANYTHING in your power to do such. I plead with you now that as much as you are willing to walk beyond the ends of the earth and tread upon murky waters... it is not in your best intentions to do so. You've had something taken away from you. A comfort. A passion. A love. A piece of your heart. I understand. But it is they who walked away. It is they who have pushed you out. You can never be sure why they have done this to you, but know that it isn't NOT your fault. Clearly, something is not right with the situation... as much as you believe it to be ok. Let them walk. Be the stronger person. If you must grieve and cry... do it where they cannot see and may NEVER know.

 

You MUST give yourself that opportunity to grieve or the healing will take longer. If there is one fundamental concept that is expressed time and time again... NO CONTACT. When you're able to establish NC - it not only aids in your healing process to move forward (OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND...), but it can definitely make the one who walked out second guess his/her self. Your strength makes them wonder if they did the right thing.

 

This is the time you've earned for yourself to learn, grow, and develop into a better, stronger, smarter person... lover... companion... friend...

 

Dive into positive influences immediately... pick up a new hobby or devote more time to an existing one. Get motivated to work out more... gym it up! Find more time for your close friends and get out and enjoy life! Do not sit at home and hark at faults you find with yourself that I BET my life are not true!

 

DO NOT give in to breaking the NO CONTACT... I dare you to search these boards and see what happens if/when you do... but if it's the only reality you want to know, by all means - learn the hard way. You'll only push them farther away...

 

We ALL want them to come back. Be it you love them. You miss the thought of them. You miss the companionship. You want to boost your ego once more and regain the confidence you once had. We've ALL been there... and I promise you, these self-demoralizing thoughts you share in common with the lot of us do go away.

 

Dumpee, time is a rigid construct. The passing of periods can prove nothing changed, but DOING THINGS changes THINGS. Do good for yourself... mourn the loss. This person is no longer in your life. You do not have the right to know why... or what they're up to. You shouldn't want to!!!

 

The majority of the time; Good Breakups (mutual), Bad Breakups (suck), catastrophic (like my last - which hurt like hell)... they usually come back. to toss out an arbitrary statistic with no empirical evidence backing it... I'd guess about 89% of dumpers come back for some reason or another. BE WARNED!!!!! Unless the dumper (as I've learned from LS!) is willing to go through ALL the steps a dumpee would do to get back a dumper... be mindful and wary they may be stringing you along and feeding their own selfish egos. Do NOT let them. BE THE STRONGER PERSON. FEED YOUR OWN EGO, PRIDE (AND MAKE THEM JEALOUS) by moving forward.. moving on... meeting NEW people. Better people. People who will accept you for you and want to be with YOU because of who you've molded yourself into.

 

Their new 'partner' is probably temporary.. a fix to fill that VERY same void that was in you. That is why they don't hurt at the beginning. As a dumper, I've done this... and I hurt only myself. A lot. And I'm so sorry.... :(

 

BUT...

 

The fascination they find in that new person tends to dissipate. They begin to imagine you in their partners eyes, but only see themselves staring back... wondering where you are. Who you are... and what you're doing these days. I've dumped 3/5 relationships... 1 was mutual... and was dumped for 1/5... when I dumped and the mutual... I always went back (the mutual... she came back first). Maybe I'm different? I care... but the majority of lovers... friends... companions... find themselves in situations because they care. It is inhumane to move on cold-turkey. You SHARED something with your partner... it is not normal to be so heartless. I promise you dumpee... you will only become a better person for this. I know I have... and in time, so you will learn, grow, and become such.

 

....so cry. It is healthy. Cry so that you may love yourself once more... bury everything there is in your memories of your significant ex into the ground and lament, but only for a moment. This is your rebirth into the NEW YOU.

 

LS is here for you. they were here for me... here for her... here for him...

 

Be Strong. Be Unique. Be You.

 

:love:

  • Like 1
Posted

Good post, Rob. :)

  • Author
Posted
Good post, Rob. :)

 

 

I'm tired of hurting...

 

It seems there is no honor amongst men. No true love within passion between partners. Yet, so much to live for. So much to continue turning each page of life to live another day...

 

...it just, doesn't fit anymore.

 

I do not believe I will just settle for anything. I do not feel that anytime soon I will be able to look upon a woman and see her for everything amazing that she is. My wounds are entombed and rooted deep within my heart, mending ever so slowly.

 

Yet, I move forward from day to day smiling again. I am able to speak her name and not want to bury myself under the blankets and cry. It's as if there is no time to stop and smell the roses anymore, but only to press forward in life and live each day as if it were the very last.

 

I only wish to show those who hurt that we all share their pain and that it gets easier. Truth is, it will never honestly fade into the shadows and recesses of our minds, but it will lurk and allow us to LEARN and become BETTER lovers for the next amazing person to enter our lives.

 

KC :love:

Posted

Wow. That was beautifully written.

 

Thank you!

Posted

Really great post. Too hopeful but great. she dumped me 2 weeks ago after 4 and half years. those 4 and half years,not once we did not hear each others voice, not once she wouldnt call me telling me she cant live without me and she misses me too much that she cant sleep. She always needed me, she always said i am the only thing that makes her happy and proud. I was her first love and kiss and everything. Everyone thought we would last. Long story short, she broke it off, really in the worst way anyone can imagine. No there is no other guy (as much as i can tell). she never knew how to deal with really bad sititations, so she dumped, closed her phone and changed her number so fast, probably knowing me so well that ill keep contacting her. Its ok though.

 

your post was amazing. As an adult male, i cried and i was so strong before i met her and when i was with her. She really damaged me. Why do girls damage the nice guys? meh

Posted

I have to say that reading all the posts on here are SUPER helpful. Every time I'm hurting or missing my ex I come on here and read the posts on Breakups and Coping. This post was great. Thanks for the help.

Posted
Really great post. Too hopeful but great. she dumped me 2 weeks ago after 4 and half years. those 4 and half years,not once we did not hear each others voice, not once she wouldnt call me telling me she cant live without me and she misses me too much that she cant sleep. She always needed me, she always said i am the only thing that makes her happy and proud. I was her first love and kiss and everything. Everyone thought we would last. Long story short, she broke it off, really in the worst way anyone can imagine. No there is no other guy (as much as i can tell). she never knew how to deal with really bad sititations, so she dumped, closed her phone and changed her number so fast, probably knowing me so well that ill keep contacting her. Its ok though.

 

your post was amazing. As an adult male, i cried and i was so strong before i met her and when i was with her. She really damaged me. Why do girls damage the nice guys? meh

 

 

The last part of your post caught my attention "Why do girls damage the nice guys?"

 

I was adviced to read a book, if your still looking to find some answers, its Called "No More Mr Nice Guy" I am partially through it and started to see my self as a nice guy and problems it can cause.

 

Just A Suggestion...... :) didn't mean to hijack the thread here, back to the original Thread Post VERY WELL SAID! I know, I been through it as well, but always as the Dumpee.....with the same girl........

 

Take Care All

 

LiL

Posted

You want them back and you're willing to do ANYTHING in your power to do such. I plead with you now that as much as you are willing to walk beyond the ends of the earth and tread upon murky waters... it is not in your best intentions to do so. You've had something taken away from you. A comfort. A passion. A love. A piece of your heart. I understand. But it is they who walked away. It is they who have pushed you out. You can never be sure why they have done this to you, but know that it isn't NOT your fault. Clearly, something is not right with the situation... as much as you believe it to be ok. Let them walk. Be the stronger person. If you must grieve and cry... do it where they cannot see and may NEVER know.

 

 

Oh Rob, you have taken the words out of my mouth and put them here. How many times have we cried alone, clutching the searing pain in our hearts, tears streaming down our faces and pray to God (if you are out there) to please please take the pain away.

 

How can we be sobbing ourselves to sleep, getting drunk and being a general mess when they are out there having fun and laughing and not having a care in the world? Not even a thought for us?

 

How many times our hearts are calling out to them, wanting to break NC and wishing they would realise how much we love them....and despite that they still hurt us like this??

 

We dumpees then should let our pride and dignity speak for ourselves. To not beg and grovel for someone to take us back when they have thrown us away like trash. To not want to change ourselves when they decide we are not good enough for them and they do not see the potential in us, to stay with us and to continue loving us...when that is all that we have done for them. We need not to plead to be with someone who doesnt want to share their lives with us. We deserve better than that. Everyone deserves better than that!

Posted (edited)

Thank you for the post. I'm going thru some crazy times mainly after I found out that my ex gf already has a new boyfriend earlier this month. She decided to leave our two year relationship to be single, because she was "meant" to be single, right before Christmas.

 

I've cried so many times in the last few days, that it's not normal (probably due to the stupid weekend). I go thru stages where I accept the situation, then I get pissed at her, then I am good. I'll then randomly cry, but it actually helps me to cry it out. On my way home from the gym, I actually broke down and cried again because I started to miss the companionship and like everyone said, screamed "Why me, etc"...

 

Eventhough there were flags during the last months of the relationship that I now see, I didn't back then because I was blinded by love..bleh.

 

I will be reading this post every day from now on to remind me to stay on track...so thanks againn.

Edited by just1guy
  • Author
Posted

My ex girl is engaged to the man she was with before me... the man who hurt her... cheated on her for 2/4 last years of their wretched relationship...

Posted

This post seems so appropriate right now...im in a relationship thats dead..because i KNow he wants to leave me...but doesnt want to hurt me..it feels awful to be that pittiful person not strong enough to walk away when i know he no longer cares for me

Posted

I know I'm a little late on this but I just wanted to say I really enjoyed reading this post; thank you so very much for taking the time to write it. xo :)

  • Author
Posted

I heart you guys. =)

Posted

I am so so so moved by what you and others have written. It sucks to be hurting so bad- Ive never felt anything like this. I want to do terribley vengeful things (nothing bad but maybe getting a trailor load of dirt dumped in his driveway so he can park his precious car in the garage for a few days!) and the next minute I want to call and say please please please take me back.

 

I like what was said above about remembering how dignified it is to know that I was a wonderful person to him and he has been a cutting, cold, cruel **** to me in the last 24hours of an otherwise great 9 mths. I wont plead or beg or scream. I'll breathe and stay busy and read your wonderful posts and move forward.

 

Maybe one day he'll think of me again. Probably not- he's 'very busy and very very important' you know! But if he does, I hope he thinks that he treated me badly, but I was too good for him.

 

Secretly these good feelings are about 1/10th of my thinking today. The other 9/10ths wishes he has a truly miserable existence!!!

 

I know I know- grow, read, breathe....

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