being bullied: Does it effect you later in life?

[Meaplus3]

I was bullied a bit in high school for beign pretty. It did have an effect on my sense of self worth for a while, but I figured out that the girls were simply jealous of me and it was very petty. I did rebound from it and went onto a much better exp in college. So, it did have a short term effect but nothing long term in my case. There was a boy though in one of my high school classes that ended up killing himself. He was made fun of and teased all the time. I'll never forget that it was tragic. That has stuck with me for life.

 

Mea:)

[tigressA]

I was bullied a lot all through junior high and high school for being black/mixed-race and "poor"--I guess compared to a lot of the kids I went to school with I was poor but we never really lacked much. We lived in an apartment complex until my freshman year of high school, a place that had the repuation of being for "scum" even though my family didn't fit that bill.

 

I was called the n-word countless times, told to go kill myself, that I was ugly (I remember one guy in particular called me "atrocious"), a loser, a nerd, a psycho-b*tch, a feminazi (I was vocal about civil/women's rights in high school), the list goes on. When I was in junior high I developed an "attitude problem"--I would give as good as I got from the people who picked on me; I built a wall up that no one but my friends could get past. My dad didn't believe that things were so bad for me at school because he'd heard stories of how I was and thought that it was all my fault, when really I had developed that instinct as a result of all the bullying.

 

When I started college it was a totally new experience--I made quite a few friends rather easily; I was considered attractive by guys--but the bullying had affected my life in that I craved external validation. I only really dated my first boyfriend because he gave me attention, made me feel good--I didn't pay attention to the fact that we were pretty horribly incompatible. It took me awhile to break the need for validation from others and learn to love myself for who I am and how I look. Now that I have I'm much happier.

 

Like Mea, I knew not only one, but two kids who killed themselves in high school ostensibly because they couldn't take being teased so much anymore.

[skydiveaddict]

I was bullied all through school. finally,in high school i just couldn't take it anymore so i started punching back. it did wonders for my self esteem, and has followed me into adulthood. But i bet bullying might affect you later in life. Maybe talk to a therapist about it.

[Citizen Erased]

I guess, looking back, I was bullied by a few former friends of mine. At the time I just thought they were bitches and I had a far better group of friends. They'd spread rumours about me, that I was sleeping with all these guys (they wish they were, some of the guys said were hot haha!) I remember reading a table in class they'd defaced about me causing my parent's divorce Lame. When it became clear they weren't getting to me I got a few threats of physical violence.

 

Now, I'm actually friends with a few of them. I never let anything said or done affect me because it was pointless, their words and actions meant nothing because I saw them as less than worthy of my attention at that time. And to be honest they gave me something to focus on rather than my parents divorce.

[Trialbyfire]

I guess, looking back, I was bullied by a few former friends of mine. At the time I just thought they were bitches and I had a far better group of friends. They'd spread rumours about me, that I was sleeping with all these guys (they wish they were, some of the guys said were hot haha!) I remember reading a table in class they'd defaced about me causing my parent's divorce Lame. When it became clear they weren't getting to me I got a few threats of physical violence.

 

Now, I'm actually friends with a few of them. I never let anything said or done affect me because it was pointless, their words and actions meant nothing because I saw them as less than worthy of my attention at that time. And to be honest they gave me something to focus on rather than my parents divorce.

Yes, this is one key component of bullying behaviour, the spreading of slander, with the intent to have people side with them, hence isolate the individual.

 

And yes, they were bitches.

[quankanne]

The impression I get in America is that many people define themselves very readily with reference to how they were labelled at school. "I was a cheerleader" or "I was a nerd" and that these labels stick with them throughout their lives. Which may provide a sense of self esteem in some cases, and create raw feelings in others.

 

very true – I see myself as a band geek, mostly.

 

interestingly enough, I've talked to people who've left because of work or marriage or school taking them away, people not part of the "in" crowd who have gone on to have happy successful lives. We marvel at the fact that the high school quarter back and his tight circle of friends never left the county, and for all we know, are mentally stuck in those high school glory days, never really trying to catch up with the people who "got away." My guess is that they uncomfortable with the idea that people they considered "losers" back then have accomplished a lot in their lives, and to acknowlege that would suddenly mean that THEY wouldn't be considered successful.

[burning 4 revenge]

Im shocked at how hung up on their HS years so many people are

 

Most of my problems in life happened after HS and when I think of those times its more in a nostalgic kind of way remembering more carefree days and wishing I could have all that limitless potential again.

[Eve]

Yes, I experienced bullying for a prolonged period of time throughout my childhood. After discovering that reason did not work I would fight... boys, girls, even a couple of adults one time... The only thing that has stayed with me is a distrust of groups, especially cliques of women... but really that isnt a bad thing! I suppose this is probably why I tend to pick jobs in which I manage myself as much as possible in order to avoid group competitiveness, which often is the breeding ground of the bully.

 

Seeing my children being bullied was way harder than anything I experienced myself but I would like to think that my providing a stable, predictable home life enabled them to confidently deal with each episode and most importantly not bully others.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Hot Carl]

Im shocked at how hung up on their HS years so many people are

 

Most of my problems in life happened after HS and when I think of those times its more in a nostalgic kind of way remembering more carefree days and wishing I could have all that limitless potential again.

 

I guess it wasn't like that for everyone.

[burning 4 revenge]

I was bullied a lot all through junior high and high school for being black/mixed-race and "poor"--I guess compared to a lot of the kids I went to school with I was poor but we never really lacked much. We lived in an apartment complex until my freshman year of high school, a place that had the repuation of being for "scum" even though my family didn't fit that bill.

 

I was called the n-word countless times, told to go kill myself, that I was ugly (I remember one guy in particular called me "atrocious"), a loser, a nerd, a psycho-b*tch, a feminazi (I was vocal about civil/women's rights in high school), the list goes on. When I was in junior high I developed an "attitude problem"--I would give as good as I got from the people who picked on me; I built a wall up that no one but my friends could get past. My dad didn't believe that things were so bad for me at school because he'd heard stories of how I was and thought that it was all my fault, when really I had developed that instinct as a result of all the bullying.

 

When I started college it was a totally new experience--I made quite a few friends rather easily; I was considered attractive by guys--but the bullying had affected my life in that I craved external validation. I only really dated my first boyfriend because he gave me attention, made me feel good--I didn't pay attention to the fact that we were pretty horribly incompatible. It took me awhile to break the need for validation from others and learn to love myself for who I am and how I look. Now that I have I'm much happier.

 

Like Mea, I knew not only one, but two kids who killed themselves in high school ostensibly because they couldn't take being teased so much anymore.

Who called you the n-word?

[burning 4 revenge]

I guess it wasn't like that for everyone.

The only guy who really smacked me around was my father ( I dont know if thats laughing or crying)

[Citizen Erased]

The only guy who really smacked me around was my father ( I dont know if thats laughing or crying)

I'll smack you around.

 

Sheesh, it's almost 10 years since the stuff I was talking about happened. I'm getting old.

[burning 4 revenge]

I'll smack you around.

 

Sheesh, it's almost 10 years since the stuff I was talking about happened. I'm getting old.

Ten years you old woman....Ronald Reagan was still President when I started HS

[Citizen Erased]

Ten years you old woman....Ronald Reagan was still President when I started HS

 

 

Was I alive then?

[burning 4 revenge]

 

Was I alive then?

I think you were born the year before I started HS

[tigressA]

Who called you the n-word?

 

The kids who bullied me. I was bullied primarily by guys my age or slightly older, all white. My younger brother beat up any guy who called him that; he got in a whole lot of fights.

[burning 4 revenge]

I guess it wasn't like that for everyone.

Did you have the Disintegration poster up in your room also?

[burning 4 revenge]

The kids who bullied me. I was bullied primarily by guys my age or slightly older, all white. My younger brother beat up any guy who called him that; he got in a whole lot of fights.

Man I didnt even think that stuff still happened

[tigressA]

Man I didnt even think that stuff still happened

 

Oh, it definitely does. Especially in small towns like where I was born and raised, where the population is at least 95% white. Overt racism--slurs and the like--is definitely still alive and well. I'm grateful to not have experienced it since moving out of my hometown; it's really awful. I can't stand to hear the n-word used by anyone, under any circumstance, because of what I went through. Even my brother uses it, which I really can't wrap my head around, because he was so quick to pummel anyone who used it to refer to him.

Edited February 4, 2010 by tigressA

[Jeff1962]

I was bullied a lot all through junior high and high school for being black/mixed-race and "poor"--I guess compared to a lot of the kids I went to school with I was poor but we never really lacked much. We lived in an apartment complex until my freshman year of high school, a place that had the repuation of being for "scum" even though my family didn't fit that bill.

 

I was called the n-word countless times, told to go kill myself, that I was ugly (I remember one guy in particular called me "atrocious"), a loser, a nerd, a psycho-b*tch, a feminazi (I was vocal about civil/women's rights in high school), the list goes on. When I was in junior high I developed an "attitude problem"--I would give as good as I got from the people who picked on me; I built a wall up that no one but my friends could get past. My dad didn't believe that things were so bad for me at school because he'd heard stories of how I was and thought that it was all my fault, when really I had developed that instinct as a result of all the bullying.

 

When I started college it was a totally new experience--I made quite a few friends rather easily; I was considered attractive by guys--but the bullying had affected my life in that I craved external validation. I only really dated my first boyfriend because he gave me attention, made me feel good--I didn't pay attention to the fact that we were pretty horribly incompatible. It took me awhile to break the need for validation from others and learn to love myself for who I am and how I look. Now that I have I'm much happier.

 

Like Mea, I knew not only one, but two kids who killed themselves in high school ostensibly because they couldn't take being teased so much anymore.

 

SOME of this is learned behavior on the kids part, also pack mentallity. I also am of a mixed race. I'm half Blackfoot Indian and half Angelo American. I cannot count the times that I have been called Cheif or Tonto or been taunted. I eventually learned how to wear my colors.

 

I am proud of both of my lineages. They are me. Screw what other people think.

[Trialbyfire]

Jeff and Tigress. Most mixed race individuals are very good-looking, getting the best of both worlds, all in one package.

 

Tigress, based on what I've seen of your pics on LS, that's the case.

 

Jeff, I suspect you're also good-looking since you've probably got the high cheek-bones of a Blackfoot.

 

It's great to hear that both of you have embraced your individuality.

 

My apologies to hotgurl for going off-topic.

[burning 4 revenge]

Jeff and Tigress. Most mixed race individuals are very good-looking, getting the best of both worlds, all in one package.

Unfortunately for me that isnt always the case

 

I do agree that Tigressa is quite the looker

[Trialbyfire]

Unfortunately for me that isnt always the case

 

I do agree that Tigressa is quite the looker

There's nothing wrong with your looks. I would classify you as cute, with really nice eyes and smile.

 

Not that this is applicable to you b4r, but generally speaking, based on this thread, bullying during formative years, can greatly affect self-esteem.

[burning 4 revenge]

There's nothing wrong with your looks. I would classify you as cute, with really nice eyes and smile.

 

Not that this is applicable to you b4r, but generally speaking, based on this thread, bullying during formative years, can greatly affect self-esteem.

You know now that I think about Tigressa's post I can remember that I used to come up from Florida during junior high and early HS and spend the summers in the Chicago suburbs with my grandparents

 

They lived in what was then a mostly Italian suburb that Ill leave unnamed that bordered a mostly black suburb

 

My cousin (whos a great guy these days and a gread dad) used to hang out with a rough crowd of heavy metal Italian kids and they would intimidate and make fun of the black kids who would cross into the neighborhood during the day. Sometimes there were rocks being thrown and sometimes some kids would get slapped around and always there was the n-word

 

I never really participated but I ddint say anything and I just went along with it as I didnt have much backbone and cared more about being accepted than taking a stand

 

Her post made me think of that and its not like I can apologize to anyone or take it back

[tigressA]

Thanks TBF and b4r. Come a long way since high school then, I guess! I'm proud of my lineage and wouldn't trade my looks for anyone else's, but it took me awhile to truly feel that way on the inside.

 

Getting back to the topic, Jeff I agree that yes, a lot of it is pack mentality but also learned behavior. In my case, I was the only mixed-race girl in my entire high school class of nearly 300, so I was singled out and picked on for looking so different, and eventually, acting differently. Usually the people who stick out like sore thumbs are held up to scrutiny by the rest, either positive or negative, and when you're in junior high/high school, it's usually negative. I would bet the farm that the kids who were so ready to spew the n-word not just at me, but in general, grew up in homes where that word was freely used and maybe even encouraged.