line between male impressiveness and sluttiness

January 17, 2010

If they know one of their buddies have slept with a lot of women.. most will be jealous.. and yes.. it will be seen positivtely IMO by other guys.. they would probably 'high-five' you..

If we're talking about your buddies, then yes, I agree with this. If they're not your buddies, I think generally (if they don't fall into an exception I mentioned earlier, or didn't think of) they would be indifferent.

January 17, 2010

They might not THINK about other men's sex lives.. but they sure talk about their sexploits among themselves.. and I think, in a way, they are just as curious as women about how many women their buddies have slept with... it,s not ridiculous... they talk about sex and love just like women do... are women discussion their sex life ridiculous...

Thank you Lizzie; this is right on

January 17, 2010

Mi male amigos - do you believe that at a certain age you should tone down the sexual assertiveness with someone you just met?

at the age you get married

January 17, 2010

at the age you get married

So if you are "just" in a committed relationship, you should still be aggressive (sexually) with other women you meet?

January 17, 2010

There's a difference between discussing sex with your friends, and wondering how the general population would perceive your "sexploits," which is how I interpreted the OP. I'm sure Explorer knows how his friends feel about him/what they think of him, so I doubt that's what he was asking. If he was, he should clarify. I honestly don't think guys (as a general entity) give a **** about other guys' sex lives, just like women don't give a **** about other women's sex lives that they don't know, or barely know.

I agree that there can be exceptions - such as bored, catty/gossips, or immature guys who are looking for validation.

I suppose that the older you get, the worse you look/are perceived when you're overly lascivious or sexual toward women. The extreme being a dirty old man.

Actually I don't really know how all of my friends perceive me which is what I stated in my original post and one of the reasons for starting this thread.

January 17, 2010

and you couldn't say no...because.....? she would have beaten you up? told her friends what a sissy you are for turning her down?

well...I think calling them "relationships" is a stretch, but whatever.... so you feel bad because they are temporary and meaningless and you think you deserve to have a more permanent, profound, and meaningful relationship?

You guess? hmmm...I think you know this is a character flaw...

I will take your word for it...so how will one discover those other things before they she "takes advantage "of your lack of discipline in that area?

I didn't say I deserve one.

I know I need to have more discpline but I discount all respect from a female who acts in this way at a club the first time I meet them. So, at this point it's either have fun with it further or quit communicating. The former is what I normally chose and also where I need discipline.

One will discover those things if I have enough respect to tell them

January 17, 2010

I genuinely posted this thread in wanting to get a better understanding about level of male perceptions developed through age. I didn't expect to get attacked by a bunch of bitter women. You know, it doesn't take much to be nice to someone. And if you don't want to constructively help with the original post, I don't understand why the next intention is to attack and judge.

IME, the way you treat someone is is a reflection of how you're feeling inside.

Kinda sad, if you ask me.

I'm the farthest thing from bitter, but you probably wouldn't be able to identify a happy woman even if she looked you in the face.

As for "constructively helping" with the original post, I'm not sure what "help" there is to provide. You can't undo your sexual past. Moreover, you asked for female opinions, and as a female, I gave you mine. Obviously it wasn't what you wanted to hear. Sorry 'bout that.

January 17, 2010

They might not THINK about other men's sex lives.. but they sure talk about their sexploits among themselves.. and I think, in a way, they are just as curious as women about how many women their buddies have slept with... it,s not ridiculous... they talk about sex and love just like women do... are women discussion their sex life ridiculous...

Only immature, insecure men talk about their sexploits, give high fives, brag, etc. with their friends for validation. Real, confident men don't f*ck and tell - they have no need to.

January 17, 2010

Yes, threebyfate I mentioned females could chime in if they would like. I wasn't expected to get attacked.

Also thanks for your answer. Do you think that this changes with age, though? Or does the response stay pretty consistent throughout?

This might sound roundabout so bear with me.

Virility is a substantial component of the male ego, therefore to question it, is to almost demand an aggressive response. With this in mind... ....

Of the men who consider it a positive when younger, they learn to be more tactful, when they age. But that doesn't mean their attitude changes, beyond the personal reshaping of their lives, as in settling down with an attempt at monogamy. But in the locker room, they'll still high five the guy who lives a promiscuous lifestyle. I would hazard to guess that there are more of this type, than the type expressed in the following paragraph.

Of the men who consider it a negative, believing that sex is more meaningful than just getting laid, their attitudes remain the same, as they age, unless they can't find a meaningful relationship.

And of course, you'll find there are permutations of the above two types and other subtypes I've forgotten to mention.

January 17, 2010

My other friends weren't doing this, but I'm not sure if they weren't because they couldn't find a woman or they believed that they just had more class.

Actually I don't really know how all of my friends perceive me which is what I stated in my original post and one of the reasons for starting this thread.

You didn't state that in your OP, you only stated that your friends behave differently than you do, but you don't know if it's because they don't want to or because they can't. If you really want to know what your friends think of you, you should ask them. There's a difference between how you are perceived by your friends, and how your type of actions are perceived in general by people who don't know you.

Actually, I think there's something inherently wrong with your statement "My other friends weren't doing this, but I'm not sure if they weren't because [...] they believe they just had more class."

Why do the only reasons they weren't behaving in the same way have to be either they weren't capable of finding a woman, OR they were judging you?

I think you have a very Explorer-centric view of the world

I still think that, especially at your age, they probably don't think much about it one way or the other. If they think anything of it, I'm sure they just think that you're being the you they've known for the last however many years.

January 17, 2010

Well, I'm a male in my late 20's and here are my thoughts.

First of all, don't believe for one second that having sex with lots of women will hurt you with most women, although most every women will say it will. Total bull, don't listen to a word of it. Usually, this will make you many times more appealing. When was the last time you heard girls screaming over how great virgin guys are on here.

As for the way you should behave (which has nothing to do with what women want) is a different matter all together. Should you have slept with 80+ women, well, I think you already know the answer to that question. You are very fortunate not to have an STD or an unwanted, bastard child, child payments. I would advise in the future that you make sure you like this girl for other reasons then sex before you get too physical with her. Start trying to form a relationship around compatibility and rapport, these are much better indicators of a successful relationship than sex. Unless of course all you care about is sex, then by all means keep doing what you are you seem to be great at it.

January 17, 2010

I'm the farthest thing from bitter, but you probably wouldn't be able to identify a happy woman even if she looked you in the face.

As for "constructively helping" with the original post, I'm not sure what "help" there is to provide. You can't undo your sexual past. Moreover, you asked for female opinions, and as a female, I gave you mine. Obviously it wasn't what you wanted to hear. Sorry 'bout that.

I'll let this response judge itself

Hope you're next weekend is better!

January 17, 2010

This might sound roundabout so bear with me.

Virility is a substantial component of the male ego, therefore to question it, is to almost demand an aggressive response. With this in mind... ....

Of the men who consider it a positive when younger, they learn to be more tactful, when they age. But that doesn't mean their attitude changes, beyond the personal reshaping of their lives, as in settling down with an attempt at monogamy. But in the locker room, they'll still high five the guy who lives a promiscuous lifestyle. I would hazard to guess that there are more of this type, than the type expressed in the following paragraph.

Of the men who consider it a negative, believing that sex is more meaningful than just getting laid, their attitudes remain the same, as they age, unless they can't find a meaningful relationship.

And of course, you'll find there are permutations of the above two types and other subtypes I've forgotten to mention.

Eloquently put. It's our nature

January 17, 2010

I didn't mean thinking about my sex life in their spare time. I meant if they saw a guy who was able to get lots of women - would it generally be pereceived as positively (e.g. wow that guy's a pimp) or negatively (wow that guy's a classless slut) or does it change with age?

For what it's worth, and choosing from the options above, I think you are classless slut.

However, based on the guys I knew who made sport ****ing an integral part of their life, they never had a problem getting into a relationship eventually. I don't know about their longterm success with these relationships though.

If they know one of their buddies have slept with a lot of women.. most will be jealous.. and yes.. it will be seen positivtely IMO by other guys.. they would probably 'high-five' you..

Thank you Lizzie; this is right on

Actually I don't really know how all of my friends perceive me which is what I stated in my original post and one of the reasons for starting this thread.

This makes no sense. You say you don't know how your friends perceive you and yet you agree with what Lizzie said.

If you are the kind of guy who talks (or brags) about his "exploits", you'd know by know if your buddies give you high-fives or if they think you are a male slut.

Besides, why do you even care about what your friends or other men think?

January 17, 2010

IME, the way you treat someone is is a reflection of how you're feeling inside.

Kinda sad, if you ask me.

So inside, you are feeling sexually agressive to yourself and you want to stop??

January 17, 2010

First of all, don't believe for one second that having sex with lots of women will hurt you with most women, although most every women will say it will. Total bull, don't listen to a word of it. Usually, this will make you many times more appealing. When was the last time you heard girls screaming over how great virgin guys are on here.

Good to see some real balanced thinking. A man who can read womens' minds, regardless of what they say.

January 17, 2010

You didn't state that in your OP, you only stated that your friends behave differently than you do, but you don't know if it's because they don't want to or because they can't. If you really want to know what your friends think of you, you should ask them. There's a difference between how you are perceived by your friends, and how your type of actions are perceived in general by people who don't know you.

I think you just reiterated my point. I didn't know what my friends thought..which is what stated in my original post...and the latter to you

And if I asked them, I don't think they would tell me the absolute truth. Some of them have a record telling me what I want to hear vs what they're actually thinking.

Actually, I think there's something inherently wrong with your statement "My other friends weren't doing this, but I'm not sure if they weren't because [...] they believe they just had more class."

Why do the only reasons they weren't behaving in the same way have to be either they weren't capable of finding a woman, OR they were judging you?

They're facial expressions were telling me that they were thinking something. What other options are there?

I think you have a very Explorer-centric view of the world I still think that, especially at your age, they probably don't think much about it one way or the other. If they think anything of it, I'm sure they just think that you're being the you they've known for the last however many years.

You could be right...less the explorer-centric view

January 17, 2010

I know you're looking for the male perspective (again, why? Are you trying to sleep with THEM?), but from my point of view people with high numbers make me a little wary. Why? Because in order to go through that many people I would suspect that you'd have to look at sexual activity from the standpoint of eating or using the toilet, and perhaps haven't even the capacity of making a sexual-spiritual connection of much depth. (To be honest, very few sexual partners would find this outlook at all flattering.) I don't actually care about the numbers, I care about that 'piece of meat' vibe... (even when it's subtle. I can tell!). I too, avoid these men like the plauge.

In person I wouldn't be inclined to judge you from your past, though - if that's any consolation.

January 17, 2010

For what it's worth, and choosing from the options above, I think you are classless slut.

However, based on the guys I knew who made sport ****ing an integral part of their life, they never had a problem getting into a relationship eventually. I don't know about their longterm success with these relationships though

This makes no sense. You say you don't know how your friends perceive you and yet you agree with what Lizzie said.

If you are the kind of guy who talks (or brags) about his "exploits", you'd know by know if your buddies give you high-fives or if they think you are a male slut.

Besides, why do you even care about what your friends or other men think?

I think you didn't understand... I think he agreed with my point.. he didn't say it was necessarily what happened in HIS case..

Plus I think the OP is simply just 'curious' as to how the other males think... I don't think he really cares what his friends think... it won't make him change his lifestyle..

January 17, 2010

I didn't say I deserve one.

I did not sya you said that...I was asking you if you feel you deserve one...

I know I need to have more discpline but I discount all respect from a female who acts in this way at a club the first time I meet them. So, at this point it's either have fun with it further or quit communicating. The former is what I normally chose and also where I need discipline.

One will discover those things if I have enough respect to tell them

I guess I am confused..why the angst? why the "feeling unclean and classless"? You choose to do it..be happy with it...you are acting like you have no control over your body....or some crappy excuse...for all you know those women that you had random sex with were INDIFFERENT to your feelings...so..there you go..all is well that ends well...

Men like you are annoying...you choose to do random, cheap sex...at least be man enough to say...you do not care..somebody here said it will not hurt your chances with finding a woman...I believe that. Your wishy-washiness however, will

If you are not happy with your actions and still choose to do it...then you have issues.

January 17, 2010

Well, I'm a male in my late 20's and here are my thoughts.

First of all, don't believe for one second that having sex with lots of women will hurt you with most women, although most every women will say it will. Total bull, don't listen to a word of it. Usually, this will make you many times more appealing. When was the last time you heard girls screaming over how great virgin guys are on here.

IME this is correct but only to a certain degree -- there's a balance you have to strike. It's a mix of making it appear that other women are attracted to you but also making yourself barely reachable that sparks the infatuation chemistry.

January 17, 2010

They're facial expressions were telling me that they were thinking something. What other options are there?

This is not even close to an exhaustive list of possibilities:

You imagined their "facial expressions" were anything other than typical
They thought the girl was busted
They were amused
They thought it was a guys' night out and were disappointed you blew it
One of them was hitting on the girl and you blew his spot
They had too much to drink
They were giving you "looks" but not over your sex life (you left a crappy tip, didn't pay your share of the tab, etc.)

I could keep going, but my point is that there are definitely more than 2 options, contrary to your belief.

January 17, 2010

I think you didn't understand... I think he agreed with my point.. he didn't say it was necessarily what happened in HIS case..

Plus I think the OP is simply just 'curious' as to how the other males think... I don't think he really cares what his friends think... it won't make him change his lifestyle..

I understood that. My point was that if he agrees with your (a women's) point of view, and he apparently doesn't ask his friends, it doesn't look like he actually wants to know what men think.

The first chance he gets, he jumps at the chance to agree that most men will be jealous of him. Right...

That is not asking for an opinion, that's looking for validation.

January 17, 2010

I think you didn't understand... I think he agreed with my point.. he didn't say it was necessarily what happened in HIS case..

Plus I think the OP is simply just 'curious' as to how the other males think... I don't think he really cares what his friends think... it won't make him change his lifestyle..

Exactly, it is more of the curious factor.

January 17, 2010

I understood that. My point was that if he agrees with your (a women's) point of view, and he apparently doesn't ask his friends, it doesn't look like he actually wants to know what men think.

The first chance he gets, he jumps at the chance to agree that most men will be jealous of him. Right...

That is not asking for an opinion, that's looking for validation.

I took that as why the OP was so offended by any answer deviating from that response...

It seems he needs validation anyways, as he feels "guilty" supposedly over his actions, but does it anyways, in order to be perceived a certain way, or live up to perceived expectations...

No offense to the OP, but you should think about these things.

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