Author dreamingoftigers Posted February 9, 2010 Author Share Posted February 9, 2010 The information about my husband not being a fan of monogamy should have been shared with me before we were married. Long before. Furthermore, he certainly doesn't wish to have me change my stance about monogamy, he wishes me to remain faithful. He is very firm on this. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 The information about my husband not being a fan of monogamy should have been shared with me before we were married. Long before. Furthermore, he certainly doesn't wish to have me change my stance about monogamy, he wishes me to remain faithful. He is very firm on this. Of course she should have shared this with you, but addicts are notorious liars. Would you have married him? No, he knows that. When addicts are deep into their addicitons, they are called soul suckers. get yourself in therapy Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamingoftigers Posted February 9, 2010 Author Share Posted February 9, 2010 I am very confused on why that would have anything to do with my religion... I have a husband, who claimed to have standards that he does not. He wants me to stay loyal to him, what does that have to do with my religion? Furthermore to answer an above post I was always very sexually open and creative with my husband, the only thing that was not brought into our bedroom was pornography and quite frankly, he never asked. Had I known it was of some importance to him, I might (might) have been negotiable on it. Not likely but might have been. He also tells me that I am the most sexually open girl he has ever been with and willing to do anything. I am not pretty, however... Still very confused by the religion bit. He only became a member of the church 2 years ago. I have been for 8 years. Link to post Share on other sites
ForumFool Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 (edited) Hi I would say no it is not worth it. He will no doubt keep up the behaviors that harm your sense of self....I am sorry for your pain and would get out of there fast...He is mean to you which makes me sad all in all..Also I think? the reason some people say that about your religion is because they think all Mormons have many wives and such...sigh...Good luck...I will be praying you get out of there you sound so hurt and you ought to feel cherished and pretty...at least to him Hugs P.S. I believe your sleep issues have to do with your self esteem taking a beating as it has and depression...maybe some anxiety. ALSO Tiger Woods and other sex addicts ..if Tiger is one...anyhow they have awesome looking wives and seek the thrill and parts of others....save your soul and get out Edited February 9, 2010 by ForumFool to add a P.S. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 Frankly I find your H's actions and attitudes to be deplorable. He essentially pulled the old bait-and-switch on you--he led you to believe that he had one set of values (embracing monogamy) when in fact his heart was in the opposite camp. False advertising all the way. And he has the audacity and gall to expect you to remain monogamous... It's okay for him to seek satisfaction elsewhere with porn usage and affairs................but the rules should be different for you???WTH?!?!? He's treating you as if your needs and desires are irrelevant. He withholds sex and affection from you, seeks it elsewhere, but you're not allowed to do the same???? This is emotional abuse. He misled you regarding his value system, he has a different set of rules for each party in the marriage, and he's deliberately denying you affection. I'd like to recommend that you do some reading on the topic of emotional abuse, how to identify it, and what the long-term effects are. The scars can be much deeper, and longer-lasting than physical abuse. Please honey, don't let this man destroy the most beautiful part of who you are. He's got you viewing yourself through his warped perceptions, kinda like looking at a funhouse mirror. It's not an accurate reflection....... step out of the funhouse, and take your power back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamingoftigers Posted February 10, 2010 Author Share Posted February 10, 2010 Thank you all very much for your responses. Much to consider. Link to post Share on other sites
AsTearsGoBy Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 dream, God bless you for what you have endured. First off you are worthy of a faithful, loyal, and happy marriage! Your husband has a problem that has nothing to do with how you look. I can totally relate to how you feel, although my husband has not been unfaithful in our 18 year marriage, and in the first 13 years of our marriage I was slim and fit, long blond hair....but in the past 6 years, due to poly cystic ovary syndrome, I have gained over 100 lbs. I do know he looks at other females now though and it hurts me beyond words. I feel like crawling under a rock. You need to know your husband is sick and he needs help. If he is unwilling, you need to move on so you can be healthy and happy. I hope the best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamingoftigers Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 He has been going for help, I just wonder if there is anything to salvage, I don't feel like ever being intimate with him again, although he claims that's what he wants. I have noticed changes in him the last few months that seem to be genuine and lasting but I do not know if it is enough to even try to repair all of the damage he has caused. I am also told that sex addicts "slip" every now and then and I do not think I can be put through this again. I truly think that is why divorce is often done after an affair, because the pain is to great to recover from and not out of vengeance or anger, or because the spouse may do it again. It breaks all the specialness in a relationship and all of the trust. I wish there was an easy way to have my husband and I be best best friends and never have to sleep with one another again but just be affectionate. I used to want sex all the time, and now I do not see myself wanting sex with him ever again, but I still feel very close to him. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Ahh dream, I know this is heartbreaking and painful. I would really suggest you speak to a therapist to help you over this hump. Make youself better and then you can make a clear choice. If you feel you're strong enough to just leave and be ok with that, then you should. Living in the crazzies of deception is a torture like no other. hug Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamingoftigers Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 Been going for IC since November and doing EMDR therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
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