tigressA Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 I never really participated but I ddint say anything and I just went along with it as I didnt have much backbone and cared more about being accepted than taking a stand Her post made me think of that and its not like I can apologize to anyone or take it back Yeah, you can't, but I always say in cases like this that it's never too late to become proactive in taking a stand against this kind of behavior. Better to start later in life than to never start at all. Even when I was bullied and knew how horrible it was, there were some times I saw others being bullied and didn't stand up for them because I was scared of what would happen to me if I had. Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1962 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Thanks TBF and b4r. Come a long way since high school then, I guess! I'm proud of my lineage and wouldn't trade my looks for anyone else's, but it took me awhile to truly feel that way on the inside. Getting back to the topic, Jeff I agree that yes, a lot of it is pack mentality but also learned behavior. In my case, I was the only mixed-race girl in my entire high school class of nearly 300, so I was singled out and picked on for looking so different, and eventually, acting differently. Usually the people who stick out like sore thumbs are held up to scrutiny by the rest, either positive or negative, and when you're in junior high/high school, it's usually negative. I would bet the farm that the kids who were so ready to spew the n-word not just at me, but in general, grew up in homes where that word was freely used and maybe even encouraged. What can we do? Hold a grudge? This only hurts ourselves. I actually feel sorry for people that judge a person based solely upon race and disregard a persons character. Forget them but keep them close . I'm sorry that you were singeled out. Remember this though. If the tabels were turned and you were the only black, white, asian, whatever mix in the school, the results would be the same, depending somewhat on demographics. Love thyself woman. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 I don't think they "judged" me solely on my skin color; they just used that word to disparage me because they felt it would push my buttons. They thoroughly enjoyed trying to tick me off. I don't feel sorry for them at all, but I hold no grudge either. It's clear their extreme need to belittle other people in order to build themselves up took up a huge part of their time while in school, and it will probably continue to for much, if not all, of their lives. I'm not one for revenge, but it's their just dessert, if you think about it--not knowing the kind of happiness that comes from truly loving yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 I too was a victim of being bullied for many reasons: my size, my lack of nice clothes, my introvertness. Confrontations were always awkward for me and I didn't know how to react properly, so I became angry my senior year of HS. It wasn't until I was 23 that I learned how to effectively assert myself and how to handle awkward situations. So yes being bullied has affected me in life, but in a positive way. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Did you have the Disintegration poster up in your room also? I LOVE that album, and I'm only 29. I <3 The Cure! Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 The other thread got me thinking. of the people on LS who have been bullied in junior and high school. Did it effect you later in life. As an adult have you found that is has changed you view of yourself? I was bullied pretty bad for about 4 years in Elementary school and junior high. That coupled with my home life has effected me into adult hood. especially my self esteem and how I view myself compared to other people. My internal dialogue is very negative. As I have grow, and matured I have come to recognize this in myself and am learning to overcome it. Mos tof the time I am pretty successful but sometime I am not. However I have found I have the complete inability to accurately asses myself esp in the looks department. I believe that it does, in fact I did not understand how to deal with them really and still don't...was bullied still, almost 50, at work constantly...management in my fiels encouraged bullies, took less pressure off of them. Yes they have affected me greatly Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 I think stuff like this stays with us forever. Gets buried, but it's still there and at times situations/people can trigger it and bring it forward again. A while back I was at a friends wedding and this girl I used to go to school with, was there. She was awful to me, just plain cruel. The type of girl who would get everyone to turn on you. As soon as I saw her, my heart skipped a beat and I remember feeling FEAR and feeling insecure. Then I really LOOKED at her! She had gained weight, hadn't aged well..Hate to admit this, but it made me smile as she was one who prided herself on her looks, her fashion all throughout school. Anyway, long story short, we did talk and she did bring up stuff from the past and kind of apologized for being so mean and bitchy. Since I don't hold grudges, I thanked her and that was that. Score one for me! Felt good to let her know that yes, you DID make my life miserable for a while at school and it's great you remember your bitchy behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Im shocked at how hung up on their HS years so many people are Most of my problems in life happened after HS and when I think of those times its more in a nostalgic kind of way remembering more carefree days and wishing I could have all that limitless potential again. Trauma from you childhood can follow you your entire life. Link to post Share on other sites
ella23 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Trauma from you childhood can follow you your entire life. Yes, bullying can really scar you emotionally and it's hard to fully overcome the trauma. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 I think stuff like this stays with us forever. Gets buried, but it's still there and at times situations/people can trigger it and bring it forward again. A while back I was at a friends wedding and this girl I used to go to school with, was there. She was awful to me, just plain cruel. The type of girl who would get everyone to turn on you. As soon as I saw her, my heart skipped a beat and I remember feeling FEAR and feeling insecure. Then I really LOOKED at her! She had gained weight, hadn't aged well..Hate to admit this, but it made me smile as she was one who prided herself on her looks, her fashion all throughout school. Anyway, long story short, we did talk and she did bring up stuff from the past and kind of apologized for being so mean and bitchy. Since I don't hold grudges, I thanked her and that was that. Score one for me! Felt good to let her know that yes, you DID make my life miserable for a while at school and it's great you remember your bitchy behaviour. Oh yes...this happened to me awhile age, saw a girl that bullied/controlled me and felt as you did WWIU. I seriously doubt this girl, if there was ever an encounter, would ever apologize or even hint at an apology....she was a B and rememained that way....wonder what happened to her.... Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 I think stuff like this stays with us forever. Gets buried, but it's still there and at times situations/people can trigger it and bring it forward again. A while back I was at a friends wedding and this girl I used to go to school with, was there. She was awful to me, just plain cruel. The type of girl who would get everyone to turn on you. As soon as I saw her, my heart skipped a beat and I remember feeling FEAR and feeling insecure. Then I really LOOKED at her! She had gained weight, hadn't aged well..Hate to admit this, but it made me smile as she was one who prided herself on her looks, her fashion all throughout school. Anyway, long story short, we did talk and she did bring up stuff from the past and kind of apologized for being so mean and bitchy. Since I don't hold grudges, I thanked her and that was that. Score one for me! Felt good to let her know that yes, you DID make my life miserable for a while at school and it's great you remember your bitchy behaviour. Isn't it uncanny, the initial reaction to encountering a childhood bully? For a moment you are that 10 year old, or 15 year old, etc. again. For a moment, then you snap back to the present (hopefully) and realize, oh yeah, I'm a grown-up now.He/she can't hurt me anymore. You almost have to pinch yourself......... Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 I grew up with physical impairments which often was the genesis of bullying. I finally learned that there were two approaches to dealing with bullies: one was to use humor as a way to entertain my peers; the other was to fight back and give them some of their own medicine. Dealing with bullying is difficult because it requires good social skills. However, many people are bullied precisely because there is something that prevents them from entering the social circles, be it appearance or, in other cases, some social characteristic. The ones who survive bullying need to be at least able to stand their ground. They don't necessarily have to "defeat" the bullies, but they have to go down swinging; they have to gain the respect of the bullies in some way. Just taking it is not an option. Link to post Share on other sites
Maxxx Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Well I was told in that other thread you speak of that I was the way I am because I was bullied when I was a kid. Of course I was also told if I did not agree with that.... That I was wrong so I have no clue I don't think it has hurt me later in life to answer your question Link to post Share on other sites
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