How many women here will admit they are a misandrist?

January 18, 2010

Woggle, your wife is not other women.
I do the same with men.
I think 'all men do this' and lump my partners in that category but it is not always the case.
We do live in a world where people are selfish and use one another but I do believe love can exist in that world.
Do you love your wife?

I do love her but I am trying to not be in love with her so I can quickly move on when everything comes crashing down but it is not so easy. I can be completely heartless with other women but she gets under my skin and I hate how weak I am with her.

January 18, 2010

My mother did much worse than abandon me. If she abandoned me to be raised by crackheads I probably would have been better off. I admit I am just waiting for my wife to betray me because no woman is this good to a man just because she loves him. I am sorry but women do not love men in this manner. There is always an ulterior motive but i can't figure out her motivation for being in this marriage.

This is not a good attitude to have:( Its going to kill you inside walking around feeling like this. Seriously, this will affect your ability to take pleasure in trusting someone. Where was your dad in all this by the way?

So she may have an ulterior motivee, then again she may not. If she doesn't, think of all the time you have lost not trusting her when you could have been trusting her instead of reminding yourself tht you were betrayed by someone who should care about you more than anyone else in the whole world but didn't and it could happen again so you have to be on your guard.

That is true but what about all the other truths in life? you need to find out about those, like the pleasure to be found in the cold side of the pillow or the way she knows how to hug you so that you feel like nothing can affect you( those are just examples I picked from my life)

What are your others truths apart from the fact that people can be selfish and you should be careful? Find them , know them !!

January 18, 2010

I do love her but I am trying to not be in love with her so I can quickly move on when everything comes crashing down but it is not so easy. I can be completely heartless with other women but she gets under my skin and I hate how weak I am with her.

I did this with my ex. I was scared to be hurt by him, so I pushed him away/kept a distance. He ended up leaving. He might have left anyway...but who knows? I'm the one that pushed him.

That weak/under the skin feeling is what love is. Love makes us vulnerable. If you trust in your own strengths, you wont be afraid of that vulnerability.

I would love to know your situation with your mother but I realise thats personal.

January 18, 2010

I did this with my ex. I was scared to be hurt by him, so I pushed him away/kept a distance. He ended up leaving. He might have left anyway...but who knows? I'm the one that pushed him.
That weak/under the skin feeling is what love is. Love makes us vulnerable. If you trust in your own strengths, you wont be afraid of that vulnerability.

I would love to know your situation with your mother but I realise thats personal.

Maybe but it is very hard to trust after being hurt so badly and I am sure you can attest to that.

I will tell you what happened with my mother. She ot involved with some radical feminist group and became extremely abusive to me emotionally, physically and even sometimes sexually. She would do things like hold a knife up to me penis and tell me that one day she will get the guts to give herself the daughter she always wanted and that is just scratching the suface. On the outside though all the women who knew her thought she was so brave for leaving my father and reclaiming her independence despite the fact that he did everything he could to support her.

January 18, 2010

When we first married I really thought that I found a good woman who I could trust and truly loved me for me

You did.........

but the more I observe women the more I see that those women do not exist.

You'rs does.

Women are simply out for themselves and only care about a man if it will benefit them.

If the benefits include Love, companionship, children, happiness and a guy who treat sher nice..then sure.

It almost makes me want to marry a gold digger because than I at least know why she is here

So many woman are gold diggers..yours is not and that is a good thing.

but I am utterly clueless as to why my wife is in this marriage.

Because you're doing something right and she loves you;)

January 18, 2010

Maybe but it is very hard to trust after being hurt so badly and I am sure you can attest to that.

I will tell you what happened with my mother. She ot involved with some radical feminist group and became extremely abusive to me emotionally, physically and even sometimes sexually. She would do things like hold a knife up to me penis and tell me that one day she will get the guts to give herself the daughter she always wanted and that is just scratching the suface. On the outside though all the women who knew her thought she was so brave for leaving my father and reclaiming her independence despite the fact that he did everything he could to support her.

Well i'm not suprised you feel the way you do.

Did you ever receive therapy/counselling for what you went through?

I think I mentioned my 'kinda' sexual abuse stories? One with a tutor and one with a man on a boat? They are nowhere near as serious as your story but they affected me deeply and coloured my view of men very negatively as abuse tends to do.

I think going from one extreme to the other (i.e. a heavily abusive mother and a loving wife) will leave you with a sense of fear. You have probably been conditioned to associate women with lies and abuse and so this becomes your perception. Whenever you see this backed up in the real world, it just fortifies your view further.

Do you have any kind of relationship with your mother now?

And yes I know how abuse can affect you, even if mine was on a much tamer scale. The hurt, if not dealt with, becomes something much more poisonous. Maybe you would benefit from talking to women that have been abused? This would show you that men and women are both victims of each other and can help each other heal.

January 18, 2010

There is always an ulterior motive but i can't figure out her motivation for being in this marriage.

Dude, the real mystery here if figuring out what YOUR motive is for even being married at all.

January 18, 2010

I speak to my mother every now and then but overall we have no relationship. She has not changed one bit and I do not wish to deal with her. Maybe deep down I am wrong about women and good ones do exist but when I see my friends who for ths most part treat women well getting crapped all over it makes me not want to trust any of them. Reading this board gets me riled up when I read some stories.

The funny thing is I never had trust issues with women until my first marriage imploded. I never associated my mother's abuse with the rest of women. I always just thought of it as her being abusive but I ended up in a very abusive marriage with violent drug addict who ended up cheating on me and after that divorce something clicked in me. I was no longer thayt scared little nice guy anymore and the funny thing is not my life got better. After I became the misogynist I am today everything started falling into place and while I know having these issues with women is not healthy I am so scared of being the doormat I used to be.

January 18, 2010

Dude, the real mystery here if figuring out what YOUR motive is for even being married at all.

I thought I had a good woman. If I had 100% assurance that she would not betray me I would jump head first into this marriage but I am so scared of her being just like every other woman.

January 18, 2010

I speak to my mother every now and then but overall we have no relationship. She has not changed one bit and I do not wish to deal with her. Maybe deep down I am wrong about women and good ones do exist but when I see my friends who for ths most part treat women well getting crapped all over it makes me not want to trust any of them. Reading this board gets me riled up when I read some stories.

The funny thing is I never had trust issues with women until my first marriage imploded. I never associated my mother's abuse with the rest of women. I always just thought of it as her being abusive but I ended up in a very abusive marriage with violent drug addict who ended up cheating on me and after that divorce something clicked in me. I was no longer thayt scared little nice guy anymore and the funny thing is not my life got better. After I became the misogynist I am today everything started falling into place and while I know having these issues with women is not healthy I am so scared of being the doormat I used to be.

I think you've probably swung too far in the other direction.

You don't have to be a doormat, nor do you need to be a misogynist.

But I can relate strongly to you because I think I do the same thing (as do many of us).

I think in life, we will meet people that will hurt and abuse us to varying degrees and some of those people will be the people we trusted most in the world.

And if this happens continuously it can definately change ones perception.

What I personally hold onto when I feel in a 'man-hating' mood is the love I have for my father and brother; people who I trust, respect and value. I don't know if you have any sisters or female figures that you can trust? But if you do, remember them. It really helps me realise that its my perception, not the people.

But I too, whenever I see a friend screwed over by a man, add it to my little man hating store and put my guards higher up.

I think many people are guilty of doing this.

Does your wife know your history?

I think I read that you don't discuss this with your wife and I can understand why, because as a man you will think that your vulnerability/fear/emotion will be unattractive to you.

My last ex once cried to me about his father leaving him and I can tell you he broke down and I saw his vulnerability and weakness, my love for him was cemented 100 times more. I never loved him more than when I saw him stripped bare and emotionally, confiding his greatest secrets. If your wife loves you, your fears/hatreds/anxieties will not off-put her. They will strengthen her love for you.

Even if you can't stop your misogyny, try to seperate your wife from that group. Trust your instincts. You chose this woman & if you have a reason to distrust her that will come across. Remember she's only human and not perfect but if you love her and she loves you, try to value that.

January 18, 2010

I thought I had a good woman. If I had 100% assurance that she would not betray me I would jump head first into this marriage but I am so scared of her being just like every other woman.

Has she ever given you reason to doubt her?

There can sadly never be 100% assurance, either for you or for her.

January 19, 2010

I thought I had a good woman. If I had 100% assurance that she would not betray me I would jump head first into this marriage but I am so scared of her being just like every other woman.

Woggle, have you or will you ever discuss this with her?..let her know just how scared you are she might cheat or betray you?.... I'd have to talk to her about this..yes it's called insecurity, but who cares..it's better than wondering and being nervous in a marriage that could be just like Heaven.

Marriage counseling or self therapy may be what you need. Either way I believe she should know how you feel. It's not fair to her to make her believe you feel secure in the marriage when you are not.

You need help with this and I meant that in a positive way.

January 19, 2010

Part of it is that I do feel that many women see vulnerability as a weakness but a bigger part of it is that I will scare the hell out of her. If I ran into the female version of me I would run for my life and yes I know that is complete double standard. My wife did stay with me after my ex shot at us though so maybe she is loyal.

I appreciate the fact that you understand me and don't take my rantings personally like many other women here do.

January 19, 2010

Also.. A guy I was in high school with killed himself after he found out his wife whom he entrusted with his heart cheated on him..for 4 years before he knew about it. It was in the newspaper. I couldn't believe it.

If you think you could possibly become that down and out if your wife did betray you, then I would make a strong effort right now to come up with a solution to not let that happen. Or you could simply walk away..no harm in that and it would be more fair to her even if she has a hard time at first.

I'd do what it takes to get yourself secure with her though...it seems like you have a girl that really believes in you..lots of guys in this thread wished they would have that so try and work on yourself and this insecurity.

January 19, 2010

I would never kill myself over a woman nor would I ever harm her. If she ever cheats the marriage is over the minute I find out and I move on with my life. Karma will catch up with her just like it did with my ex.

January 19, 2010

Part of it is that I do feel that many women see vulnerability as a weakness but a bigger part of it is that I will scare the hell out of her. If I ran into the female version of me I would run for my life and yes I know that is complete double standard. My wife did stay with me after my ex shot at us though so maybe she is loyal.

I appreciate the fact that you understand me and don't take my rantings personally like many other women here do.

Shallow and immature women may see emotion in men as vulnerability but this is because we are conditioned to an extent to see men behave one way and women in another. You don't necessarily need to cry, you just need to express how you feel in whatever way is comfortable for you. I personally get very nervous and emotional when it comes to self-expression so I write down what I have to say in a letter and get them to write back. Sharing your innermost fears and such personal experiences can be agonizingly frightening especially when you've had a guard up for so long and the experience of letting them down can be weird. As soon as I dropped my guard with my ex, even when he hurt me, I felt strangely free and relieved, because all the posion i'd blocked up had been let out.

I still do struggle with these thoughts/emotions and this block. I'm actually going to see a therapist tomorrow and I tend to shrug things off and be jolly or cry and block up so god knows how that will go.

I think you should give your wife the benefit of the doubt. I know you say you'd run from the female counterpart of yourself but if your wife confessed something similar to you, how do you think you would react?

And of course its not personal Your experiences are very painful. I can't pretend to understand what thats like but I don't think you really hate women. I'm sure you do sometimes. But fear/hurt causes anger and hate, and that comes from the mother and divorce. Once you go back to the fear and hurt, if you decide to, you can choose to walk away from the anger and hate which will be hard to do but possible if you wish it.

January 19, 2010

I would never kill myself over a woman nor would I ever harm her. If she ever cheats the marriage is over the minute I find out and I move on with my life. Karma will catch up with her just like it did with my ex.

Well I'm the opposite of you then lol.. I do believe I am capable of being a threat to myself if I were ever badly heart broken like that. Just the time invested, sex and thinking you had it good and a woman that adored you..only to have it mean nothing.... It would ruin me. It's partly the reason I feel that I am incapable of being in a relationship.

In your case though..please work on yourself and this insecurity... You''l find that total trust and companionship can be bliss if you let it in.

Take care, dude.

January 19, 2010

Well I'm the opposite of you then lol.. I do believe I am capable of being a threat to myself if I were ever badly heart broken like that. Just the time invested, sex and thinking you had it good and a woman that adored you..only to have it mean nothing.... It would ruin me. It's partly the reason I feel that I am incapable of being in a relationship.

In your case though..please work on yourself and this insecurity... You''l find that total trust and companionship can be bliss if you let it in.

Take care, dude.

I had thoughts of suicide when my ex left me. Felt like the ultimate abandonment and rejection. Its almost like being hollowed out. But don't be afraid. I sometimes worry I cannot make a relationship work because I have so much baggage (half of it i'm not sure where it even comes from) but love can inspire you to improve. Life is a learning curve. You will become stronger and stronger and whatever happens; the pain will be there, but you'll know you can cope:)

January 19, 2010

Despite the fact that it is different circumstances I do think you understand what it is like. When I see something that gets me angry it is like a porcupime getting out those quills. I am in defense mode and ready to fight back even though there may not be a need to or it may just be one particular woman. To be honest you don't come across a true misandrist either because they are completely heartless towards men which you are not. Both of us are just trying to get over our scars and I wish you luck and hope one day you can trust a man enough to find love.

January 19, 2010

Despite the fact that it is different circumstances I do think you understand what it is like. When I see something that gets me angry it is like a porcupime getting out those quills. I am in defense mode and ready to fight back even though there may not be a need to or it may just be one particular woman. To be honest you don't come across a true misandrist either because they are completely heartless towards men which you are not. Both of us are just trying to get over our scars and I wish you luck and hope one day you can trust a man enough to find love.

Thankyou Woggle:)

And its true, though I have my man-hating episodes, I don't hate men. I just sometimes fear them because i've been hurt by them in the past. I am in defense mode too. You will get over your scars if you can take the time and invest in looking inside yourself and truly understanding. I hope you can talk to your wife one day about how you feel. Trust me, if she loves you, she will love all of you; including the emotion, your pain, your opinions. She doesn't need to be an enemy. She can help you heal.

January 19, 2010

Thankyou Woggle:)
And its true, though I have my man-hating episodes, I don't hate men. I just sometimes fear them because i've been hurt by them in the past. I am in defense mode too. You will get over your scars if you can take the time and invest in looking inside yourself and truly understanding. I hope you can talk to your wife one day about how you feel. Trust me, if she loves you, she will love all of you; including the emotion, your pain, your opinions. She doesn't need to be an enemy. She can help you heal.

I have talked to her about my past but she doesn't know quite how deep my trust issues with women go. She knows that it took me a while to trust another woman.

Not all men will hurt you. I have some friends who are great to their women even if these women don't in any way deserve it. Despite my chest thumping I have tried to be a player and I just can't treat people that way.

January 19, 2010

I have talked to her about my past but she doesn't know quite how deep my trust issues with women go. She knows that it took me a while to trust another woman.

Not all men will hurt you. I have some friends who are great to their women even if these women don't in any way deserve it. Despite my chest thumping I have tried to be a player and I just can't treat people that way.

She already knows about the tip of the ice-burg, let her go deeper :)I'm sure on some level she must know.

I think I know deep down not all men will hurt me, but I still have a guard up. Taking it down can feel so uncomfortable. I really did love my ex with all my hurt (which is why I can safely say not all women will hurt you either ) but I ended up royally s***ed. I think I just need to recognise that the issue is in me and wait to meet the people that show themselves to be good.

January 19, 2010

Please don't take this as an insult but you said yourself that you acted with your ex the same way I act with my wife sometimes and you tend to get bored if there is no drama. This could have been a contributing factor and something you could work on if you want a successful relationship in the future. I know that if I don't get my issues sorted out I will eventually ruin my marriage so maybe that is something to look at. Not trying to come down on you or anything but if we don't learn from our mistakes we are doomed to repeat them.

January 19, 2010

Please don't take this as an insult but you said yourself that you acted with your ex the same way I act with my wife sometimes and you tend to get bored if there is no drama. This could have been a contributing factor and something you could work on if you want a successful relationship in the future. I know that if I don't get my issues sorted out I will eventually ruin my marriage so maybe that is something to look at. Not trying to come down on you or anything but if we don't learn from our mistakes we are doomed to repeat them.

No I agree with you & you didn't come off harsh at all.

Yes I think with me I am drawn to the drama and intensity; I think it can forge powerful connections. Sometimes the 'ugly' parts of relationships are what bond people more tightly I find. But I realise this is a flaw because I try to draw out disputes. I enjoy challenges; I hate contentedness, but crave it at the same time. Human beings are so complicated. So yes I will try to get myself sorted. But you sound like you've got a great woman so I wish you and her all the best Don't let your demons make you lose a good woman!

January 19, 2010

I will try to sort myself out and don't let your demons keep you from finding a good man. Life can still be very exciting without drama. During our good times some of the best fun I have with my wife is riding our Jet ski together. We have a ball and there is no drama or ugliness involved. Drama is just a temporary high and does not bring lasting happiness.

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How many women here will admit they are a misandrist?

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