Author Explorer Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 This is not even close to an exhaustive list of possibilities: You imagined their "facial expressions" were anything other than typicalThey thought the girl was bustedThey were amusedThey thought it was a guys' night out and were disappointed you blew itOne of them was hitting on the girl and you blew his spotThey had too much to drinkThey were giving you "looks" but not over your sex life (you left a crappy tip, didn't pay your share of the tab, etc.) I could keep going, but my point is that there are definitely more than 2 options, contrary to your belief. Re their facial expressions - I should have expanded in my previous message. They were telling me .."wow, dude she's hot... she is totally into you....I can't believe you were making out with her..etc" while thier facial expressions conflicted with this. This brought me to my original question of whether it was that they were really thinking "this dude has no class" ...or if their comments were indeed accurate.
sagetalk Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Good to see some real balanced thinking. A man who can read womens' minds, regardless of what they say. People tell their children Santa Clause is real. I go by reality, not just what people say. Every male friend I have that sleeps with lots of women drive women crazy just by walking in the room. It's not just their looks. Sex with lots of women gives men confidence and skill. Most women will forgive a man for being a man whore, but only a few will forgive him for being unskilled with women. It's a fact.
threebyfate Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 IME this is correct but only to a certain degree -- there's a balance you have to strike. It's a mix of making it appear that other women are attracted to you but also making yourself barely reachable that sparks the infatuation chemistry.This is a pet peeve of mine since in my experience it's men who say one thing, and do something else. As previously expressed, male promiscuity doesn't impress me at all. If anything, I've punted men who've been promiscuous.
Author Explorer Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 I understood that. My point was that if he agrees with your (a women's) point of view, and he apparently doesn't ask his friends, it doesn't look like he actually wants to know what men think. The first chance he gets, he jumps at the chance to agree that most men will be jealous of him. Right... That is not asking for an opinion, that's looking for validation. As I stated in one of my previous posts (I seem to be writing this a lot) I don't want to ask my friends because their answers are sometimes what I want to hear vs what they're really thinking. I thought an internet forum could gain me the obbjective insight that I was seeking. I don't know if most men would be jealous or not; that's why I was asking.
threebyfate Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 People tell their children Santa Clause is real. I go by reality, not just what people say. Every male friend I have that sleeps with lots of women drive women crazy just by walking in the room. It's not just their looks. Sex with lots of women gives men confidence and skill. Most women will forgive a man for being a man whore, but only a few will forgive him for being unskilled with women. It's a fact.Refer to my response to Explorer. This is fact for me, so don't you dare use that generalized bullshyte. Skill can be taught and not all women get cranked by the same sexual skills, but more importantly, empathy and tactile qualities cannot be taught. In other words, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. If a man is selfish, he'll also be a selfish lover. What might affect his performance is the desire to please, due to fear of loss, rather than real empathy and sensuality. When a man has a combination of confidence and is good looking, that's a killer combination for women. It's not his bed notches that makes him such a big deal to most women, albeit to some low self-esteem women, you might be right.
Author Explorer Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 I took that as why the OP was so offended by any answer deviating from that response... It seems he needs validation anyways, as he feels "guilty" supposedly over his actions, but does it anyways, in order to be perceived a certain way, or live up to perceived expectations... No offense to the OP, but you should think about these things. I was offended by Star Gazer because instead of giving my original post some quality thought, she jumped to the conclusion that I was bi-sexual because I was curoius of what my male couterparts thought. I don't know if guilt is the right word. But I do feel kinda empty after these things though..which can create depression for me. There's nothing that I would rather want that one single person that I could bond with forever...but as I age I'm starting to accept that this is a false hollywood-developed expectation. Numbers don't lie and a 50% divorce rate has to mean something. And how many on the remaining 50% are in a unhappy marriage. Not to deviate from my original question....
Author Explorer Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 People tell their children Santa Clause is real. I go by reality, not just what people say. Every male friend I have that sleeps with lots of women drive women crazy just by walking in the room. It's not just their looks. Sex with lots of women gives men confidence and skill. Most women will forgive a man for being a man whore, but only a few will forgive him for being unskilled with women. It's a fact. I don't know how true the unskilled part is but I agree with the remainder. Confidence is used in general terms a lot, but it can be specific as well...confident about playing a video game....a guitar....playing baseball etc. It can also be with women. The point I'm making is that confidence is grounded by a specific something because you're good at it. Anybody can be good at it ..it just takes practice like anything else. Someone that is extremely short, unbalanced and unathletic may not make the next Michael Jordan...but with practice they can become average at worst.
Stung Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I didn't mean thinking about my sex life in their spare time. I meant if they saw a guy who was able to get lots of women - would it generally be pereceived as positively (e.g. wow that guy's a pimp) or negatively (wow that guy's a classless slut) or does it change with age? I would suspect this would have to do with each individual man doing the percieving, his age, and his own level of class. Young guys with perpetual raging boners and older guys clinging to kind of stereotypical trashy frat boy mentalities are going to Attaboy such a man and perhaps envy his rotating supply of strange. Men who hold women in high regard intellectually and emotionally, above and beyond their value as T & A (those men who I would normally regard as being 'higher quality') have most likely matured out of this phase, and would tend to regard it more negatively. My own husband sowed some wild oats in his youth for sure (as did I), but he looks down on men who view women as sex objects first and people second, and he views one night stands as negative in general. But then he's older than you, relationship-oriented, and has a daughter.
paddington bear Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Explorer I reckon other men would have a grudging jealously towards your ability to bed women so easily - hence the congratulations, but their facial expression saying otherwise. But...it depends on the area you live, the general attitude of the populous there - it could be that you're expected to grow out of your 'sowing your wild oats' period by your contemporaries, and when you haven't and they have, that it is not seen as such an achievement. Let's take George Clooney (or rather what you read about in the media) as an example, the eternal bachelor, can get any woman, never sustains a relationship for any length of time, commitment-phobic...all that is kind of expected I guess, by not just men, but society as a whole...but now, as old George ages, that love 'em and leave 'em thing I find is just weird, like is he not bored by now? I reckon once you hit around mid-40's sleeping around with anyone and everyone is your cutoff point from sowing your wild oats to becoming a dirty old man (this is a guess by the way, depends how you look for your age). You say you feel empty after meaningless sex, that is the issue here, not what your male contemporaries think. You are only focusing on them because you are having those thoughts about yourself, that you are lacking class or whatever. I did read somewhere - and again, I know statistics can be off, but that statistically the higher number of sexual partners a man had, the lower the chances that he'd have a successful LTR - no mention of whether this was due down to just the amount of sex these men had had, or whether all the meaningless sex meant that that group on a whole, were never the types to settle down in the first place.
OnlyJake Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I was offended by Star Gazer because instead of giving my original post some quality thought, she jumped to the conclusion that I was bi-sexual because I was curoius of what my male couterparts thought. I don't know if guilt is the right word. But I do feel kinda empty after these things though..which can create depression for me. There's nothing that I would rather want that one single person that I could bond with forever...but as I age I'm starting to accept that this is a false hollywood-developed expectation. Numbers don't lie and a 50% divorce rate has to mean something. And how many on the remaining 50% are in a unhappy marriage. Not to deviate from my original question.... I attribute the 50% divorce rate to extreme selfishness and individualism. And laziness, as it's so easy and acceptable to divorce the second you aren't "happy" "in love" or need to "find yourself". People are getting divorced for bull**** reasons these days, instead of real reasons like abuse, adultery, alcoholism... It's entirely possible to be with someone (and happy) "forever" or at least until death do you part. It just takes work, commitment, and smart decisions about who you choose to marry. I don't see this as necessarily off topic, as the reason you're concerned with one issue (I take it) is your feelings of guilt or emptiness or whatever.
Stung Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I don't know if guilt is the right word. But I do feel kinda empty after these things though..which can create depression for me. There's nothing that I would rather want that one single person that I could bond with forever...but as I age I'm starting to accept that this is a false hollywood-developed expectation. Numbers don't lie and a 50% divorce rate has to mean something. And how many on the remaining 50% are in a unhappy marriage. Not to deviate from my original question.... Numbers DO lie. Take a statistics class, talk to a statistics or economics professor. Statistics are ridiculously malleable, and in the case of sociological trends, usually only half the story at best. The bottom line is, if your pattern of sexual and romantic behavior is making you feel empty and depressed, and look at romance negatively overall, your pattern needs to be changed. Continue as you are, and you are only continuing to hurt yourself.
Author Explorer Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Refer to my response to Explorer. This is fact for me, so don't you dare use that generalized bullshyte. Skill can be taught and not all women get cranked by the same sexual skills, but more importantly, empathy and tactile qualities cannot be taught. In other words, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. If a man is selfish, he'll also be a selfish lover. What might affect his performance is the desire to please, due to fear of loss, rather than real empathy and sensuality. When a man has a combination of confidence and is good looking, that's a killer combination for women. It's not his bed notches that makes him such a big deal to most women, albeit to some low self-esteem women, you might be right. Unfortunately, I think you struck a chord with me. Empathy is probably an area I need to work on.
Johnny M Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 lol male opinions, please? BTW - I am not, and would not, discuss this with a woman as a technique to impress her if we were talking. I already know this obviously would be a turn-off to females and clearly would prevent me from getting any further with any type of woman (Classy or not). What I'm mostly looking for is how males perceive another male of this type.... Well, as a 28 year old male, I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with having sex with so many women. If all these women were hot, I have to admit that I'd be rather impressed. However, if you are a quantity over quality kind of guy (i.e. most of these women are overweight or otherwise unattractive), that's pretty disgusting. There's no bride in bedding every fat girl on the block.
sally4sara Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 How would you perceive someone that does this with a lot of women? As long as you checked out disease free and all other compatibilities were present, I might have had protected sex with you. Since there is no test for HPV for men, you'd have to have had no exes with HPV for me to have a long term relationship that resulted in unprotected sex. And after all THAT, I'd only have a problem with it if you let your past sex life become a problem in our present situation. I guess what I'm saying is you're gambling. Hope it ends up working out for you in the long run. It doesn't always end that way though......
sally4sara Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 There's no bride in bedding every fat girl on the block. Freudian slip? And dude, only people who are not attracted to chubby folk would agree with you. If you were into chubby folk and he had bedded many chubby girls, you'd think differently of him - dig?
Author Explorer Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Numbers DO lie. Take a statistics class, talk to a statistics or economics professor. Statistics are ridiculously malleable, and in the case of sociological trends, usually only half the story at best. The bottom line is, if your pattern of sexual and romantic behavior is making you feel empty and depressed, and look at romance negatively overall, your pattern needs to be changed. Continue as you are, and you are only continuing to hurt yourself. I've taken a few stats classes. And yes, the 50% doens't tell the whole story. The distribution depends on the age group, and of course, the younger you get married the higher rate of divorce. And you're right, I think I'm going to put the brakes on the sexual aggression to do more self-reflecting for now.
Author Explorer Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Well, as a 28 year old male, I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with having sex with so many women. If all these women were hot, I have to admit that I'd be rather impressed. However, if you are a quantity over quality kind of guy (i.e. most of these women are overweight or otherwise unattractive), that's pretty disgusting. There's no bride in bedding every fat girl on the block. Thanks for your reply. Majority were good-looking.
Author Explorer Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 As long as you checked out disease free and all other compatibilities were present, I might have had protected sex with you. Since there is no test for HPV for men, you'd have to have had no exes with HPV for me to have a long term relationship that resulted in unprotected sex. And after all THAT, I'd only have a problem with it if you let your past sex life become a problem in our present situation. I guess what I'm saying is you're gambling. Hope it ends up working out for you in the long run. It doesn't always end that way though...... The amount of women that I've slept with will never be revealed to any potential parters so I'm not worried about that being an issue.
Johnny M Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Freudian slip? And dude, only people who are not attracted to chubby folk would agree with you. If you were into chubby folk and he had bedded many chubby girls, you'd think differently of him - dig? No, I don't dig. Most guys who bang chubby chicks go for them because chubby chicks are easy, not because it's their preference.
Lizzie60 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Johnny M.... geezzzz seriously... you got to be kdding.. Anyway.... OP... may I ask you how old you are.. and I'm curious.. what type of work you do.. what type you are with women.. just curious..
hoping2heal Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 IMO, as a woman, male promiscuity isn't impressive, at any level. I second this entirely.
Author Explorer Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Johnny M.... geezzzz seriously... you got to be kdding.. Anyway.... OP... may I ask you how old you are.. and I'm curious.. what type of work you do.. what type you are with women.. just curious.. 27....do mainly business development don't understand the last question
and.then.some Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 From a female POV - I think the more "impressive" thing should be the number of times, not the number of partners. If anything at all "impressive" is to be gained from sexual experience, it usually takes time. One night with one person might not teach you very much. One hundred nights with one person will teach you a lot. While I understand that passion can be hard to turn down, I would expect that, by a certain age, men and women should realize that casual sex (especially with random people) has little to offer. Beyond simply becoming bored with a certain type of lifestyle, I would think that the various risks would weigh more heavily on their minds. The one night stand who gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby, for instance. The possibility of having a child in the world that you're not even aware of. Even if you're always careful, things happen. Of course, there are plenty of men who feel they will and should continue with this sort of lifestyle for as long as they can. But... I still say it's slutty.
Johnny M Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Johnny M.... geezzzz seriously... you got to be kdding.. About what?
GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 What constitutes a high number of sexual partners?? 80 is a lot... But what about 11? or 7? or 13...seriously....it's quite an interesting topic... Some people base it on age. lol I think this guy just wants to know if other men have chosen the same path as him. I don't think he wants to sleep with any men;) You are wondering whether others are in the same boat....makes sense to me...I think many people come on this site to see if anyone may be going through the same thing....I know I have.
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