Nice guys finish last?

[Itzo]

Not sure if you did or didn't see my edit where I corrected myself and said the person may not be "mentally ill" but they did have serious issues to be resolved.

does that further answer your question?

EDIT : I will further clarify that when I state mentally ill; I am referring to any state in which a person is not mentally or emotionally healthy. As a friend pointed out that doesn't necesarily mean "mentally ill" so okay- correction they are either mentally ill OR they have serious issues to be resolved- abuse issues- daddy issues- mommy issues- you get the point. Capeche?

 

Ok, I understand what you mean now ... the same thing as I do.

just makng sure, we are on the same page here ... because I am sure when someone's reading these posts, HELPS them to realize things.

 

This issue is as important for men just as it is important for women to see and realize. I personally had insights when reading this thread ... very interesting ...

[samsungxoxo]

If I see one more nice guy thread in this forum I will blow up into a thousand pieces and my parts will rain down upon this entire earth and there will be nuclear winter for two million years!!!

They probably got nothing else in life than post ''Pity me please''.

 

If you want to make chances the first step would be to stop comparing yourself to others. Stop focusing on others' experiences. It's pointless saying ''But why does Joe has ____ and I don't''. Who cares about what Joe or others have, go for what you're looking for.

[Itzo]

They probably got nothing else in life than post ''Pity me please''.

 

If you want to make chances the first step would be to stop comparing yourself to others. Stop focusing on others' experiences. It's pointless saying ''But why does Joe has ____ and I don't''. Who cares about what Joe or others have, go for what you're looking for.

 

The bolded statement is misleading ...

I know what you mean .. do not care what other people think of you or about anything in general. But when you say, "Stop focusing on others' experiences" is useful sometimes.

 

For instance, you may look at other people's fear & frustrations that relate or do not relate to you ... if you do so, you will learn a lot.

 

Thanksfully, people express themselves clearly here ... so it is a great opportunity to see what's like to be that person, just be in their shoes ... it is a very valuable skill.

 

Okeey ... i know this has nothin' to do with the topic we are considering, but just as a side note ...

[Pizzaman81]

I can't stand a 'too nice guy'... I wipe my feet on his back...

They are usually spineless... insecure.. clingy... lack self-esteem..

greasy and full of zits..

 

If your foot is attractive, i'll let you wipe it all over me...

[hoping2heal]

EDIT : I will further clarify that when I state mentally ill; I am referring to any state in which a person is not mentally or emotionally healthy. As a friend pointed out that doesn't necesarily mean "mentally ill" so okay- correction they are either mentally ill OR they have serious issues to be resolved- abuse issues- daddy issues- mommy issues- you get the point. Capeche?

 

Ok, I understand what you mean now ... the same thing as I do.

just makng sure, we are on the same page here ... because I am sure when someone's reading these posts, HELPS them to realize things.

 

This issue is as important for men just as it is important for women to see and realize. I personally had insights when reading this thread ... very interesting ...

 

Yes, I was mostly just trying to point out that if a man is really being rejected because he's nice it's because that woman has some serious issues to be resolved within herself before she will ever be able to contribute to a healthy relationship or handle being in one. That a lot of times, guys are rejected for reasons that have nothing to do with how nice they are- it's usually something else that didn't click and I wish they would realise that instead of going for this "nice guy" garbage.

[Itzo]

Yes, I was mostly just trying to point out that if a man is really being rejected because he's nice it's because that woman has some serious issues to be resolved within herself before she will ever be able to contribute to a healthy relationship or handle being in one. That a lot of times, guys are rejected for reasons that have nothing to do with how nice they are- it's usually something else that didn't click and I wish they would realise that instead of going for this "nice guy" garbage.

 

Can you be a little more specific, what kind of issues a woman can have by rejecting nice guys (without the quotes ) ? "nice guy" garbage = jerk, is that what you mean?

 

Because it seems like you nailed this area pretty well.

[hoping2heal]

Can you be a little more specific, what kind of issues a woman can have by rejecting nice guys (without the quotes ) ? "nice guy" garbage = jerk, is that what you mean?

 

Because it seems like you nailed this area pretty well.

 

Well there is a myriad of reasons why a woman or a man for that matter cannot have healthy relationships. Sometimes there is trauma that happens in childhood. Sexual assault/abuse, physical assault/abuse, witnessing domestic violence, emotional abuse, unhealthy boundaries, etc. While there are other events that can take place later in life, a lot of the programming we recieve about how to interact and be social with others and how we will react to things in a social arena have a lot to do with what we were taught from day one.

 

As for the nice guy garbage.

 

I'm not saying nice guys are jerks no.

 

What I am saying is this; The men who often appoint themselves as nice guys are rarely ever all that nice. A lot of times they are just so desperate for acceptance by others including friends, peers, and the opposite sex they will have no real identity. They are social chameleons, transforming their ideas, values, belifs, atitudes in accordance with the person they are seeking acceptance from. They treat you a certain way, or they may do certain grand gestures for you which you have not earned yet. I.E they have known you two weeks and they already bought you an I-pod, or they are willing to write your term paper, etc etc. You get my point? They aren't doing anything to be nice- they are trying to win you over and get your acceptance.

 

It is not attractive when men do it, when women do it, or when people trying to be your friend do it. It is not genuine, it is false and phoney. So anyone who conducts him or herself in that way is not a "nice person" at all.

 

People who are genuinely nice are kind treat you with respect and kindness but it is appropriate and proportional to what you deserve based on your interaction with them and the way that you have ALSO proved you can be respectful and trustworthy. They are also genuine.

[Itzo]

Well there is a myriad of reasons why a woman or a man for that matter cannot have healthy relationships. Sometimes there is trauma that happens in childhood. Sexual assault/abuse, physical assault/abuse, witnessing domestic violence, emotional abuse, unhealthy boundaries, etc. While there are other events that can take place later in life, a lot of the programming we recieve about how to interact and be social with others and how we will react to things in a social arena have a lot to do with what we were taught from day one.

 

As for the nice guy garbage.

 

I'm not saying nice guys are jerks no.

 

What I am saying is this; The men who often appoint themselves as nice guys are rarely ever all that nice. A lot of times they are just so desperate for acceptance by others including friends, peers, and the opposite sex they will have no real identity. They are social chameleons, transforming their ideas, values, belifs, atitudes in accordance with the person they are seeking acceptance from. They treat you a certain way, or they may do certain grand gestures for you which you have not earned yet. I.E they have known you two weeks and they already bought you an I-pod, or they are willing to write your term paper, etc etc. You get my point? They aren't doing anything to be nice- they are trying to win you over and get your acceptance.

 

It is not attractive when men do it, when women do it, or when people trying to be your friend do it. It is not genuine, it is false and phoney. So anyone who conducts him or herself in that way is not a "nice person" at all.

 

People who are genuinely nice are kind treat you with respect and kindness but it is appropriate and proportional to what you deserve based on your interaction with them and the way that you have ALSO proved you can be respectful and trustworthy. They are also genuine.

 

 

Wow, the reason I asked you is because I never thought of it that way ... very interesting ... I am like "aha" there is something fundamental right there ...

 

When I look things now from YOUR perspective, I see that men are seeking for approval or acceptance giving gifts to women who they like. This is not being nice, this is being needy. I agree with that, but for most men it is just counter-intuitive. As far as I am concerned, being needy kills the attraction in women in general.

 

And you are also saying that women who like "jerks" that seem TO THEM as nice guys have psychological problems, I agree with that too.

 

I was asking you for the symptoms women have for rejecting nice guys. Do you know what I mean ... I know there are "myriad of reasons" for women to do this, but what are the symptoms? How a nice guy, by your definition, would find that this woman have issues accepting nice guys are attractive? See what I am sayin'?

 

Lets say I am a nice guy, when I treat her with respect & kindness she blows me off or wants to be just friends. To catch this unpleasant experience, what symptoms this women possess, in your opinion, to be distant for that guy in terms of normal emotional & sexual relationship?

 

This is very deep ... so bare with me ... or ask questions if you are not sure what I mean ... it is good to see a woman's perspective ... this is like on the other side of the river

[sagetalk]

 

Lets say I am a nice guy, when I treat her with respect & kindness she blows me off or wants to be just friends. To catch this unpleasant experience, what symptoms this women possess, in your opinion, to be distant for that guy in terms of normal emotional & sexual relationship?

 

This is very deep ... so bare with me .

 

It's not deep at all, it's a very simple and basic question. If you treat women with respect, are honest with them, and do things for them seeking nothing in return, then you can call yourself a nice guy. People make fun them all the time, but most don't even know what they are or how to define them properly.

 

The best way to tell if a girl is nuts or not (doesn't like guys that treat them well) is to look at her past boyfriends. Sometimes this is hard and sometimes this is easy information to find out. If her past boyfriends treated her like crap and dumped her (not her dumped them), you are probably in big trouble. She's probably a crazy, run for your life. This is a key red flag you should never miss if you want your heart in one piece, and want to be a nice guy at the same time.

[harmfulsweetz]

Not another thread....

 

Ok here's my two cents, for what they are worth: (not a lot)

 

Women rarely reject/dump a guy for being too nice, or being nice. There's normally another, more pressing issue at hand which causes the rejection. They may not be attracted to you, you may lack social skills or well, they just aren't interested.

 

Too many people spend so long focusing on this reason, and this reason alone as to why they aren't getting dates, and too little time realizing the real reason they aren't. How does that make sense?

 

Nice guys are now equated to doormat like qualities, who lack social skills. If you are that type, the type that can't and won't say no, even if you really want to, etc. The type that friendzones themselves even though they want more, who will put up with s*** etc etc. Well, that's not attractive, but that's not anything to do with being nice, that's to do with being a doormat, there's a huge difference.

[Island Girl]

If her past boyfriends treated her like crap and dumped her (not her dumped them), you are probably in big trouble. She's probably a crazy, run for your life.

 

The bolded part - not true.

 

You can look at past relationships sure - but in my younger years i was a ManEater. I heart breaker from the word go.

And I dumped them. I was the one who walked.

However even mentioning this - they way it would be talked about would draw a man in - not repel them. Sooo you can't guarantee this is an indicator. And you may not even get the truth.

 

There are so many things to look for as red flags in relationships you can't look at any one thing.

 

The red flags will depend upon what issues the other person has. They vary.

Everyone has issues it's just some of them have things like deep seated insecurities, abandonment issues, commitment phobia, etc. that are barriers to having a mature committed relationship.

[Sharla]

I can't stand a 'too nice guy'... I wipe my feet on his back...

They are usually spineless... insecure.. clingy... lack self-esteem..

greasy and full of zits..

 

And this is a prime example of why it is important to avoid individuals with this type of mindset..

[Disillusioned]

Nice guys never even get to the finish line. They're the 89-yo men who die alone at home because they never married.

[You'reasian]

There's worse fates than that. I'd much rather die alone in old age than suffer financial & emotional pain in divorce court or worse being stuck under the same roof with a woman who is not in love with me while I have e 30 year house payment.

 

There's not too many people who think about the long term benefits of being single. At least I get to keep all my freedom financially & emotionally.

 

I've come to see the light that it's often a blessing in disguise when women dump me. They do me a favor to dump me now instead of after marriage. One of two things happens as a result of getting dumped. I either find someone who I like better anyway or I have a blast being single.

 

"Owner of a Lonely Heart, much better then...owner of a broken heart!"

 

So true. I'd rather have a crappy break up with a girlfriend, pick myself up and move on then...

 

carry on into a marriage that falls apart, causes financial ruin, requires me to divide everything I own, fight for custody over lives that we created together, pick myself up from repeated emotionally stressful discussions, cheating and game playing that tries to hurt you and the person you may still be in love with...

 

Despite this, marriage is still a good thing - just gotta find someone who wants it as badly as you do, for the right reasons - which means it might be better to be lonely until then

Edited January 31, 2010 by You'reasian

[PJKino]

And this is a prime example of why it is important to avoid individuals with this type of mindset..

 

Ignore her shes a vain superficial old women going through a mid life crisis trying to get penetrated by as many young guys as possible to feel young again..

[BG1985]

A lot of so-called "nice guys" are rarely nice guys. They are bitter jerks who act nice to manipulate people into accepting them. I think the term, jerk, is thrown around too loosely. Often it is used in a knee-jerk reaction about a guy who makes someone angry. Whenever a woman chooses another guy over the nice guy, the nice guy usually thinks the other guy is a jerk. Any time a guy disappoints a woman or dumps her, he's often referred to as a jerk. Any guy who breaks the rules, laughs a little too loud, has a little too much fun, struts around with a little too much confidence, or doesn't pander to the wants and needs of every woman is considered a jerk by the "nice guys" who are too afraid to step on any toes. A lot of these jerks are actually nice people if you get to know them.

[hoping2heal]

 

Lets say I am a nice guy, when I treat her with respect & kindness she blows me off or wants to be just friends. To catch this unpleasant experience, what symptoms this women possess, in your opinion, to be distant for that guy in terms of normal emotional & sexual relationship?

 

This is very deep ... so bare with me ... or ask questions if you are not sure what I mean ... it is good to see a woman's perspective ... this is like on the other side of the river

 

Well first thing you have to understand is often a man IS a genuinely nice guy and the woman just isn't interested in him. That doesn't mean the guys she does want are jerks. That doesn't mean because he's nice- that is why she doesn't want him. She just isn't attracted physically, mentally, or emotionally. One, two, or all three of those areas of attraction are amiss. No one should assume "oh gee she didn't like because I am NICE"

 

As for the women who are turned off by men who are genuinely nice..They grew up in chaos and mistreatment, if it is all they know- it is all they feel secure with. Is it screwed up? Of course.

 

Anyhow I don't know if this answered your question or not Itzo..

[aroll32]

O.K. now I'll be a little bit more serious.

 

Let's be a little bit empirical here, shall we? Can you please answer the following questions:

 

1. How old are you?

 

2. How many women have you ever had sex with?

 

3. Have you ever had a long term relationship? I'm not sure what that means--but it has to be at least 6 months and has gotten to the point where you're pretty much exclusive with the girl/spending pretty much all of your free time together. Not necessarily living with her or sleeping over every night though.

 

Here's why this is so important--if you have not at least gotten to a point with a girl where it's a long term relationship--maybe it doesn't have to be quite so long or serious, but whatever--then it can't be fairly said that the two of you really "know" each other.

 

So, if you're meeting girls, and going out with them say a few times and then it just sort of fizzles, that incompatisbility could be for numerous reasons.

 

The girl won't necessarily tell you the real reason--if she wants to break up with you or stop dating you, she may say things like: "Gee you're a really nice guy but...

 

I mean think about it. If you're going to break up with someone you don't know too well, do you really want to get into a fight with them? No. So you call them "nice." That doesn't mean the "niceness" is why they wanted to move on. (Although it could be.) If the issue is you have too much acne, is she going to say that? Not if she's an empathetic human being.

 

4. If you've had one or more LTR's, you should have some insight into what the "real" reason for the breakup(s) have been. What does your insight tell you? Again remember--you have to assume that a reasonably decent person is not going to come out and tell you the "real" reason for the breakup (unless she caught you in bed with her sister or something, then it's fairly obvious).

 

5. Since the end of your last LTR, or if never in any LTR as defined above, during the past year, how many different women have you actually asked out socially? I.e. coffee, maybe to "hang out" with you, an actual date, or whatever. Note, I'm not talking about how many times you asked out one particular woman.

 

6. When you are not in a serious relationship, how many women do you ask out on a date or social thing, coffee, etc., (i.e. with an eye to perhaps pursuing something romantic eventually) in a given week? In a given month?

 

7. When you are thinking about approaching a woman to ask out, what's your internal thought process? Are you confident and motivated to "go for it"? Or, are your thoughts full of negative "self talk" about how you might blow it; or how you might be rejected; and you feel very shy, often not working up the courage to even speak with the woman?

 

 

You really need to analyze your entire social situation objectively before attributing it to being "nice" and being rejected for that.

 

I firmly believe that the "dating game" is largely a crap shoot. Yes it is dependent upon objective characteristics such as your appearance and so on. And upon more subjective characteristics such as your approach/attitude when in social contexts (i.e. do you have any "game"?)

 

But lots of it is also based on who you happen to be asking and their circumstances at the time. For example, you might meet a woman that you want to ask out, who might be having her period, and not feeling too sociable. So when you ask her out, she may just not feel like it that day, but you may never get another chance.

 

Or, she could already have a boyfriend or have her eye on someone, and is just not making herself available.

 

 

You just really don't know what someone else is thinking, and it's very hard to get them to tell you the real reason for liking or not liking you. In many cases even they don't know the answer. This is true even if you have been married to someone for a long time. Look at all the threads on here of people being married for 10 -20 years, then finding out in complete shock that there spouse has been cheating on them. If these folks don't really "know" what their spouse is thinking, c'mon now. How can you know what a pretty much complete stranger (i.e. girls who reject you) are thinking?

 

But in any case I firmly believe that probably the biggest issue that the self identified "nice guy" has is he doesn't play the numbers game and doesn't put himself out there due to a lack of self-confidence.

 

One of the things the "players" are very very good at is just putting themselves out there and not getting too focused on any one potential dating "target." So in a given evening while the nice guy sits self consciously in the corner and doesn't talk to anyone, or locks onto one girl who happens to be polite and talks to him but she really isn't interested in him, but he's so grateful she's talking to him, he can't see that--the "player" is socializing and working the whole room like any good politician.

 

So the player might at least briefly chat/flirt with say 20 different women, while the "nice" guy might talk to one or two, or maybe even zero.

 

 

From personal experience, when I was dating a long time ago (I have been in a committed relationship for 20 years, married most of that time), while I can't say I was a "nice" guy, because I really wasn't, I was often very shy and introverted and self conscious. However on the occasions when I actually put myself out there and actively tried to socialize I did O.K.

 

I can't really say that any woman ever stopped dating me, or didn't want to date me, because I was too "nice." Again I just think calling you "nice" is what someone would tell you if they don't want to offend you.

 

1. I am 18, I know I am young, but I can't help but feel like every time I seem to get really interested in a girl, something happens to where they lose interest. I guess what I lack once I get interested in a girl is that mysterious quality. Because once I really like a girl, it's obvious, and I can't hide it. Sometimes I even do the wrong thing by telling them I have feelings for them. I learn from my mistakes though. I am a really good guy when it comes to treating women. I don't really overwhelm them with attention because then it makes me look needy, I don't ever buy a girl I start dating ridiculous gifts. The only thing I really paid for with my past girl situation was movie tickets, and that's not even that big of deal (although ticket prices are highly overpriced nowadays).

 

2. I am not a big player, and not big on the one night stand things, and have only had sex with two different girls.

 

3. No, never had a long term relationship. That's why I don't understand it. The longest relationship I had was for about 4 months, and that was around 2-3 years ago. My recent relationship was only for about a month. Thought this girl was something else, like truly amazing. Before I started having interest in her, I had no intention of ever being in a relationship. Just because I think it complicates too much things. And you seem to lose touch with your best buddies, and in my case, my friends are the only thing I have. I guess I really got overwhelmed by my feelings and attraction to this girl, because she was literally my dream girl. And I mean she was one of those girls I would think I could never get with, just because I felt like something like that only happens in movies or whatever.

 

4. Yeah, when this girl stopped talking to me, she said she wanted to keep talking and hanging out and see what happens in the future. Now she doesn't talk to me at all but I don't really care. If she's not interested I can't force her to come back to me. Really didn't give me a reason why she stopped talking to me. Just kinda happened.

 

5. This past year, I have only asked about 4 girls to hang out, go see a movie, etc. Mostly because I didn't want anything serious until just lately with my most recent situation. Which was a mistake.

 

6. I rarely ever ask a girl out on a date, just because I don't talk to that many girls who I am interested in. This past month I asked the girl I was talking to if she wanted to hang out on an average of 3 times a week, maybe less. She would ask me to hang out about the same amount of times.

 

7. Normally, I am nervous, but confident. When I approach a girl I am interested in, I usually think she is interested in me. Or else I wouldn't be approaching her. I have built up a lot more confidence lately, but I still get nervous if I am extremely attracted to her. When I do go up to a girl, I normally am just thinking about what I am going to say first, then take it from there. But overall, my mindset is pretty positive, I keep confidence in my head because of the types of girls I have gotten with before.

 

I consider myself a nice genuine guy because I do put others before myself if I truly care about them. I don't attribute being rejected or dumped to being nice. Because obviously there is another reason why that girl doesn't want to date you. I really don't know why, I have thought up a couple good reasons why this girl doesn't want to talk to me. And they are actually pretty good reasons. It's not me. It's because she has commitment issues, doesn't want to be in a serious relationship. And I can't blame her. We are freshman in college. Why would we want to start something serious now? I am pretty sure that's why this girl stopped talking to me, because she sensed I was feeling a serious relationship with her.

 

Well, I was feeling that, but the only reason why is because I thought she was feeling the same thing. She gave me a lot of signs that she wanted to be with me in a relationship. But I am not the best when it comes to manipulating women and what they really mean and what there actions mean. Mostly because they are the most confusing things on this planet.

[BG1985]

1. I am 18, I know I am young, but I can't help but feel like every time I seem to get really interested in a girl, something happens to where they lose interest. I guess what I lack once I get interested in a girl is that mysterious quality. Because once I really like a girl, it's obvious, and I can't hide it. Sometimes I even do the wrong thing by telling them I have feelings for them. I learn from my mistakes though. I am a really good guy when it comes to treating women. I don't really overwhelm them with attention because then it makes me look needy, I don't ever buy a girl I start dating ridiculous gifts. The only thing I really paid for with my past girl situation was movie tickets, and that's not even that big of deal (although ticket prices are highly overpriced nowadays).

 

2. I am not a big player, and not big on the one night stand things, and have only had sex with two different girls.

 

3. No, never had a long term relationship. That's why I don't understand it. The longest relationship I had was for about 4 months, and that was around 2-3 years ago. My recent relationship was only for about a month. Thought this girl was something else, like truly amazing. Before I started having interest in her, I had no intention of ever being in a relationship. Just because I think it complicates too much things. And you seem to lose touch with your best buddies, and in my case, my friends are the only thing I have. I guess I really got overwhelmed by my feelings and attraction to this girl, because she was literally my dream girl. And I mean she was one of those girls I would think I could never get with, just because I felt like something like that only happens in movies or whatever.

 

4. Yeah, when this girl stopped talking to me, she said she wanted to keep talking and hanging out and see what happens in the future. Now she doesn't talk to me at all but I don't really care. If she's not interested I can't force her to come back to me. Really didn't give me a reason why she stopped talking to me. Just kinda happened.

 

5. This past year, I have only asked about 4 girls to hang out, go see a movie, etc. Mostly because I didn't want anything serious until just lately with my most recent situation. Which was a mistake.

 

6. I rarely ever ask a girl out on a date, just because I don't talk to that many girls who I am interested in. This past month I asked the girl I was talking to if she wanted to hang out on an average of 3 times a week, maybe less. She would ask me to hang out about the same amount of times.

 

7. Normally, I am nervous, but confident. When I approach a girl I am interested in, I usually think she is interested in me. Or else I wouldn't be approaching her. I have built up a lot more confidence lately, but I still get nervous if I am extremely attracted to her. When I do go up to a girl, I normally am just thinking about what I am going to say first, then take it from there. But overall, my mindset is pretty positive, I keep confidence in my head because of the types of girls I have gotten with before.

 

I consider myself a nice genuine guy because I do put others before myself if I truly care about them. I don't attribute being rejected or dumped to being nice. Because obviously there is another reason why that girl doesn't want to date you. I really don't know why, I have thought up a couple good reasons why this girl doesn't want to talk to me. And they are actually pretty good reasons. It's not me. It's because she has commitment issues, doesn't want to be in a serious relationship. And I can't blame her. We are freshman in college. Why would we want to start something serious now? I am pretty sure that's why this girl stopped talking to me, because she sensed I was feeling a serious relationship with her.

 

Well, I was feeling that, but the only reason why is because I thought she was feeling the same thing. She gave me a lot of signs that she wanted to be with me in a relationship. But I am not the best when it comes to manipulating women and what they really mean and what there actions mean. Mostly because they are the most confusing things on this planet.

 

1. You don't have to wear your emotions on your sleeve around girls. Actions speak louder than words. If you're treating her well, she'll know it. Don't gush out your emotions when you first meet a girl. There has to be mutual trust before that happens.

 

2. It's respectable that you don't like to use girls. To each his own. I really don't see anything wrong with one-night stands if you never gave the girl expectations to begin with.

 

3. You have the wrong attitude about long-term relationships at your age. Don't worry about whether a particular girl is "the one." That concept is a bunch of bull in my opinion anyway. Just have fun with the girl and let things progress as they will. By no means should you give up your friends because you have a girlfriend. It's an unhealthy attitude. It obviously can't be quite the way it was when you were single since you have another person in your life, but you should never give up your boys for any woman.

 

4. Once again, great attitude. You can't control the way a girl feels about you. Actions speak louder than words. If she says one thing but does another, go with what she does rather than says. It doesn't matter why she stopped talking to you, and there may not even be a really good reason. What matters is that she's just not that into you. And don't fret, there are other girls out there for you.

 

5. Don't judge yourself on the quantity of girls. It really doesn't matter. At your age, you're further along with girls than I was, not that I'm really that great with women right now either.

 

6. Once again great mindset. You should only ask out girls you're interested or could be interested in.

 

7. It's normal to be nervous. It can be a good thing because you can direct that nervous energy to positive things. Just give it more time and you won't be as nervous in the future.

 

You seem like a good guy. Just keep your head up and you'll be successful. If these girls don't want to commit to you, she's not right for you. Don't dwell on the past of what could have been. You're too young to commit anyway. Look forward to all the girls you could be having in the future.

[D-Jam]

Same answer as I put here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2631599&posted=1#post2631599

[aroll32]

Yeah, I understand everything a bit better now. The one thing I still can't understand is this girl. She was pretty much one of my best friends for a month and a half. Talked everyday. Hung out a lot. Now she doesn't even contact me at all. I can understand that people get really busy and have a lot of other things on their mind. But I just don't understand why this girl hasn't talked to me in over a week. It's kind of weird, and the next time I see her, it might be weird. I know that I'm not gooing to make it weird, I am going to just act as I did before, because that's when she was showing me more interest than I was her. But it just doesn't make sense to me why she would cut off all communication with me. It's like I told her she's a bitch and I don't want to talk to her anymore. Well, I actually did tell her I wanted to stop talking because she was messing with my head. But then she called and said she wanted to keep talking and hang out. But, still haven't heard from her after she said all that. Again, actions speak louder than words so obviously she wasn't being honest.

 

I don't know what to think about what this girl is doing. I don't really think about it that much anymore because I have gotten over it. But it's still in my head at least once a day, why hasn't she called or anything?

[Itzo]

Well first thing you have to understand is often a man IS a genuinely nice guy and the woman just isn't interested in him. That doesn't mean the guys she does want are jerks. That doesn't mean because he's nice- that is why she doesn't want him. She just isn't attracted physically, mentally, or emotionally. One, two, or all three of those areas of attraction are amiss. No one should assume "oh gee she didn't like because I am NICE"

 

As for the women who are turned off by men who are genuinely nice..They grew up in chaos and mistreatment, if it is all they know- it is all they feel secure with. Is it screwed up? Of course.

 

Anyhow I don't know if this answered your question or not Itzo..

 

Yes, it answered my question ... into some extent!

Thanks

[Disillusioned]

Then there are the women who are attracted to pathological criminals... the Bonnie & Clyde/Natural Born Killers lifestyle is a fantasy they want to live out.

[Silver_star]

This is true. Nice guys ALWAYS finish last...thats why i ignore and treat women poorly and you know what? They like that more than me being nice to them...its amazing you can treat someone like ****..and they like you...yet you show any intrest or anything..you are screwed.

 

False..these women dont like you..they like the challenge of trying to make u treat them well and trying to make u like them. Dont get it confused. And women who do fall for that are insecure and not confident. So go ahead and take advantage of that, that sounds like a great way to be make you and someone else miserable.

 

P.s- nice guys dont finish last. They may not finish first but they finish with quality results. Its quality not quantity that matters.

[JohnnyBlaze]

If I see one more nice guy thread in this forum I will blow up into a thousand pieces and my parts will rain down upon this entire earth and there will be nuclear winter for two million years!!!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=219571

 

Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering kaboom!