kevinconner Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 I can't believe the ignorance on some of these posts. 20 years people. He shrugged. She sees him 4x a year. How can you be so financially secure in a nice job overseas and have such low self esteem that you don't think your sexual needs are worth anything? You may find out, after your first affair, that there is more to life. Does that scare you? Do you want to be right, or do you want to be sexlessly married? I would clap for you, in the middle of Times Square if you took some action for yourself. And here is the plan: - Some of these older men may be looking for sex first, but then deeper they want someone to take care of them. Make sure you can sense this upfront. Date men who are self confident and just as happy being independant as they are with another man's wife in bed. - The sex button is going to get turned on so hard and so fast at first, that you may loose control. Pace yourself. Starting with a threesome would be too much for your mind to absorb. -At the end of the first affair, ask yourself this. If you had a choice, would you have sex like that for the next 10 years with someone who doesn't have such a deep and lasting history with you, or would you rather just say that sex still isn't important and you can now rest, easily with your sexless husband? Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Ellin Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Hi Cafenomad. 20 years, oh dear! WHY?? Why doesn't your husband need sex, how old is he? Did he explain it? Were there any affairs in your marriage in the past? It seems so unusual that after only 4 years it was all over.. Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Worst case you fall in love and you and your H become best friends. Your H is likely just not hetero so be fair to YOURSELF. Don't deny yourself love over a piece of paper he has not honored. Hello. I am here for advice. I am a 50-year-old woman with a husband a couple of years older, and a daughter in her twenties. My husband is a high-ranking professional, and my daughter is doing very well at an Ivy League college. After two decades of being a homemaker, a senior management job in a foreign country landed on my lap, and I am now working again, commuting to see my husband four times a year. So what is the problem? We have been married 24 years, and we have not had sex for 20 of those years. No kissing, no hugging, no physical contact of any kind, but we do care for each other. In other words, we are very much like siblings. While our daughter was at home, I was all right without the sex. She gave me all the hugs and kisses I needed. It was when she left that I realized how lonely I was in my marriage. I thought a successful career would make up for the loneliness, but being busy has not helped. I am not particularly beautiful, but I am now considered attractive because I managed to to remain a size four by working out daily. And without a husband living with me, all my time is now for me. And being financially independent, I am able to pamper myself, and really look good. With growing confidence in myself, my libido is back with a vengeance. I got a vibrator for the first time, and am using regularly. I tried to discuss my loneliness with my husband many years ago, but he is unwilling to change, unwilling to go through counseling, unwilling to seek medical help. I am not considering divorce because we are very happy as a family, and stronger financially as a couple. And now, I have three men who want to satisfy me sexually. A divorced man in his fifties who is adventurous in the sense that he engages in threesomes. A married man also in his fifties who wants me as a mistress because his wife is no longer interested in sex. And a married man in his sixties whose wife is no longer interested in sex. I would really like to start enjoying sex again. What do I do? I hesitate because I may fall in love with them. And that is possible because I am no longer attracted to my husband. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 I agree 20 years is a hell of a long time to go without sex with your husband. That's most of my life! But I can't help but think in the back of my mind... what ever happened to "Until death do us part"? Or has that been replaced with "Until your dick doesn't work anymore", just like the male phrase of "Until someone hotter and younger comes along". Link to post Share on other sites
wheelwright Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 20 years is far too long. What you may gain will be more than could possibly lose. Also, he is wierd or he is getting it somewhere else. Really far too long. Live. And it sounds like your H has no problem if you want to go there. Just be careful of MM. Do you want sex? Intimacy? What do YOU want after all this time? Divorce I'd think. Link to post Share on other sites
MizzBlue72 Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 TALK to H. DON'T have an A. Believe me, many of us OW on here WISH we never started. If you think you will fall in love, just don't even start. Maybe you and your husband can come to compromise of both having an open marriage. Maybe he is as unhappy as you. Good luck. I hope you can find a solution. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 As an example of an 'arrangement', actors Jack Klugman and Jamie Sommers remained married for 54 years, only cohabiting for 21 of those years. Upon her death in 2007, he married Peggy Crosby (exDIL of singer Bing) in 2008, whom he had lived with since 1988. Anyone who watched 'Match Game' in the 70's would recognize them, and Jack played a doctor on 'Quincy, M.D.', amongst many other roles, including 'The Odd Couple'. They were seen together on the tube and in real life many times over the years and their 'arrangement' worked for them. Perhaps, given the dynamics of the OP's life and lifestyle, that's what she's looking for. It's not something I'd personally do, but, if it works for them, good on 'em. Link to post Share on other sites
Holding-On Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 well, if you are going to do it, I would add my 2 cents in the go with the divorced guy pile. Get tested for STDs regularly but otherwise at least he will be above board and available. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Why are you still married? You see your H 4x a year. You havent had sex in 20.... If you DO fall in love with someone else, this question will engulf you. That being said enjoy yourself, get tested for STDs and be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 20 years is too long to do without. Do I hear a 'go ahead' on that note? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I I would clap for you, in the middle of Times Square if you took some action for yourself. So would I! Life is too short not to enjoy it. Be careful about the falling in love business though. Go for the single guys just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 With my first post, I had missed the fact that you only see each other four times a year .. But it seems that you are with each other for a great deal of time when you are together ? You must discuss this with your husband .. I know you have tried already - and he has probably hurt you terribly by his complete lack of affection - but you must continue to try to discuss it with him . I am not one to suggest therapists - but if your husband continues to refuse to discuss this with you, it might be a good idea to get a professional opinion as to how to get your husband to open up to you .. Having sex with another, will Not solve anything .. Link to post Share on other sites
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