Hot Carl Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Let's be serious this time and answer how we REALLY feel on this topic. I'm starting to think nice guys actually really do finish last. It's not just a saying. Come on, everyone. Let's have your thoughts on the subject! Long posts are welcome, especially from the established members who rarely get a chance to say what the REALLY think about this. Don't hold back this time!
counterman Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I think there is a thread on this and most (if not all) would say what they've already said. Though, they'll feel free to go again. Being a doormat, yes, you probably would finish last. Being nice? Not necessarily.
mortensorchid Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I honestly can say that I don't know how to answer this question. But the saying would not remain if it wasn't true in some sense, right?
Island Girl Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 No Nice GuysGirls are what guys/girls who are ready and want mature MUTUALLY fulfilling relationships are searching for. Doormats finish last. Guy Doormats AND Girl Doormats. BOTH of them finish last. If you don't know the difference between Nice Guy/Girl and Doormat you have a problem and you are probably a Doormat. Work on THAT and you'll have better luck in relationships.
sid3 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Confident nice guy will not finish last, No self esteem nice guy will always finish last. I think it really it that simple when it comes to the whole 'nice guy' theories.
Tony T Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Let's be serious this time and answer how we REALLY feel on this topic. I'm starting to think nice guys actually really do finish last. It's not just a saying. Come on, everyone. Let's have your thoughts on the subject! Long posts are welcome, especially from the established members who rarely get a chance to say what the REALLY think about this. Don't hold back this time! Members don't hold back on this subject. It's the MOST OVERDONE subject in these forums. Do a site search and you will find more information than you can read in a year. Do a Google search and you will find a lifetime of reading. I simply can't understand why people continue to want to explore this subject when it's been worked over to the max ad nauseum.
littlebittle Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 nice people absolutely do finish last. so do unpleasant people. good things happen to jerks, bad things happen to decent folk. vice versa. the world is simply not a fair place. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_phenomenon
Author Hot Carl Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 Members don't hold back on this subject. It's the MOST OVERDONE subject in these forums. Do a site search and you will find more information than you can read in a year. Do a Google search and you will find a lifetime of reading. I simply can't understand why people continue to want to explore this subject when it's been worked over to the max ad nauseum. What are you getting at, Tony?
Tony Posted January 31, 2010 Senior Moderators Posted January 31, 2010 Let's have TEN (10) meaty, excellent posts from this point on the subject and then we'll close this thread. ALL filler posts, posts that do not serve the topic well, will be deleted and not counted among the ten. Thanks!
Tony Posted January 31, 2010 Senior Moderators Posted January 31, 2010 What are you getting at, Tony? What I am getting at is that in the past five days there have been dozens of these posts and in the last year there have been hundreds. Since you missed them, I am allowing this thread to continue and helping you get TEN of the very best answers possible. Later I will also post some helpful links for you. All further posts that have nothing to do with the topic, superficial posts, chat, etc. will be deleted in this thread.
Leia Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Some nice guys finish last cause they lack confidence and they don't spark attraction. When I say I want a nice guy, I do mean I want a nice guy but not the type that is nervous around me or tries to act like my mother. I am not the one to go for someone that is weak or submissive. To me, those type of guys are way too nice and doormats, they tend to finish last.
Kamille Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 (edited) There are multiple reasons why relationships, approaches, flirtations don't work out. In fact, it is the norm, not the exception, that these relationships, date, approaches, etc don't work out. When they do work out, it's that magical thing called long-lasting love. My real opinion on the age-old stereotype 'nice guys finis last' is that people use it when they are not ready to accept that a relationship hasn't worked out for not other reasons that most relationships don't work out. It is anchored in the misguided belief that relationships where you reveal your true selves and risk your heart should work out. Sadly, this website is dedicated to the fact that they usually don't. By choosing to believe they are a victim of society, believers of 'niceG finish last' get to ascribe blame and can somehow orient their anger towards the other gender (notice that the blame is rarely shifted towards the perceived 'jerks' the other gender allegedly falls for). In other words, it's a coping mechanism whereby the sufferer refuses to accept that not every relationship in his or her life is meant to work out. It is also used sometimes when the sufferer, for a reason that can be perfectly legitimate, refuses to take any responsibility for the demise of the relationship. It helps the sufferer 'protect' themselves in a time of pain. Coping mechanism, not reality. Edited January 31, 2010 by Kamille
harmfulsweetz Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Nice guys finish last? No. Doormats do though. There's your Nice Guy who will do anything for anyone within reason, knows when to say no, and when to put his foot down, is independent, has their own life and interests etc. Then there's your doormat who will do anything for anyone, absolutely anything because typically, they are a people-pleaser as well, and a non-confrontational person, never says no or puts his foot down, allows people to walk over him, and is very clingy etc. You want to strive to be the Nice Guy, not the doormat. Because the doormat signifies a man who has little to no confidence in himself, and that projects onto other areas of his life, rather than speaking his mind, he'd sooner just let people take advantage. If you read through (I believe, Hot Carl, you have as I have read your other posts in the other threads) the other threads, many self-proclaimed nice guys are bemoaning that quality, claiming it's why x number of girls won't date them, when there's probably another reason entirely to it. If you actually sit, and work on yourself, and find out why women aren't responding to you, you may find it's something completely different. No woman wants a jerk. Seriously. That's like saying all men want a b*tch, they don't, but it's more exciting and far more attractive to know what you want and not be ashamed, or afraid to get it. All 'nice guys' down on your luck with women, please stop with the 'all girls just want the bad boy' mentality. It will get you nowhere.
threebyfate Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 It's rare that you'll find an honest "nice" guy/girl. Most "nice" individuals are passive-aggressive and lash out when no one's looking. But if you mean do decent, caring, loving men finish last, absolutely not. My husband is one such decent man and he's well loved familially, by many friends and also, by me.
You'reasian Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 It's rare that you'll find an honest "nice" guy/girl. Most "nice" individuals are passive-aggressive and lash out when no one's looking. The way I look at it is if someone whose nice is lashing out on me, I probably offended them or need to know where they are at. I'd rather take responsibility than project.
threebyfate Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 The way I look at it is if someone whose nice is lashing out on me' date=' I probably offended them or need to know where they are at. I'd rather take responsibility than project.[/quote']As passive-aggressiveness isn't nice, your point is moot. Most "nice" individuals are human, just like everyone else. The superficial appearance of "niceness" isn't for altruistic reasons. They're doing it for personal gain, self-satisfaction, as in getting external validation, etc. Rather than hiding behind that veneer of niceness, better they come out and be human, instead of chosing the sneaky way to get revenge. The above describes the "nice" person who finishes last. True nice or decent individuals DO NOT finish last.
You'reasian Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 As passive-aggressiveness isn't nice, your point is moot. Most "nice" individuals are human, just like everyone else. The superficial appearance of "niceness" isn't for altruistic reasons. They're doing it for personal gain, self-satisfaction, as in getting external validation, etc. Rather than hiding behind that veneer of niceness, better they come out and be human, instead of chosing the sneaky way to get revenge. The above describes the "nice" person who finishes last. True nice or decent individuals DO NOT finish last. I disagree. Both kinds of nice persons can and do finish last. I've got a buddy who is a true gentleman in the sense of the word. Problem is that he's found himself with the wrong women. And what does "finishing last" mean anyways?
threebyfate Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I disagree. Both kinds of nice persons can and do finish last. I've got a buddy who is a true gentleman in the sense of the word. Problem is that he's found himself with the wrong women. And what does "finishing last" mean anyways?How is someone's poor judgement in women, linked to the "niceness" factor? If anything, it proves that he, just like every other person, is going to make mistakes on his path to relationship success. If he learns nothing from it, he's just a victim, bemoaning life's inequities, while continuing to make poor choices in mate. If he learns something from it, that's awesome. But he has to accept responsibility for his people picker. Btw, if he's a true gentleman, I would categorize him as a decent man, rather than the victim "nice" person.
You'reasian Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 How is someone's poor judgement in women, linked to the "niceness" factor? If anything, it proves that he, just like every other person, is going to make mistakes on his path to relationship success. If he learns nothing from it, he's just a victim, bemoaning life's inequities, while continuing to make poor choices in mate. If he learns something from it, that's awesome. But he has to accept responsibility for his people picker. Btw, if he's a true gentleman, I would categorize him as a decent man, rather than the victim "nice" person. Nice guys can and do make relationship mistakes and in the short-term, finish last. I would love to continue this discussion, but would rather do it face to face than in an online forum lol
greatgirlfriend Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I want a nice guy but they don't exist past mid 30's.
samsungxoxo Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Might as well have a ''Repetitive Threads'' section....
Kamille Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Might as well have a ''Repetitive Threads'' section.... Or we could have a thread dedicated purely to this issue (kind of like the off-topic threads). 'Nice Guys Finish Last: the definitive thread'
Johnny M Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 The answer is YES. I don't see how this couldn't be obvious to anyone who is not living in complete isolation from the rest of the world. You might as well ask if the sky is really blue or if the sun really rises in the east.
ella23 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 No Nice GuysGirls are what guys/girls who are ready and want mature MUTUALLY fulfilling relationships are searching for. Doormats finish last. Guy Doormats AND Girl Doormats. BOTH of them finish last. If you don't know the difference between Nice Guy/Girl and Doormat you have a problem and you are probably a Doormat. Work on THAT and you'll have better luck in relationships. ^^this. Most women don't want jerks.
randall Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Right now we have two active threads about 'Nice Guys' going on. If the topic comes up so often why doesn't a mod just make a single sticky/pinned thread at the top of this subforum?
Recommended Posts